The smell of bacon permeates the air, punishing my senses until I'm forced awake. When I open my eyes I stare at the ceiling fan above until it's imprint is behind my eyes even after I close them. My mind is racing with thoughts as if they've been waiting all night to plague me but the loudest of them all is the wonder if last night was all some elaborate dream. Harry and I had obviously thought about it and even talked about it but to actually have done it, that's a line I refuse to believe we crossed. It feels too good to be true. To think I slept with him without any proper preparation, there's no way. I've had my first time planned out in my head since I found out what sex was so there's no way last night happened, I had to have been dreaming.
I feel the need to stretch creep through my bones and as my body elongates I feel a pulsing sensation between my legs that floods back the memories of last night. Every touch, kiss, caress, each and every body pounding, earth shaking, neighbors know his name moment of the past hours fill my mind and jump start my body. So good it feels like a dream, I should get him a shirt with that painted on the back. I giggle to myself as an involuntary smile creeps across my face.
I couldn't be happier that Harry was my first, second, and third by the time we got done with each other. I've never been so intoxicated by someone and I've never felt as wanted as he makes me feel. Every moment wasn't totally storybook perfect, but that doesn't exist. It's not real and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Without the pain, the laughter, and the awkwardness it wouldn't have been us. Had I made the mistake that so many girls my age make, by giving it away too young, I would've missed out on this amazing experience. As strange as it may sound I feel blessed to have shared something so personal and intense with someone so caring and tender.
My mind unintentionally kicks up the buried memory of what almost was my first time. I'd skipped class with Charlie to go to his house and give my innocence away. I wanted him so badly in every way possible I was willing to do anything to have him, to keep him, and foolishly enough I thought giving him my body was the way to do it. We ended up on his bed kissing and were almost at the point of no return when I came to my senses. My mother's words rang in my ears, "Sex won't make them love you, they've got to be there already."
I realized then that at any cost I wanted to prove that I loved him but I never made him prove it to me. I stopped him from taking off my clothes and asked him straight up if he loved me. He gave me a casual, "Of course I do," and tried to get us back on track but I was already off the train. It seemed for the first time I could hear, damn near see the bullshįt dripping off of his words. Immediately I got up from the bed and asked him again if he loved me. I'm not sure if I wanted to test my ears or if I just needed to hear his lies again for them to clear the fog around my brain but once the words left his lips my heart sank. I knew then what I had to do.
Normally I was your typical cool chick, I didn't seem to let much get to me but the truth is I never had the courage to change everything. I feared saying anything would ruin it all so I kept my mouth shut and my pain locked away until it exploded out. However on these rare occasions, he'd somehow end up angrier than me by the end of the argument and wouldn't talk to me for days as if I was the one in the wrong. He was so good he had me believing I was the problem too, so often so I ended up not shaking the thought. I'd blame myself for everything and sometimes I still do, it's easier than trying to discover why the relationship isn't working. By any means necessary I avoided loneliness not knowing I was lonely all along. I always figured if I blamed myself he'd stay, I wouldn't have to accuse him of anything so he'd have no reason to go.
But in that moment after having my eyes opened in the nick of time I didn't care, I wanted him to leave. Every lie, every rumor, and every half-truth I heard came flooding to my brain. Every time I was blind-sided or embarrassed or made fun of because of him crashed through my coherent thoughts and I exploded. I yelled at the top of my lungs, cursing him and everything he stood for. I don't even remember half of what I said but I know it was the last time we spoke until we started working together after graduation and even then it was as little conversation as possible. At the time I counted that as the worst day of my life, but now looking back I know better.
Rolling over onto my side, I stretch again but recoil suddenly from the ache in my ribs. I sluggishly smile knowing exactly why it's there. Slowly getting out of bed, I realize my ribs aren't the only things that are sore. With each step to the restroom I feel a strange unreadable sensation between my legs. Almost as if the apex between my thighs is pulsating with need. Greedy little wench, you've had enough. Although I can't blame her, Harry is an excellent lover. Obviously I don't have anyone to compare him to but I watch porn I know all about selfish lovers and he most definitely isn't one. The more we explored each other's bodies last night the more I learned about his kinks. For instance, he enjoys watching me. It's almost like more than the actual sex he likes watching me react to him and the things he does. I caught him on more than one occasion focusing in on my facial expressions as he made love to me, watching me as if he needed my approval, my satisfaction, for him to get off. Seeing that look in his eyes made me come harder than I ever have. It's something about knowing the power I have over him in those moments that sends me right over the edge.
