My day so far has consisted of writing a few chapters and posting them and surprisingly enough emailing my manuscript and a link to my Spoodle account to what felt like millions of publishing houses. Thanks to encouragement from my readers and my friends I finally took the chance. Harry's been my biggest supporter, reminding me every chance he gets to do the work to go after my dream and at the end of the day I'm glad I did. I doubt if I'll get anyone to respond but it's an important first step. I officially feel like a writer, and a proud one at that. It's been a great distraction from what's been going on in the world outside of my little bubble.
Our faces, since the day after we went to the promenade, have been splattered all over celebrity news stations and gossip magazines. I can't say I'm surprised. It's not every day a celebrity dances in the street with some unknown face then leaves with them. Our secret is officially out and I don't really know how to feel about it.
The clandestine status of our relationship however isn't the only thing that changed between Harry and I. I thought it before we left the promenade but by the time we got to Harry's house I was convinced. He tried to get me to stay the night since it was so late and such a long drive back but I wasn't having it. I could feel myself overthinking and the longer I was with him the more I could feel myself shake.
Once I got home I felt like I couldn't breathe. My mind was racing as well as my heart and I couldn't focus. It took a while for me to control the anxiety attack but I got a grip on it. After getting into a hot bath, I listened to a few ASMR videos to further relax and free my mind. With my mind clear of the clutter of thoughts panic brings I centered in on one unquestionable realization. I'm falling for Harry.
Immediately I slammed the door on the thought and for the next week I curved him. All of our conversations were kept short, we didn't hang out, and I kept my distance. It didn't last and unsurprisingly I was miserable. I missed him like crazy and thought about him even more than I normally would which didn't help any.
Sighing I zip up my overnight bag and head towards my front door. Since we started back talking regularly Harry and I have been having sleepovers at his place. There's nothing remotely sexual about it, in fact it's almost like I'm getting to experience the sleepovers I missed as a child. We normally binge watch The Walking Dead or Once Upon A Time, eat junk food, and listen to music. This past weekend I stayed with him from Friday until Monday morning and had an amazing time. I'm probably not doing myself any favors by staying over but for once I'm optimistic... or just stupid.
Ultimately I've decided I'm done ignoring the forming feelings I have for him. Instead I'm facing them and trying to force them to go away. My top priority is to get them to disappear or at least diminish so I can salvage the amazing friendship we've created. After experiencing how I deal without it saving it is what's most important to me. Taking a chance on expressing feelings I still don't fully understand myself could and probably would ruin everything between us. Besides that, it's just not in me to rock the boat.
All my life I've always been the good girl. I studied hard, did my work and never got into trouble at home or school. My loyalty to the people I cared for was always unquestionable. I always did the right thing.
And that's where my problem lies. I always do the right things for the wrong people. I don't trust my judgment which makes me not trust myself.
Sometimes I feel like I'm cursed or jinxed. It's like anytime I meet someone, the second I show them I'm interested they run, even if they showed me interest first. Almost like they sense something about me is off or broken so they get the hell out of dodge. In the end I always wind up alone with a heart full of feelings that have nowhere to go.
My attention gets brought back to the present when I see the black and gold gate of Harry's neighborhood come into my view. I wave to Eddie as I pass through. I've been here so much lately he doesn't even stop me anymore. The second he sees my car round the corner he opens the gate for me, it's appreciated.
Pulling to a stop in Harry's driveway I take a moment to get myself together. As great as it's been to be around him again it brought on a huge surge of emotions I'm not sure how to deal with. It's been so long since I've felt anything let alone romantic feelings for someone I don't remember how to hide them. As corny as it is, every time I see him I recite the same mantra to myself; conceal, don't feel.
"Conceal, don't feel," I repeat over and over, hopping out of my car. I grab my bag and head to the front door I know will be open. It always is for me.
Before I can enter the house fully a waft of kettle corn popcorn hits my senses making me smile. I lock the door behind me and sit my bag down at the steps beside the kitchen before walk up them towards the source of the smell.
"You're here!" Harry exclaims happily, leaving the bag in the microwave to give me a hug.
His scent hits my nose harder than the corn ever could, making my brain float. I lose myself in the fragrance, dark sultry musk brightened with a hint of oranges. It always amazes me how well the two scents play together, but maybe it's his skin's own aroma that makes the difference.
Pulling back from me he looks me up and down laughing when he sees my attire. I can only assume he doesn't find my black and white plaid pj pants humorous so he's either laughing at my shirt or my dinosaur claw house shoes.
