"You're really great. I like you. I like you? Or in other words, I fancy you, I love you, I want you, I can't leave you, I whatever you. I want to night-hunt with you for the rest of my life. And I want to sleep with you every day. I swear it's not the heat of the moment or joking around like I've done in the past. I'm not doing it out of gratitude either. Anyways, it's not because of anything else. I really just like you so much I want to sleep with you. I don't want anyone but youâit can't be anyone but you."
____
Xiao Zhan gasped for air at the moment he jolted awake. He ran a hand through his hair and took in a long deep breath. He sat up with a grunt and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. The dream was still vivid in his head.
"What the fuck! Why did I dream of that?!" He muttered to himself.
Wow! Wow! Congratulations Xiao Zhan! You finally lost it!
He shook his head to clear his thoughts. His brain hurt just from trying to make sense of this, although he knew exactly what the dream was about. It was the ending part of the novel in which Wei Wuxian confessed his love to Lan Wangji, and they lived happily (and shamelessly) ever after at the end. Xiao Zhan had read those scenes a couple of times, but actually experiencing it in a dream as the first person made it seem all so real. It was as though it had happened before, like he had already been through it. It felt almost like it was his past life. That's why it freaked him out.
His heart thudded loudly against his rib cage, as if begging him not to think about the last part of his dream. He felt like steam could come out of his ears at the remembrance of the hot and extremely explicit scene.
Every day is every day.
"Oh shit...." He groaned, clutching his chest as if it might provide some comfort. His whole body felt hot yet cold, and he wasn't sure which sensation was worse. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, trying to control his breathing. The room was silent, the only sound being the quiet rustle of his clothes and his breathing. Xiao Zhan sighed. No matter how hard he tried to forget the dream, it still came back to haunt him. There was nothing that could be done about it now. All he could do was hope the rest of the day would pass without many incidents. He stood up and stretched his arms above his head.
"Hmm?" He noticed his right hand was bandaged again. He recalled that he had ended up getting injured the previous day. He looked down at his body and noticed his outer robe was missing. His long hair was untied as well. What had happened after he had fallen asleep? How had he gotten back to his room? He rushed to remember, but some things were hazy. His breath caught in his throat as the memories of the previous day came crashing back to a point where he vaguely remembered taking off his robe. And then what?
He remembered the sandalwood scent that enveloped his entire being, calming him and making him drowsy. He remembered the velvety soft flesh, the warmth that radiated from where it connected to him, the feel of their bodies pressed close together. He remembered the feeling of Lan Wangji's lips on his own.
Oh no! What have I done?
He berated himself for all the shameful things that he had done to Lan Wangji, though he was not even cognizant of his own actions when they transpired. As much as he wished to believe that they never occurred, his mind could not cease replaying them over and over. How did he find himself in such a predicament?
"And why do I have to remember all these embarrassing details?" He grumbled, pulling his hair.
Most importantly, what should I do now?! Should I just act innocent? Lan Zhan may just pretend any of this didn't happen. Or not. Should I just play dumb and avoid talking about the subject? But can I even talk to him after this? How can I look at him when I saw all... Ahhh! I am going crazy! How can I erase this from my brain?
Despite being utterly ashamed with himself, a small smile still crossed his face at the memory of their kiss. Even though it had been accidental, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, he would have liked it if they had done things differently. He buried his face in his hands, willing the blush creeping across his cheeks away. "Fuck..."
"Stop being such a teenager, Xiao Zhan." He scolded himself.
Just because we kissed doesn't mean we need to jump straight into a more serious relationship, right? Wait... Twice? I already kissed Lan Zhan twice! Me...
"This is all your fault!" He pointed his finger towards the ceiling and yelled at the nothingness. He ran a series of obscenities, blaming the very being who put him into this world. "You fucking asshole!"
Panting hard and feeling satisfied for letting his frustration out, Xiao Zhan finally straightened up. That's when he heard the door open. He jumped and turned around, stumbling backward. Luckily for him, the wooden bedframe stopped him from falling. He held his breath while his eyes darted toward the entrance. It was obvious that it was Lan Wangji. He quickly lowered his gaze and looked at the floor.
"Wei Ying."
Xiao Zhan raised his head, faking a smile. "Lan Zhan!"
"When did you wake up?" Lan Wangji asked in his calm, monotonous tone.
Xiao Zhan raised his eyebrows questioningly at his reaction. "Huh? Just now..."
"I heard you cursing from outside." Lan Wangji looked directly at him.
Xiao Zhan clapped a hand over his mouth and assured him with an awkward wave of his hand. "Sorry, I just had a moment of reflection there."
