Chapter 45: : Chapter 45

“Please don’t leave me,” Tyra murmurs as she sits down on the bed in the guest room I’ve been sleeping in.

I kneel in front of her and gently grab her hands, making sure not to startle her. She hasn’t stopped shaking from the moment I saw her, and it kills me to see her look so broken when she was always so full of life. “I won’t,” I promise her. “I’m just going to grab some clothes from my bedroom.”

“Can’t I come with you?”

I hesitate, unsure how to explain that I want to go check up on Serenity. She hasn’t said a word since we found Tyra sitting on the sofa, and the quietly reassuring looks she’s sent me just aren’t sufficient for me.

“I’ll be quick,” I murmur, my voice filled with regret as I rise to my feet, feeling conflicted. I don’t want to leave Tyra, but all I can think about is what must be going through Serenity’s mind right now.

“Please,” she whispers when I turn my back to her, her hand slipping around mine to stop me. “Don’t leave me again.”

My eyes fall closed, my heart wrenching as guilt hits me hard, keeping me frozen in place. “Okay, I won’t,” I hear myself say, knowing it’s the right thing to do despite how wrong it feels.

I hear my sheets rustle as she rises to her feet, and my entire body tenses when she hugs me from behind, her arms wrapping around my waist, her forehead pressed between my shoulder blades. “The man who found me…he told me you sent him.”

I reach for her hands and hold them, my heart bleeding. For over two years, I imagined having her arms around me just like right now. I pleaded with a god I’m not even sure exists, begging him to return her to me. I should be more grateful, shouldn’t be thinking of anything but her and her needs.

“No matter how bad things got, I always knew you’d stop at nothing to find me, that you’d be waiting for me to come back home.”

I turn to face her, drinking her in. “I never gave up on you,” I tell her honestly. “I knew you were out there somewhere, Tyra. It sounds crazy, but I could feel it.”

She places her palm on my chest, over my heart, her eyes on mine. “You’re the only reason I survived, you know? The memory of you kept me going when all I wanted to do was fade away.”

I smile shakily, my heart heavy. “Not a single day went by without me thinking of you,” I tell her. “It was torture to wonder where you were, and if you were okay. It tore me to pieces, Tyra.”

She looks up at me, only to startle at the sound of soft knocking on the door I left ajar. Serenity pauses in the doorway, her gorgeous eyes filled with torment. She doesn’t even look at me, keeping her focus solely on Tyra.

“Serenity?” Tyra says, her hand still on my chest. I exhale in relief when she steps away from me, taking a cautious step toward Serenity instead.

“Hi,” Sera says carefully, her eyes glistening with tears. “I just wanted to see if there’s anything you needed. I could make you some tea, if you’d like? We’ve got some of that green tea you love. Please let me know if you need any clothes or cosmetics or things like that.”

I fucking love her heart. Serenity is one of a kind, and she doesn’t even seem to realize it. I know her well enough to realize she’s hurting right now, that insecurity is threatening to overwhelm her, and even so, she’s putting Tyra first.

“God, I missed you,” Tyra says, her voice breaking. Serenity sniffles as Tyra takes another step toward her, and then another, until her arms wrap around Sera.

My heart fucking breaks when Serenity begins to cry as she squeezes Tyra, holding onto her tightly. “I m-missed you t-too,” she says, her cries turning into sobs. “S-so much.”

It fucking kills me to watch the two of them together, knowing that in part, Tyra’s disappearance was what brought Serenity and me together. Being with Serenity was freeing because she understood my pain and never tried to replace Tyra, nor did she ever ask me to forget. She loved Tyra as much as I did, and it’s clear she still does.

“I’m so happy you’re home safe and sound,” Serenity says, her voice trembling. It doesn’t escape my notice that she still hasn’t looked at me, and I hate that everything we have suddenly feels so sordid. “I was so worried, Tyra.”

