It wasn't until Xiao Zhan heard the heartbeat next to his own, and the fast thumping against his ears that he realized that his lover was still struggling with suppressing the burning desire within him. He could feel Lan his hot breaths on the back of his neck and the slight trembling in his hands. Lan Wangji was fighting hard not to lose control and give in to the overwhelming urge which had been building up inside of him for quite some time now.
Xiao Zhan wanted to say something to help with diffuse Lan Wangji's current predicaments, but he found himself getting distracted by the labored breathing and heartbeat. As if it was on cue, a sudden replay of the steamy scenes that he once saw in his dream started rolling in his thoughts. His face felt hot instantly, and he felt like his own heart transformed into a bullet train that was going at top speed inside his body. The images kept playing through his head like a movie, all of them making his whole body burn up even more. He squirmed uncomfortably and getting a little restless in Lan Wangji's embrace. The heat was unbearable. He felt like he needed to go take a cold shower.
Shit! At this rate, I am going to be the one who will pounce on him. Let's sing the national anthem. Wait, what is the lyric again?
'Stand up! Those who refuse to be slaves!
With our flesh and blood...'
Damn it, who wrote these lyrics... This is not helping...Let's read the multiplication table then. One times one equal to one. One times two equal two. Fuck even numbers sound erotic right now!
"Wei Ying, are you alright?" Lan Wangji 's voice snapped him out of his trance. His voice was dripping with worry. Seemed like Lan Wangji's deep concerns for him had turned off all those lustful thoughts that plagued his lover's mind just a minute ago.
Xiao Zhan blinked several times to straighten up his own inner turmoil before replying weakly, "Yeah."
You don't look good." Lan Wangji brows knitted close together. He put his palm on Xiao Zhan's forehead, testing the temperature, "You're burning. Your heart rates are erratic."
A fever would be an excellent excuse to get out this sticky situation.
His skin was really warm, his heartbeat fast, and his whole body was on fire. But Xiao Zhan had promised the man that he wouldn't lie to him. So, he just smiled, "I'm just tired."
It was true that he was exhausted and in dire need of resting. He also knew that he couldn't tell Lan Wangji that it was his body reacting violently to the intense scenes in his gutter brain.
Lan Wangji's expression turned worried, "Do you need me to carry you back?"
Xiao Zhan chuckled, "Don't be silly, Lan Zhan. I'm fatigued, not crippled."
Lan Wangji sighed, "Do you need me to cripple you so that you won't overwork yourself?"
Xiao Zhan laughed even harder, "That's domestic violence, Lan Zhan."
Lan Wangji's expression hardened again, "Wei Ying, I'm really worried for you."
"I'm really fine. Nothing a good sleep can't fix." Xiao Zhan smiled gently.
"Let go back. I'll walk with you." Lan Wangji looked determined as ever, there wasn't any room for argument in his eyes. He quickly got up from the ground and helped Xiao Zhan get to his feet.
Xiao Zhan secretly breathed out a relief when their bodies were no longer pressed against each other. Lan Wangji had the same exact reaction too. They walked back in a comfortable silence between them. When they arrived, Xiao Zhan collapsed onto the bed, he groaned, "I need sleep."
"You need to wash up first." Lan Wangji reminded him softly.
Xiao Zhan frowned, "I'm too tired."
"You have a fever; you need to bathe." Lan Wangji insisted. Xiao Zhan mumble incoherently in half asleep state as an answer.
Lan Wangji shook his head, "I'll get some water for you to clean up."
Before Xiao Zhan could object, Lan Wangji left the room. His exhaustion took its toll and he succumbed to unconsciousness almost immediately.
Lan Wangji came back with a basin of warm water and clean towels, to see him sleeping soundly. He gently touched Xiao Zhan's flushed cheeks, causing the man to stir in his sleep as he spoke softly to him, "You need to wash your face at least."
Lan Wangji placed the basin of warm water on the side table and removed his leather belt and the stiff armguards before taking off his boots. It was not his first time to take off his lover's outer robe but tonight, he felt conflicted about doing so. He gently shook Xiao Zhan's shoulder, "Wei Ying, can you wake up for a moment?"
Xiao Zhan grumbled as he opened his eyes, blinking his blurry vision slowly, "I'm too sleepy."
"Please stay awake for one minute. Just help me take off your outer wear?" Lan Wangji pleaded.
Xiao Zhan sighed wearily, "Fine."