Lan Wangji eyed him suspiciously for a moment but said nothing about it. Instead, he walked further into Xiao Zhan's room and shut the door behind him. He gently directed Xiao Zhan to sit on the edge of the bed before taking a seat beside him.
"What is it?" Lan Wangji asked, concern lacing his soft baritone.
Xiao Zhan bit his lip. He really could not handle having any kind of conversation with this super attractive man right now. He was already riddled with strong urges and feelings just by looking at him, and it felt like he could explode from embarrassment. He wanted to say something, anything to kill the awkwardness, but the words caught in his throat. So instead, he just shrugged.
Lan Wangji frowned slightly and opened his mouth to speak once again. His light-colored eyes, the perfect embellishments to his pale ivory skin, stared directly into Xiao Zhan's eyes. "Your hand."
Xiao Zhan was confused for a second before remembering his bandaged hand. "Oh. It's fine."
Lan Wangji shot him a dissatisfied glance before taking Xiao Zhan's hand and unwrapping the bandage, inspecting the marks of injuries on it. The bruises had almost disappeared, leaving yellowish stains on his knuckles. The burn wound had improved significantly, and the skin around the two diagonal streaks on his palm was now covered with new, pale white scars. Some were deeper and more noticeable than others. Xiao Zhan had not paid attention to his hand before he went to sleep, so he didn't know how severe it was. It felt a little numb and itchy, but other than that, it did not bother him. Lan Wangji lightly squeezed Xiao Zhan's hand and dropped his head. He looked disheartened, which made Xiao Zhan feel guilty.
"Lan Zhan..." Before Xiao Zhan could finish his sentence, someone knocked at his door. Xiao Zhan snapped his attention back to the source of the interruption. "Who is it?"
The door creaked open, and Xue Yang ran towards him, beaming with joy. "Wei-gege!"
Xiao Zhan's expression softened in response to Xue Yang's enthusiasm. Xue Yang exclaimed, "You're finally awake! I thought you wouldn't wake up at all today! It's already past lunchtime!"
Xiao Zhan chuckled lightly. He reached down to affectionately ruffle Xue Yang's hair. "Sorry, I overslept. Are you hungry?"
Xue Yang shook his head, though Xiao Zhan could see the hint of hunger in his irises.
"Alright. Should we go and eat together then?" Xiao Zhan said. Xue Yang gave him a bright smile that warmed Xiao Zhan's heart. After all, he didn't have any siblings, so seeing a child genuinely happy like that warmed Xiao Zhan's heart. Xiao Zhan saw Jiang Yanli saunter into his room, and her voice was smooth as she asked, smiling softly, "A-Xian, how are you?"
Xiao Zhan bowed his head respectfully. "I'm doing well, Shijie. How are you feeling?"
"I am fine. Don't worry about me. You should be concerned about yourself. You slept for two days!" she said in a disapproving tone. She sounded worried, but she was trying to hide it.
"Oh...did I?" Xiao Zhan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Sorry, Shijie."
"Don't apologize. It's not your fault." Jiang Yanli glanced briefly at the hand that Lan Wangji was still holding. "But you should feel sorry for Second Young Master Lan."
Xiao Zhan turned to Lan Wangji. On closer inspection, his eyes looked slightly irritatedâand irritated was an understatement. In that moment, Xiao Zhan realized just how tired and worn out he looked, and what a big deal that must have been for Lan Wangji. Xiao Zhan immediately felt even more guilty, knowing that he was responsible for causing those bags under his eyes. "I'm sorry, Lan Zhan. " He whispered.
"It's not your fault. You were exhausted, andâ" Lan Wangji began, but he stopped himself midway and shifted his gaze.
Xiao Zhan asked nervously, "...And what?"
Lan Wangji sighed deeply, rubbing his temples to ease the pain that seemed to build up every time he thought about all that had happened. "We shall talk about it later." He replied calmly, knowing that they could not discuss the matter at the moment.
"Hey, hey Wei-ge, does that mean you're going to stay here longer?!" Xue Yang exclaimed excitedly, bouncing up and down.
Xiao Zhan laughed at Xue Yang's excitement. He hadn't seen Xue Yang like this since he had first met him. This little brother had become so energetic. At least, Xue Yang had managed to cheer him up in these tense circumstances. Xiao Zhan's mood lifted significantly, and he answered, smiling at the boy, "I suppose so."
"Yay! So, can we go eat now?" Xue Yang asked eagerly.
Xiao Zhan nodded happily in agreement. He glanced at Lan Wangji, silently asking if it was okay for him. Lan Wangji just nodded in return. He smiled gratefully at him.
