Chapter 21: Doppelbanger: Chapter 21

“MR. RYAN?” ANGIE, my secretary calls through the intercom speaker in my office.

“Yeah?”

“There’s a Kinsey calling for you on line one. I told her you were very busy today and didn’t have time for social calls, just like you’ve instructed, but she insisted you’d want to talk to her.”

Goddamn it. Kinsey is the girl I’d been casually hooking up with before Gina blew into my world like a fucking tornado, turning my life upside down. I’ve been dodging Kinsey’s calls to my cell for weeks. Now she’s tracking me down at my office? She’s persistent, I’ll give her that. “Go ahead and put her through, Angie. Thank you.”

“No problem, Mr. Ryan.”

“This is Jeff.”

“Finally,” she sighs. “You’re a hard man to get ahold of, Jeffrey.”

“Yes, well, I’m a busy man, Kinsey. I told you that.”

“I know…It’s just—well, it’s been a while, and I was hoping maybe we could meet up tonight for a quickie?” She doesn’t beat around the bush, does she? It was what I’d originally liked about her. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am. It was exactly what I thought I needed, before .

“Tonight won’t work for me.”

“Okay, well, what day is good for you? I’m pretty open.”

“Kinsey, I’m actually going through some things right now, and sex is the furthest thing from my mind.”

That’s such bullshit. Sex is pretty much the only thing on my mind. Sex in a moon chair…sex at the strip club…sex with a sassy little blonde I can’t manage to get out of my fucking head.

“Oh…Well, you don’t think that maybe it would help get your mind off of whatever’s bothering you?”

“No. I don’t.”

“Is there someone else?” Oh, fuck. Here we go.

“Kinsey?”

“Yeah?”

“You do understand that there was never a you and me, right?”

“Oh, sure…Yes, of course.” She doesn’t sound all that convinced.

“Great. So, there’s no one , because there is and never was an . There is someone though, and she’s the reason this isn’t going to happen anymore.”

“But, I thought you said you didn’t do relationships. If that’s what you wanted…”

“I don’t. It’s not. Listen, I’ve got another call coming in that I’m going to have to answer. You take care, okay?”

, I finally admit to myself when I hang up with Kinsey. Dammit, do I ever fucking miss her, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t have her. As much as it hurts to acknowledge it, she got under my skin, but I’m not looking for a relationship. I will remarry. My girls had a mother, and I’m not looking to fill that void.

My stomach twists into knots when I remember the pained look on her face when our eyes met for the last time. Gina talks a good game, but I know that I hurt her, even if she’d never admit it.

My fist comes down hard on the top of my desk, rattling its contents. I can’t believe I lost it on her like that.

I’m going to have to find a way to get over this…whatever is.

§

“Damn, you home early,” Willow says when I walk through the door just after noon. I cringe.

“What did I tell you about that word?” I ask, bending to lift her into my arms.

“Not to say dat.”

“Ladies don’t talk like that, Willow. You want to be a lady, right?”

“Dat’s not true, Daddy. Gigi says sentence hancers, and she’s a bootiful wady.”

I can’t escape her, even in my own home. “She is very beautiful. Whether or not she’s a lady…Well, that’s questionable,” I mutter, setting her back to her feet.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, sweet pea. How was Willow today?”

“She was fine.”

“Oh, Daddy,” Willow says, tugging on the bottom of my shirt for my attention. “I gotted to talk to Tyle today on FaceTime!” she squeals.

“Did you?”

“Mmhmm,” she nods. “Sissy talls dem boys every day when you go to work.”

“Well, that explains your language lately,” I tease, eyeing Evangeline.

“They’re good kids, Daddy.” She sighs, dramatically.

“I know, or I wouldn’t allow you to talk to them. I do wish you two wouldn’t pick up their bad habits, however.”

Her green eyes roll back in her head. “Damn is hardly even a curse word anymore, Daddy.”

“According to who?”

She shrugs. “Everyone. Everyone elses’ parents let them say it.”

“Well then, it’s a good thing you aren’t being raised by everyone elses’ parents.”

“Hardy-har. What’re you doing home so early, anyway?”

Shrug. “I didn’t have much going on at the office today and figured I’d come pick you two up to go shopping…but if you’d rather hang out here, I’m sure I can go find something at the office to keep me busy.”

“Wait here…I’ll go get my purse.”

§

After near five hours at the mall with Vangie and Willow, in a failed attempt to distract myself from thoughts of Gina, all I managed to do was come home about a thousand dollars poorer.

Well, at least my girls are excited about their new wardrobes.

It’s creeping on midnight now, and I’m still tossing and turning. Guilt is a son of a bitch. Maybe if I found a way to contact her and apologize for my barbaric behavior the other day, I’d be able to move on.