Moving as swift as the wind, Xiao Zhan stripped off the layers of fabrics until there was only his undergarment to protect him from further contact with the cold air around them. He immediately laid back down snoozing right after that.
Lan Wangji smiled, amused with his antics. He then picked up the wet cloth and began cleaning Xiao Zhan's face. He made certain not to touch his skin lightly so that he did not startle Xiao Zhan. As he was wiping away Xiao Zhan's sweat laden face, his fingers accidentally brushed against Xiao Zhan's neckline which fell open slightly.
Lan Wangji froze momentarily as he glanced between the exposed cleavage of the younger man and the open night shirt that was covering Xiao Zhan's chest. He forced himself to take a deep breath and calm his raging hormones as he continued wiping Xiao Zhan's face. After finishing up, Lan Wangji pulled the covers to cover Xiao Zhan.
He watched as Xiao Zhan rolled onto his stomach and pulled the blanket over his shoulder before falling back asleep. Lan Wangji sighed quietly; it was really difficult to contain the desire that was growing within him. How was it possible for one person to possess such a profound effect on his body?
Lan Wangji clenched his fist as he tried to stop himself from thinking about those sinful ideas that popped into his head whenever he gazed upon Xiao Zhan. The fact that he accidentally saw his full naked form while Xiao Zhan was changing clothes this morning, was enough to cause him to burn with a raging inferno that currently re-igniting across his body. He reminded himself that he had sworn to protect Xiao Zhan and right now, he was a danger to his lover's safety. He needed to keep himself away from Xiao Zhan, for his sake. Maybe for a day or two. Or just until he no longer harbored those inappropriate thoughts towards him. That was the only way he knew how to avoid hurting Xiao Zhan.
After ensuring that Xiao Zhan was alright, Lan Wangji quietly exited the room. It would be a long, hard, and sleepless night for him. He only wished that when the sun rises tomorrow, his inner beast won't be awake to torment him anymore. He had to make sure of that before he ended up doing something he shouldn't do. He knew he would not be able to stay away for too long from his lover. Therefore, he needed to get a grip on himself as fast as possible. He decided to keep himself grounded for the next day to return to his usual calm self.
The next day Xiao Zhan woke up later than usual. A day off felt so good. He stretched lazily and yawned loudly as he sat up. He looked out the window of their bedroom and realized that it was already afternoon. He halted to look around just to make sure he was in his own room. He breathed a relief sigh. There was nothing out of place besides his clothes lying folded neatly on the edge of the bed. He stood from bed with another stretch before heading to the bathroom to freshen up. When he was finished getting ready, he walked out of his room and headed to the dining hall, humming happily to himself. Xiao Zhan greeted the cook when he entered the kitchen.
He smiled brightly at him, "Young Master Wei. You look well-rested today."
Xiao Zhan smiled widely, "I had a good sleep."
"What would Young Master Wei like to cook today?" The cook questioned.
Xiao Zhan hummed softly, pondering his menu. The cook waited, eager to learn new recipe since the young man would only enter the kitchen when he had something new in mind.
Xiao Zhan's lips twitched before he blurted out with a bright grin, "Do we have corn starch and yeast?"
The chef paused for a second in thought, before finally exclaiming, "Yes, Young Master Wei, I believe we do."
"Perfect!" Xiao Zhan exclaimed, "How about mushrooms?"
The chef nodded enthusiastically, "Of course! We've got plenty of fresh ones."
Xiao Zhan smiled brightly, "Great! I'll make lotus leaf steamed buns with pulled mushrooms."
The chef smiled, "Looking forward to it Young Master Wei."
Xiao Zhan's soft melodious singing caught filled the still air in the kitchen as his hands danced gracefully while kneading the dough for the buns. His voice was enchanting. The kitchen staff and maids alike were all in a state of rapture hearing it as they watched him with stars in their eyes. Even the cook had a huge goofy smile on his face.
The young man was a full package of perfection. Handsome, talented, skilled and undoubtedly powerful. His cooking was flawless and his skills with a blade were also amazing to behold. Leaving the dough to rest and rise, Xiao Zhan swiftly prepared the ingredients for the fillings before moving to work on the fluffy dough. Dividing it into small balls, he flattened each piece and folded it in half. After they were done, he steamed it in lined bamboo baskets. His medleys of songs never stopped until the last part of the cuisine was done.
