It's true what they say, at every retail job there's one person who loves the job a little too much. They're Mr. or Mrs. 'Insert Store Name Here', and it's annoying as hell. If the store was a person they'd be fûcking it, washing it's laundry, and cooking it's dinner they're so committed.
I learned the true meanings of thankfulness and annoyance today. Thankful that I only have a few more work days of this bullshit and annoyed because, well that one speaks for itself.
We got a new transfer in last week named Wendy, to replace our old assistant manager. At first she was nice, very Southern, with caramel skin and dark brown natural hair. She was helpful, generous and patient. I saw her help out a few of my coworkers with their tasks if they had too many to deal with and she did it with a genuine smile. This week however something obviously possessed this bitch. She's been giving everyone attitude, messing up people's tasks for the day then yelling at them about it, and acting as if Wal-Mart is her Lord and Savior and should be ours. It's fitting that her name starts with a 'W' since she thinks she wears one on her chest in protection of the store.
I swear if I have to hear one more time about the eighteen years she's served here I'm going to slap myself and her, but mostly her.
Served, as if she was in the military doing something important, but no she was just here at Wally-World greeting people at the door. Her using the word just twists my panties in the most uncomfortable of positions.
I nod as if I've been listening to anything she's said for the last ten minutes. Instead of letting me get to the long list of things I have to do tonight she's had me held up in the break room with her. That's another thing that grinds my gears about her, once she starts talking the bá»tch never stops. For someone so dedicated to working she sure likes to yap on the job. If that's how she spent her last eighteen years then I see why she's so proud. If only I could get promoted to a managerial position just by sitting on my ass, bossing people around, and running my mouth.
"Some people have all the luck," I think as I walk away from her. I'm not 100% sure but I think she was in the middle of a sentence.
The door slams to a close behind me as I place my ear buds in my ears and head over to my designated station for the shift.
~*~
I got through all four One Direction albums while packing up my room. Apparently when you ship your stuff from one state to the next they charge by the weight of what you're shipping. I tried to keep the boxes down to a minimum since I don't know how my money is going to be looking for the next few months, especially if I can't find a job.
Turning to admire my handiwork I take stock of what's left. It looks like a tornado swept through and threw everything easily moveable out the window. My Spiderman poster and clock are gone and so is my embarrassingly large collection of stuffed animals. All of my perfumes are packed aside from one and the jewelry I have on is the only stuff that's still out.
My furniture is all staying since my parents aren't going to change the room around. "Just in case you have to come back home," my mom had replied when I asked her how to arrange getting my furniture sent to LA. It's crazy to realize that in just a few short days I'll be living in Los Angeles full time. Excitement doesn't even cover it.
An alarm goes off from my cell phone letting me know I only have ten minutes until my video interview with the lead hiring manager from Reynolds Incorporated starts. I already had a phone interview with two other companies this morning before I started packing. Reynolds Inc. is the only company that wanted to see me face to face. Nailing this interview is the only thing on my mind since it's the place I felt most comfortable at on my visit to LA. It also pays the most and offers a very nice signing bonus that I'll need since I already booked my flight and put a deposit down on the house I want.
"Yall shut up please I'm about to start my interview!" I yell out my open door to my parents downstairs.
A couple of variations of "Good Luck" fly up to me before I close my door. Grabbing my black blazer from the hanger on my closet door I slip into it and pull my hair from under it to the outside. The peach camisole I was wearing around the house looks good underneath the blazer, almost as if I actually dressed up. In reality I'm in pajama bottoms and slippers shaped like the head of a monkey. It's a good thing the webcam only shows from the chest, up.
Skype starts to ring as soon as I grab my resume and transcripts for any references. I hurry to my seat and take a deep breath before answering. Game time.
~*~
Ashanti's 'Foolish' blasts through the speakers and I smirk. The song couldn't be more fitting when it comes to the relationship I had with the punk standing in front of me. He used every excuse in the book; 'She didn't understand him.' 'They were only together for their families.' 'She was cheating first.' He had me on a string for years, playing the other woman and promising things would change. Once his girlfriend finally had sense enough to leave him, I didn't. Thinking that with me he was different, a better man, but I was wrong. Not only did he cheat on me with his current girlfriend but he also got her pregnant behind my back.
