The past two months have been filled with more talking than I've done in my entire life. It's a revelation - to speak and actually be heard. I didn't know how amazing it could be to be fully open and expressive with someone who offered you the space to do so, not to mention the reciprocation. I feel like our relationship has elevated to the level we were always meant to be at. Things have escalated quickly and much more deeply than I expected but for once I'm not afraid - well not totally. I still am wary about the depth of our connection and the possible penalties from it if things go poorly but the difference is I don't have to handle those fears on my own. Part of us opening up is that we talk about everything, even when it's tough.
I've let go more and have been enjoying the feeling of just being with Harry. It's been hard to change but he's worth it and so far my therapy has been working. It probably helps that we've been opening up to each other a lot more about our feelings, it's aided me in times when I want to push him away. Our relationship has matured so much and when I feel like I want to start shutting down I tell him and we figure out what's next.
We've been put to the test for the past couple of weeks with the way the media and his fans have been crucifying me. The news finally dropped that I quit working for Reynolds and Reynolds. Unfortunately, it came out before Oak Market announced them publishing my first book. By then I'd received more quotes of Kanye's song Gold Digger than I'd need for a lifetime.
I wasn't really upset about the backlash from the fans â I knew it would happen â it was more the way the media portrayed me. They went so far back as to bring up the previous debacle with Pebbles Publishing to try and make it seem like there's some type of devious pattern. It was hard for me to handle the whole world thinking I was some type of plotting gold digging liar. Usually I would've curled in on myself and turned my emotions inward. This time however, I had Harry and we worked together to do damage control and manage my anger about the slander. I don't feel like it's me against the world anymore and that's amazing.
I've never been someone's everything before. The only experience I had with the concept was making someone my everything and not getting it back. I guess in some sick way I thought that was the way this whole thing worked and so that's how I responded to Harry - by becoming the thing I hate. I'm done letting history repeat itself and it feels better than anything I've ever experienced. I've gone from his ailment to his cure and I see the pride in his eyes when he looks at me.
After we reconciled I took some time to think and decided that even though I care for Harry, until I could fully love and accept all parts of myself I couldn't truly be sure it was love that I felt for him. After two months of loving myself, seeing myself as a whole person, I've come to the conclusion that I'm ready to tell him I love him â I'm just waiting for the right time. I want it to be perfect. I'm hoping to make a grand gesture and really sweep him off of his feet but it seems something's always coming up.
Last month my birthday took up nearly the entire month. Since Harry was going to miss my actual birthday due to obligations he had in London, he set up nearly daily surprises for me from the first day of August. He started out small with flowers, phone accessories, clothes â stuff like that and as the month continued the gifts got bigger, from a new camera to a custom built laptop for my writing.
The week of my birthday he flew my parents in and took us golfing and to race Lamborghinis. I'd never seen my parents have so much fun and Harry got a real kick out of teaching me how to golf even though I was terrible. When I thought the surprises couldn't get any better, the day before he left for London we took my parents sight-seeing during the day and then that night, after hours, Harry rented out Disneyland for us. I was so shocked, especially when all of our friends started arriving. The lads and their girlfriends, Amita and Damien, and a bunch of Harry's celeb friends came through as well. I got to meet a lot of people I'd only ever saw in magazines while enjoying the happiest place on earth without any lines to the rides. My cake was massive and had a photo Harry took of me printed into the icing. It was one of those off guard pictures I didn't know he'd taken. My eyes were scrunched as I grinned and looked off into the distance, probably laughing at some silly joke he'd made. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and by the time we got home I was so sleepy Harry had to carry me inside.
My biggest surprise however, came the morning of my birthday. Harry had been in London for a couple of days and I was missing him like mad. It didn't help any that my parents were flying back to Texas the next day so the impending loneliness of an empty house taunted me. That morning I awoke to my parents singing Happy Birthday at my door with breakfast in bed and a barrage of texts from friends wishing me a great birthday. I was halfway through my pancakes when I started receiving a Skype call from Harry. When I answered he was sitting on the end of the bed at his mom's house with a dimpled grin waiting for me. After he sang me Happy Birthday he told me to go outside. I threw on a pair of sweats to match his shirt I slept in and walked cautiously towards the front door. I knew he hadn't come home early but I was still excited at the prospect of who or what would be waiting outside. The second I opened the door my jaw dropped and my phone nearly went with it.
In the driveway with an elaborate silver bow on top sat a brand new Audi TT Roadster in matte black. My heart was going a mile a minute and I screamed at the top of my lungs which brought my parents outside. I told him it was too much but he refused to listen â insisting I deserve it for working so hard. My parents were already inside touching on all of the buttons and telling me how amazing the seats felt, making Harry and I laugh. Harry's smile lit up my phone screen and mine lit up LA. I thanked him over and over for gifting me my dream car and promised his birthday would be just as epic if I had to sell a kidney to fund it. He just laughed and told me to enjoy my gift.
