That night brought a storm to Gusu Lan sect. There was no need to say it to anyone outside the sect that, the attack on Cloud Recesses was a declaration of war by Qishan Wen sect against Gusu Lan sect. It was common knowledge throughout the cultivation world by the next morning.
The aftermath of the attack attempt on Cloud Recesses resulted in only one casualty. Qingheng-Jun's. A number of Lan disciples were wounded with variable degrees but none of them had life-threatening injuries. Thanks to Xiao Zhan's design of defensive barriers that caused Wen Xu's troops to be severely decapacitated and weakened. Due to that, Lan sect disciples, with help of Qinghe Nie elite team of warriors, managed to subdue them all. Wen Xu was no match to Nie Mingjue and ultimately died in his hands. And the most notable of all, he head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang singlehandedly wiped out the back up team under Wen Zhuliu's lead, preventing even bigger catastrophe and killed the Core Melting Hand himself.
At the end of it, Cloud Recesses remained safe and untouched. The entire sect was, however, still on high alert as the Lan disciples cleaned up the mess left behind and the remains of the attackers especially in the area where Xiao Zhan had unleashed his wrath. Nie Mingjue and his subordinates had witnessed this kind of beyond brutal scene once so they were less shocked compared to those Lan disciples when they offered their assistance in cleaning the site. After all, it was the handiwork of their Youngest Master.
Without a doubt, Gusu Lan Sect owed Xiao Zhan gratitude for protecting the sect from certain destruction. Despite that fact, it did not stop the murmurs about what transpired and how unusually ruthless and brutal Wei Wuxian's method was. Some were starting to debate on the nature of his cultivation and how unorthodox it seemed.
Xiao Zhan just ignored the looks directed his way as he stood in one corner of the hall, looking at funeral procession that was going on. He felt like he was floating, detached from reality. There were no tears coming up, just the weighty sense of loss heavy over his shoulder. Qingheng-Jun's voice still ringing in his ears, calling him 'son-in-law'.
Father-in-law... I would've call you that a thousand of times if it means that you can come back alive...
The atmosphere was grim and the mood somber as the entire sect grieved for the passing of their Sect Leader. It was even sadder than the funeral had to be rushed and carried the very next day since they were in a brink of a war. The Twin Jades were mourning the loss of their father who had tried his best to be a better father for the past one year. In fact, he was nothing but a supportive one towards the two of them after he came out of his seclusion. His noble sacrifice would forever be engraved on their hearts.
Xiao Zhan's heart ached at their faces. His fingers clenched unconsciously as he fought the urge to go over and console them. Especially his lover who looked so stricken despite his stoic mask on. But how could he? He had already failed Lan Wangji by failing to save his lover's father from the canonical death. He knew that it happened in the book but yet, he couldn't prevent that from happening.
Why? Why did this happened? Just one second... That was all I need. A second. W hy couldn't I move faster?
With all the questions in his head, he could feel the turbulent emotions bubbling inside him. He took a steadying breath to calm down. He had yet to recover his full control of resentful energy in him so he needed to be careful.
I can't be here. They don't need me here for now anyway.
Not wanting to jeopardize the ceremony, he forced himself to turn away from the gloomy scene and leave the Lan family members to their grieving.
He sat alone on the rock by the waterfall, finally letting his tears flow freely as he listened to the steady ripples of water falling down the rocks. Guilt. Regret. Despair. Anger. All blended together in an indescribable knot that stuck around in his stomach. He could feel those emotions clawing at his insides as his tears spilled faster. He wished he could go back in time and kill Wen Zhuliu the very moment he saw him, so Qingheng Jun would never to sacrifice himself.
No, I should have just killed Wen Ruohan during the discussion conference itself! Why didn't I do that?!
That was when he realized it.
Kill.
He had killed someone. Not just one but hundreds.
He looked at his trembling hands like it was covered in blood. He remembered how he mercilessly slaughtered all those evil humans, yet he still could not bring himself to regret it. But still, the fact that he killed other human beings, made him feel completely disgusted and repulsed with himself, no matter how much those people deserved death. Even worse, there was something inside him that wanted more. That was what shocked and terrified him the most; his own feelings of delight and pleasure as he took someone's else life.
He clenched his fists tight, unable to stop the violent trembling. "What had I done?" He repeated the question over and over again. His voice was strained and shaky. How could he do such a thing and think it was okay?!
How can I still call myself human after I killed people like they were nothing? What kind of monster am I?
He knew he couldn't avoid this path but whatever the case, he felt like such a horrible person. A murderer. A mass murderer.
