Chapter 49: : Chapter 49

I stare at Archer through the mirror in his bedroom as he gently combs my detangling leave-in treatment through my hair with a wide-tooth comb, his movements patient and diligent. I’ve never seen him focus on a task quite as much as this one, and something about it makes me smile.

“What?” he asks.

I love you. “Nothing.”

His gaze darkens, and he smiles back at me, his gaze briefly roaming over the T-shirt I’m wearing. It’s the same one he walked in wearing, and though he hasn’t said anything, I know he loves seeing me in it. Almost as much as I love seeing him in nothing but the pair of black boxers he’s wearing.

“Let me dry your hair for you with that diffuser thing you like. Where is it?”

I shake my head and turn to face him, my heart heavy. “No. It’ll make far too much noise. I’ll just wrap my hair up and let it dry naturally.” I hesitate, my fingers brushing over the mark I left on his skin. It darkened, standing out against his light skin.

Seeing it brings me a sick kind of satisfaction, and I wonder if he knew it’d put me at ease to know he either wouldn’t take his shirt off in front of Tyra or that he simply didn’t care if she saw. It’s reassuring in a primal way that should embarrass me, but instead, I embrace it, reveling in the feeling.

“Archer…you should go,” I say nonetheless, unable to suppress the tinge of guilt that took root the moment Tyra came back home.

He freezes, his gaze cutting to mine. “What? Why?”

I let my hand fall away, my possessiveness at war with my desire to do the right thing. “What if Tyra wakes up? I know she’s been having nightmares.” I look away, my heart aching. “I can hear her at night.” I don’t have the heart to tell him that I can also hear the way he consoles her softly, the way she repeats his name over and over again, like he’s her lifeline.

Archer reaches for me, and I gasp when he lifts me into his arms in one smooth move, his eyes on mine as he carries me to his bed. “Don’t think about anyone but me,” he says as he lays me down, not caring about the way my damp hair messes up his sheets. He settles on top of me and holds himself up on his forearms. “Not tonight, Serenity.” He lowers himself on top of me, placing his head just below my shoulder.

“It’s hard not to,” I admit as I wrap my arms around him, enjoying the feel of his weight on top of me.

“I know,” he whispers. “I’m trying to be there for her, but I just…fuck. I can’t help but feel like I can’t win.” He tightens his grip on my waist, his breathing becoming uneven. “It feels like I’m losing you, Sera. Am I?”

I play with his hair, my touch soothing. “I don’t know,” I reply, my voice breaking.

He pushes himself back up on his forearms to look at me. “Is it because of him?” he asks, his expression mirroring the insecurity I’ve been feeling. “You were only seeing me to get over him, and now you don’t need to anymore,” he says, throwing my own venom-laced words back at me. “When you told me something along those lines, who were you really talking about?”

I push against his chest, sitting up as anger ignites deep in my chest. “I’m not the one sleeping next to Theo every night, holding him in my arms and consoling him. I don’t make you watch as he hugs me, looking up at me like I’m his whole world.”

“Don’t you?” he snaps, sitting up too. “You aren’t clueless, Serenity. You knew it’d fucking kill me to watch him wrap his arm around you like that, at my own fucking office.”

“You think it doesn’t hurt to watch Tyra touch you like you’re still hers? Every time I see you with her, I’m just reminded that everything that I thought was mine was merely borrowed. What do you think that does to me, Archer?”

I try my best to blink back my tears, but they fall nonetheless. Archer instantly cradles my face, the fight leaving his eyes. “I never meant to hurt you, darling,” he whispers, his forehead falling to mine. “What do you want me to do?” he asks, his voice breaking. “I can’t turn her away when she needs me, Serenity. There’s nothing romantic about it—not to me. You know that, don’t you?”

I pull back to look into his eyes, unsure if I believe him. “I told you once that I never wanted to take her place, and I still don’t. I love her too, Archer. More than you could possibly understand. You have no idea how torn up I am about this whole situation, how sick it makes me feel to want you when she needs you in a way I can’t even comprehend. I don’t know how to deal with the jealousy I feel when I don’t think I’m even entitled to it. I…”

“You are,” he says, his voice breaking. “You are entitled to me. I love you, Serenity. With all I am. All I have.”

I stare at him speechlessly, not even aware of the tears that have begun to stream down my face until he catches them with his thumbs.

“I love your heart, your soul. I love you for who you are, every single aspect of you. I’m yours, Serenity Adesina, whether you’ll have me or not.”

“I love you too,” I tell him, only to fully burst into tears at the admission. “Oh God, I love you so much, and I shouldn’t. Archer, we shouldn’t. We can’t. We both love her, and we can’t do this to her. You know we can’t.”

He takes me into his arms and holds me tightly, his silence speaking volumes. He knows as well as I do that us being together would inflict more harm on the one person that can’t take any more of it. “We’ll figure it out,” he says, his hand moving over my back soothingly. “I’m at as much of a loss as you are, but there’s one thing I’m absolutely certain of: I won’t let you go, Serenity. I don’t ever want to go back to a life in which you aren’t mine.”