"I love your shirt," he snickers, walking to the microwave to grab the bag of popcorn. "Honestly, I don't think I've ever looked so good."
I try to hide the huge smile on my face, unsure of if that was a flirty compliment or not. Looking down at my top, Harry's silly facial expression there staring back at me makes me laugh.
A part of me wants to confess I didn't recently order this shirt to mess with him. I want to tell him I've had it for years because having a piece of him with me when I slept comforted me. That wearing this shirt with his face on it gave me good dreams in a time when I felt like my waking life was a nightmare.
But I don't, instead I let my laugh be enough and grab the bowl of kettle corn from him.
"I bought something special for tonight's cocktail," Harry sings, migrating over to the pantry.
Spinning around to face me he holds up two bottles of liquor, Rumchata and Fireball.
Upon seeing my expression he explains, "I remembered you telling me your favorite cereal is Cinnamon Toast Crunch so I looked up a recipe and came across this one. Apparently if I mix these two just right we'll end up with a drink that tastes like Cinnamon Toast Crunch milk."
I grin, eyes widening with greed. The milk from the cereal is the best part. Practically skipping over to him I wrap him in another hug.
"You're the sweetest, greatest, most thoughtful friend I've ever had Houdini," I admit sweetly, kissing his cheek.
Both of us feel an electric shock, my lips and his cheek, causing us to separate faster than we came together.
His eyes connect with mine until I look away, too afraid of what I might do if I keep staring. I don't know what possessed me to kiss him in the first place. It's a line we haven't crossed, and for good reason.
"Conceal, don't feel," I ramble mentally, screaming it so my wayward body parts get the message and cool their jets.
"I'm going to get Netflix ready," I chirp, grabbing the popcorn bowls, one kettle one regular, from the island.
The remote shakes in my hand as I navigate his smart TV. Embarrassment creeps up my spine, heating my body as it goes. At this rate I'm going to sweat out my shirt if I can't calm down.
"I'll be right back," I announce once I've gotten the episode of The Walking Dead paused and ready to go.
His half bath is spacious enough that I can pace yet cozy enough that my steps don't echo. Quickly I pull off my shirt so I can't leave sweat stains and grab a few paper towels to dry myself. Sweat pebbles from the base of my spine traveling up and under my armpits. Taking deep breaths in and out I try and calm myself.
"It wasn't that big of a deal Bailey. You're making a mountain out of an ant hill again. Everything will be fine," I whisper to myself before splashing water on my face and fanning for extra air. Taking one last look at my reflection I slip my shirt on and walk back to the living room.
Instantly Harry knows somethings off, a frown decorating his brow. "Are you alright?"
I roll my eyes and fan a hand at him, trying to play it off. "Stop it worry wart. I'm fine. Now where's my cereal milk?"
He narrows his eyes at me a moment longer before letting it go. With a small smile he hands me my cocktail, waiting expectantly for me to take my first drink.
The cinnamon from the Fireball hits my taste buds first then the cool refreshing milky texture of the Rumchata cools the sting. Obviously it packs a harder punch than the normal milk but other than that it tastes nearly identical.
The smile rising to my cheeks makes one come to his, his dimples on full display. He likes to think he's somewhat of a bartender so I'm sure he's ecstatic.
"You're quite chuffed with yourself aren't you?" I ask him in my best English accent.
He rolls his eyes dramatically as he holds back his pleased grin. "What did I tell you about watching those English YouTubers?"
I shrug, knowing I'm right, and sit back with my bowl of kettle corn in my lap.
Somehow throughout the episode our hands end up in each other's bowls until all of the popcorn is gone.
"I thought you hated kettle corn," I sass as the episode ends. Surprisingly it was boring, a lot of storyline and build up to the action, which is probably why we ate so fast.
"Hate is a strong word," Harry explains, "Maybe I was too hasty in my decision."
"You're annoying," I gripe playfully, getting up from the sectional grabbing his bowl and mine to go make more before the next episode starts.
"And you're a toddler," he declares with humor in his voice.
I turn, watching him pick up popcorn pieces and kernels from where I was just sitting. "That's your punishment for stealing my popcorn."
"Right, so it's my fault you can't find your mouth, to eat with that is. You seem to be able to talk shįt out of it just fine," he jokes, coming into the kitchen with me to refill our drinks.
"Oh snap we've got a comedian in the house!" I tease, mulling my eyes. "You'd just better make sure you get all of those kernels up so you don't end up with a pest problem like my condos."