Tyra holds Serenity’s face, their dynamics still the same as they’ve always been. My heart wrenches again when Tyra gently swipes away Serenity’s tears in the same sisterly way she used to. “I was worried about you too,” she replies. “I was scared that you’d give up on your dreams without me here to push you, and it killed me to know I wasn’t here to keep my promises to you. I thought of you every day, Ser.”

I look down at the floor, hating the guilt I saw written all over Serenity’s face. She regrets me, and I can’t stand here knowing I’m losing her when there isn’t a thing I can do to stop it from happening.

“Can I…can I do anything to help?” Serenity asks. “I feel so useless, Ty. I’ve felt so helpless for so long, and I just…now that you’re finally home, I want to be there for you.”

Tyra turns, and I look up. “Archer, you, um…you still have all of my things, right?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper. Something akin to fear blooms in her eyes, her insecurities shining through.

“Of course,” I tell her, trying my hardest not to notice the way Serenity’s body tenses in my peripheral vision. “It’s all in this room, actually. I…after a year of you being gone, I boxed all your things up, but I could never…”

“Thank you,” she whispers, her voice breaking. “For not letting me down. It was my biggest fear, you know? That I’d come back, and you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

I fight my instinct to look at Serenity, trying my hardest to remember that Tyra needs me right now when all I want to do is remind her that we broke up before she went missing. She’s vulnerable and traumatized beyond my comprehension, and the very least I can do is bite my tongue and support her as best as I can. I owe her that at least. After all, she’d never have gone on that trip all by herself if I hadn’t ended things with her. “You know this is your home too,” I tell her as I step away to take some of her boxes out of the closet I stored them in.

“I…I’ll go make you some tea,” Serenity says, stumbling back. I stare after her as she walks away, her long, curly hair swaying, and I instantly feel the loss. Just a few hours ago, I had her in my lap, her lips against mine, and my name on her lips.

“Why don’t you get ready for bed?” I murmur as I place the boxes down. “Give me a shout when you’re done, okay?”

She hesitates, but I walk away before she can stop me, the door falling closed as I do. I know I shouldn’t have left her, but fuck, I can’t leave Serenity alone either, not like this, not when I know she’s hurting too.

I find my girlfriend standing in the kitchen, staring blankly ahead as she tries to breathe evenly, clearly on the verge of tears. “Serenity.”

She looks up, her eyes widening when she sees me. “Archer,” she says, straightening. “Is everything okay?”

I stop in front of her and reach for her, my heart breaking when she flinches and moves away just a touch. “I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

“Of course,” she murmurs, looking away. “I’m just…I’m just relieved that Tyra seems okay, and that she’s home safe and sound. I can’t imagine how happy you are to have her back.”

“Darling,” I murmur.

Her eyes snap up, her pain shining through. “Look, I understand this changes everything. We don’t need to talk about it, Archer.”

I reach for her and cup her face, my thumb brushing over her lips. “It changes nothing,” I tell her, my voice rough.

She places her hand over mine and draws a shaky breath, her eyes overflowing with heartache. “How could it not? We got her back when we didn’t think we ever would. Besides, you were only with me to get over her, and now you don’t need to anymore. This is everything you wanted, Archer. I won’t stand in the way of that. I’d never do that to you, or to her. Besides, she needs you. Didn’t you hear her? Her biggest fear was coming home to find you no longer wanted her. We can’t do that to her. I can’t.”

I sigh and let my hand fall away. “No, Serenity. I didn’t know what I needed until I kissed you, until I woke up with you in my arms for the very first time, your wild, unruly hair fucking everywhere.” I tuck one of her curls behind her ear, and her eyes flutter closed briefly, hiding the hint of hope I could’ve sworn I saw. “It took me a while to acknowledge it, but it was guilt that kept me from moving on, not love. I’m happy to have her back, but this changes nothing between us, Serenity. You’re still the only one I want.”

“You say that,” she whispers. “But we both know you’re about to walk back into that room, and the woman you’ll hold in your arms tonight won’t be me.”