He sat there for hours, downing his sorrow and self-loathing. The jumble mess of emotions in his heart was overwhelming, threatened to drown him when the first peal of thunder echoed across the mountains and a flash of lightning illuminated the dark clouds above him. He was still too numb to register the fact the sky seemed to have turned blacker than pitch. A loud clap of thunder followed close on the heels of another strike finally startled him and he realized that he shouldn't let his feelings consume his mind like this. Those kinds of negative emotions were dangerous for him and his mental state. With great effort he forced himself to calm down.
He put himself in a meditative pose, focusing his attention inwardly, seeking to empty his mind and focus only on his breathing. But as he tried to circulate the stagnant Qi in him, but he couldn't do that when his Dantian is sealed. His attention fell to the current state of his core. It was worse than he thought and the pressure within it was beginning to increase, forming some cracks that. It was as if fate had conspired against him and forced him to rely on his demonic cultivation was getting increasingly difficult to control with every passing day. And without his Golden Core to negate its effects, Xiao Zhan could feel how easily his sanity slipped.
Suddenly, there was a rustling sound behind him. He knew without turning around that it was Lan Wangji. It took all his will not to break down when Lan Wangji came near. The sight of him made something inside of him twist painfully. He could barely hold himself together, but he tried not to show how upset he was.
Lan Wangji looked exhausted. The lines under his eyes were etched deep, as if years' worth of weariness was imprinted upon him. The robe that he was currently wearing was not the usual cloud motifs uniform but plain linen mourning garb. The man didn't say anything as he gently knelt down beside Xiao Zhan and held him close, pressing his forehead against his.
"I'm sorry, Lan Zhan." Xiao Zhan apologized sincerely as he placed his palm against the warm skin of his beloved's cheek. "I should've..."
"It's not your fault, Wei Ying." Lan Wangji cut him off. Then he looked deeply into Xiao Zhan's eyes as he caressed his cheeks with his thumbs before adding in a whisper. "Never ever apologize for defending yourself. You did what you had to do. You protected everyone here."
"Not everyone." Xiao Zhan corrected quietly.
I failed to save your father.
"Wei Ying..." Lan Wangji whispered his name so lovingly, as if he meant to convey everything he was feeling right now. "Don't blame yourself."
"How could I not? You've lost-" Xiao Zhan couldn't finish his word.
"It is not your fault." Lan Wangji repeated.
"But I could have prevented it somehow." Xiao Zhan mumbled, "I should've killed Wen Zhuliu before he could-"
Lan Wangji cut him off quickly, "No... Don't say things like this."
"I just... I'm really sorry, Lan Zhan." Xiao Zhan's voice sounded strained as guilt overwhelmed him again.
"Please..." Lan Wangji said, "There's nothing you could have done differently."
Xiao Zhan tightened his grip on his beloved, "I can bring your father back..."
Lan Wangji pulled away from Xiao Zhan a little bit so that he could gaze into his eyes and spoke firmly, "No, Wei Ying. Don't even think about it."
Xiao Zhan stared deeply into his eyes,"...But I can, Lan Zhan. I can. I just need your word."
"No. I don't want you to do that." Lan Wangji's expression hardened, "Father would never want to be brought back that way."
"...I know, but-" Xiao Zhan tried to reason.
"And neither would we, Wei Ying. Let Father rest in peace." Lan Wangji said sternly.
"Okay..." Xiao Zhan nodded, understanding the truth of what the man in front of him had said. It was a hard pill to swallow. He grasped that it was not an acceptable notion and probably the worst. He looked up to Lan Wangji whose features were shrouded with sadness. He breathed, "Are you okay?"
Lan Wangji regarded him silently for a moment before replying, "I'm alright." But his answer seemed hollow.
"Okay." Xiao Zhan bit his lower lip. He wanted to say something more, wanted to comfort Lan Wangji. But, he couldn't find the right words at the moment. He sighed wearily and they fell silent.
After a long minute or so, Lan Wangji suddenly said, frowning deeply, "Wei Ying, your core seems to be worse now."
"It's fine Lan Zhan, don't worry about me, I don't..."
"Don't talk nonsense." Lan Wangji interrupted sharply as he stared hard at Xiao Zhan. "It's too fragile. Let me help you."
"It's okay." Xiao Zhan protested, "You don't need to do that now."
"I am going to help you." Lan Wangji asserted calmly, tightening his grasp on the man.
Xiao Zhan winced, he reminded, "Lan Zhan, you are still grieving."
"I can help, Wei Ying." Lan Wangji persisted. His tone became softer, almost pleading. "Let me help you. Please."
"You need to rest too, okay?" Xiao Zhan attempted to persuade him.
