THE RESTAURANT WAS BUZZING with energy, packed with people trying too hard to be seen. valerie leaned back in her chair, sipping her drink while olivia, sabrina, gracie, and conan took turns talking shit about celebrities like it was their full-time job.
"okay, but we have to talk about that one actor," conan started, leaning in. "you know, the one who's always playing the same damn character in every movie?"
"timothée?" sabrina guessed immediately.
"yes god," conan groaned. "i swear, if i have to watch him play another soft-spoken, sad boy, i'm gonna scream."
"be fair," gracie laughed. "it's not his fault people keep casting him in the same role. he's just good at it."
"yeah, but switch it up! give me timothée as a villain or something," olivia said. "make him stab someone."
"he'd probably apologize after," valerie muttered, making the group laugh.
"okay, but on the topic of actors-who do we think is secretly an asshole?" sabrina asked.
"oh, that's easy," olivia said. "i know a certain marvel actor who's not nearly as nice as people think."
gracie gasped. "spill!"
"i'm not saying names," olivia said innocently, taking a sip of her drink. "but let's just say, if you've ever seen an interview and thought, 'wow, he seems so charming,' you've probably been lied to."
valerie snorted. "damn, that's half of hollywood."
"okay, musicians now," sabrina said. "who gives 'industry plant' energy?"
"madison beer," conan said immediately.
"nah," olivia shook her head. "madison actually has talent. i'm talking about the ones who show up out of nowhere with a song that's suspiciously viral and then suddenly they have a whole career."
"jake," valerie said simply.
olivia gasped. "wait."
"yup," valerie nodded. "i'm sorry, but tell me why he went from tiktok boyfriend to fully produced pop star in, like, a week."
"and his music's not even bad," sabrina admitted. "it's just like... where did you come from?"
they kept going for a while, dragging celebrities and hyping up the ones they actually liked. valerie was in the middle of a debate about whether or not a certain nepo baby actually deserved their success when her phone buzzed in her lap.
imessages
8:34 pm
billie eilish
what are you doing?
oh you know
just out w my girls (and conan)
we may be talking shit abt some celebrities
should i be concerned?
no you're safe for now
wow i feel so honored
where you at?
studio
supposed to be working but i'm procrastinating
great work ethic
i know
i'm an inspiration
how's the album sounding?
like i need a nap
all-time favorite song you've written?
that's like asking me to pick a favorite child
c'mon, just say 'male fantasy' and move on
shut up
you know i'm right
okay fine
but 'halley's comet' is up there too
acceptable answer
"who's got you smiling at your phone?" olivia teased, nudging her.
valerie locked her screen. "no one."
olivia squinted. "right. sure."
valerie ignored her and took another sip of her drink, already waiting for billie's next text.
valerie got home late, kicking off her shoes and collapsing onto her bed with a heavy sigh. her group chat was still active, messages popping up about the stupid celebrity discourse they'd had at dinner, but she was too tired to join in. instead, she let her eyes flutter shut, already sinking into the comfort of her bed-
until her phone started buzzing.
her stomach flipped when she saw the name on her screen. billie eilish is facetime calling you.
she hesitated. a facetime call? that felt different. texts were easy. casual. facetime was something she did with olivia or danah, people she actually knew. she had no idea what billie would even want to talk about face-to-face, but before she could overthink it any more, her finger swiped across the screen.
"well, this is a surprise," she said as billie's face filled the screen.
billie smirked. "you sound like you weren't gonna pick up."
"i thought about it."
billie gasped dramatically. "wow. my feelings."
valerie snorted, relaxing a little. "shut up. why'd you facetime me?"
"i got bored."
"so i'm your entertainment?"
billie shrugged. "pretty much."
valerie rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "bold of you to assume i don't have better things to do."
"do you?"
"...no."
billie grinned. "that's what i thought."
they ended up talking about nothing and everything at once-making fun of the weird shit people post on instagram, the worst fashion trends they've ever seen, the time valerie saw a tiktoker get kicked out of a party for being too embarrassing. billie had a way of making conversations feel easy, and before valerie even realized it, an hour had passed.
"okay, real talk," billie said, shifting in her bed. "what's the best sitcom of all time?"
valerie raised a brow. "why do i feel like you have a strong opinion about this?"
"because i do," billie said proudly. "it's the office. no debate."
valerie immediately groaned. "oh my god. you're so basic."
billie looked personally offended. "what?"
"the office is not the best sitcom ever made," valerie said. "it's fine, but people act like it's peak comedy when half the jokes are just michael scott being cringe."
billie gasped. "you did not just say that."
"i did," valerie said smugly. "there are way better sitcoms."
"like what?"
"brooklyn nine-nine," valerie started. "actually funny. great characters. doesn't rely on secondhand embarrassment."
"okay, valid, but still not better than the office," billie argued.
"and the good place," valerie continued. "smart writing, hilarious, and emotional. way better than watching people be idiots in an office for nine seasons."
billie groaned. "you just don't get the depth of the office."
"there is no depth," valerie said flatly. "it's just awkward humor for people who think quoting 'that's what she said' is peak comedy."
"i hate you."
valerie laughed. "no, you don't."
billie huffed. "fine, but i will send you a five-paragraph essay on why you're wrong."
"looking forward to it."
they kept talking-debating dumb stuff like whether pineapple belongs on pizza (valerie: yes, billie: absolutely not), the worst concert experiences they've ever had, if aliens would think earth was a dumb planet. at some point, valerie stopped feeling weird about the whole facetime thing. it just felt natural.
"i should probably let you sleep," billie finally said, stifling a yawn.
valerie glanced at the time and blinked. "jesus christ, how have we been talking for three hours?"
billie smirked. "because i'm fun."
"debatable."
"shut up," billie laughed.
valerie hesitated before saying, "this was fun."
billie smiled, softer this time. "yeah, it was. goodnight valerie."
they hung up, and for the first time in a long time, valerie felt excited about someone. and a little terrified too.
b99, the good place, and modern family defender till i dieððð