"Do you need to tailor more outfits in black, A-Xian? I can ask the seamstress to make you a few sets." Jiang Yanli suddenly asked. Xiao Zhan was surprised by the unexpected question. So, she had noticed his change of outfit after all, but she had not asked the reason.
"Oh. I still have a few spares." He answered her with a faint smile. He added, "Shijie, are you not going to ask why I am not wearing the uniform?"
"No need for that. It's your choice. Besides, you look amazing in black. And apparently in red too." She smiled brightly at him, hinting that he was still dressed in his undergarments.
"Ah! Sorry, Shijie." Xiao Zhan apologized and turned around before he looked at the young boy. "Xue Yang, can you wait for a while? I need to freshen up first."
"Okay!" Xue Yang answered enthusiastically.
"We'll wait for you in the main hall then. Father will be glad that you're able to join us today," Jiang Yanli told them kindly.
Xiao Zhan felt something was a little off. "The main hall?"
Jiang Yanli nodded slightly before she walked out with Xue Yang, who was happily chattering away with her.
As soon as Jiang Yanli left the room, Xiao Zhan rubbed his chin and mumbled to himself, "Something's off." He froze when he saw Lan Wangji staring at his clothes intently. He asked teasingly, "What is it, Lan Zhan? Is there something on my clothes?"
Lan Wangji slowly looked up at Xiao Zhan. "No, you look good in red."
Xiao Zhan felt warmth spread through his chest at these words. "...Oh."
Lan Wangji cleared his throat. He called out while rubbing circles on the hand that he had yet to let go, "Wei Ying."
Xiao Zhan tilted his head and asked curiously, "What is it, Lan Zhan?"
Lan Wangji hesitated for a moment before answering, "...when can we talk alone? There are some things we need to discuss."
Xiao Zhan gulped nervously before answering in a small voice, "You mean now?"
Lan Wangji stared at him, his forehead creased. He was clearly not happy about something, and he expressed it. "We were supposed to have our talk two days ago."
"Well, I never planned to sleep this long, Lan Zhan." Xiao Zhan retorted while trying to avoid eye contact. The word 'sleep' brought back the entire memory of his dream. Having Lan Wangji this near while holding hands at this point in time made him fidgety, and butterflies, critters, and all sorts of creepy crawlies began to wriggle and dance in his stomach, metaphorically.
"So, can we do that today?" Lan Wangji asked impatiently, tugging Xiao Zhan's hand toward himself. He could not wait any longer to get the answer to his burning questions.
"We'll talk tonight. I promise." Xiao Zhan squirmed, and he could feel his face redden. "People are waiting."
"Very well. Tonight." Lan Wangji said sternly.
Xiao Zhan knew he couldn't possibly argue with Lan Wangji, especially with this serious expression of his. Thus, he just agreed and replied reluctantly. "Okay. Deal."
Lan Wangji finally released his grip on Xiao Zhan's hand. "Go get ready then. I will wait here."
Xiao Zhan felt like he could finally breathe again and hurriedly followed suit. After a quick shower, he headed toward his wardrobe to pick out his other, newer sets of clothing, which he had custom-made during the few weeks of their night slash food hunt trip, in a different style than the last one. He was a man of fashion and was good at mixing and matching his clothing. He might not spend any money on alcohol now, but he definitely splurged on his outfits.
It did not take him long to get dressed. He wore black underpants before layering on a fresh, beautiful drape of a dark red undergarment dress; he really liked this airy, full-length robe made of silk satin. It was snug at his waist but definitely loose enough to let the red fabric flow freely. He topped it off with a lightweight, crepe matte, coal black robe with narrow sleeves before adorning it with a wide-shouldered, black, relatively stiff, and smooth long vest with decorative stripes all the way down to the hem, which splits at both sides as the outer layer. The fabric was delicately patterned throughout, giving the vest an almost greyish metallic sheen that brought out the silvery pair of eyes. Finishing it off was a matching set of studded leather arm guards with red lacings and a belt. The whole look was rather austere with clean lines, making him seem more imposing and dignified. All in all, he was worthy of the title of "The World's Most Handsome Man in 2022".
As usual, he tied his hair with the red ribbon, letting the ends fall gently onto his shoulders. Satisfied with his appearance, he stepped out from behind the screen and approached where Lan Wangji sat patiently in his seat. Xiao Zhan smiled at him when he noticed the soft look in his eyes that fell on the elegant ensemble. He wondered briefly what expression Lan Wangji had worn that night. He shook his head once again to brush the thought from his already tumultuous mind.
Lan Wangji smiled back at him and said, "Let's go."
Fully armed with their swords and instruments, they walked to the main building and entered the Sword's Hall together.