His head inclines to the side inciting more information from me.
"We've had an issue with scorpions for the past months. I found one in my bedroom and nearly died," I explain with a laugh, pulling the regular popcorn from the microwave and placing the kettle corn in. "Then I was walking out of the house the other day and stepped clean through the steps thanks to termites."
His frown returns as he asks, "Well what's being done about it?"
I shrug a shoulder before grabbing the kettle corn. "The landlord wants to fumigate on Monday."
He accepts his bowl from me and hands me my drink. "So where are you going to stay until it's safe? It's my understanding you can't live there while fumigation is going on."
"A hotel," I answer without hesitation. I can already see his wheels turning but I hope I'm wrong.
I notice his hair react before the rest of his head, shaking from side to side as he denies my living arrangement. "No. no way," he announces, "You'll stay with me. I have an extra room."
Internally I sigh, I knew this was going to happen. It's why I'm just now telling him rather than telling him last week when I was alerted.
"Harry no," I croak, "I couldn't impose. Besides you live half an hour away from my job. With traffic that's like an hour."
He insists, "But it's counterproductive for you to get a hotel. You'll be spending money to make money, probably double or triple if you stay downtown. I could get you a car service in the mornings so you can sleep while they drive you if need be."
His persistence makes me giggle. He really wants me here, it's flattering to say the least. Flattering yet scary as hell, especially with me not being sure about my feelings for him. However, scary or not if he's looking forward to it I won't say no to his hospitality. It's just not the Southern way.
"Are you sure you want me to stay with you?" I ask turning to him, slightly hoping he'll take it back.
"Yes, Bailey. There's no point in you staying at a hotel when I have the space," he replies sitting back against the cushions of the sectional.
"Okay," I sing in a warning tone, "I feel it's only fair to let you know I'm super wild in bed." Seeing his eyes bulge I continue, "Seriously my covers are always all over the place after I sleep in them."
I can see him trying to fight back a smile but his dimpled grin wins that battle.
"Zip it and drink your milk B. You are so weird," he laughs, shaking his head.
I shrug and snuggle into my seat, grabbing the throw blanket behind me to wrap up in.
"Scoot closer," Harry mutters, looking over to me. Once he sees my face he explains, "So I can get some of your popcorn easier."
I narrow my eyes at him, contemplating on if I want to share or not but decide to be nice. Instead of sliding over I walk over to him and plop down. The material of my pants however makes me slide further over as I sit, putting me damn near underneath him.
Harry however doesn't seem to mind, his attention back on the screen in front of us. I watch him more than the show. The way his jaw clenches and protrudes as he chews is the most striking sexy thing I've ever seen. It's a work of art that jawline of his.
I'm watching him so intently I don't realize I'm hitting the bottom of my bowl. It dawns on me I was stuffing my face while watching his jawline flex as if it was mindless TV. I want to laugh but instead hold it in.
Placing my bowl on the coffee table in front of us I focus on the TV. We watch as Glenn and Maggie get caught in a swarm of walkers. They're in a tough spot and it looks like there's no way out. Glenn almost gets bitten making me squeal and pull the blanket up and over my face. The suspense of watching and not knowing if they'll make it is killing me as fast as they're killing the walkers that surround them.
My squeal causes Harry to look at me, I know when he does because he pauses the TV just to laugh at me.
"I can't believe you're scared," he teases, trying to pull the blanket down but I keep a firm grip.
I snatch the blanket down once he lets go and hop to my feet. "I was not scared," I defend half-jokingly, "I was worried Houdini there's a difference. If I was home watching this I'd fast forward, I hate suspenseful stuff. The uncertainty is going to make me have a fůcking panic attack."
"Language," he laughs, shaking his head. "Here, just lean into me and I'll tell you what's happening."
He sits back, stretching one leg to the side, leaving space for me in the middle.
A part of me is screaming not to do it but the other half of me won't allow his sweet gesture to go unanswered. Instead of heeding the warning of the more intelligent side of my brain, I walk over to him and sit in the space he provided.
Once I'm settled against his chest he pulls the blanket back up so that my eyes are covered and lightly pulls me into him, his chest to my back. We fit like puzzle pieces, the heat from his body relaxing mine further into his. The familiar feeling of anticipation sweeps over the space between my thighs, making me squirm slightly.
