Chapter 12: : Chapter 12

I lean back against the wall and watch as Mark hovers around Serenity while she puts her laptop in her bag. “We do quiz nights at the bar around the corner every Monday, and it’s a great way to get to know people from other departments,” he tells her.

She glances at Theo, and the way he looks at her grates on me. He’s never looked at her like that before, so why now? Why the fuck is he looking at her like he finally realizes what he had? “I’ll come with you if you’re going,” he says, his gaze filled with hope.

She looks into his eyes, clearly on the brink of giving in when I know she’s done her best to draw and maintain boundaries between them. I told her to meet me in the garage five minutes from now, but it looks like she’d happily stand me up if it means spending her evening with Theo.

“You should go home,” she says, surprising me. “Doesn’t Kristen have a whole list of things she wants to do?” Serenity smiles shakily. “She should. I made a list for us and shared it with her.”

“Right,” he replies, his expression conflicted. “Yeah. I guess I should go home, huh?” He looks at her like he expects her to stop him, and I smile to myself when she nods and walks past him, leaving him sitting at his desk without a second glance.

“We’ll just go together, then,” Mark says, rushing after her. Something about the way he looks at her doesn’t sit well with me either. It’s clear he’s rapidly developed a crush, and my need to nip that in the bud is near tangible, a force of its own.

“Mark, I need the design alteration we discussed on my desk by noon tomorrow,” I say, knowing full well he’ll have to work overtime tonight to make that happen.

He tenses when he notices me a few paces behind him, and he nods, barely able to keep his eyes off Serenity. Normally my employees jump at a chance to work authorized overtime, since we pay them triple for it, but it seems he’d still rather spend his evening with Serenity. Interesting.

I follow his captivated gaze, my eyes lingering. Damn, that cream dress she’s wearing today and the way it highlights her curves… She’s beautiful in sweats and an old ratty tee, but fuck, she’s mesmerizing today, and it irritates me that I’m noticing it at all.

My eyes lock with hers as I walk past them, confident that she’ll follow. I smile to myself when I hear her heels click behind me moments later.

“You haven’t pressed the elevator button, Mr. Harrison,” she says, her arm brushing against mine as she clicks the down button.

“I was waiting,” I murmur, turning to face her.

“For what?”

“You.”

She bites down on the edge of her bottom lip, and something hot and heavy unfurls in my stomach. Fuck. I’ve tried my best not to notice how fucking sexy she is, but I knew it was a lost cause when I saw my name on that list of hers. Ever since, all I’ve been able to think about is what she’ll taste like, how she’ll sound when I make her come…over and over again. The feeling is almost always accompanied by guilt of different kinds, but even so, it’s inescapable, all-consuming. It’s been years since I’ve wanted a woman the way I want her, and fuck, I don’t know what to do with that when I know I can’t have her.

Serenity follows me into the elevator, both of us quiet all the way to my car. She hesitates when I hold the door open for her, and I raise a brow. “Ezra?” she whispers.

Hearing my best friend’s name is jarring, an unwelcome reminder of reality. “He left early this morning and won’t be back from a client site until tomorrow evening,” I remind her.

“Still,” she says, her voice soft. “We shouldn’t be seen together like this.”

“Then you’d better hurry up and get in.”

She narrows her eyes for a moment and sits down, her gaze moving back and forth furtively.

“Don’t worry,” I tell her as I join her. “This isn’t the first time I’ve given an employee a ride on my way out.”

“Oh,” she says, sounding relieved. “Of course, I’m sorry.”

I throw her a smile as I drive us home, deliberately taking the longest route I can think of. We need to talk, but I’m not sure where to even start. “How was your first day?” I ask instead.

“Intense,” she replies, her expression lighting up. “But so fulfilling. For years, I’ve heard Ezra and you talk about your company, and to now work there myself…it’s surreal.”

“Having our real-life Serenity work for Serenity Solutions is surreal to both of us too, you know. I’m pretty sure this is what Ezra always envisioned. He’s happier than ever before, and he hasn’t stopped talking about you joining us from the moment he found out.” I hesitate before parking on the side of a quiet road before turning toward her. “Which is why we have to talk about that list of yours and my name being on it.”

“No,” she retorts. Vulnerability crosses her face despite her firm tone. “We don’t. Unless you’re about to tell me that you’ll do it, we don’t need to discuss it at all.”

My eyes widen a fraction when I realize that she truly does want this. Me. That list wasn’t a drunken fluke. It was a real consideration. “Just tell me why, Serenity. Why me?”

She looks at me then, her gaze pained. “You’re someone I trust, someone who’d never hurt me, and this…it’s something I want to get out of the way, but I don’t want to sleep with just anyone, and I just thought maybe you’d want this too. Not me, per se, but just being with someone you trust with no other expectations or pressure. I loved her too, you know?” She falls silent for a moment, clear agony crossing her face. “I would never try to take her place nor would I ever expect anything from you that you can’t give. I just thought…I thought that maybe we could give each other what no one else can. I can see how hard it is for you to move on, and maybe…maybe I could help.”

I reach for her and gently brush one of her long curls out of her face, my heart skipping a beat at the thought of having that with her. She’s right. She’s the only one I could ever be with that would understand what losing Tyra did to me, the only one woman that loved her just as much as I did. “I wish it could’ve been me, Serenity. I wish I could give you what you’re after, but I can’t. Not without risking my friendship with your brother and the company we share.”

“I know,” she whispers. “I never even should’ve… I’m sorry. I’ll find someone else.”

“No.” The word leaves my lips without conscious thought, and her eyes widen at my harsh tone. “Don’t go looking for someone else, Serenity.”

“W-What are you saying?” she asks, her gorgeous hazel eyes tinged with hope.

Longing hits me hard and fast when she looks at me like that, and fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to bury my hand in a woman’s hair this badly—pull her in, brush my lips against hers, feel her soft sigh against my mouth in the moments before I kiss her. “I—fuck, I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else.”

She leans in and places her hand on my thigh. “No one would have to know,” she whispers, and I raise my hand to cup her face, my heart pounding wildly. “It could be our little secret, Archer.”

My thumb brushes over her lips, and she parts them just a touch. Goddamn. I desperately need a taste. “Do you understand what you’re asking for? What we’d risk? We can’t, Serenity.”

She searches my face, and then she pulls her hand away, straightening in her seat. Her expression shutters closed, and she sighs. “I know,” she whispers. “I’m sorry, Archer. Just…just forget about that list, okay?”

I run a hand through my hair, wishing I could and knowing I won’t.