Harry and I lie in bed my back to his front our hands mimicking our bodily positions. As he plays with the ring he placed on my finger a month ago, I think about how often we've ended up in this same position since then. Back to front our bodies still sticky from the sweat of our love making, the scent of passion in the air as we calm our breathing. I've gotten to know his body better than my own and as much as we explore each other there always seems to be more to learn. Aside from leaving for work or food we hardly leave the bed and as routine as it sounds every time is like the first. His eyes still light up when he sees me and each time we fall into each other's arms he makes love to me like it's the end of the world.
Although I thoroughly enjoy wrestling in the sheets with him my favorite part has to be this, lying in his arms after. He always rests his head against mine and we talk about nothing, about everything, getting to know the ins and outs of each other's minds as well as we know the other's body. I've told him everything about me that's surface deep. Still keeping the illusion that I'm some amazing woman who's been practically locked away in a tower somewhere waiting just for him. I sell him the dream that I'm not emotionally damaged or broken, that I don't have scars on the inside that haven't yet healed, that I'm not insecure and afraid. The look in his eyes when he sees me tells me everything I need to know, he's buying it. I can't bring myself to ruin that gleam in his eye with honesty. Who am I fooling? My own selfishness is keeping me from owning up to my flaws. No one that perfect can handle being with such an imperfect person, not for long. Especially not when there are literally millions of other options right at his fingertips. Women who can let go of grudges and move on, ones who don't have baggage that's so old it has dust on it, ones who can be perfect for him and let him in the way he deserves. My thoughts tend to linger over coming clean and laying everything bare for him but they quickly float away once he starts to play in my hair. Sleep normally follows soon after and by the time I wake up I realize how one slip of my big mouth would send our entire relationship over the edge and off a cliff.
He's been owning my nights and mornings and I can't deny how good it feels to be in the arms of someone who cares about you. There's nothing I can compare this to and that in itself is a scary realization. I'm completely in uncharted territory. Trust should be the tool of choice right now but instead it's avoidance. As long as I can keep myself tangled in him I can't get myself tangled in my thoughts, my past, or my fears.
"We've got to get up you know?" Harry murmurs, sounding half-asleep.
I sigh, knowing he's right. I have to make sure Amita moved into my place okay and confirm my cousin's arrived in Mexico safely for spring break. Somehow Harry convinced me to take the week off but I doubt we do anything but this unless one of us puts a stop to it. Rolling over in his muscular graffiti covered arms I plant a soft kiss on his lips, pulling away sharply before he can deepen the kiss and get me lost again.
"You should call Niall," I tell him as I crawl out of bed and grab his t-shirt to slip on.
The shirt falls down over my head just in time to see him roll his eyes and grudgingly grab his phone.
Laughing, I shake my head at him and leave the room. He's been pissed with Niall ever since his UFC party. Just as he suspected Niall wouldn't leave him alone about my shirt, asking me if I would wear it to bed just to knock Harry off of his game. He even somehow got everyone at the party to say they shipped us over Harry and me. Zayn thought it would be funny to turn it into a drinking game so every time someone would mentioned Nialley we would take a drink. After he saw how much it bugged Harry, Niall saw fit to bring it up every few minutes in one way or another and Liam ended up getting so drunk he puked.
I get a couple of messages to my phone as I fix chicken egg fajitas for Harry and I. He's got me eating a bit healthier, more protein and less carbs, and surprisingly I've been enjoying it. It's one of the latest eating fads he's trying but I think it'll be one I stick with even if he doesn't. I've had more energy and my stamina has been amazing.
Grabbing the lettuce and avocado from the fridge I check my phone. My cousin's message is short and sweet. She tells me she's landed safely and that she loves me but she also alerts me that she'll call me in a couple of hours with important information. I assume it's about the hotel she and her friends are staying in so I make a mental note to stay by the phone. Amita's messages are a bit longer. She's been having issues with her boyfriend for months and a few days ago it all came to a head. They had a huge fight and broke up and she needed somewhere to go. Since I've been practically living here for the past month I let her know my place was free. We've been talking about going half on the bills until my lease is over if she doesn't work things out with her boyfriend. Her sporadic texts let me know that our plan is definitely going into effect. Apparently he's been cheating on her for months and moved the other woman in nearly the second she moved out.