"No!" Lan Wangji shook his head adamantly before he spoke with trembling voice, "I refuse to lose another person I care about. Especially not you, Wei Ying. Not you."
"Lan Zhan..." Xiao Zhan was speechless for a few moments as Lan Wangji gazed steadily into his eyes with unblinking intensity, trying to get him to give in. He could feel that his beloved was trembling, shaken with genuine fear of losing him. He pulled the man into a tight embrace, murmuring softly, "You won't lose me. I am not going anywhere. I promise."
"But-"
"Please listen to me. My core can wait. It is not going to break anytime soon. I won't push it anymore. " Xiao Zhan coaxed, stroking Lan Wangji's hair soothingly. "You are exhausted. You need to take care of yourself first. Please give yourself a break, Lan Zhan. Give yourself time to grieve."
Lan Wangji inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.
"I am here for you." Xiao Zhan murmured as he kissed Lan Wangji's temple softly, "I won't leave you."
Lan Wangji buried his face into Xiao Zhan's chest. "I love you, Wei Ying." he whispered quietly.
Xiao Zhan hugged Lan Wangji tighter, "I love you too, Lan Zhan." He then let Lan Wangji cry quietly, patting his back softly to sooth him.
They stayed in that position for a good while, taking in each other presence as source of comfort.
"Why don't we go back to Jingshi now? You need to sleep." Xiao Zhan said, breaking the silence after Lan Wangji stopped sobbing.
"Will you stay with me?" Lan Wangji asked as he lifted his face, sounding broken still.
"I will." Xiao Zhan replied, wiping the remnant of tears away. "Let's go together."
Lan Wangji nodded, letting Xiao Zhan pull him along with him.
Once inside, he made Lan Wangji sit before he went out for a short while only to bring back a basin of warm water and a wash cloth. Lan Wangji just stared at him as he helped Lan Wangji stripped to his undergarment, let his hair free and wiped his face clean tenderly. Once he was done, he pushed the man to lie down, "I'll be right back."
Lan Wangji instinctively grabbed onto his wrist, as if he was afraid that Xiao Zhan wouldn't come back, "Where are you going?"
"I'll just have a quick wash." Xiao Zhan reassured him with a kiss on top of his head. "I'll be quick, I promise."
Lan Wangji nodded and reluctantly let go of his hand. "Okay."
His eyes brightened again when he saw Xiao Zhan returned not long after and slipped under the blanket with him, holding him protectively, "Rest now, Lan Zhan."
"See you tomorrow, Wei Ying." Lan Wangji said, letting his eyes closed as he felt a soft lips planted on his forehead. He snuggled closer against Xiao Zhan and he slipped easily into sleep a few moments later.
Xiao Zhan reached over and touched Lan Wangji's cheek and watched him sleeping for a few moments. The man looked peaceful in sleep. His expression was serene and his feature free of worry lines. Just looking at him, he felt a warm feeling inside of him growing but it also made his heart ached. It was obvious to Xiao Zhan that Lan Wangji cared for him more than anything else, he was also aware that sometimes it scared him to know that Lan Wangji wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice himself for him.
My poor Lan Zhan...
He sighed softly to himself before running his fingers through Lan Wangji's hair and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head. Regardless of how mature Lan Wangji seemed, he was still young. He stared down at the sleeping figure who looked a little vulnerable right at the moment.
I should be the matured one here. I should be the one to protect him now and I am strong enough to make sure that it would never happen. He should never ever have to go through this kind of trauma ever again.
With that renewed spirits, Xiao Zhan sworn to himself that he would those who made his beloved's shed tears pay. Namely, Wen Ruohan.
He will pay for this. I will make sure he will. No matter what it takes.
With another kiss on the top of Lan Wangji's head, he wrapped his arms around Lan Wangji, embracing him tightly before he finally let his eyes close too.
Lan Xichen's only regret was he didn't get to hear his father last words. When Lan Wangji delivered the last message from his father to him, he broke down in tears. If only he could hear his father telling him that he loved him personally...
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily before he took a seat behind the table where his father used to sit. On the table, something caught his attention. There was a letter and it was addressed to him. His brows furrowed as he opened the envelope carefully and removed the letter. He unfolded the parchment, read the first sentence, and froze, his hand shaking as he did so. It seemed that his father had prepared it just in case.
'My first born, Lan Huan.
If you read this letter, that means that I am no longer around. Please don't be sad, for it is just a cycle of life. I am sorry that I cannot stay alive long enough to pay for my sins for not being a good father when you were growing up. My only regret was that my death will only added to my failure as a father. I wish I could turn back the time and be a responsible father to both of you.