I think back on those last two years of high school and cringe. He had me out there but truthfully that was just my style back in the day. If I liked someone I went balls to the wall about it, no finesse, no game, just blunt declarations. I ended up in a lot of awkward and embarrassing situations but in true teenager fashion I did it over and over, thinking I was being more selective with whom I did it with when in reality that only made it worse. It was humiliating enough when I was acquaintances with the guy, try actually being friends with him first. The stakes were so much higher. Not only do you risk rejection but you also risk tainting your friendship. After someone declares "love" you might as well walk away, especially if it's unrequited.
More than anything, at that age, I was in love with the idea of being in love and it made me do some very stupid things and get very hurt in the process. I saw love in movies, TV, and in books, they all made it seem so grand. Like when you were in love you could do anything. They sell you the fairytale that once you say those magic words it all works itself out like a spell. What they don't tell you is what happens when the person you say those words to doesn't say them back. Or worse, when they say them back but they don't mean them. No movie I've ever watched prepares you for that.
Unfortunately for me, I loved Charlie and in return he took advantage of my naivety and broke my heart. It's the same old song I guess. Girl meets boy that's too fast for her, girl tries to keep up but instead falls and scrapes her proverbial knee. It took me years to put a Band-Aid on it and even longer to recover. The day I got over him I promised myself I wouldn't allow myself to be put in the position to be hurt again. It's a promise I've kept for the past four years. I've traded being vulnerable for being alone, it's worked out well enough so far.
A familiar tune about living while we're young pulls me out of my memories and back into the present. Annoyance runs it's course through me, flowing out of my body and into the atmosphere with a long exhale.
"If you'll excuse me Charles I have a party being thrown in my honor that I specifically requested your lying aá¹£s not be invited to. I'd complain but I'll never see you again so enjoy your time in my presence," I sass, offering a fake smile before I walk passed him.
The stunned expression on his face is worth lying for. Not to mention dealing with the silliness of this surprise going away party. It's really a sweet gesture but I hardly know anyone here. Wendy is working the floor, thank God, I don't want to talk to Charlie ever again in life, and Marcus is trying his best to avoid me even though this party was his idea.
His crush hasn't gone unnoticed by anyone. It's why Charlie lays it on so thick when we're all together. Marcus really is a sweet guy and if I was in a different place in my life then maybe I could see him as someone other than the only person I know who's more socially awkward than me.
"Hey Marc," I greet, startling him, "Thanks for the party I'm enjoying myself." It's a lie but a small one. Besides I did enjoy being bá»tchy to Charlie so that's something.
He rings his ashy hands together irritating me again that he won't just use some lotion. They have testers out in the aisles all he has to do is grab some.
"I'm glad you like it," he replies, letting his comment hang between us like a curtain.
I'm no master of social graces but I'm pretty sure this isn't how a conversation is supposed to go. He looks absolutely terrified, his eyes are wide and he keeps licking his lips, which I notice could also use some moisture.
"Having 1-D on the music mix was a nice touch. How'd you know I like them?" I ask trying to pull some conversation out of him. I'm obviously a pretty big fan of the band but I don't go around flaunting it. It's not worth the arguments that people seem to always want to have when there's a boy band involved.
He looks around nervously, biting his full bottom lip, reluctant to answer my question. "Your headphones are pretty loud when you work," he explains finally, "I could hear a few lyrics and Google'd them."
My creep o' meter goes off in the back of my head but I don't react. No wonder he was hesitant to tell me. It's a little off putting to know he was close enough to me to hear my music especially without me knowing it. Even more so because I never worked side by side or even in the same section of the store as him.
"Oh," I reply, not knowing how to make my exit gracefully, "I'm going to go get some cake."
He nods and I walk off as fast as I can towards the cake thanking God it's not chocolate.