The cook was all smiles when he tried one of them. He was a true fan of Young Master Wei. He praised, "You never fail to amaze me, Young Master Wei. This is great."
Xiao Zhan smiled and thanked him politely, "Thank you for letting me use your kitchen."
The cook shook his head, "It's my pleasure. I got to learn another recipe from you. Thank you very much."
"My pleasure as well, I hope you enjoy your meal."
The cook bowed slightly towards Xiao Zhan, "Please enjoy your meal too."
Xiao Zhan gave another small bow as he left the kitchen and enjoyed his freshly cooked buns at the empty dining hall. He suddenly felt lonely without someone to share his meal with. It was pretty odd that Lan Wangji didn't show his face yet. Xiao Zhan shrugged off the feeling and ate his meal leisurely. It was his off day after all, he should be relaxing rather than worrying.
Xiao Zhan took his time sketching and playing with the bunnies at the green patches for the rest of the day. It was almost sunset when he began to feel restless with Lan Wangji's absence. But then, he thought about yesterday's events, and he decided to stay at his spot for a little longer to play his flute. Before he knew it, he played the melody of their song. Xiao Zhan closed his eyes listening to the music filling his ears, the sound caressing his heart. It was so soothing that it seemed to calm him down completely. When the last note faded away into silence, Xiao Zhan opened his eyes once more and took in the peaceful atmosphere around him. He sighed wistfully, feeling empty. Lan Wangji should be here with him by now. He felt a little frustrated with himself for being so needy. It hadn't been a full day and he already missed Lan Wangji terribly. He had gotten so used to having Lan Wangji around, it hurt a little.
Xiao Zhan, grow up. You are not a child or a koala bear. Let the man breath for one day.
Xiao Zhan arrived back to his room just as dusk was settling into darkness. The sky was beginning to darken as the moon started to emerge into view. Xiao Zhan got more irritated by the minute despite telling himself that he was an adult. He sighed heavily and rubbing the bridge of his nose.
It was ridiculous to be upset for no reason. He might be busy with his duties or got caught up with some important tasks. It was just one day without him. One day. Don't be clingy. Let's find him tomorrow if he still doesn't show up. Come on, let's think of something else.
Instead of continuing to brood over Lan Wangji, he busied himself with designing various tools, gadgets, spells and talismans, filling his notebook to the brim once again. Adding to the countless concepts that were scribbled on the stack of notebooks that piling up on his desk. Thanks to his former gaming experience and acting in several fantasy dramas, he was always flooded with cool ideas and creative hypotheses models archetypes. But right now, what he needed was, something to deal with the high consumption for energy that always left him drained and tired after he was done with the day. It should be something that was not hindering his flexibility or mobility. He grinned as he grabbed one of his black robes from his wardrobe and started inscribing the inside with runes and glyphs that would help in health regeneration, reducing the cost of spiritual energy and theoretically amplifying his magical power as well. He was not sure of the last part since this was his first prototype. If it worked out perfectly, that would certainly be a big plus. He was soon engrossed with drawing everything on the inner lining of the robe. He didn't notice the passage of time.
He woke up the next morning feeling stiff as he fell asleep on his working station. He groaned as he got himself up slowly. Rubbing his eyes, he checked the final product of his hard work last night. The satisfaction he felt was worth the sore muscles he was going to feel from sleeping on that uncomfortable position. He excitedly went off to have a good shower and get dressed in his newly enchanted attire. He hoped this would help him get rid of his slight fatigue from last night. He felt like he drank a cup of hot freshly brewed espresso after few minutes of putting on the prototype robe. He was satisfied with the effect for now. It wasn't perfect yet, but it sufficed for now. He could always upgrade it later. He was already ecstatic of the thoughts of imbuing more of his clothing items and accessories with spells. That was definitely something he would need to add to his list of projects for the future. He was really looking forward to it. Xiao Zhan chuckled to himself as he left his room and strolled towards the waterfall. He wanted to clear his mind and refresh his body as much as possible before he started with the array formation that he was supposed to finish today.
Listening to the cascading water of the falls, Xiao Zhan breathed deeply, taking in the fresh moist air and enjoying the tranquility of his surroundings. The only thing that missing was Lan Wangji's presence and warmth. Xiao Zhan contemplated as he leaned against the rock wall beside him. He stared blankly into the deep blue water below with his thoughts clouded in worry about Lan Wangji. He started to feel restless and anxious. He sprang up to his feet as he mentally panicking.