I have to admit the man knows how to give a freaking present. I've enjoyed the hell out of my new ride and we've put my new camera to very good use. It just seems like any and everything draws us closer now.
We've started checking in with one another during the day and in the evening to keep the lines of communication open. It's nothing big, just little check ins to see how we're doing and feeling and what we need from one another when we do see each other. We spend our nights wrapped in each other and after, we lie together talking about our relationship â current and future status. We've talked kids a few more times than I ever thought we would and dare I say I'm intrigued by the thought. I'm still not totally sold on the idea of me as a mother but Harry as a father is pretty good incentive.
The water isn't nearly as warm as it was when we first got into the tub but it still feels good against my skin. I'm lying against Harry's chest as he squeezes soapy water from the sea sponge over the top of my body. Streams of sudsy liquid race down my skin making me squirm against him. We've been in the water so long we're starting to prune but neither of us wants to get out just yet. It's something intoxicating about being in this proximity to each other and being turned on yet having to abstain.
We have a pretty strict no sex rule when we're bathing together like this. Instead, we spend this time being vulnerable with one another by talking about things we normally wouldn't or even just relaxing together in silence after a tough week. At least once a week we have this bath time and it's been so beneficial to our connection. Being together in our nakedness, feeling each other breathe against bare skin; it's arousing and yet it makes us susceptible to connect in a way that isn't available to us in every day conversation.
"So," Harry starts, gathering more water in his sponge, "Have I ever told you about the first time I thought I loved you?"
My heart hustles at his words. "Is that a real question?"
He laughs and I feel it in my chest. "Yes. I'll tell you the first time I thought I loved you, and the first time I knew for certain."
"Hmm?" I respond, loving the tone of his voice.
"It was back when you stayed with me while your place was getting fumigated. I went to the club with Tara and she was all over me but the only thing I could think about was you. I was wondering what you were doing in that moment and what we'd be doing if I was with you â I couldn't wait to get home to you. I remember sitting in the club looking around at everyone dancing and gyrating and thinking about how I wished I was home with you cuddled up on the couch watching movies. I knew I shouldn't have been thinking about you like that at the time but I couldn't help it and the more I drank the more my mind wandered. By the time I got home I was a little drunk-"
A laugh explodes from my mouth before I can stop it. "You were definitely more than a little drunk, love."
He splashes water at me, laughing at the memory. "I have to be honest," he says, "I faked how drunk I was so that you wouldn't care about me waking you up. I had to see your face and talk to you, I just got caught up when the fan hit me."
The corners of my mouth lift in a smile and my chest quakes at his confession.
"It was selfish of me because I knew you had things to do in the morning but you stayed up and took care of me all night. I remember looking up at you as you held my head in your lap, trying to talk to me so I wouldn't fall asleep while falling asleep yourself. Your speech kept slowing as you fell asleep and then you'd realize and wake yourself up. I remember looking up at you and thinking, 'I think I'm in love with her.' After we made it past the two-hour mark we fell asleep together and I thought I'd wake up and feel differently - like the bump on my head had caused the feelings, but when you looked down at me with those coffee brown eyes I knew that was it. The first words out of your mouth were concern for me and right then I knew I was going to love you whether I should've or not."
His chest rumbles against my back as if it took everything he had to reveal the truth to me. It feels like our heart rates are synced at how rapid they're both moving.
"I think it's about time we get out of here," Harry whispers before kissing the side of my head, "We'll be as wrinkled as raisins if we stay any longer and our food is getting cold."
I sit in the tub on my knees watching Harry step out of the bath. His body glows in the candlelight, the water against his skin creating a reflection for the warm light. I watch the water drip from him as he quickly drapes a towel around his waist and provides one for me as I step out. He wraps the towel around me and kisses my lips softly. Our lips are so warm against each other it makes the kiss deeper than expected. Moans pass from my mouth to his as we fall into one another. My heart is racing from the heat of the bath and the passion between us as he breaks off the mini make out session with feather light kisses.
A smile crosses his lips as he dries me off. He's watching me as if I'll disappear if he looks away and it makes me beam. He's so unwavering. I've always felt his love first, it's like he exudes it â that's my goal. I want him to feel my love in everything I do, in every interaction so that when I finally tell him it's the cherry on top of a sundaeâ not the first drop of water in a desert.
~*~
Harry's shirts are the most comfortable things on the planet. It's something about the fabric and his scent weaved into the material that comforts me like nothing else. We ate dinner in bed and I, as I've been doing for the past few weeks, fell asleep. We've got to stop bathing before dinner because I can never keep my eyes open once I get food in my stomach.
