Chapter 35: Dr. Grant: Chapter 35

Noah and I are both quiet as we board the plane. I’m not ready for this trip to end, and I don’t think he is either. I’m not ready to go back to how things used to be. I don’t think I ever will be.

Noah grabs my hand and entwines our fingers, his expression as sullen as mine must be. He seems resigned, and the look in his eyes tears me apart. He looks helpless and bitter, and I hate that I’m doing this to him. To us.

I can’t help but wonder if I’m being selfish. I want Noah with my heart and soul, but love isn’t meant to be selfish. I should want what’s best for him, but I don’t want to be without him. I want to continue calling him mine. I want to spend my nights with him, even if we do nothing at all.

My throat closes up as the plane lands, and I will myself not to cry. I’ve never felt emotions this strong, and I know I never will again. Noah… he will always have my heart.

He holds my hand as we make our way out of the plane. All throughout the airport, he holds my hand in his. He doesn’t let go until we reach his car, and even then, it’s only to open the door for me. He’s barely looked at me, sadness engulfing us both.

I’m tense as Noah walks around the car, his movements slow, as though he too is hoping to postpone the inevitable. He gets behind the wheel and then he finally turns to look at me, his expression a reflection of my broken heart.

I force a smile onto my face and grin at him. “Thank you for a lovely week, Noah. This is exactly what we needed to get this thing between us out of our system. It was perfect.”

He frowns, anger flashing through his eyes before he controls it.

“We said we’d be friends, right? We both know that’s the logical thing to do. It’s what’s best for both of us right now. I guess the timing isn’t right for us. It happens. Either way, I’m glad to have had a week with you. Let’s move on now, Noah. You and I can be friends, I’m sure of it.”

He looks at me, his gaze searching. For a moment I falter, for a single moment, I want to reach out and pull him toward me. I want to lose myself in him, but I can’t. Noah is the one person I can’t be selfish with. He deserves the world, and I refuse to stand in his way. Things might be perfect between us right now, but he hasn’t felt my grandfather’s wrath just yet. Once he does, once his future crumbles before his eyes, he’ll never look at me the same. I’ll have single-handedly taken everything he’s been working so hard for, and I can’t do that. Not to him. No matter how much I want to be with him. The price to pay is one that’s too high to bear, and at some point, he’d resent me for all he lost. I saw it in my mother before our lives fell apart, and I can’t knowingly lead Noah down the same path. Not when I know how promising his future is, how brilliant he is.

“Friends,” he whispers. He grits his teeth, his jaw tensing as he turns away from me. I swallow down my sorrow and paste a smile onto my face. It’s too easy to give in now, to risk it all. I can see that he wants to, but I know that if he does, that light in his eyes will eventually dim. As my grandfather throws one obstacle after another at him, he’ll end up blaming me for it. I’ve seen it happen before with friendships my grandfather didn’t think were good for me, classmates he didn’t want me around. I know what my grandfather is like. If he’s capable of blocking every road to the fulfillment of my dreams, then he’s capable of doing much worse to Noah. We decided on sharing just a single week together for a reason. We both know what the consequences will be if we don’t end things now.

“You really think we can be friends?” he asks, his tone harsh.

I nod, keeping my expression entirely neutral, courtesy of sitting through countless hours of conversations with truly obnoxious people. The mask I was forced to develop throughout the years is ironclad.

Noah laughs, the sounds chilling. He leans in, his index finger tracing over the side of my face, down to my lips, and then down to my throat. “Now that I know what your pussy feels like… what you taste like… nah, I don’t think we can be friends, baby.”

I swallow hard, a rush of desire coursing through me. I force myself to stay still, to not clench my thighs the way I want to. He’s right. Now that I’ve had him deep inside me, I want more. It isn’t even the phenomenal sex, it’s the intimacy. I want him kissing me, stroking my back as we fall asleep together. I want to see the look in his eyes as he sinks deep inside me, his eyes never leaving mine as he fucks me. I want him holding my hand, our fingers entwined. I want him pressing kisses to my forehead and smiling at me the way he does. I want it all with him, and walking away is the hardest thing I’ll ever do.

“We can. We said we’d spend a week together, and we did. It’s enough. This is enough for me, Noah. Let’s just be friends. To be honest, I think I prefer it that way. This week has just complicated things between us endlessly. Neither of us needs extra complications in our life right now.”

I see hurt flash through his eyes, and I instantly want to take my words back. I bite down on my lip as I swallow down the words I want to say, and Noah’s eyes follow my every move.

“Complications, huh,” he repeats. “I see. Fine, Amara. As you wish.”

I nod, burying my true wishes deep below the shattered remains of my heart as I smile brightly.

Noah looks away and yanks his seatbelt on, his movements rough, angry. I’m terrified I’m hurting him, but I can’t see another way. There’s no possible outcome where he and I can be happy without sacrificing the future we’re building. Being with him means losing my family while Noah loses his career.

Noah is tense as he drives toward my home, parking in the clearing I left my car at. He stares out the window as he shuts down the engine, and silence washes over us. I don’t know what to say, and somehow I can’t get myself to say goodbye.

“I… thank you. For this week, for everything.”

Noah turns to look at me, his eyes roaming over my face and then down my body. He leans in, and my heart starts to race when he reaches for me, his hand tangling into my hair. He pulls me toward him roughly, his lips finding mine.

I moan against his lips, my eyes falling closed. This. I’ll miss this. The way he touches me, the way his hands tell me he owns me without the words ever leaving his lips. I kiss him with all I’ve got, trying my best to burn this moment into my memories, so I’ll always have a part of him.

Noah pulls me closer, lifting me out of my seat, and I tumble on top of him, the two of us barely fitting into this small space. His hands roam over my body, every touch and every caress leaving me wanting more.

He pulls away suddenly, his expression angry. “Tell me, Amara. Can you walk away from this? From us?”

I blink, reality crashing down on me. I smile at him, throwing as much charm at him as I can. “Noah,” I murmur, my tone seductive. “I make sex toys for a living. I’m always down for a good kiss or even a quickie. I’ve definitely had a lot of fun with you… but it’s just a fling, isn’t it? Let’s not turn it into more than it is. Let’s not destroy our friendship, okay?”

He looks at me as though I struck him, his expression pure devastation laced with despair… and then it’s gone. He smiles at me the way he did the first time I walked into his office. It’s a professional smile without a trace of emotion, and it kills me more than anything he could’ve said.

“You’re right,” he says, carefully placing me back in my seat. He handles me so reverently, his touch kind even as I’m breaking both of our hearts. “Thank you for a wonderful week, Amara. It’s just what I needed.” He pulls away, his arms crossing over each other as though he’s forcing himself to keep his hands off me. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

I nod, my hand on the door handle. “Yeah,” I whisper. “See you, Noah.”

I swallow down my tears as I open the door, forcing myself to keep it together just a bit longer. Noah steps out of the car and grabs my bag for me, and I take it from him with shaking hands, praying he won’t notice.

“Hey,” he says, his eyes on the trees behind me. “Let me know when you get home safe, okay?”

I nod and lean in, rising to my tiptoes to press a chaste kiss to his cheek. I allow myself that much before I turn and walk away, leaving my heart in his hands.