Trying to calm the stirring in my panties I inhale deeply which proves to be a mistake. The blanket trapped his body's smell in with me. The fragrance is a perfect representation of his personality. The brooding docile scent of musk mixed with the bright fun loving smell of oranges. He told me once he infuses his colognes with orange oil to put his own spin on them. I'm not sure if he was joking or not but being surrounded by a smell that's unique to only him I believe it.
His chin sits on the top of my head, nuzzled into my hair. I listen to the soothing tone of his voice as he tells me Maggie almost got bitten but Glenn saved her. The rumble of every word vibrates from his chest as he informs me Rick and the rest of the group saved them just in time. I feel the tension leave his body as I realize he was worried two of his favorite characters wouldn't make it out as well.
I remove the blanket from my eyes, letting it fall down and pool in my lap. Even though the scene is over I don't get up and he makes no move to displace me. I can't help the feelings that bloom between my ribs.
It feels like we're a couple and God knows it shouldn't. That knowledge however doesn't stop me from slipping down a little to get more comfortable, my head fully resting against his chest.
"What does it feel like for you?" he asks, holding me securely in his arms. I can feel him start to draw light circles against my arm with his finger.
I snuggle in closer to his body's warmth. "What does what feel like?"
He's silent for a moment as if he doesn't know how to ask me. I can hear his heartbeat, frantic and wild. The thump of it against my ear feels like a mini massage.
"An anxiety attack," he finally says cautiously, as if afraid he'll offend me just by asking. "What triggers you?
I turn my body to the side so I can look up, into his eyes. I want him to see that I'm not upset. His stare holds mine for a moment longer than it should, almost convincing me to trample over another line I know I shouldn't cross.
"It feels like my chest is caving in," I answer honestly, continuing even after I see him flinch, "or like my heart wants to escape from my body by any means. It's the funniest thing really because most of the time I'm fine in my head. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy when I have an attack because my brain is totally calm yet my body is reacting in the complete opposite way. I have to really be freaking out for my brain to even get the message. It's almost like my body is the one with anxiety while the rest of me is fine."
My eyes are welling, I can feel the burn in my nostrils of oncoming tears but I continue, "My biggest trigger is embarrassment which is a terrible initiate to have being as clumsy and awkward as I am. Whenever I get overwhelmed whether it's work or feelings or whatever I can trigger one as well. Most people don't understand or they just don't care to try to. It's not an every day, every situation thing. Somedays I'm totally okay even facing my triggers, then other days the tiniest thing can set me off. It's hard to explain I guess, I've never really had to before."
It's almost painful for me to open up about something that's still so raw and tender. Breathing deeply through my nose I try to force the tears away when Harry does something unexpected.
I watch his facial expressions register my emotions before settling on one of his own, empathy. His hair frames his face, draping the sides like a chestnut cloak as he leans down towards me.
I close my eyes, not knowing what to expect, and not really wanting to see it coming. I feel the closeness of his face to mine as he hovers over me, as if contemplating what he should do.
The plushness of his lips brush against my forehead in a sweet embrace, catching me off guard but putting a smile on my face nonetheless.
"I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it sounds quite scary. But I'm here for you B, no matter what, you can always talk to me. And you're not crazy," he assures me as I open my eyes, "not in that way anyway."
I laugh, playfully punching him in the shoulder. "Douche."
He shrugs then repositions me so I'm back in my previous spot. He rests his chin back on my head and my heart won't stop fluttering.
I'm so used to being my own knight in shining armor, saving myself when the need arises. It's new and scary to have him be truly here for me. It makes me feel weak, helpless even, I don't like it but at the very same time I do, it makes me feel special but there's danger in that.
He's so patient with me, it's one of the things I love most about being him. With Berkley I always feel like things are on his time, under his thumb. And that's fine with me as long as my surrendering of that tiny amount of control keeps him from wanting to get too close. With Harry though, things are so effortless. He makes me feel like I have all the time in the world. If it takes me a million years to open up he'll have waited a million more. That he's willing to make that type of sacrifice scares me. I don't want him to get close enough to hurt me but how can I defend myself against someone so selfless.
It's scaring me shįtless that he's making me feel things but it's like I'm coming alive again. I've spent years of my life wandering around numb and I accepted that it was the way I needed to be to keep from getting hurt again. But with him it's like the more we're together the less I seem to remember to keep my guard up. God knows it feels good but it's frightening at the same time. I don't remember what to do with feelings or how to manage them, it's been so long. The worst part is I know if I'm feeling things the bad has to come along with the good. I can't have one without the threat of the other.