Slipping out of bed, I leave the room in search of Harry. I should've known I'd find him in the kitchen. He has on my favorite pair of his sweats, they're burnt orange and sit perfectly low on his hips placing his muscles on display.
This man is nearly perfect. I could slap myself for running from him for so long. With Charlie, I was invisible to him even as I stood in front of him crying, screaming, begging to be heard, to be seen. With Harry I've never even had to ask. He's miss-stepped and stumbled along the way but from the first time his evergreens landed on me he saw me, all of me, and decided I was much more than enough. The only person struggling to see it and believe it was me.
Letting Harry love me, accepting that love, basking in it, hands down is the best decision I've ever made. I've never been happier or felt more full in every sense of the word. It's been breathtaking for the both of us. I can tell he's so much happier if not by the beaming smile on his face then by his actions and words.
It's not that the last couple months haven't come with challenges â they have. But this whole thing is a bit like relearning to walk, it won't be easy and I may fall down but I know he'll be by my side helping me back up; even when I'm being a bįtch or being stubborn, or both, which can be often. I hold myself to task and think before I speak more now, trying to combat my familiar dejected feelings and embrace the new alien ones of hope and love.
Although it's been hidden away in my heart all along I'm finally embracing the fact that I love Harry. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone because it's reciprocated. It was offered even when I wouldn't admit I was taking it, holding it close behind his back, but shunning it to his face. At this point I want to tell him, I want to tell everyone, to scream it from the roof tops but more than that I want to make it memorable. He's waited long enough to hear it and I never want him to forget it.
I've come to the conclusion that at the end of this my heart may get broken. No one knows what the future holds and although I want to be with him for the rest of my life, things change, feelings and people do too. I realize that these are the stakes when you play at the adult table but Harry's worth betting on. When I understood I'd do it a million times over is when I knew I loved him, when I realized he'd do it for me a million and one times is when I knew I was in love with him. His actions have always spoken volumes over his words even though they've never strayed far from one another.
"What're you doing up sweetheart?" Harry asks as he sees me standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
"Just looking for you love," I reply, grabbing a bowl before hopping onto one of the stools by the island.
Reaching for an orange I notice a rounded point at one end. Although it looks a bit strange I peel the orange quietly, hating the way the rind traps itself underneath my nails. The bottom half looks just as odd without the rind as it did with it so I cut it off.
"What are you doing with those bits?" Harry asks, his hands supporting his head, his elbows on the island.
"That part looks weird," I reply, pulling my orange apart and placing it in my bowl.
He laughs and reaches over to grab the discarded parts. "So just because it doesn't look like it should you're just going to toss it in the bin? That's discrimination sweetheart."
I narrow my eyes at him. "You eat it then. I don't put oddly shaped things in my mouth, you should know that better than anyone."
He stops mid-chew and stares at me open-mouthed.
I burst into laughter, watching him as he stands up slowly, on the approach.
"Harry," I warn, holding the bowl of oranges in front of me like they'll save me.
Seeing the playful glint in his eyes I make a break for it, running with my bowl of fruit high in the air so I don't drop it.
We run all around the house, slipping and sliding around corners thanks to the wood floors and our socks.
"Got ya'," he declares gripping my waist, pulling me to his chest.
"Okay okay," I'm out of breath and slightly sweaty, "I just want to eat my fruit in peace Harold."
He tickles me briefly making me squeal and almost drop my bowl.
"You know I hate it when you call me that," he growls into my ear.
"What would you prefer huh? Houdini? That's a personal favorite," I sass, wriggling in his arms.
I feel his smile against the skin of my neck.
"I prefer," he drawls slowly, crossing over in front of me to grab the bowl from my hands and sit it down on the coffee table, "when you say my name in that breathy way you do when I'm making love to you."
My heart speeds in response remembering all the times I've moaned his name that very same way, hoping he'll make me do it again.
Pulling me into his arms he moves my hair from my neck planting a wet french kiss on the skin there. His hands rove my body, his left under my shirt to squeeze my breast, his right cupping my aÅs over my black lace panties.
"Say it," he whispers against my neck, wetting the skin with his tongue before nipping it with his teeth.
He tweaks my nipple ring and grips my ass tighter, pulling me into his hard-on.
"Oh God, Harry," I moan, my head falling back. I can feel myself get wetter as he lifts me into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist.
"Kiss me," he demands as he walks us to our room.
I do as I'm told, our tongues wrapping around each other in a tantric tango. Inside I'm screaming with excitement because I know I'll be moaning his name over and over before he's done.
~*~
Completely spent and slightly sticky from sweat, we lay together. My head is resting against Harry's butterfly tattoo as he plays in my hair while he answers emails on his iPhone. I find myself staring up at him, thanking God for him with every breath. This beautiful, perfect for me man. I couldn't imagine life with anyone else.
"What're you all smiley about?" he asks, a dimpled grin on his face as he gazes at me.