This is unusual. This is so unlike him. What if something happened to him?
Just when he was about to take off and search for the man himself, he heard a familiar voice calling out his name. Turning around to face the source of the voice, he couldn't help but to run into the arms of the person who he desperately wanted to see.
"Where have you been? Is anything wrong? Are you okay?" Xiao Zhan said as he pulled back to check Lan Wangji over for any injuries or other problems. There were none though, which meant his worries were completely unnecessary.
Lan Wangji simply smiled as he looked at Xiao Zhan, "I'm fine."
He tilted his head up and stared right into the deep golden pools, a frown plastered on his face at the underwhelming response. He spoke with a serious tone, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, "What's happening?"
"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji said.
Xiao Zhan's frown deepened even more. He had a bad feeling about the way his name sounded coming from his lips.
"What is it?" Xiao Zhan asked impatiently trying his best not to let his impatience slip through the cracks in his facade.
"I think we need to do as you say, to take a step back." Lan Wangji stated calmly.
Xiao Zhan froze as he processed what Lan Wangji told him, "Huh?"
Lan Wangji took hold of Xiao Zhan's hands and pressed them to his chest over where his heart was. He placed Xiao Zhan's hands on top of his beating heart, "I swore to protect you, Wei Ying. I won't be able to do that when I am the one who could hurt you at this moment."
What crazy ghost possessed you this time?
Xiao Zhan gasped. He quickly pulled his hands away from Lan Wangji's chest as he backed away from Lan Wangji. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I can't control myself around you." Lan Wangji continued to stare into Xiao Zhan's eyes.
Oh, okay. It's this kind of ghost.
Xiao Zhan sighed loudly. He understood what he was saying but he was going crazy for not seeing this man for one whole day, and now he was finally in front of him, he spouted this nonsense. He took several deep breaths to calm himself, "So, this is your way of protecting me?"
Lan Wangji's facial expression didn't change, "Yes."
What is happening to us? This is not a step back. This is ten-steps back! I can't even handle one day without you!
Xiao Zhan pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes tightly as he tried to gather his thoughts and thoughts. He could feel himself boiling under his skin and his anger was searing through his entire body. Xiao Zhan exhaled shakily, trying to regain his composure, "Lan Zhan, do you really mean it?"
Lan Wangji nodded his head.
"Are you serious?" Xiao Zhan breathed incredulously.
"I do. I should have acted more prudently," Lan Wangji said earnestly.
It's too late to act proper now, you urghh... I can't even curse at you!
"Lan Zhan." Xiao Zhan gritted his teeth. "Do you understand how ridiculous you are right now?"
Lan Wangji sighed heavily as he gazed at Xiao Zhan. "Wei Ying, all I wanted to do was to hold you and kiss you, touch you and cherish you. But my desire for you would only harm you. So, I am going to do everything in my power to control myself in every way possible."
This guy seriously meant it.
Xiao Zhan looked at him for a moment before closing his eyes and groaning despairingly. When he reopened them, there was a determined glint in his beautiful golden eyes staring at him. He frowned, "Lan Zhan, are you really going to do this?
Lan Wangji remained silent for a few moments before replying, his tone of voice sounded bitter as his gaze shifted downwards, "I've been careless this whole time. Please forgive me."
It wasn't just you!
"I couldn't control myself either. This isn't entirely your fault. It's mine too. We're both acting very stupid." Xiao Zhan spoke honestly.
"No, it was mine. I did not listen to you when you asked me to stop. I was out of control," Lan Wangji spoke with regret. "If I continue to behave this way, I think I will end up hurting you."
No, you won't!
Xiao Zhan shot him a disbelieving glance and huffed indignantly, "What are you planning to do now?"
"I don't know yet, but I will do whatever it takes." Lan Wangji replied sincerely.
Xiao Zhan took a good look on the micro expressions on his face, trying to decipher if his lover was thinking. He narrowed his eyes as he could read his lover like a book.
Hah! You are insane, Lan Zhan! And you're making me insane too!
He gave out a warning," Lan Zhan, don't you dare do whatever stupid things you are planning in your head. I will smack you until you come to your senses if necessary."
"Wei Ying-" Lan Wangji began, looking up at him with beseeching eyes.
"Lan Zhan! No! I forbid it!" Xiao Zhan cut him off sternly.
"Do you even know what I intend to do?" Lan Wangji questioned rhetorically.