I ask her if she needs me to come over to talk but she tells me she wants to be alone. I feel terrible for her but that's the risk we all take dealing with disloyal human beings. It's in our nature to look out for ourselves first and worry about everything and everyone else second. Cheating is the perfect example of the selfishness ingrained in our DNA, some of us can fight it some of us can't.
I call Harry to come and eat as I grab plates for us. I assume he's still on the phone with Niall since it's taking him a while so I go ahead and start fixing his plate. By the time he walks into the kitchen I'm done and handing him his food.
"Thanks sweetheart," he says, kissing my cheek. "I've got to hurry and eat so I can head over to Niall's in a bit."
I smile, I'm someone's sweetheart. The thought has me buzzing. I sit down with him and start tearing into my fajitas. I didn't realize how hungry I was until now. All of the calories we've been burning in bed are finally coming back to haunt me, I'm absolutely ravenous. Before I know it I've cleared my plate and damn near licked it clean and Harry's staring at me open mouthed.
"Damn," he laughs, "Somebody was hungry."
I roll my eyes at him and get up to fix another fajita. "Clearly you've been wearing me out you horn-dog I was absolutely famished."
He smiles proudly at that his dimples forming little smirks of their own in his cheeks.
I have to look away, that smile could have me working off all of this food all over again. He's got me so open so soon. I'm addicted, some pun intended.
"Terra is calling love do you want me to answer it?" Harry asks dragging my mind from the gutter it resides in.
I nod my head yes knowing he's been itching to meet my family in some way and smile as he answers the phone with a huge grin. I can't risk introducing him to my parents and siblings right now. First of all, I'm practically living with him, a no-go in my family. Second, and probably most importantly, I have no idea where this is going. We're only going to be in this sex filled honeymoon stage for so long, eventually we're going to have to get real. He's going to want to really know me and that's normally where the trouble starts.
I self-sabotage, I know it and I recognize how dumb it is but it's a reflex. My heart can't take anymore abuse and although I can't imagine him purposely hurting me he's a famous entertainer, it's bound to happen. Dating is hard enough with guys who are average let alone one who has admirers all over the world. I wouldn't be able to deal if he turned out to be just like the guys from my past. I refuse to fall back into my old habits of allowing things to happen that hurt me just to have him in my life. I can't start accepting things from him that I'll later regret.
"Terra wants you to call her later tonight," Harry informs me, "She supposedly has a massage to get to but she wanted me to tell you about someone named Charlie. He's been calling around everywhere asking about you and where you went and apparently when he heard about us he started spreading rumors about you online to your mutual friends or something. I couldn't get the full gist of it, she sounded a bit drunk to be honest but she said she cursed him out for you."
I swear the devil knows just when to pop up. I shake my head and start cleaning up after our lunch. I haven't heard from or about Charlie in months and now he pops up once I'm finally trying to figure out what it means to be happy with someone again. Mentally I'm trying to not let this shįt phase me but I can't help it, it's getting to me. It can't be a coincidence that I've been trying to figure out how Harry can fit into my heart and the person who caused it so much damage reappears out of the blue.
"So," Harry drawls hopping onto the island. He looks so innocent but I can see his wheels turning.
I notice he's changed into what he's wearing to Niall's, I had no idea I'd been standing here for that long. Turning to him I hop up on the opposite counter but I can't look him in the eye. I realize then how much shame I still carry for what I went through with Charlie and it makes me angry, with myself and him.
"Who is Charlie? I think you might've mentioned him in passing before but why would he be asking about you? And don't say he's nobody you've been zoned out since you heard me say his name."
Sighing I rub my hands against my thighs trying to decide where to start. "When I was younger I dated all the wrong guys. Pretty much since kindergarten I've had a boyfriend and from the time I hit the age where boys figured out how to play girls I've had one of those aÅsholes around. Charlie was by far the worst though. The sad thing is I knew he was bad news from the start but I took a chance on him, one I later regretted."