I kiss his stomach before responding, "You. You're amazing and perfect and mine and I'm happy as hell about it."
He smiles down at me before leaning in for a kiss. Our hands start wandering but before things can go too far I pull away with a chaste kiss before returning back to our snuggling.
His fingers feel so good in my hair I could fall asleep but I try to fight against it.
"I'm starving," Harry complains as he places his phone on the nightstand. He sits up looking down at me, letting the bed sheets pool at his waist.
"I don't know what you're looking at me for," I sass, pursing my lips, "Nobody told you to order dinner so early. Plus, I made food last time."
"Please," he begs, "I'll get it the next... four times." His hands are in a praying position making me laugh.
"Who even said I would be giving you anymore. Especially four more times? You doubt my chastity Harold." I joke, "Besides it would be sexist of you to ask me to get you food, obviously."
"You wound me," he places his hand between the birds on his chest, "I'm a devout feminist."
I laugh, "Love, I don't think you can be a devout feminist I think that's only a religion thing."
We bicker for a few minutes about it until he grabs his iPhone and asks Siri. Of course she proves me wrong and he looks so adorably proud about it.
"I was right so you should get the food, it's only fair," Harry bargains with a dimple exposing grin.
"We didn't shake on it so no deal," I reply, making him groan. "I will however rock, paper, scissors you for it."
His smile returns. "Have you forgotten who the reigning champ is? That's how you ended up getting food last time."
I narrow my eyes at him and set my hands up to play. "Best two out of three."
He nods setting up his own hands, counting us off before we throw our signs.
"Paper beats rock, I win. You've got to switch it up sweetheart," he gloats, pride running through his voice. He's always so proud when he wins that sometimes I let him just to hear that tone in his voice.
"Again," I reply, getting my hands ready.
Another throw later and I win using paper, earning an eyebrow raise from Harry.
"This one is for all the marbles," he says, completely focused.
I giggle at how serious he's being. "You do realize we could be eating by now had we just gotten up earli-."
He shushes me before I can finish, positioning his hands.
I watch him carefully, and just as he counts us in I sit straight up in bed allowing the sheet to pool at my waist, exposing my breasts. He's distracted just long enough for me to see what he's going with so I can cheat.
"Ha! I win," I gloat, wiggling in my spot.
"You're a dirty dirty cheater," he accuses, throwing the sheet from his own nakedness.
Seeing him bare makes me almost rethink the food. Almost. "Yeah yeah just go make me a hot meal," I joke, smacking his bare ass.
"Yes ma'am," he gives me a sultry look over his shoulder before sauntering from the room.
"I never want to be without this man," I think to myself and curl into a ball to rest before he gets back.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What's up my good people!!!!
I hope yall enjoyed the chapter! It took me a while to get into the groove of writing so I could get this one done. I've been so out of it emotionally and physically, I'm not really sure what's going on with me but I'll get it together! Promise! I'm probably just bummed since school starts soon lol
Not many chapters left until the end of the book yall so enjoy Hailey while you can :)
As always, the chapter is unedited so please forgive any mistakes!!
This chapter's Question...
What's been your favorite memory of this summer?
Mine was seeing Rihanna in concert with my best friend!!
This chapter...
I wanted this chapter to give insight to the way Harry and Bailey have been living life for the past couple months. In case I didn't write it well enough, last chapter was June 2017 and this chapter is September 2017. I didn't want to go month by month right after their reunion because I felt like it'd be too boring so I pulled a Pretty Little Liars and did a time jump lol I just wanted to show their progress, it's not perfect but nothing ever will be even when it's in a story where it could be :)
Also, the picture is of the type of orange B was eating lol I wrote that part so long ago I forgot it was coming but I was eating an orange and it looked like that and the idea popped in my head so yeah lol
This chapter's song...
Religious by Ne-Yo. I knew the second I heard this song that nothing would be able to explain Bailey's elation after her and Harry made up better than this song. It's the right amounts of happy and romantic and even has a little deeper meaning to go so far as to thank God for the person being in your life.
As for new follower S/O's...
This time we have:
marissabrielle, lottabody12, sharae18, driaaxoxo, shiveramedford001, Nyork275, monday6, Http_bxbygxrl92, Joy_618, ChyanneToppin, jmoreland34, BookOfBandz, lovely564789, RandomDisaster, Missy_Johnson_, mariaavals, samariakeeper, Melticz, messy_no, nate_mva, purplekissme1, monsoon12, KaryBraxton, shairston1286, dane_cafe0288, Sweet_simple_, RainbowTrouts, DarneshaMoNay, EXOtic_Bts, and dwnsouthchic07!!!
Thanks so much for following and I hope I don't disappoint!
Invite your friends to read and follow and leave me some feedback in the comments!! I love hearing from yall!!!!
Until Next Time,
WBN