VALERIE'S BODY FELT LIKE it was sinking. deeper into the mattress, deeper into the silence.
her stomach had long since stopped growling. the hunger was just a dull ache now, blending into the rest of the emptiness. two days. that's how long it had been since she last ate, since she last forced herself to care.
she didn't know why this was happening. or maybe she did. maybe it was the weight of it allâher past, her career, the expectations pressing against her ribs like a vice. maybe it was the way her mother's voice still lived in her head, whispering that she was just like him. selfish. unlovable.
or maybe it was nothing at all. maybe this was just who she was now.
her phone buzzed again, lighting up the room with a flash that disappeared just as quickly. she didn't look. couldn't. she already knew what it would say.
olivia, begging her to answer.
she should.
but she couldn't.
because what was she supposed to say? that she hadn't gotten out of bed in two days? that she had spent last night staring at the ceiling, trying to remember what it felt like to be happy? that the thought of existing, of waking up again tomorrow, felt like an unbearable weight she couldn't carry anymore?
what was she supposed to say?
she curled in on herself, her fingers gripping the blanket like it could hold her together. she felt weak. tired. her body ached in a way that went beyond hunger, beyond exhaustion. it was in her bones, in her soul.
the world kept moving without her. social media was proof of that. her friends were out, smiling in photos, their lives full of light and laughter. her fans were talking about her music, about how much she inspired them.
inspired them.
valerie let out a shaky breath, staring at the wall.
if only they knew.
if only they knew that the person behind the music, behind the words they clung to, couldn't even pull herself out of bed. that she hadn't eaten in days. that she was so fucking tired.
her stomach twisted, but not from hunger. from shame.
she had everything she ever wanted. a career people dreamed of. friends who loved her. fans who looked up to her.
so why did she feel like nothing?
why did she feel like she was disappearing?
another buzz.
her hands clenched. she squeezed her eyes shut, but it didn't block out the noise, the pressure building in her chest.
another buzz.
she let out a shaky breath.
another buzz.
fuck.
her fingers trembled as she reached for her phone, flipping it over. the screen was bright, too bright in the darkness, but she forced herself to look.
olivia. again.
her vision blurred for a second.
she could ignore it.
but what if olivia showed up? what if she came pounding on her door, demanding answers valerie wasn't ready to give?
her hands shook as she unlocked her phone. she stared at the text thread, at the words olivia had sent.
val, are you okay?
please text me back. i'm worried about you.
val please text me back
her breath hitched.
she didn't have the energy for a conversation.
but she couldn't leave olivia like this.
so she forced her fingers to move, typing out a short reply.
i'm alive
she hesitated, then hit send.
almost immediately, the typing bubble appeared. valerie watched it, her heartbeat heavy in her ears, waiting for whatever olivia would say.
but thenâ
it disappeared.
valerie's chest tightened.
she waited. five minutes. ten. but olivia didn't reply.
she set the phone down, staring at the ceiling, a hollow ache settling in her ribs.
she should feel relieved.
but she just felt emptier than before.