While I eat, a few co-workers I never met come up to me and wish me well before heading towards the cake. A couple of them even tell me happy birthday letting me know they're only here for the refreshments.
Truthfully I was only here for my last check and walked into this surprise. I'm not the biggest fan of surprises but I'm also not ungrateful so I decided to stay. A decision I start to regret as soon as Charlie sits down beside me.
"Please don't get up," he starts, sitting his plate of cake down, "I just want to talk since I'll never see you again and all."
I sigh, deciding to hear him out one last time. There's nothing he can say to me that he hasn't said a million times before so no harm no foul.
"Speak Charles I don't have all day," I grumble, sitting back in my seat. I can't help the twisting in my gut even though I know no bomb he drops will change a thing.
"I just wanted to say again that I'm sorry, truly," he decrees trying to gain eye contact. "I was a terrible person to you and you of all people didn't deserve that."
The white and black speckled tile of the floor holds my attention. I try and count the black specks in one square of white tile and calm down. I should feel vindicated, satisfied that he finally is apologizing and meaning it, but I don't. All I feel it pissed. Pissed off that I wasted years on a person that lied to me, cheated on me, played with my emotions, and just all around made me into a person I never wanted to be all while never defining our relationship.
I feel like an idiot. I was dedicated and loyal to someone who never even truly belonged to me. I thought I was paying my dues, earning the right to have a relationship with him. That's how fûcked up my psyche was. He saw that and monopolized on it. Now he wants forgiveness? I think not.
"All this 'apology'," I air quote the word so hard my fingers pop, "is managing to do is piss me off. You think you can make this blanket apology and I'm just supposed to be okay with it? I went through hell and back with you. You embarrassed me and made me look like the fool I was over and over again. And now you think that just because I'm leaving you and this piece of shá»t town behind that I want to make amends? Fûck you Charlie. For every single thing you did to me fûck you."
He's stunned and so am I as I storm out of the break room. I don't stop speed walking until I get inside of my car.
Letting out an unsteady breath, I grip the steering wheel so tight my fingers ache against the leather. He wasn't wrong to try and apologize, I know. But the anger is the only thing that keeps that door on those old emotions closed.
As I drive home I realize I haven't had to open my heart up for years, I haven't wanted to. In a sense I've been numb, resisting the urge to feel until the urge disappeared. Eventually you get used to not feeling. You forget what emotions felt like or what they're supposed to feel like because you haven't felt them in so long. You have to think about how you should react to situations rather than just reacting to them off of instinct because you don't have those anymore. Expectations are gone therefore so is disappointment. It's a lot easier to protect yourself when you don't let yourself feel or hope.
That's why moving to LA is such a big deal for me, it's the first time I've allowed myself to want anything in years. It was strange the first time I realized I was invested in the idea of LA. I didn't even understand what the pull inside of me was. I hadn't felt it in so long. To actually long for something was beyond foreign. But once I deciphered what it was, I held on to it until it became the most important thing in my life.
Tremors of anger still flow through me finding a home in my muscles, making them ache. Walking towards the house I resign in the fact that a work out to relieve tension is in order. For how long is the question.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What's up my good people!!!!
I'm hoping you guys enjoyed the chapter! It was a little blah for me (so is the next one) but I'm building up to the good stuff. I want yall to be able to know who Bailey is and where she comes from so that you can fully understand her as a character. So sorry if the "ground work" is a little boring but it must be done!
I'm still going through a transition with moving and stuff but now that finals are over I can focus on writing. I'm trying not to set any goals for having this book done but let's just say by the fall I want to be starting a new book. I've also decided I'm going to update bi-weekly, meaning every 2 weeks yall will get a chapter.
I'm not going to rehash the amounts of reads and stuff in this book, just know I appreciate all that yall do! I will however do S/O's for new followers so...
As for new follower S/O's...
This time we have: keshag76, MiaMata, ReakkyReel,blue_cascade, lovestorydreamer88, allthatjaz75, and strawberries3!!!!
Thanks so much for following and I hope I don't disappoint!
Until Next Time,
WBN