For the past few days I wasn't able to move without my mom being up my aá¹£s. She wanted to hang out all of the time and sleep in my room under the guise of having 'slumber parties'. When I received the news that I got the job at Reynolds Inc. she took off work to spend the day with me and hasn't left my side since. I think me getting the job solidified to her that I'm serious about making a life for myself in LA. Up until then she thought this was just a phase, me getting the job made it real.
Venom on the other hand was beyond distant. She wouldn't come to me when I called her and she avoided sitting on my lap like the plague. Normally she's a fiend when it comes to two things blankets and food and neither of them enticed her enough to get her to spend time with me. I guess she knew I was leaving. She spared me one lick and a quick nuzzle this morning before taking off to her cage, I guess to mope in peace.
My dad's been about the same, he's always wanted me to get out and experience more life. To him, my staying at home while I went to school was holding me back. The only saddness I saw from him during this entire process happened today.
I don't think any of us realized how much we're going to miss each other until this morning. Both my parents and I were fine until they called for my plane to board, that's when the waterworks started. I had been toughening myself up all week for this, watching sad movies and forcing myself not to blubber like I normally would. All of that training went to shá»t the second I saw a tear slide down my dad's cheek. My mom, I expected to cry, she always does, but my dad never cries. I can only remember one time in life that he did and that was when he got the call that his brother passed away.
Standing in the middle of the airport we hold each other in a group hug, saying 'I love you' and 'be safe'. It broke my heart to walk away from them but I couldn't miss my flight. The nagging suspicion that if I didn't get on the plane I'd regret it for the rest of my life rang out like a beacon in my head with every step towards my gate. I let the motivating mantra carry my feet until I was safely in my seat.
~*~
As soon as I'm outside of LAX I text my parents, if I call we'll never get off of the phone. The sun beats down on my fingers as I press send making me happy I changed clothes in the bathroom. The sweatpants and hoodie I flew here in would've melted me. The change into a loose pair of ripped boyfriend jean capris, silver gladiator sandals, a white shell top and a pair of aviator sunglasses was quick and simple. I got a few odd looks from people who saw me go into the bathroom in different clothes but I couldn't care less.
Cars whiz by blowing my hair around as if it's a windy day. The wheels of my luggage rattle loudly against the tan sidewalk as I walk towards my rental car, some type of Toyota with a convertible top. The clean cherry red paint job reflects the sun so well I'm glad I have shades on. Throwing my things in the backseat I get in and set up the Bluetooth so I can play my music.
Break Free blasts through the speakers as the tires hit the road. I can't help myself from dancing along with the beat and feeling Ariana's lyrics. I'm finally here, living the dream I've had for months now and it feels good. I'm actually happy, an emotion I haven't had around very often. I feel like I'm starting a new chapter in the dramatic comedy that is my life's book.
Major change is always first on my list of things I hate so I'm definitely nervous to be in a new place alone. Normally I have my parents or a sibling or my cousin with me when I try new things. They're my security blankets when I'm anxious. When I'm with one of them I feel comfortable, invincible, like there's nothing in the world that can put fear into my heart. Knowing they have my back and would support me no matter what makes all of the difference. My nerves get put in this far away box that I couldn't reach if I tried.
I never have that level of comfort with anyone it's significant that they know me completely. I don't have fear that they'll abandon me or make fun of me, at least not maliciously. With other people I'm constantly on guard, just waiting for them to let me down then leave me alone.
A blaring horn shatters my thoughts and I jam on my breaks to avoid hitting the person in front of me. They got cut off and slammed their breaks forcing me to slam on mine. Got to love LA traffic I guess.
~*~
Falling back on the black couch I had delivered this morning I huff out a breath. Shopping was exhausting but at least my wardrobe for work is covered. Since it starts in two days I got my nails and toes done and bought my first pair of Louboutin heels. I hit the mall burning up my credit card at too many stores to count. The only thing that's missing from my valley girl experience is Starbucks.
Looking around the living room I approve of the décor. The designers from the furniture store did a great job arranging everything. I was unsure about having two different colored couches but it works. The black of one and white of the other go perfectly with the black and white pattern of the rug under the black coffee table. I notice the other little knickknacks that must've been thrown in for free like the photos of flowers on the wall behind the black couch.
Rich red hued wood caresses my feet as I walk across the room to the dining area to get to the kitchen. Admiring the white cabinets and exposed brick of the walls from my spot in the dining area, I smile at how the striped seat covers on the dining chairs create the perfect marriage between the open spaces. A sprinkle of green from plants and other assortments add a pop of color to each of the areas and further ties them together. The only thing I had them touch in the extra bedroom was my new treadmill, it needed to be put together and the designer was gracious enough to make it happen. As wary as I was to have someone decorating my home for me I'm glad I did it.
Walking across towards my bedroom I hope the fabulous designing continues. I'm not disappointed as the door opens to something straight off of Pinterest. The walls are a medium grey that matches the color of the sofa at the foot of my dark wood queen sized bed. Cream, green, and blue appear around the room in various spots leading my eyes to enjoy the pop of color in the otherwise neutral room. It's not the flashiest room you've ever seen but it's the first time I have a space that looks as mature as my age alludes I should be. I was initially upset to get rid of my Spiderman memorabilia but now I'm happy that I did.
Running across the room I spin in the air before landing on my back against the Serta mattress. I sink down just enough for it to be comfortable and in seconds I'm asleep.