"So what did you like about him?" Harry asks, looking intrigued, "If you knew he wasn't a good guy why go for him?"
I laugh humorlessly shaking my head as I answer, "He was sweet, a little tough on the outside but he had a soft and lovable heart. He was creative and artistic, and he had such a drive about him, a determination, that attracted me to him like a magnet. I mean Ithought he would be different with me. We were friends first, he helped me through a tough relationship with the guy I dated before him, Kenny. He constantly would give me advice and tell me how I was letting him walk all over me. He'd tell me how I was practically asking for it the way I gave Kenny chance after chance. However when it was his turn to treat me better he expected the same treatment. When he came into my life, I thought my parents were divorcing and he gave me a shoulder to cry on. That foundation, that trust that formed from him being there for me is what made me think he wouldn't do anything to hurt me but he instead used that as a gateway to get whatever he wanted out of me."
It feels like a weight is slowly being lifted off of my shoulders. I don't want to tell him everything but I want him to understand. I need him to see where I'm coming from. I need him to know that any hesitation he sees from me isn't really about him, I just don't want to get hurt again. My hope is that he can see that and be satisfied with what I can give him for right now.
"So you fell in love with him?" Harry asks, "He was your first love?"
The idea of who my first love is never really crosses my mind. I suppose I could call him that but can I when it was never really reciprocated?
"I guess you could say that," I offer finally, "I mean I know I loved him but he didn't love me even though he'd say he did. You can't force someone to love you but I'll be damned if I didn't try. I held out hope that we'd be together but all he did was play with me and make me look like a fool for almost two years."
I followed all of his mixed signals down the rabbit hole until I reached wonderland. Up was down and down was up, nothing was as it appeared to be. Charles played mind games with me for kicks. He'd dismiss my feelings then give me an abundance of affection. He'd give me attention then pull away and ignore me like I didn't matter. Sometimes for other girls, sometimes for nothing at all and I could never tell which hurt the worst. It was driving me crazy. I felt like I couldn't breathe until we spoke again. I tried everything to the point of desperation and the slightest attention from him made it all better. He became my life, my only source of happiness.
"It was almost like sometimes he toyed with me just to see if he still had control over me, like it was a game to him. Like I was a joke," I say, feeling as if I'm mumbling. That part still gets to me. No matter how rehabilitated I am that's the one raw bruise I doubt will ever heal.
"He'd lay it on thick when he felt me pulling away. Relationship talk and conversations about our future together were never far behind whenever I'd even remotely come to my senses and tell him where to shove it. And just like the stupid naive little girl I was I fell for it. It wasn't until I felt the sting of finding out via Facebook about his baby with another girl that I got a bucket of ice cold water poured over me," I explain in a daze.
I remember the night well. It was after I almost lost my virginity to him and instead told him off so I thought I was over it but that night made me realize I was just putting up a front. To think I'd offered him the privilege of something so special even after everything he'd done only for this to happen weeks later. I'd thought giving him my virginity would've shown him how serious I was about him, however it only served to embarrass me further when I found out about his child. I cried harder than I ever had in my life, my heart physically clenching at the thought of some girl carrying his baby. What hurt the most wasn't even that he didn't tell me, I figured he wouldn't the coward he is, it was the fact that he'd just been 'pouring his heart out' to my best friend about wanting to start our relationship over. He'd told her all about how I was the type of girl he could see himself marrying and that he wanted to do right by me and have a future together. And silly me I thought he was really changing this time.
"So is that why you say it's hard for you to believe that I care about you? You're basing our adult relationship on a teenage relationship from years ago?" Harry inquires, his eyebrows meeting in the middle.
Immediately I go on the defensive even though his voice holds no judgment. "You don't have to remind me of how pitiful I sound Harold. I can't help that he scarred me. It's the only experience I have to pull from."
He raises his hands as if to calm me. "Sweetheart," he says softly his voice like butter, "I'm not judging you at all I'm just asking for clarity. I just want to understand."
I sit back and fold my arms feeling much too much like a child for my liking. I'm even more frustrated because I'm doing it to myself.