~*~
I've never seen my mentions or follower count go up so fast. I don't know how they even found me, my Twitter isn't under my full name, but then again the 1D fandom is full of detectives. Since the "news" of Harry and I seeing each other broke I've had people from all over the world reaching out to me. Some are showing love and saying I'm what he needs, some are issuing warnings telling me to be careful with him because he's a player, while the loudest and most frequent people are the ones spewing hate.
On the one hand there are the people with the grievances you'd expect if you don't turn a blind eye to the racism embedded in society. I've never been called a nigger so much in my twenty plus years let alone had people speculating about my life, lying and saying I grew up in the hood, as if there's anything wrong with that. I've been called a hood rat, nappy headed, uneducated, and a gold digging Ålut in the span of fifteen minutes, and that's just from today.
Then there are the Larry supporters who have given me a mix of reactions. Some are saying they still believe Larry is real but they respect me and Harry together. I see them encouraging other supporters to calm down and let Harry live his life. For them, I'm grateful. Even though Harry and I aren't together it's nice to see people be mature under the circumstances. Only a handful of supporters have taken things racial. Mostly I've been called a homewrecker and a beard. The scariest thing so far is that I've been threatened with violence, there have been nonstop lewd photoshopped pictures sent to me of Harry and Louis, my phone number was even leaked somehow. People have been filling my mentions with links to their "evidence" and "proof" for days. I've had to turn the phone notifications from my Twitter off and I've been contemplating getting my number changed.
If it wasn't sad it would be hilarious how a fandom I was once involved in turned on me over a few headlines and photos taken out of context. I've watched it happen to other suspected and confirmed girlfriends of the boys over the years but I never realized how much it piles on.
Personally I'm not bothered because I've seen the treacherous beast that is jealousy before, but Harry is pįssed. He doesn't typically pay much attention to social media or gossip news so he had no idea I was being harassed.
Today I used a sick day to move in for a few weeks while my condo gets it's shįt together. About ten minutes ago as we finished moving my stuff into his guest room Niall called. They dove into conversation about their session at the studio later today and Harry told him about me staying with him. Everything was going fine until Niall asked him to ask me how I was holding up and when Harry questioned him about what he meant he spilled the beans. He was livid, hanging up with Niall immediately to call their PR team.
I can hear him yelling all the way in the kitchen and nearly jump out of my skin when something clatters loudly against the wall in his room. Instead of giving into my naturally nosey nature I cement my feet where they are and continue chopping the vegetables for lunch. I promised I would cook so it's important I keep my word, especially since he's already upset.
Minutes later Harry saunters up the steps of the living room into the kitchen, taking a seat on the barstool at the island. I can feel his eyes digging into the back of my head and count to three before turning to him.
"Hey," I sing awkwardly, "Is sausage and peppers okay for lunch? Not too heavy?"
He doesn't answer, instead he gives me a look that lets me know food is the last thing he wants to discuss.
We've never had a real argument before, I don't know what to expect. I'm not even sure why he's upset with me or if he even is. He could just have residual irritation from the phone call.
"Why didn't you tell me you were being harassed?" he asks, his voice deeper than usual and much calmer than his expression.
I shrug, turning to season the food in the skillet behind me. "It didn't bother me. We're not actually dating so I felt like all of their criticism wasn't real."
"That wasn't criticism," he declares, raising his voice before lowering it again, "That was cyber bullying B. It's not okay for my fans to treat you that way. I'm sorry."
I roll my eyes trying to lighten the mood but he doesn't take the bait. I can see he's genuinely bothered and it makes my heart burst that he cares so much.
"Normally when stuff like this happens we're advised not to speak on it but I talked the PR team into letting me handle this on my own. I've already issued a statement on Twitter about us and my disappointment in people's reactions. It may not change them but I'm hoping it changes how you're getting treated online," he explains, getting up to grab the plates so we can eat.
I don't reply, not knowing how to. Instead I look through my Twitter the second his back is turned and see people are letting it go. Some of them are relieved for various reasons while others are still harping. His five tweets about the subject have over twenty thousand retweets already but then again that's the usual for him. Just as I go to read them he comes back into the room making me jump to put my phone away like a caught kid in school.
"Give it some time," he says walking over to me to fix our plates, "Things will settle completely within a couple of days."
"I know," I assure him, sitting down just as he places my plate in front of me, "I was just being nosey I guess."
He shrugs, "That's natural."