I'm aware of how hot and bothered my thoughts have me as I slip his t-shirt over my head. The material is light and cool but it clings to my skin as if it's attracted to my elevated temperature. My feet move almost of their own accord towards the object of my affection, my mind still racing. My thoughts wander back to what I called it earlier, making love. Is that what we were doing? It damn sure felt like it but I don't know for sure. Can you call it making love if you're not in love with each other? Or is it called making love because it helps the process of falling in love along?
Walking into the kitchen the answer is clear. My heart is beating triple time at the sight of him and my mouth goes dry. As I watch him fly around the kitchen making breakfast for me I want nothing more than to go back to bed and help move the process of falling along a bit more. No one has ever put so much effort into making me feel welcome and wanted. By now I feel like I should be used to it from him but I don't think I'll ever get over it.
"Where's your head at sweetheart?" Harry asks, now standing before me with his head slightly cocked to the side.
I smile up at him enjoying the way his accent embraces the nickname he uses so often. It sounds sexier now, raunchy even, then again that's probably just me being a horn-dog. "I'm figuring out how much food I can fit into my mouth at one time," I joke, accepting a kiss on the forehead from him before he walks us over to the table.
"Well I couldn't tell you the filling capacity of your mouth," he grins, "but we have hours until Niall's party so there's no need to scarf down your food."
My eyes bulge at the mention of Niall's party. With everything that happened last night I'd forgotten all about the UFC bash he'd been planning for the past two weeks. When he found out Conor McGregor was fighting another bout to defend his belt he went into event planner mode and threw together a party since getting tickets at such a short notice was pretty much out of the question. Harry's not the biggest MMA fan but I love it, it's one of the things Niall and I bonded over at the start of our friendship. Now, seven months into our friendship, if I back out of going he'd never forgive me. Our Nialley ship would be sunk.
Harry sits a plate full of food down in front of me, french toast, bacon, sausage, and eggs. I thank him quickly before digging in. I didn't realize how hungry I was until the smells were right under my nose. Last night's activities must've worn me out more than I thought, the idea makes me smile.
"Do you want to go to Red Lobster?" I ask Harry before biting into a piece of bacon. The flavors nearly make me moan but I hold it in. I want to see his reaction and me moaning about bacon would just deter the conversation.
"The restaurant?" he asks, scrunching his eyebrows as he eats. Realization crosses his features slowly and a shy smile tiptoes across his lips.
I play oblivious and keep eating my breakfast but I can't help the grin on my face. I'd be lying if I didn't give the man his props.
"I knew I was good but I didn't know I was Red Lobster good," he jokes making us both laugh.
Although I'm joking, I'm kind of not. As long as he keeps supplying me with his amazing talents he can get whatever he wants from me. I think it's safe to say I'm dįcknotized, I won't even allow my brain to think of the 'L-word' so it'll have to do.
"You know," he starts, catching my attention, "No one makes me laugh like you. I can be in a terrible mood and you're the only one who can bring me right out of it."
I smile at his words knowing that for me it's the same way. The truth of our relationship is right in my face. It's nearly impossible to ignore but I have to, for both of our sakes. "You say that now," I joke, "Give it a few weeks you'll be ready to get rid of me."
He laughs, shaking his head as he responds, "Never."
My heart speeds at the word. With everything that I've been through I want so badly to trust what he's saying, I deserve this, I know I do. But on that same note, with everything I've been through I know how fast things change. How one day they say you're their everything and the next you're nothing. I want to trust, to believe, but I stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago.
So instead of walking in faith, I stick with the honest truth and with a sprinkle of humor in my voice respond, "I find that hard to believe."
"What? That I don't ever want you to leave? After what happened last night are you kidding me? I've been plotting all morning on how we can get out of ever leaving the house again," he jokes, grabbing our plates.
