BILLIE'S NAME LIT UP VALERIE'S phone, the vibration rattling softly on the desk. she glanced at the screen, hesitating for a brief moment before swiping to answer.
"hey, b," she said, leaning back in her chair.
"hey, wilson," billie replied, her voice already softer than usual. "so, i thought i'd save myself from typing a novel and just call. that cool?"
valerie smiled. "yeah, it's cool. what's up?"
"honestly?" billie paused. "i wanted to check on you. and, uh... i wanted to talk about everything. i just wanna make sure there won't be any unsaid words in the future."
valerie let out a small laugh. "you mean the grammys? or odessa? or both?"
"all of it," billie admitted. "i feel like i'm the reason for half your stress right now, and i hate that."
valerie shook her head, even though billie couldn't see her. "you're not. odessa is the problem, not you. she's the one who fed me all those lies. i'm just mad i believed her for a second."
"but i still feel like i should've done something," billie said, her voice quieter now. "i feel like-i don't know-I failed you."
"you didn't," valerie said firmly. "odessa knew exactly what she was doing. she's manipulative as fuck, billie. this isn't on you."
there was a silence on the other end of the line, and valerie could hear billie exhale deeply.
"i just keep thinking... if i'd tried harder, if i'd reached out again-" billie's voice cracked slightly, and she stopped herself. "sorry. i'm not trying to make this about me."
"you're allowed to feel things, b," valerie said softly. "and for the record, i'm glad you're saying all this. i needed to hear it."
billie let out a bitter laugh. "i don't know how you're not furious with me."
"i was," valerie admitted. "but then i realized... you didn't do anything wrong. odessa lied, and i let her get in my head. it's as much on me as it is on her."
"i still feel like i owe you an apology," billie said. "for everything. for disappearing for so long. for-" she stopped again, her voice breaking.
valerie's heart twisted. "billie. stop. i don't want you to keep beating yourself up about this. i've forgiven you, okay? a million times over."
there was a long pause before billie spoke again, her tone lighter now. "so... can we talk about your album instead? because i need a distraction."
valerie chuckled. "you're just dying to know what's on that tracklist, huh?"
"you already sent it to me, but yeah, i'm desperate," billie said, a teasing edge to her voice. "just one song, wilson. please. i need to mentally prepare for the damage you're about to do to me."
valerie hesitated for a moment before relenting. "fine. but just one. hold on."
she grabbed her laptop and queued up "my girl only breaks her favorite toys." the song began to play, the upbeat music with devastating lyrics filling the room. valerie stayed silent, watching the timer on the screen tick by as the weight of the song settled between them.
when the last notes faded, there was only silence on billie's end.
"b?" valerie asked softly.
billie sniffled, and valerie's stomach dropped. "sorry," billie said, her voice thick with emotion. "i just-i hate how much i hurt you. hearing it like that..."
"hey, hey," valerie said quickly. "don't cry. please. it's okay."
"it's not," billie said. "that song is... god, it's beautiful, but it's also the most gut-wrenching thing i've ever heard. i feel like such an idiot."
"you're not an idiot," valerie said firmly. "you're human. and for the millionth time, i don't blame you. you've got to stop carrying all this guilt around, b. it's not good for you."
billie let out a shaky laugh. "you're too nice to me, you know that?"
"nah, i'm just tired of watching you beat yourself up," valerie said, a smile creeping into her voice.
there was a long silence, comfortable this time, before billie spoke again.
"so... does this mean you'll finally unblock me on instagram?"
valerie burst out laughing, the sound easing some of the tension in the air. "we'll see. depends on how many times you beg."
"oh, i'm begging," billie said, her tone lighter now. "you'll see me in your dms tonight."
"i'll be waiting," valerie teased, a grin spreading across her face.
for the first time in what felt like forever, everything between them felt right again.