Harry's eyes are wary as if he's unsure of whether he should press for more or not. His mouth presses into a line, further showing his conflict before he speaks. "So," he sings, dragging the word out he hops down from the counter and comes over to me.
I don't respond, instead I look away, I'm embarrassed. It was bad enough sharing with him now I feel mocked. I know I'm being irrational and over-emotional but I can't help it.
He grabs my chin to face him before he speaks, "I want us to be in a relationship where we know each other equally. The good and the bad, it doesn't matter. We're supposed to support each other."
His words make sense but somehow they feel patronizing.
"You're such an optimist," I reply trying and failing to keep the bitterness from my voice.
"And what's wrong with that?" he asks heatedly, stepping away from me. I can tell he's tired of placating me from the frustration in his tone.
"It's naïve," I reply indignantly, not caring that he doesn't want to fight. I need to I need to release the shame I feel somehow and crying in front of him is not an option. "We're both adults right Harry? Let's go through the facts here shall we? You're a millionaire dating a black, country, nappy-headed, bumpkin according to your fans that hate me. My track record with successful relationships is shit and if we add in yours our chances are looking really dismal."
The look of shock on his face only grows more severe as he takes a few more steps away. "What the hell? First, don't talk about yourself like that. Second, I don't care about who my fans want me with this is my life and I want to be with you. Unless that's not what you want anymore because I don't understand where this is coming from."
"I'm just saying Harry," I reply quickly, not wanting to talk about breaking up. I want him yet I want him on my terms. It's not fair and I know it but I'll be damned if I can change.
He stares at me for a long while as if he can figure me out from a longer glance but eventually he gives up. "Whatever Bailey," he mumbles grabbing his keys from the island.
As the front door slams and I hear his car start I let out a shaky breath. A part of me is glad he's gone but most of me misses him already. I don't have it in me to call him back though. I know I'm fůcking this up already, that much is clear but I don't know any other way to be after the things I've experienced. I'm a slave to the torment of my past but no chains bind me aside from the most powerful of all, the ones in my mind.
The sad thing is, I actually see a lot of what I liked about Charlie in Harry, although I'd never tell him that. The difference between the two however is Harry seems to be genuine even if I don't know how to appreciate it. If I was dealing with Charlie he would've become Mr. Hyde by now. I hate that he even barged his way back into my life. I try my best not to think about him and for the most part I succeed, but it's like muscle memory. Even if you can't remember every moment or detail your heart does and the second you're introduced to similar circumstances you react. It's pretty sick that your past can't ever fully be forgotten.
Grabbing my phone I head to the restroom to run a bath, hoping it'll calm my frayed nerves. Harry's words from earlier ring in my ears, "You're basing our adult relationship on a teenage relationship from years ago?" How little he understands.
My trust issues run deeper than a guy screwing me over, I'm not that petty. Of course it didn't help any and it's definitely responsible for my lack of faith in people, especially men. But what I really don't trust is love. I haven't been in love since Charlie so I fear it. Of course I've done the research to know how a relationship should go but that fear is still there because I haven't seen it in action.
I was borderline obsessed with our relationship, I can admit that, but it was the first time it ever felt real. When he was doing right by me our time together was a fairytale. But when he did me wrong those lows were just as strong as the highs. I tried to identify myself through him, it's why I hounded our relationship so much. I needed that relationship to define me. I liked walking around the school and hearing people call me Charlie's girl or to hang around his friends and have them say I was his. In my pea sized brain I thought it was something special to be claimed like a piece of land. However I'm glad I never let him stick his flag in me, pun intended. It's sad that I was considered the wise one within my group of friends in high school. Everyone came to me for advice, I'm surprised they all made it through to graduation. They probably all came to their senses and realized how dumb I was in college and decided to drop me. I can only imagine the screwed up advice coming from my screwed up brain so I'd say it was warranted even if them leaving me did fortify my already existent abandonment issues.
What it all boils down to is I'm scared of what love will do to me. I don't trust it not to make me blind and dumb again. I don't trust it to not infect me with the poison from before that made me forget my self-worth and who I was. If that's the way it's going to play out again I don't want it.
