VALERIE WAS LYING ON HER BED, lazily tapping through her phone when a facetime call popped up.
billie.
she smiled and answered, immediately met with billie's deadpan expression.
"bro," billie said, unimpressed. "why did you just tweet, 'someone please hit me with a frying pan'?"
valerie snorted. "i mean. no context needed."
"should i be concerned?" billie asked, tilting her head.
"nah, it's just my way of saying life is kicking my ass." valerie stretched out, flipping onto her stomach. "what's up?"
"literally nothing, which is why you're suffering through this call," billie said, adjusting her hoodie.
"i suffer every day," valerie replied dramatically. "this is just extra."
billie rolled her eyes but grinned. "okay, tell me why i just had the worst interaction at the grocery store."
"oh god," valerie perked up. "spill."
"so i'm in the fruit aisle, right? minding my business, looking at bananas."
"as one does."
"and this old lady just grabs my arm out of nowhere-like, full-on clutching me-and goes, 'you have the kindest eyes.'"
valerie's mouth dropped open. "bro, what?"
"i thought she was about to put a curse on me." billie shook her head. "like, thank you, ma'am, but please release me."
valerie wheezed. "you give off 'stray cat in need of love' energy, that's why."
"shut up," billie groaned. "anyway, what's your weirdest stranger interaction?"
valerie thought for a second. "oh. oh. i got chased by a goose once."
billie stared. "...excuse me?"
"listen. i was at the park, minding my own business, and this goose-this demon-just locked eyes with me." valerie shuddered. "i could feel the beef. and then it charged."
billie was already dying. "what did you do??"
"obviously, i ran for my life," valerie said. "but the worst part? i looked back, and the mf had his wings out like he was ready to square up."
billie lost it, full-on cackling. "you got jumped by a goose."
"traumatized," valerie confirmed.
they kept talking, spiraling into more unhinged stories until billie, through laughter, said, "dude, it's so late."
valerie glanced at the clock. "oh, damn. we really just talked for three hours about geese and cursed grocery store encounters."
"priorities," billie nodded. she yawned. "alright, i should sleep before i pass out mid-sentence."
"valid," valerie said. "goodnight, victim of old-lady sorcery."
"goodnight, goose survivor." billie grinned before ending the call.
valerie tossed her phone onto her pillow, still smiling as she shut her eyes.