I LOVE MEN.
men. Ones who arenât looking for anything more than a good time. Cuz I am nothing if not a good time. Iâm what a lot of people in this hole-in-the-wall town refer to as a . Well, let the busybodies talk. Iâm not fucking anyoneâs husband or daddy. I like âem completely unattachedâpreferably with a nice-sized dick and just enough experience to know how to use it.
Itâs not that I have anything against guys my own age, or even older men. Itâs just that Iâm not looking to settle down.
And at thirty-five, there arenât many guys my age who are still single and arenât looking to plant their asses in one spot and put down some roots. You can think of me more like mossâmobile.
I donât have commitment issues, and Iâve got nothing against children. I just canât have them. That kind of puts a damper on the whole roots situation. The last thing I need is some guy fancying himself in love with me and giving up his dream of a family, then resenting me the rest of our miserable existence. Ainât nobody got time for that.
This isnât my sob story, and I donât want anyone feeling sorry for me. I wonât go as far as to say Iâm okay with it, but it is what it is, and Iâve accepted it. Might as well make the most of my situation and have a little fun while Iâm at it. Am I right?
To settle my biological clock, which to my dismay did not break along with my useless female organs, Iâm super close to my godsons. My best friend Spencer and I raised them together until she married her high school sweetheart, Cooper, two years ago. At this very moment, theyâre adding two little girls to our brood. And Iâm on my way to the hospital with her fifteen-year-old twins, Lake and Landon, and their four-year-old son, Kyle, a.k.a. Savage, to meet their new sisters.
âAuntie Gigi?â a curious little voice calls from the back seat.
âYes, Kyle?â
âHow did my sisters get inside Mommyâs tummy?â
. No matter how I answer this, I know Iâm going to wind up getting myself into trouble. A cold sweat breaks out across my forehead, and my heart rate kicks up a notch.
Just when Iâm about to hammer the nail into my own coffin, Landon jumps in, saving me from myself. âYour daddy put these little seeds, called sperms, inside of the eggs in Mommyâs tummy, and the babies grew.â
Sighing with relief, I glance over to the passenger seat at my teenaged hero. âThanks, Landon.â
âNo problem, Aunt Gina.â He shakes his head, his lips curling into a little smirk.
âIs that how I gotted in Mommyâs tummy too?â Savage asks his brother, who in turn clears his throat loudly.
âWell, noâ¦Because, you know how Cooper adopted you?â
I watch as Kyleâs head nods through the rearview mirror.
âWell, a man named Alex put his sperm in Mommyâs egg, and you grew in her tummy.â
Realization dawns on his little face. âAnd let me guessâ¦that asshole Tate putted his sperms in her eggs to grow yâall?â
The boys burst into hysterics as I bite down on my lips, fighting to contain my own laughter. I should probably make it known right away that there is a damn good reason we all refer to Kyle as a savage.
âWellâ¦â A choked laugh escapes my pursed lips as I maneuver my little Audi into a spot in the hospital parking garage. âI donât think any of us will argue with you on that logic.â
This line of questioning continues as we navigate the halls, trying to find our way to labor and delivery. Itâs all very sweet and innocent until he drops the atomic bomb. âBut, Auntie, how did those men get their seeds in my momâs tummy?â
My throat dries up, and Iâve suddenly lost the ability to move my feet. My hand lifts to scrub over my face.
âYeah, Gigi,â Lake encourages, clearly delighted by this question. âHow did those men get their sperm in there?â
My eyes narrow to little slits. âYou are dead to me,â I growl.
Lake and Landon flank my sides, their arms crossed on their newly muscled chests, awaiting my downfall. I can feel their beady blue eyes burning holes through my cheeks. âWell, umm. You seeâ¦the sperm are stored in little uhâ¦compartments called testicles, and when a man wants to make a baby with a womanâusually his wifeâ¦he can shoot them into her vagina with his penisâ¦like a water gun.â
Spit flies from their evil teenaged mouths as they fold over, laughing.
âDonât either of you ever ask me for another thing, ever again. I swear to God,â I hiss, realizing weâve stopped right in front of Spencerâs room. I shoulder past the still-smirking boys and push the door open before Kyle can ask any more questions.