What people fail to realize about heartbreak is that it doesn't just break in two like it's depicted, it shatters. Cracks and crevices take root as you pull yourself back together. A crack here and there for every lie, a bruise for every time you were misled, a knick for every time you felt stupid, but a slash for every time it showed. But the biggest and most painful abrasions of all are the holes for each and every I love you that didn't mean shįt. They meant less than the amount of energy it took to let the lie pass their lips to them but to you they were everything. So no, getting over your past isn't as simple as gluing two pieces together. All of these scars on my mangled heart may never heal.
I thought I had all the answers until all the answers I had proved me wrong. I not only got played in our sham of a relationship but clearly in our friendship as well. He took things I told him as my friend and used them against me for his own gain. I lost love, trust, hope, and my best friend when I ended things with him. I knew we could never go back to the way things used to be, I couldn't trust that there was anything real to go back to. That's the thing about being lied to, you never know what the truth was and what was bullshįt.
~*~
Harry made it back a few hours ago. We spent little to no time talking about what happened. I think the argument shocked us both and made us put the kiddie gloves back on. We danced around the issue with apologies I'm sure we'd mean if we knew what we were actually apologizing for. I had the idea in my head that because we're mature adults we would handle this as such, but I gave us too much credit. There was no rehash, no analysis of the argument, the topic, or why it even happened. We slapped a band-aid over the issue and sealed it with sex like any other couple that wants to hold on to their honeymoon phase a while longer would. I feel like he wrote it off as a fluke that probably won't happen again but I know better.
So here we are back in bed, ending the day the same way it began. His body heat engulfs me warming me to my insides. He's such a sweet man, I can't ever see myself truly deserving him I'm too self-centered. The first thing out of his mouth when he saw me was an apology, even though he had nothing to apologize for. He blamed his inquisitive nature for his line of questioning but the truth is he deserves answers. He deserves to know who he's been sharing his home, his bed, with for a month. After reminding me that he was here for me and that he would right Charlie's wrongs, he kissed me and held me tightly.
As the words left his lips I had to fight hard to trust them. Skepticism was eating away at me. It's engrained in me, coiled around my DNA tightly like another strand. Instead of responding I nodded my head and slid my arms around his neck to pull him in for another kiss, that's how we ended up here.
What I should've said was, "I'm falling for you and that scares me. I've never had any man treat me this well and it makes me want to push you away, I don't want to lose my mind over you. It's weird to me to be catered to and I'm scared of what that means. I don't want to get used to it because I'm scared that you'll change. I don't want you to leave me too." But how do you say something like that without sounding pathetic? How do you open yourself up and be vulnerable with someone without the guarantee that they won't use it to their advantage. When you show your weakness to someone you're just asking for them to exploit it, that's what relationships have taught me. Everything is a power struggle and you always want to have the upper hand.
But lying here in his arms none of that matters. Here in this bed, we're equals, everything is mutual. No one is trying to get over on the other, the only goal is to serve, to feed each other as much pleasure as we can before our time is over. I can fully be myself, guard down, vulnerable and open here. There's no risk of disappointment when we're depending on each other for sensual self-indulgence.
I roll over and lay my head against his chest, looking up at his sleeping face. I've thought about letting him be, just leaving him alone and exiting his life while things aren't too messy for him but I can't. It's a destructive cycle. In a way I hope he can save me yet a part of me doesn't want to be saved. Redemption brings about destruction at some point, it always does, that's the balance.
Before Harry I was always concerned about if I was good enough, if the guy liked me. I wanted to be chosen so badly, to feel special. But now it's like I'm high off of being wanted. As if I'm feeling myself so hard I'm playing games and playing with Harry's emotions. Although that's not the way I feel I fear that's the way he sees it. In actuality I just want to make sure I'm doing what's best for us both. If I can't be who he needs then he needs to move on. He's too good of a person to have to deal with me and my shįt. I keep giving him small pieces of me because that's all I can handle for now. That's always been my thing, getting by doing just enough. Unless it's something I feel I'll die without, I never overextend or overexert, it staves away disappointment. Life has taught me if I give too much I'll end up empty and unfulfilled. That's a chance I'm not willing to take right now, not with this, not with him.