I'm sure the serious connotation behind my words wasn't lost on him but I'm glad he didn't dig any deeper. My emotions are already all over the place and struggling to find their equilibrium, the last thing they need is for us to have a heart to heart. For now I'd rather indulge my sinful mind and live in the moment. If I can outrun my thoughts we can keep this going.
~*~
The water's temperature is perfect and I call Harry's name to let him know. While he did the dishes he'd had me leave him to start a shower for us, complaining of not wanting to go to Niall's house smelling like maple bacon. Seconds after I call, he swaggers into the bathroom, stripping off his clothes along the way. I struggle, unsuccessfully, to not look at his swinging manhood as he saunters toward the shower, the rising steam a poor cover. There go my virgin eyes. One down, two to go.
"Are you getting in or staring at me the whole time? You're letting cold air in," he jokes, shining a fully dimpled grin at me.
I quickly strip and step into the space he made for me, closing the glass door behind me.
We start washing each other with our respective loofahs, mine coarser since it's new. Our body washes mix smells creating a manly sweet scent that takes my senses for a ride.
This is all still so surreal to me. Not just that I'm in this situation with him but that I'm in it with someone in general. I thought I'd spend a great bulk of my adult life having one-offs with guys I had no feelings for like Samantha in Sex and the City. I'd found peace with that idea, I knew it would keep me so I wouldn't get close to anyone so they could never hurt me again. But that was before I met Harry and way before I was here in his shower intimately washing his body as he washed mine.
"Does it bother you that I wasn't a virgin?" Harry asks suddenly.
My eyes open, interrupting my closed eyed enjoyment of being rinsed off under the warm spray of water. I take a moment to mull over his words. If I'm honest I never imagined myself being with another virgin, especially once I met Charlie. I knew he had been around the block a time or two and once I set my sights on him I threw the idea of any v-card swapping out the window. After him, at nineteen, as sad as it may sound I knew for a near fact I wouldn't meet another virgin so it never was a requirement on my wish list.
"I'm glad I never slept with anyone else but I'm glad you did," I explain finally, stepping out of the shower, a puff of steam following me. "You know what you're doing and I like that a lot better."
"I can't say I'm surprised," he laughs, wrapping a plush black towel around his waist then holding another out for me. "You know it's different with you though, right?"
Water droplets cover his chest like dew. They cling to his skin so tightly they don't even slide down his body.
"That's hard for me to believe," I laugh, "But I know you care. That's what matters right?" I finish drying off, dropping my towel to the floor beside my feet.
After drying he shucks his towel, it lands across the chair in the corner as he climbs between the sheets.
"That seems to be your favorite phrase today. You think I care about you and yet you won't trust that I actually do." He laughs, "You are a total lune, you know that?"
"I'm a product of my environment," I retort sarcastically, shrugging my shoulders. "Besides I never said I didn't believe I said it's hard for me to believe. If you hadn't noticed pessimism is kind of my thing."
I crawl into the bed beside him, our naked bodies entangling at their own will. His skin feels so good against mine. Still warm from the shower, we're both enjoying the contact underneath the cool crisp sheets.
"Well what can I do to make it easier?" he asks, looking down into my eyes. A smirk touches his lips but in his eyes I see he's serious.
I feel my heart leaving my chest and floating into his hands. I look up at the man who's stealing away everything I locked up so tightly. A gorgeous, kind hearted, lovable thief who selfishly takes what he wants from me and then puts it on display like a work of art until I see the beauty in it too. I should be infuriated that his selfishness overpowers my own but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him at eighteen that I'd do anything for him, so in truth falling for him couldn't be helped. But I know for us to survive I have to fight it. If I let my heart lead the way disaster always follows.
"Just keep being you Houdini," I grin, trying to joke the seriousness of what we feel away.
He laughs, shaking his head as he lies back on a pillow. "So I'm back to Houdini huh? I was hoping we could work my Red Lobster worthy skills into a pet name somehow."
I giggle at his silliness, "And call you what? Lobster boy?"
"Lobster man sounds better don't you think?" he asks with a laugh.