Xiao Zhan's instinct was right; something was definitely going on. It turned out there was a banquet going on in the great hall, and every member of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect was there, except Jiang Cheng. Looking around, he was a little confused about the purpose of this banquet, as the gathering looked far too formal. After all, he had been asleep for more than a day, which was more than enough time for something significant to happen. He tried not to overthink his uneasiness.
Side by side, he and Lan Wangji strolled along the many rows of the Nine Petals Lotus. The cultivators, young and old, quieted down on their own as the two young men made their way to the front in a regal and graceful manner. Neither one looked like a teen at this moment from the way they carried themselves and the way they glided across the long hall. As they got nearer, Xue Yang waved at them from the table where both she and Jiang Yanli were seated, "Wei-gege! Wangji-xiong!"
Xiao Zhan halted and tipped his head in his direction. "Did you wait long?"
Xue Yang shook his head.
Jiang Yanli eyed Xiao Zhan's new getup. She teased, "Xianxian looks so handsome now that he's grown up."
Xiao Zhan responded jokingly, "I am always handsome, Shijie."
Jiang Yanli rolled her eyes and chuckled. They continued their steps to formally salute Jiang Fengmian, who was seated at the top of the intricate red wood lotus-shaped throne. As always, his face showed nothing but concern. "A-Ying, you're finally awake. Are you feeling okay now?"
"I am better now, Uncle Jiang," Xiao Zhan replied with a smile.
Jiang Fengmian nodded and smiled gently at the two who stood side by side. "Why don't you two sit down? The food is ready. Let's start eating!"
The pair was inseparable as they sat at the same table. Xiao Zhan sensed that many eyes were often directed toward their table, and some whispering and gossiping were occurring in the background. He tried not to pay any heed to the discomfiting gawking and idle talk as he ate his food. He was too hungry to be bothered by it.
Lan Wangji, on the other hand, only had his focus on one person. He was finally pulled back from the edge after two days of worrying endlessly and was appeased by watching Xiao Zhan fill his belly without a care in the world.
After everyone had finished eating, Jiang Fengmian addressed all those present in the hall. The entire Yunmeng Jiang Sect listened intently to what he had to say. He spoke loudly so that everybody could hear him clearly. "Everyone, as you all know, we have a change in our organization. We have cut our ties with Meishan Yu's faction. It has been decided that there will be no further negotiations, and we will be dissolving the alliance." His voice was calm and resonated in every corner of the hall. A few heads bobbed up and down as they listened. "We will no longer have direct links to Meishan Yu, which means we have lost a very important piece of support."
Many people sighed quietly, some murmuring their displeasure. He paused for a moment. "However, do not fret. We are strong enough to stand on our own now, and we do not need their interference in our business."
There was some chatter building up after his announcement. Jiang Fengmian held up his hand, and the crowd fell silent again. He continued, "I know you are all worried about the stability of our clan. With the departure of the Madam, the Vice Clan Leader position has become vacant, and we need to fill it immediately."
Jiang Fengmian's eyes lingered on Xiao Zhan for a moment, and the corners of his mouth turned up. The glance was full of pride and fondness.
Don't tell me...
Xiao Zhan felt his heart drop as he had a bad premonition about whatever his uncle was going to say next. He didn't care about Meishan Yu's status anymore and hoped that his gut instinct was wrong this time.
Jiang Fengmian continued his speech. "We have decided that the position will go to our head disciple, my nephew, Wei Ying!"
Shit!
Xiao Zhan almost exploded out of his seat, but Lan Wangji stopped him. He grabbed Xiao Zhan's arm softly before pulling him, urging him to sit down and listen first. He submitted reluctantly and could only glare intensely at his uncle for the time being.
Jiang Fengmian ignored his disgruntled face and proceeded with his speech. "All elders agreed that Wei Ying's skills and cultivation level are beyond impressive. After careful deliberation, the decision was made as a collective voice through election."
Jiang Fengmian continued to speak, giving everyone who was there an opportunity. "If there is anyone who has anything to say, speak your mind. You may put forward your objections, if there are any."
Me! I object!
Xiao Zhan did not want this position, not ever. He had many things he needed to do, and he did not want to be tied down. Right now, he was nothing more than a teenager with two hands, two legs, and a body that could not stop producing raging love hormones, which were affecting his entire thinking ability. He was swamped as it was. Xiao Zhan raised his hand. "I object."
"Your objection is objected." Jiang Fengmian instantly shot him down. "Anyone else apart from Wei Ying?"
All the other members were silent. Xiao Zhan sighed deeply. "Sect Leader Jiang, please reconsider. If I accept the position, it would not be right. You have Jiang Cheng, and he would be a better choice," he argued vehemently.
"It is done, Wei Ying. Accept the position," his uncle said in a firm tone.