He's too perfect. I want to run but I'm just selfish enough to stay. I deserve this. I deserve to be chased after, fawned over, loved. But he deserves someone that can fully give him all of those things in return. That's why I can't say I love him out loud even though deep down I think I do. If I loved him I would be willing to walk away knowing I'll only hurt him in the end by not being able to give him what he wants, what he needs.
Watching his tattooed chest rise and fall I stare at all of the winged creatures inked across his skin. I wish I could fly like them. I wish I was so small I could disappear and he wouldn't even miss me when I was gone. I'm not going to be ready when he is and he's ready now. I don't know how to tell him that without breaking both of our hearts in the process.
~*~
I must've drifted off to sleep because when I awake it's the dead of night. The clock on my cell says it's half past eight but I can smell some type of meat cooking. Wiggling to the edge of the bed I place my feet slowly on the cold floor and look around for something to put on. The dresser opens with a creak as I grab a shirt and a pair of socks out of it to throw on. One glance in the mirror has my eyes bulging. My hair is a curly mess and is all over my head. I didn't blow-dry it after our shower so it's reverted to a curl pattern I hardly ever see since I like my hair straight most of the time. A few minutes and a couple of handfuls of coconut oil later and my curls have a bit more bounce and a lot more moisture.
Walking into the kitchen Harry's bare back is to me, a pair of gray plaid pajama bottoms hang low on his hips just underneath his little adorable love handles. His hair is a chestnut bird's nest and his feet are bare. Combine that with the rings on his fingers and mine and the moment just feels so domestic.
"This is what you've always wanted," I think to myself but let the thought pass.
"What ya' cooking good lookin'?" I ask, wrapping my arms around him. His body is always so warm, it balances out the near constant chill of my own.
"Twice baked sweet potato for me, regular for you, rosemary and garlic steak, and banana pudding cupcakes for dessert," he replies, turning off the burner.
I kiss his spine before travelling over to the wall ovens to take a look.
"You're a saint," I declare once I see the cupcakes in the oven.
"Don't sing my praises too soon you haven't tasted it yet," he mumbles, "I used bloody YouTube videos for the recipes. I'm so tired of eating the usual stuff."
I nod, not taking my eyes off of those cupcakes. I've been craving sweets like a mad woman so he's answered my silent prayers with this.
As we sit down to eat he pours wine in our glasses and I say a prayer. The steak and potato is a little on the salty side but beggars can't be choosers. I'm just glad to have some food in my system since I only ate once today. We share some small talk about the song he and Niall wrote earlier before he grabs the cupcakes from the cooling rack by the oven.
All conversation on my end ceases as soon as he sits them on the table. Snatching one from the plate I bite into the cupcake, not caring in the least that I have whipped cream on my face. The cake is moist and falls apart in my mouth, covering my tongue with the perfect mixture of flavors.
"Baby," I moan, before biting into the dessert again.
"You like it?" he asks removing the Christmas themed cupcake wrapper around his.
"I'm eighty percent sure I'm having an orgasm," I respond reaching for another from the plate between us. I know I'm going to have a serious stomach ache later from the sugar but I couldn't care less right now.
He laughs, "Christ Bailey, you're so vulgar."
I shrug my shoulders and continue stuffing my face. Thanking him for cooking after every bite.
After watching The Notebook Harry decides he wants to work off some of the food we ate. Imagine my surprise when he wants to go to the beach and actually work off the food. Typically I wouldn't care for going to the beach at almost midnight but we've been through a lot today so I think we deserve to have a little play time.
We get dressed quickly and head out. He's in rare form tonight in a pair of loose shorts, a t-shirt, and a zip up hoodie with a pair of black Converse. I decide to dress similarly in a basic crop top, shorts, Converse, and a huge cardigan. Neither of us are going to win any fashion awards but that's the great thing about it being so late, no one is around to see us.
The second our feet hit the beach we take off our shoes. It's probably not the safest thing to do since we can't see what we're stepping on but logical thinking is the last thing on our minds. The energy around us is completely different from anything we've experienced today. I feel my age for once, like a twenty-three year old with no cares or worries. As we race each other to the applause of the crashing waves I feel young, wild, and free.