I shake my head, my nose scrunching, "Ew, hell no. Both of them make you sound like you have crabs. I'll stick with Houdini thank you very much."
He attacks my ribs with tickling fingers until I'm a laughing shrieking mess beneath him. All the while he gripes about me even mentioning his name and crabs in the same sentence.
"Okay okay!" I squeal, "I take it back! I take it back!"
He stops tickling me but playfully glares at me as if in warning.
I can't help but take in our situation. His naked body hovers above mine as he holds himself up, his arms straining as they do so revealing panty wetting veins in his forearms. Before I can stop myself I lean up and kiss him softly, almost innocently. Then again, this time wrapping my arms around the back of his neck and my legs around his waist. Slowly he lowers himself on top of me and the feeling is magnificent.
Our bodies almost instantly begin to find a rhythm that makes me pool in between my thighs as we kiss passionately. Harry forces his hands behind me and grip my asÅ pushing me to him as he ravishes my lips. Our tongues meet and I can taste the maple syrup flavor from earlier, a sweet reminder of an even sweeter gesture. I kiss him with fervor, as his hardness presses against my slick folds threatening to slip off course if either of us gets too eager. In my mind I know we should stop, I know where this is going but before I can say anything he moans my name and all train of thought is lost. I'm basking in the sensations he's creating between my legs and the tight grip he has on my asÅ. The pain and pleasure mix has me seeing paradise behind my eyelids and calling out his name.
He groans as it gets more slippery between us. Neither of us are focused on anything but the other getting the most out of this. Our bodies are sticking together as he rolls us over so that we're sitting up, staring each other eye to eye as we grind. My hands tangle in his hair while his guide my hips slowly. I feel my lower lips open as I glide over his manhood and the feeling is sensational. In the back of my mind a voice screams that we're playing with fire but it feels too good to stop.
Fate however decides to intervene and Harry's phone starts to ring. It takes us longer than I'm willing to admit to stop and come to our senses. Our breathing mingles as we try and calm down, our eyes wild, scrambling to find clear vision. We look like wild animals who've been caged too long, savages.
I slide off of his lap to the side and allow him to answer his phone. As much as I wanted to continue I know this is for the best. Things between us went from zero to one thousand and as enjoyable as it was it could've gotten very serious. I finally understand what people mean when they say that one thing leads to another and things get out of hand. I make a mental note to get better control over myself and my hormones before I end up a baby mama.
The doorbell rings, bringing my attention to Harry getting dressed beside the bed. Before I can ask him what's going on he's out the door and headed to the front. He's gone for maybe five minutes before I hear the front door close and his feet padding across the floor.
"So is this your way of saying you're moving in?" he asks with a laugh, handing me a box with my name and his address on it.
I roll my eyes at him and start to open the box, trying to remember what it is I ordered. A huge grin breaks out on my face when I see the description on the receipt. Holding the shirt up so Harry can see he reads the words across the tank top and groans loudly.
"You can't wear that tonight. Please. I'm never going to hear the end of this from him," he complains shaking his head.
Re-reading the words on the shirt, "lol ur not niall horan," I smile. It's perfect.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What's up my good people!!!!
Hope yall loved the chapter! It felt kind of short to me but then again it was kind of a filler chapter! We're about half-way done with the book now! I'm hoping to finish it up in the next few months but I got kind of sucky news from my surgeon today. I'm going to have to have another surgery once this one heals so yeah *eyeroll* Still worth it but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't annoyed with my complications :/
Anywho, thank yall for over 10 THOUSAND reads!!! That's absolutely insane! I love yall soo much :)
This chapter's Question...
Have yall added my 'announcement' book, As Told By Ashley, to your libraries yet?
This chapter...
Filler filler filler lol Hope yall liked my Formation reference. It's literally my favorite line lmao
This chapter's song...
Pillowtalk by Zayn. I felt like it was only right to use it lol I'll let yall in on a tiny secret, I didn't like the song when it first came out lol Now I love it. I like that it's about sex but still a little deeper than that.
As for new follower S/O's... (Sorry no tags this time it's too many of yall and I'm lazy/tired lol)
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WBN