VALERIE WOKE UP FEELING woke up feeling like she hadn't slept at all.
her body was heavy, limbs aching with the kind of exhaustion that had nothing to do with rest. she lay still, staring at the ceiling, her mind already tangled in thoughts she didn't want to deal with. her phone was on the nightstand, screen lighting up every few minutes with texts and emails she should probably answer. she ignored it.
eventually, she forced herself up, dragging her feet as she moved through the apartment. it was too quiet. too empty. she knew she could put on music, turn on the tv, call someone-anything to make it feel less suffocating-but even that felt like too much effort.
her stomach ached, but she wasn't sure if it was hunger or something else. she couldn't remember the last time she ate something that didn't immediately make her regret it. some days were better. some days, she could sit with a meal and not overthink it. but other days-days like this-felt impossible.
she grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, twisting the cap open with shaky fingers. taking a sip, she leaned against the counter, staring at nothing.
she needed to get out of her own head.
her phone buzzed again. she let out a slow breath before finally picking it up.
claire manager
interview at 7 tonight. don't forget.
valerie exhaled sharply through her nose. right. the jimmy fallon interview. she had agreed to it weeks ago, back when she thought she could handle it. now, the idea of sitting under bright studio lights, answering questions with a smile like everything was fine, made her stomach twist.
she opened her messages, scrolling past a dozen unanswered texts before stopping at the one person she actually wanted to talk to.
olivia
u better facetime me after the interview bc i wanna see the fit
valerie managed a small smile. olivia was in europe, halfway across the world promoting her own album, but she still made time to check in. still made sure valerie knew she wasn't alone, even when she felt like she was.
olivia
u better facetime me after the interview bc i wanna see the fit
valerie
if i don't have a full breakdown before then sure
olivia
babe ur literally the strongest bitch alive u got this
valerie wished she believed that.
she sighed, tossing her phone onto the couch before flopping down beside it. the weight in her chest hadn't lifted. if anything, it felt heavier.
the world thought they knew her. they saw the polished version-the one who wrote heartbreak songs and performed in stadiums and smiled in interviews. they didn't see this. the empty apartment. the untouched food. the constant battle with her own mind.
sometimes, she wondered if she would ever feel normal again. if she had ever felt normal in the first place.
tonight, she would go on stage and pretend. she would laugh at jimmy's jokes and talk about the album and act like everything was fine.
and maybe, if she was lucky, for a little while, she'd believe it too.