I nod slowly wanting so badly to ask about the noise from earlier. Before I know the words are out of my mouth, they are.
He freezes upon hearing my question and sighs. "Sorry about that. My PR team, they seem to think letting things run their course naturally is best. The more I tried to convince them otherwise the stronger they stood, they even wanted to bring Simon in on it. I got a bit upset and threw a lamp. The dÄmned thing didn't even break but it got the message across so I guess it was worth it."
In my head all I can see is his surprised expression looking at the 'indestructible' lamp on the ground and it makes me laugh. "All's fair right?"
He smirks at me, "Right."
Our small talk is few and far between as we fill our bellies. The sausage and peppers hitting the spot after such a long morning of moving.
I didn't bring everything I own but I won't lie and say I didn't try to. I've never experienced a fumigation before so I didn't know if it would leave my clothes smelling weird or not. I didn't want to take any chances so I bought extra luggage to pack them in. Harry didn't complain. In fact he seems quite content with the idea of having a roommate. I can understand why though. I get lonely living alone and my place is the size of his bedroom, I can only imagine what it's like to be in this huge house by yourself.
"I think we should go out tonight, do something fun and relaxing after the day we've had. What do you say?" he asks, collecting our plates to clean them.
I don't hesitate to nod my head, it's not like I have anything better to do. In fact I'm going to be bored out of my mind waiting for him to get home from his studio time. "I'm down. Where are we going?"
He rinses the washed dishes and places them in the dish drainer. "It's a surprise."
I scoff, "Didn't I tell you about my sorted past with surprises? We don't fůck with each other."
His dimples show as he laughs, grabbing his keys and phone from the counter. "Clean your mouth out with soap while I'm gone."
I mock him rolling my eyes, "Bye Felicia!"
"I thought I was Houdini, now I'm Felicia? You need to pick a name and stick with it B," he taunts as he opens the front door.
I fail to hold back my giggle. "Don't get something thrown at you in your own house Harold."
He laughs waving at me before closing the door behind him, leaving me in silence.
Standing in the foyer I try and decide what I want to do for the next few hours. I know I have to put my clothes away in my new closet so that's the first thing I do. As I hang things up I text Amita and Damien who have a few choice words for me for not telling them I was "dating" Harry.
After clearing the air with them and getting my closet set up I go back to the living room to watch a movie or two on Netflix. If I Stay is in Harry's que of movies he's watched which doesn't surprise me. I decide to play it even though I've seen it already, the storyline is great and I feel like getting in touch with my emotions even if only for a little while.
A little over an hour and a lot of tears later the movie is over and I'm in my feelings. I couldn't have avoided being affected by the film if I wanted to. Even though I knew the ending, watching their love unfold again still brought tears to my eyes. Whenever I watch movies like this I always put myself in their shoes and try to think how I would react to the problems life throws their way. Knowing me I'd do what I always do, put on a strong face for the public and muddle through in private.
Sighing, slightly annoyed I knowingly put myself in this vulnerable emotional state, I stand to my feet and head to the library. I need something to keep me occupied. I didn't get a chance to thoroughly check it out during the tour Harry gave me but now I have nothing better to do.
Turning on the light I spot a lamp on a small end table beside a black chaise that I can use instead. The dimmer lighting sets a relaxing mood in the room especially with the gorgeous view of the sun setting out of the wall of windows.
Pulling my eyes from the view I turn to the L shaped book case to find something to curl up with. As much as he claims he doesn't like to read, his bookshelf is full to the brim. Most rows hold books that are obviously newer, you can practically smell the fresh ink. But towards the bottom in the last two rows above the dark chocolate hardwood I spot the stories that are clearly his favorites. The books he can't stop coming back to, revisiting them like old friends, picking up where they left off last as if no time had passed since they last spoke.
I run my fingers across the paperbacks with cracks and creases down their spines and the hardbacks that sport tears and scratches to their covers like badges of honor. Dog-eared pages fill every book, in one place or another, as if he reads them in succession, never stopping to finish one before starting another.
Instead of ruining his held place in an older book I decide to grab a newer one called The Power of Positive Thinking. I laugh thinking it can't hurt to read it, I'm an antisocial pessimist. I could use a little positivity.
Lying back on the chaise I curl up watching the sunset a while before turning my attention to the book. It's not long before the words in front of me start to run together until there's nothing but blackness.
My dreamless nap ends with Harry softly shaking me awake, calling my name over and over like the chorus of a song.