"Well, let see. You would say something about distancing yourself from me, am I right? " Xiao Zhan replied confidently without missing a beat. "Or perhaps you will avoid me for a while? So, you will no longer meet me at daybreak, and you won't initiate any physical contacts with me unless it's absolutely necessary. You'll do that, right? And then you will punish yourself unnecessarily. Because that sounds like something you would do."
"..." Lan Wangji averted his eyes. He did not need to confirm or deny it because Xiao Zhan really knew what he was thinking.
And... you just confirmed it!
"I will absolutely kick your ass, Lan Zhan." Xiao Zhan declared without any hint of joking. He crossed both his arms defiantly, "Just try me."
"Mn." Lan Wangji said simply, his eyes casted down dejectedly.
"Don't 'mn' me!" Xiao Zhan scolded him. "I am serious."
Lan Wangji responded unconvincingly, "Yes."
Xiao Zhan continued to press him because he knew very well about his headstrong personality, "No! Tell me you won't proceed with that idiotic plan of yours!"
"Mn."
"Lan Wangji!!" Xiao Zhan groaned as he threw his head back and covered his face with his hands. He was starting to lose control over his emotions. He couldn't help but feel frustrated and upset. "I swear to God, you're infuriating!"
Lan Wangji's gaze flickered anxiously as Xiao Zhan called him by his courtesy name. He felt as though he should explain why he was behaving this way, however the last thing he wanted was to further add to his worries. He stated in an earnest tone, "If that makes you happy and safe, you can do whatever you want to me, Wei Ying."
Lan Zhan! Do I look happy to you right now?
"Lan Zhan..." Xiao Zhan sighed exasperatedly. "Stop thinking bullshit like that and start thinking about how hard my kick will hurt you."
"Mn."
"Lan Zhan!" Xiao Zhan yelled as he grabbed Lan Wangji's hands tightly in his own. He looked at him intently, reading whatever emotion lurked within those clear and bright golden eyes of his as they reflected his emotions back to him. He could feel anxiety rising in his chest. He asked again through gritted teeth to confirm his suspicions while shaking his head disapprovingly, "Please tell me right now. Do you have any idea what you're asking for?"
Lan Wangji's lips quivered; his hands were trembling ever so slightly. He looked straight at Xiao Zhan, speaking utterly serious, "Wei Ying, I refuse to cause you more troubles. In case you haven't realized, I don't have an ounce of control over myself around you. I almost force myself on you."
Xiao Zhan looked at him for a moment before closing his eyes and sighing tiredly, "Do you really think I would let you force yourself on me? You do remember that I could easily overpowered you right? It happened because I let it happen and I wanted it to."
"That's why the best option for us right now is to keep a distance between us. "Lan Wangji said firmly as he squeezed Xiao Zhan's hand.
Why can't this brat see that I am fully capable of protecting myself! There's nothing wrong with wanting to hold on to someone dear to you! It's natural! It's normal physiological reactions!
Xiao Zhan let go of his hands immediately as if someone had burned him. The color drained from his face as soon as his grip loosened, leaving his pale fingers dangling limply at his sides, "So you will avoid me? Keep yourself away from me?"
Am I filming a soap opera right now?
Lan Wangji froze momentarily and for a while, he remained silent as if mulling over his response. He then responded calmly, "It would be better to separate ourselves from each other for the time being."
Separate? Wow...
Xiao Zhan exhaled sharply and questioned bitterly, "So, this is how you intend to solve this whole mess? Do you even hear yourself? Do you realize what you're implying right now?"
"Wei Ying, I'm doing this for your sake." Lan Wangji expressed softly.
This is madness! Alright then, let's see how long you can keep away from me!
"You are unbelievable." A pained look immediately crossed Xiao Zhan's features upon hearing those words. He immediately closed his eyes shut in frustration. Even though he hated to admit it, he was probably already addicted to Lan Wangji's warmth and gentleness, but he didn't allow those emotions to show. He refused to. Not until Lan Wangji stopped being dramatic. When he opened his eyes again, he gazed at Lan Wangji coldly, his voice raised a few decibels as he spoke, "Fine! Do whatever you want! Do whatever makes you happy!"
With that being said, he took a long stride, walking past the second Jade of Lan without hesitation.
"Where are you going?" Lan Wangji called after him.
"Wherever I want. None of your business!" Xiao Zhan snapped without turning back.