§
My eyes well up when we step inside. Spencerâs mom, Mrs. Elaine, is on the sofa fawning over the little pink bundle cradled in her arms. Cooperâs mother, Nelly, is right beside her with an almost identical package. The scent of baby lotion fills my nose as I lean in to kiss their little foreheads on my way over to squeeze my bestie. âYou look beautiful, Spence. How are you feeling?â
âAmazing and awful and tired. But mostly wonderful.â She is glowing, despite the dark circles beneath her eyes.
âSavage, my man!â Cooper calls out, rising from the recliner that is tucked away in the corner beside the bed. Heâs absolutely beaming, every bit the proud papa.
âHey, Daddy. Did you misseded me?â
âSure did.â He makes his way around the small hospital room to grab Kyleâs hand and leads the three boys over to the little blue pull-out couch, where their grandmothers ooh and ahh over the twins. âBoys, meet your sisters, Abigail and Emmaline.â
As I sit on the edge of my best friendâs bed, taking in the boysâ first reactions to the new babies, I feel her cold hand clutch mine and squeeze. My heart flips in my chest. She deserves this lifeâthis family, this happinessâmore than anyone.
âWhat do you think, buddy?â Spencer asks as I help Kyle up onto the bed to sit beside her.
âBe careful, Savage,â I warn. âMommyâs tummy has a big owie from getting the babies out.â
âI think theyâre all right, but I still wish they were some boy babies instead. I saw some in that big window when we were looking for your room, Mommy.â Kyleâs eyes grow round. âMaybe someone else wanted girl ones and we can trade?â
âOh, baby. Donât make me laugh right now. It hurts,â she says through a strained giggle. âWeâre not trading your sisters in. You and your brothersâ¦
your father are more than enough boy for one family.â
Kyleâs shoulders sag. âFine. But you have to promise me you wonât let any more guys shoot sperms in your vagima, okay?â
Spencerâs eyes widen, and dart around the room until they land on Lake and Landon. âWhat did you two say to my baby?â
âDonât look at us,â Landon laughs, throwing his hands up in surrender. âThatâs all Aunt Gigiâs doing.â
âOh, you two helped just a little.â Look at them throwing me right under the fucking bus.
âGina!â Mrs. Nelly gasps. âHeâs only four.â
Cooperâs face is damn near purple heâs laughing so hard, and Spencer looks as though she may never speak to me again.
Sliding out of the bed slowly, I begin moving toward the door. âAnd thatâs our cue to leave. Come on boys. Kiss everyone bye. I have a big surprise for you.â They donât know it yet, but when we leave this hospital, weâre going straight to the Port of New Orleans to board a cruise ship headed to the Caribbean for a week. I thought it would be nice to do something fun for them while the new babies are soaking up all of the attention. Not to mention the fact that Cooper and Spencer could use the time acclimating to life with twin newborns.
Thatâs right. This heart is made of gold. Itâs this mouth that keeps my ass in trouble.
âOn second thought,â Spencer starts, fidgeting nervously in the bed. âMaybe this surprise isnât such a good ideaâ¦â
Mrs. Elaine shoots her daughter a sideways glance. âSpencer Rose, really? Stop it. You act like you havenât known Gina your entire life. Now, I told you one day all those baby daddies would catch up to you. Well, here you go.â She waves her arms around the room.
âUh, Iâm just gonna go out and have a smoke,â Cooperâs father, Mr. Neal, announces before scurrying around me and out of the room.
âMother! Sheâs had them alone for a day. One. Day. And look what sheâs done. Imagine the damage she can do in a week.â
Elaine simply waves her off. âShe canât do anything worse than what youâve already done, darlinâ.â After passing the baby off to Cooper she joins me near the door and leans in to whisper into my ear. âIgnore her. Just take the kids and run, baby girl. Yâall have a great time.â She presses a kiss to my cheek, rolling her eyes at her daughter whoâs still ranting in the hospital bed.
âDid she just call me a bad mother?â Spencerâs hand flies to her chest as she looks to Cooper, who suddenly appears to have seen a ghost.
âNuh-unh. Donât involve me in yâallâsââ
âSo, you agree with her?â
Oh, dear God in heaven. This must be the leftover pregnancy hormones. While Coop reassures his wife that sheâs the most wonderful mom to ever walk this earth, I instruct the boys to say their goodbyes and meet me in the hall.