"Hey," he smiles, crouched down to my face level, "Do you want to go out still? I could just put you to bed instead if you'd like."
His statement sends a thrill through me, my hormones firing off at all cylinders. I slyly pinch my thigh, insuring I'm awake. With my consciousness out of question I avoid answering the way I would in a dream. I'm positive there would be panty and půssy throwing involved so I'm glad I pinched myself.
"I'm still down to go. Just let me take a shower and get ready."
He nods, completely oblivious to the dirtiness in my mind.
I don't take long showering, ultimately just wanting to get the day off of me, not contemplate life decisions like usual.
Just as I'm about to dry off I hear my phone sound off. Wrapping my towel around me I walk out to grab it.
The message preview alerts me to the new email and I nearly scream when I open it. Pebbles Publishing wants to meet with me as soon as possible to discuss my work. The beating in my chest and thrash of my thoughts are so loud I don't notice the door open until I hear Harry gasp loudly.
His face and neck are beet red as he bumbles trying to find words, "I...You...Sorry."
I don't even try to stop my laugh. He's adorable when he's embarrassed but I still try to put his mind at ease. "Breathe Houdini. It's just a towel, it's not like I'm naked. This isn't any different than me seeing you in those clingy yellow swim trunks of yours."
My mouth goes slightly dry at the memory. I got an eyeful not only of his bulge but also of the tattoo on his thigh. Surprisingly he followed through and got my motto for him, be bold, be brave, tattooed over and over in a cool swirl pattern.
"I...I just wanted to know if you had eaten or not," he stammers, keeping his eyes glued to mine.
The thought flies through my head to drop my towel just to see if he looks but I know it won't be worth the embarrassment.
"I didn't but I'm not hungry. We can stop if you'd like but I'm good."
He nods once then awkwardly turns to leave the room.
"Harry wait," I call, making him stop mid-stride.
He doesn't turn around, his hands balled into fists at his sides. "Yes?"
"How's the weather? Is it cold out?" I question, it's coming to the time of year where the nights are colder around here. Plus I want to tease him a bit longer.
"Not cold enough," he replies then walks out of the room closing the door behind him.
I cover my mouth to muffle my laughter as I find an outfit. Since my hair is being unruly I pull on my Billionaire Boys Club beanie. A pair of jeans, a crop top sweater, Converse, accessories, and eyeliner later and I'm ready to go.
We end up taking Harry's Audi and he finally tells me we're going to the Santa Monica Pier which is around thirty minutes away. I settle in for the ride, watching him as he navigates the road. His hair is down and wavy like always. Little ringlet curls frame his face and lie against the black and white stripes of his shirt. A pair of black jeans that surprisingly aren't ripped adorn his legs while black boots cover his feet as he speeds down the road.
Halfway to our destination he pulls over and starts unbuckling his seatbelt.
"Where are you going?" I ask, looking over at him perplexed.
"I'm letting you drive," he simply replies, "You've been saying how you want an Audi so see how one drives."
My eyes bulge but before I can lecture him on how he should never let anyone who isn't on his insurance drive his car, he's out of his seat and around the car at my door.
"I'm not so sure about this Harold," I warn, standing so that we're face to face.
He looks down at me into my eyes and pushes my hair from the side of my neck behind me. "I trust you."
I stare back, seeing no lies in his eyes and nod. Walking around the car I try and relax. I've been driving for years but now all of the sudden my mind is going blank.
Sitting down I take the time out to adjust the seat and steering wheel placement, mirrors, and seatbelt height. After a deep breath and a reassuring look from Harry I ease off of the break and give it a little gas. I'm driving ridiculously slow I know I am, but I don't want to wreck his car. I couldn't afford to repair it and still pay my bills. Not to mention he's put his trust in me.
"Now I see why you never want to drive," Harry says with a laugh.
I glare at him quickly before returning my focus to the road. "I will wreck this car on your side Houdini. Don't try me."
He laughs even louder, "As slow as you're moving I could hop out of the car before you hit anything."
My cheeks hurt from holding back my smile but I won't give him the pleasure of seeing one from me. "You should be thanking me. I'm being an attentive driver."
I see him nodding from my peripheral vision. "Right," he drags still chuckling, "I'm glad for that. God knows if you were sitting over here you'd just stare at the side of my face the entire ride."
My mouth flies open but before I can deny it he continues.
"Don't try and disagree. That's why you don't like to drive, so you can sit over here and stare. It's okay B, I have that effect on people."