~*~
Waking up later than I intended I roll out of bed and trudge to the bathroom. After fiddling with the water temperature for entirely too long for how cold it is in the house I finally get in the shower. I take mental note to buy a shower head with a detachable hand shower. Living with my parents spoiled me. It's so much harder to bathe when the shower head is stationary. I have to move around in the tight space and bend in awkward positions but I get it done grumbling as I go.
Finishing up my shower quickly I get dressed in comfortable cotton panties and a bra and head to the kitchen. I picked up the bare minimum on my way home from the airport so after the last few days I'm down to enough milk for a bowl of cereal and a mouthful of orange juice. Grabbing both liquids from the fridge I tip toe over the freezing cold tan tile to the cabinet for the cereal, a bowl, and a spoon. I fix my bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and almond milk with a side of orange juice as quickly as possible. The faster I move the faster I can get into bed and maybe even write a little.
Snuggling into the covers I start a tutorial on YouTube. I have very little interest in learning how to tie a tie but the silence in here is killing me. It still feels weird to live alone. I definitely thought I would enjoy it more. I mean it's nice to be able to walk around half naked all of the time without worrying about anything but I miss my family. To go from living with a house full of people to being alone is a huge transition.
If I was back in Texas I would be in bed struggling to write something like I am now, but my parents would be right down the hall if I wanted to talk and Venom would be in bed with me curled into a little ball beside my leg.
I smirk remembering how much she hates it when you move away from her. If she's lying beside you she wants to be flush against you. I used to spend way longer than I'm willing to admit playing this game with her where I'd move away from her only for her to scoot her little body until she was back beside me, all the while never leaving her curled up position. My mom and I thought it was the cutest thing in the world while my dad would just looks at us in that half amused way he always does.
The cursor on the word document blinks in front of me bringing my attention to the emptiness of the page. I can't seem to think of a thing to write and I don't want to go back and refine any of my old stuff. It drives me insane when I get in these moods, I want to write but I don't have anything to write. A lot of times I'll end up typing random thoughts that pop into my head hoping they'll somehow morph into the perfect story. A strong capturing introduction that makes readers fall in love with my characters, a riveting middle that keeps them guessing at every turn, and then a rousing ending that makes them glad they stuck around for the ride.
I have yet to write a book like that, one that I'm satisfied with. I always end up thinking I could've done better. I never take the book down but I'm always displeased with the finished product. My sister says it's the Virgo in me that it's in my nature to be forever discontented and complaining. She may be right. I'm like that about most things.
It's not that I don't want to be pleased I just don't want to settle. I'm always striving for perfection - it's been the biggest deal for me since I graduated. I guess in a way I feel like if I'm perfect I'll breed perfection in my life. No disappointments, no crushed dreams, no broken hearts just flawlessness for the picture-perfect girl.
My constant strides towards perfection were the biggest obstacles I had to overcome in my weight loss journey. Because I never felt good enough I thought so negatively of myself. I always used to tell people there's nothing you can say to me or call me that I haven't already said to myself, or worse. I'd beat everyone to the punch and insult myself so much until I became accustomed to it. I didn't look in mirrors for fear of what I'd think when I saw myself, I hardly left the house, I stopped shopping - which should've been my first clue that things were out of hand.
Now thanks to therapy and the weight loss I feel like I'm there, I'm comfortable and happy with my body. I could lose more, sure, who couldn't, but I don't want to. I'm content where I am for now and I'm confident in the way that I look and feel.
But just because the weight is gone it doesn't mean the negative feelings evaporated with it completely. I still have days where I have to fight myself when I crave unhealthy foods or when the thoughts in my head weigh me down more than any weight I see on the scale ever could. It's a struggle that's worse some times more than others.
Idea bells go off in my head as my fingers fly across the keys.
Typing wildly for half an hour I end up with the first chapter of my new story. The girl is based loosely off of me but I'm telling her story as if she never got help for her issues. It'll be an emotionally taxing book to write but necessary to connect with the story.
White numbers in the bottom right corner of my screen tell me it's half passed eleven - way too late to start on chapter two. Shutting my laptop down, I reach over to my cell and shoot a goodnight text to my parents. I'm sure they're asleep by now but at least they'll see it in the morning, I know how my mom worries.
After sitting my laptop on the ground I slide deeper into the covers to try and get some rest. I have to be awake in a handful of hours to finalize my lease and as much as I love sleep it'll feel like a few minutes.
Shutting my eyes tight all I can see is the video of how to tie a tie playing behind my eyelids. It's annoying but something about the motion of the hands and the tie eventually lull me to sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What's up my good people!!!!
I hope yall enjoyed the chapter! Bailey is finally in LA!! Yay!!!! It's about to start getting good so just hang in there. I want to take the story slow and not rush into her meeting Harry. Since in this story he'll be based mostly off of the perception we get from him (sweet, kind, considerate) I won't need as much time to explore who he is. However with Bailey she's brand new so I want yall to understand her first.
I know I said last update I would update bi-weekly and I still will. Every other Monday will be my set in stone (unless an emergency) schedule. However, if I have the next chapter already finished I'll upload it in the Monday between my set update days. I hope that made sense lol
I'm still not settled with moving and stuff totally but hopefully by next update I will be, it's not in my hands right now tbh.
As for new follower S/O's... SN: I'm at 104 guys! WTH!!!!! I'm freaking out and can't stop smiling :)
This time we have:
Thanks so much for following and I hope I don't disappoint!
Until Next Time,
WBN