The movie held the complete attention of Shifa, and her eyes didn't waver for a second from the bright screen. I, on the other hand, could not focus. At all. I wanted to know more about her relationship with her family, but it seemed that she had closed her words in a box after uttering that one sentence which had shaken me a bit. How could she just throw something like this at me and not care to elaborate? Besides, I found the movie utterly boring. There was nothing happening there, only two women and a lot of butterflies and insects. Or perhaps, I was just annoyed by her lack of care, and just wished to have something other than her to toss the blame at. Her mother didn't let her? But how? Did she scold Shifa or just never turn on the TV?
"Stop staring at me. The movie is good."
"I don't find it good."
Shifa, by some kind of miracle, detached her eyes from the screen and turned to me, her eyes squinted, and lips curled in a teasing smile. She would have looked absolutely amazing if only she had cared to explain and put an end to my growing curiosity. I didn't like people who kept others in the fatal loop of inquisitiveness. However, I was aware that she might not ever tell me a thing about herself and if she didn't, I would never even know. Asking my mother or anyone other than her felt wrong and in the pile of trash I already had on my plateâ guilt wasn't desired. Then, she opened her mouth and I thought she was going to comment on my statement, but she said, "You have met my mother, haven't you?"
I didn't waste a second in my reply, "Yes."
She raised a brow and by name of Allah, I had been the direct subject to the act of brow-raising by Wahab and I had thought about it for a whole week and only after discussing it with Zoya did I realize that it was my favorite kind of expression. Wahab had been trying to flirt with me before our engagement and my stupid mind hadn't been able to comprehend it without Zoya's help. Shifa wasn't doing that, though. It took a good second to force my brain to accept the fact; Shifa wasn't trying to do that. No. Just because I had wanted her to be flirting. Not because she was his cousin, and it was hardly plausible that they shared the same habits as well as some facial features. I wished that they did.
"And? What are your thoughts on her?"
I contemplated my answer and Shifa's eyes lingered on mine. It was annoying and yet pleasant how she never averted her gaze first, she seemed to wait for the other party to do so. She probably had no idea what kind of impact it had on me, and I detested for her oblivious staring. Even the weird noises coming from the TV didn't force her to look the other way and at the end, I dropped my eyes on my lap and hoped that my voice didn't quiver. I didn't want her to know how her eyes on me had affected me.
"I think she is nice."
She scoffed and shook her head but didn't utter a word. Her mother had been in two of the engagement gatherings in my home and after all the women present in the ladies' room had insisted and jokedâshe had taken off her burqa veil and even then, had muttered something under her breath about proper adequate. No one paid it any mind, though because if even one woman had, I could only assume how the evening would have been gone. I remembered her questioning my knowledge of hadith and a few advanced verses of Quran. The room, as soon as heard her voice, had gone quiet and the feeling of humiliation was still vivid in my mind. My own mother had her breath caught somewhere between her chest and throat. Shifa's mother was the eldest of her home and her judgement could have broken off my engagement with Wahab. But obviously, I had passed her test with flying colours as I still held the title of Wahab's fiancée.
Instead of contradicting me, Shifa shrugged her shoulders and turned to face the TV. It frustrated me how she focused on the screen and I on her. How was that fair? I wanted to be as careless as her when it came to others, it was like she had no regards of my peace of mind. I picked up the remote controller from Shifa's side and paused the movie, one woman was taking off her red wig, and placed it on my lap.
"Okay? What?"
Shifa had the audacity to ask me. I hoped my face showed her just how displeased I was. Glaring, I tilted my head and heard her laugh. Her head bobbling up and down and her eyes closed. I hadn't thought before pausing the movie but the realization of what I had done, or more specifically how I had done what I did came too late. We weren't close enough for me to be demanding any answer from her, but she didn't do anything about it, and it surprised me. I had assumed that she might get irritated.
"Adia, I asked you a question and you lied on my face, what did you expect? My mother isn't nice, you can say this to me, I wouldn't mind."
I saw for some sign of trickery on her face and when found none, except for a small smile, I said, "Yes. She isn't nice. She tried to humiliate me in my own home in front of all the women in our extended families. She is anything but nice."
She nodded violently and moved her hands around her head, "Better, isn't it? I am very trustworthy, just so you know and always ready to hear rants about family. Now please play the movie, they are going to kiss."
I jerked my head toward the screen and back to Shifa.
"These women?"
She nodded and gestured me to pass the remote to her, I didn't.
"What kind of movie is this?
Then, she looked mildly annoyed. To express her irritation, she sighed and rolled her hand, "What kind of question is this? Adia, give me the remote."
"You're not making me watch a...lesbian movie, are you? I don't like it, Shifa."
She frowned and I realized what I had said, and normally I would have apologized but she didn't give me a chance as she quite forcefully grabbed the remote from my lap and stared at me with a new expression, I hadn't seen on her. And I decided I wasn't a fan of it. Not even when she looked so good with furrowed brows.
"Well, I don't like either. Making you? By all means, you can get lost, I don't care."
All the thoughts of apologizing to her were out of the window. Was that any way of talking? Get lost? Of course. I pondered on replying with something equally awful, but my reason and dignity won at the end and without a further word, I stood up, took the tray and two empty cups, and walked into my room after placing them in the kitchen sink. Shifa had played the movie and as I was closing the doors, I met her eyes but this time she looked away first.