You have grown into a strong, compassionate, and righteous man who does not require any help to be able to accomplish anything and I know that you and Wangji will continue to make me proud. Your mother would be to.
Now, my son, please look after your brother and continue our clan's legacy. I hope it is not too heavy of a burden for you to carry. The war is going to be tough but I know that you will overcome every obstacle. I trust and believe in your wise judgement in making decisions.
However, please don't forget that you are human too. Take a good care of yourself and keep yourself safe.
I hope we'll meet again someday, in another life. In that world, we will be able to be together as a family again. I want you to remember that I love you, Huan-Er.'
Tears fell heavily from Lan Xichen's eyes as his chest heaved with quiet sobs. The pain in his heart intensified tenfold. And the grief, the sadness, the sorrow...it was unbearable. Everything reminded him that his father was gone, and he was just about to get used to his father's presence in their life once more. He thought they could finally be a happy family again, but he was shattered when he saw his father lying lifeless in his brother's arm that night.
The letter felt heavy in his hands. It gave a sense of finality which he wasn't used to experiencing. However, it comforted him as well. It gave him the reassurance that everything will be alright after all. He slowly folded the parchment and put it back into the envelope. Then he placed the envelope carefully back to the table and wiped his tears away with his sleeve. He knew what he should do now and he would not disappoint his father, he would not fail him and he certainly would not allow his sacrifice be in vain. That being said, he sworn to protect his younger brother at all cost.
He stared at the Jade token that his father had left him. It is the token meant for Sect Leader. In a way, his father was reminding him of his responsibilities, telling him to hold onto them firmly and take care of the situation without getting bogged down by his emotions. But it was also a symbol of his father's trust for him take over and ensure the safety of their sect. And that's exactly what he was planning to do.
The next morning sun shone brightly over Cloud Recesses and Lan Xichen assumed his role as the new Sect Leader of Gusu Lan with determination written all over his face.
The elder council of Gusu Lan had an emergency gathering, they were having a meeting discussing what they should do with the incident of that transpired during the attack.
Lan Qiren glanced across the table to Lan Xichen, whose face were slightly lined with sadness. Losing another parent would be a hard blow to anyone. Even he himself felt devastated that his brother had died. He sighed and spoke, "How should we handle Wei Wuxian's actions at the scene of the attack? His method was out of the ordinary and extremely brutal. We should not dismiss his actions completely."
There was silence for a few moments before one elder spoke up. "Wei Wuxian was acting under extreme threat. In desperate time, it is hard to judge what is correct. But we could not deny that he had protected us from harm."
"I agree," said another, nodding. "Young Master Wei had done nothing but save our sect." He paused. "We should be grateful for what he has done. For what he did."
Lan Qiren was surprised by his fellow elders; he hadn't expected some to defend Wei Wuxian's ruthlessness. But he also couldn't deny that they were right. "But we can't dismiss his unorthodox method."
Lan Wangji spoke for the first time since the group began discussing, "Does it matter what method he used, Uncle? Wei Ying had no choice."
Lan Qiren shot him an irritated glare. Of course, Lan Wangji would support Wei Wuxian. After all, the two of them are an inseparable pair. He scorned, "Of course, it matters! He was using resentful energy to cultivate and that is against our doctrine. We are a righteous sect!"
Silence descended upon the conference hall once more. Lan Qiren was visibly angry. Lan Wangji looked stoic and unmoved by his uncle's outburst as he said, "Would you rather if Wei Ying stood still and let our sect be destroyed, Uncle?"
Lan Qiren exploded in his chair, "Wangji! You!!"
"Wangji is not wrong, Uncle." Lan Xichen spoke up. "Young Master Wei's actions did not reflect poorly on him and are in no way worthy of condemnation."
Lan Qiren opened his mouth to speak, but stopped short, his expression shifting from anger to one of disappointment. Both his nephews just openly defied him. He sighed, "As the new Sect Leader, I hope you'll be wiser, Xichen. There are things that shall not be overlooked and there are rules to follow. Have you all forgotten what is the fifty second rules of Lan Sect?"
"Do not befriend the evil." Said one of the elder.
"Yes, and those who practice on a deviant path is usually wicked and evil." Lan Qiren firmly stated.
Lan Wangji's brows twitched. He stood up abruptly, "Wei Ying is no evil! Everything that he did, he did it with clear conscience."
Lan Qiren snapped, "It is in our clan's rules to reject crooked path, Wangji! We have to follow the path of righteousness!"
Lan Wangji retorted firmly, "If being righteous means being ungrateful, I do not want to be right."