I'm breathing hard and my heart is racing as Harry grabs me up and spins me around in his arms causing me to laugh. I break free of him and run off only to be caught again. He grabs me tight and pulls me down to the ground with him. The sand is wet beneath me as he rolls over on top of me trying to give me kisses.
"Ew stop," I exaggerate my word, avoiding his kisses just to annoy him.
He feigns offended rolling off of me and to the side with a defeated huff.
I straddle his waist and link my fingers through his. The ring on my right ring finger glistens in the moonlight catching my attention briefly before I lean down, offering him my kisses which he gladly accepts. I feel the sand beneath me as we roll around lost in each other. This feels good, it feels right.
He ends our make out session with a peck to my lips then my nose before grinning like a mad man as he gets up. I'm unsure of what he's doing until I see he's running towards the ocean to scare a small flock of birds like in The Notebook.
I keel over laughing but I can't deny how happy he seems. He's so different from anyone I've ever met. He's such a considerate person. Had I slept with Berkley he never would've tried to get to know me deeper than that, it would've staved it off. That's not a knock at his character it's just truth. The fact that sleeping together only makes Harry want me more on every level is admirable and terrifying at the same time.
We've known each other for about nine months and yet it feels like a lifetime. Although mist and fog shroud the features of the night making everything familiar unrecognizable I have complete clarity within. He cultivated it in my heart like a magician. It felt like the oldest trick in the book in reverse, now you don't, now you see it.
I love him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What's up my good people!!!!
Hope yall enjoyed the chapter! I know yall are probably tired of hearing me say sorry for the chapters being late but SORRY once again lol Life just gets away from me sometimes and I forget to/don't have time to write or sometimes I just don't feel like it if I can be honest. Writing takes a lot out of me especially with this story! Anywho I hope yall enjoyed!
This chapter's Question...
Who was your first love?
(Mine was my boyfriend my Jr. year of high school, I haven't seriously dated anyone since and I'm 22 lol)
This chapter...
I wanted to give yall a look at what the main conflict for the rest of the book is going to be. As I stated before, Harry is not the center of this book. Yes he will remain an important character but this book isn't about him it's about Bailey and her journey through womanhood. Hopefully yall don't get too frustrated with her and keep an open mind when she tries to process this newfound relationship. I can tell you from experience going from an unhealthy relationship to a healthy one is hard af and sometimes you can't get your mind to wrap around the fact that you're supposed to be treated well. If you've never been through it you may not be able to relate but trust me with the way these dudes are set up out here you probably will at some point lol
This chapter's song...
Run by Daniel de Bourg. I found this man on YouTube years ago doing cover songs and his voice has been blessing my ears ever since. This is an original song from his album London Bread (HIGHLY recommend it)! I felt like it matched up PERFECTLY with Bailey's inner struggle as well as what she WISHES Charlie would've told her. It's ironic that she fears she's become the same type of cancerous person that hurt her but in a different way. I'd recommend you to listen to it while you read since Wattpad finally hooked it up so you can do that lol it might help you understand her position a bit better. Plus the song is the shit tbh!
As for new follower S/O's...
This time we have:
JenniEllis0, Zayns_bae96, NicoleFuller0, Buttercuppp, Nameless______, qveenshell, ExtraordinaryNutella, osb1991, Patience96, brunomarzzz, LashariaKing, shuracole, laurel_lauren, maazabaptiste, DauntlessBookLover, moenesha, Briann_Selene, IsabeauRuby, crazykidz_, Kyra_cd, Ayoooo_tayy, lolipop5lol, earbuds, Californialovin3, Dannilily, NarnieKay, maddie7475, fandomlove312, _KweenB_, JacintaElizabeth, crazychan33, Skittergrace, danigirl124, keliss11, zhane103, johnsonclouds, pinkwinks15, carribiangurl12, LilSweetheartRankin, Joeyisme93, elizabetheastham and sshellyyy!!!
Thanks so much for following and I hope I don't disappoint!
Invite your friends to read and follow and leave me some feedback in the comments!! I love hearing from yall!!!!
Until Next Time,
WBN