My foot seems to have given a denial of it's own because it isn't until I see the lights of the pier that I realize I've sped up during our conversation.
Parking the car, I look over to him glaring.
He seems to read between the lines and laughs, throwing up his hands. "I had to get you to go faster somehow. We made it in one piece, that's all that matters."
He barely misses the swat of my hand as he jumps out of the car. I follow suit and run after him down the beach until I nearly trip in the sand.
"You alright there B?" he asks, slightly out of breath from running.
I nod trying to catch my breath and laugh at the same time. "Told you I was clumsy."
He smiles and loops his arm through mine. "Don't worry, you can lean on me."
The vibrant assortment of colors from the activities on the pier reflects beautifully against the water washing slowly up onto the beach. It makes for a beautiful and romantic backdrop. I'm not sure if it's the movie from earlier or the scenery now but I can feel my resolve slipping.
He opens my mind to possibilities I had long since given up on. When we're together it feels like time stands still and makes room for us to enjoy each other. My heart awakens from hibernation to take snapshots of our moments together, holding onto them for 'just in case' situations and safe keeping.
I see those green eyes of his staring at me, so dark yet so bright they reflect the ocean. I see myself in his eyes, in that contrast, the brightness and hope that he brings collides with the darkness of reality like the waves on the shore. In this moment in my mind I can see myself kissing him. Throwing caution to the wind and instead letting the waves take us under.
Instead of giving into my urges like I desperately want to I spin things around nudging him, our arms unlinking in the process.
"I'll race you to the pier. Loser buys snacks all night," I hold out my hand to shake on the deal.
He reaches as if he's going to take my hand but instead takes off running and laughing.
I smile watching him, thanking God I avoided making a mistake tonight.
This is how it should be, two friends having a good time together. Nothing more and nothing less.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What's up my good people!!!!
I hope yall enjoyed the chapter! Up a little late but school is back so unfortunately this will probably be something that happens until it's out or the book ends so just bear with me :)
This chapter's goal...
Obviously as per usual I wanted to showcase Harry and Bailey and their growing chemistry. I wanted to give yall a glimpse of Bailey's mind frame when it comes to Harry and also show that he's not as blind to the things she does on the low as she thinks.
One of the bigger things of the chapter though is I wanted yall to see the bad side of the fandom to be honest. As much as I love the 1D fandom it can be VERY hard on the ladies that come into the boy's lives. Whether the person is a shipper of any of the boys together or not, I can't tell you how many times I've looked under the comments of an assumed/ confirmed girlfriend and saw some of the nastiest comments. People get SO reckless online and I wanted to show that in this chapter.
P.S. In case yall didn't know, I am black so don't get in my comments wilding about me using the nword lol If you don't believe me check my Twitter at AllYouNeedIsAsh
I'm not a Larry shipper or a shipper of any of the boys with the other boys in the group because as I've said before, I'm going off of what we've been told by them and the people around them, that they are straight. At the end of the day I don't care what their orientation is, I just want them to be happy because I'm a fan of them. I think so many times people get so caught up in their own crusade (proving a relationship to be true/false) that they lose sight of the fact that these are HUMAN BEINGS who, regardless of how many fans they have, can see the shit you say about them online. Just like you may take the time out to look up what people are saying about you, you can pretty much be sure they're doing the same thing. All I'm saying is that as a fan you shouldn't want to pile on to that. *steps down from soapbox*
Also towards the end of the chapter Ms. Bailey got an email from a publishing house about her books. It seems like she's getting closer to her dreams! Cheers for B!!!
Side Note....
The last time I checked we still don't know what Harry's thigh tattoo is so I added something cute in with it being Bailey's mantra for him. Let me know what the actual tattoo is if someone has figured it out!
This chapter's song...
Blue Dream by Jhene Aiko. Yall don't understand how much I LOVE this song. I know it's about Jhene's favorite strand of weed but when I first heard it on Pandora I didn't know that. It just happened to come on one of my stations and I literally stopped everything I was doing to hear it. Her voice on it is just so perfect and calming and it's a beautiful love song regardless of the real muse behind it. To me the song just reminded me of the newness of falling in love. When it's at that first bloom and you want to be with that person all of the time and when you don't see them that day doesn't feel complete. It put me in the mind of where Bailey and Harry are in their relationship as soon as I heard it. Idk yall listen to it and let me know what you think :)
As for new follower S/O's...
This time we have: mzshonuff, diva120 and KandyceMonae!!!!
Thanks so much for following and I hope I don't disappoint!