Chapter 50: All He’ll Ever Be: Heartless – Chapter 48

Banged on the door.

The stove ticks with the flame licking up from the burner and I turn it to medium before setting the pot of water on it.

I can’t get over Carter’s confession.

I would never go to the half of the estate where my father does his business. My mother died on the second floor in that half of the house and I swear I can still feel her there.

Whatever he thinks happened, didn’t.

I never interrupted my father’s work or even attempted to be anywhere near his business. I never banged on the door. I never called out that I needed anyone for anything.

I wouldn’t dare.

Carter chose wrong. The woman who called out to him and saved him… she wasn’t me.

I’m not his songbird luring him into the forest. I’m not the girl he thought he loved yet grew to hate.

It was never supposed to be me.

The hollow emptiness I’ve felt since he left me there in the den all alone, is unexplainable. I should be happy; I should tell him how wrong he was to take me. I should confess that voice he heard didn’t belong to me. Instead, I swallow the dark secret down and let it choke me as I watch the pot of water boil.

“What are you making?” Daniel asks me and disrupts my thoughts. “Damn, you look like hell,” he says, scratching the back of his head. In bare feet, faded jeans, and a plain white t-shirt, he looks relaxed, but he can’t hide the exhaustion in his expression.

“Ditto,” I tell him and spoon the potatoes into the pot. I’ve already cut everything else I need to make potato salad. Now I just wait. My mother used to make the best potato salad. I swear it’s better the day after though, once it sits in the fridge for a full night.

I’m not hungry at all. I’m simply going through the motions, pretending the truth of my situation doesn’t destroy every fiber inside of me.

Daniel opens the fridge as I spoon in the last few chunks. With the door open and his face hidden from me as he reaches for something, he asks me, “Want to talk about it?”

A genuine, yet sad smile tugs at my lips.

“You want to talk about your problems?” I ask him back.

“I asked you first,” he says with a hint of humor, shutting the door and revealing a jug of orange juice.

“You sound like your brother,” I tell him absently.

“Well shit,” he tells me, pulling out a glass. It clinks on the counter as he smiles at me. “Don’t go offending me left and right there, Aria,” he jokes, and I let the small laugh bubble up although it sounds subdued and futile.

I stir the hard potatoes even though I know I don’t need to. But I completely forgot the timer, and the realization makes me lean forward to start it.

With the beep of it being set, and the numbers counting down, I take a step back and lean against the counter.

“What’d he do this time?” Daniel asks me, mirroring my position as he leans on the other side.

“Nothing new,” I tell him and the honesty in those words is what hurts the most.

The soft smile that lingered on his lips vanishes at my reply, and so I focus on the numbers, watching them as if I could speed them up if only I stare hard enough.

“Why won’t he let me leave?” I ask him in a whisper.

Because he thinks you’re someone else. Someone who saved him.

My throat dries, and my words crack as I tell him, “This isn’t right.”

It’s silent for a long while, with only the sound being the water beginning to boil again.

“Because he cares for you,” Daniel finally says, and I look him in the eyes, letting him see the real effect Carter Cross has on me.

“What a way to show it. Killing my family is just the cherry on top.” My sarcastic response makes Daniel’s expression harden.

“I have opinions of your father as well,” he tells me softly, in a tone I haven’t heard from him yet. My heart slams once and I’m forced to look him in the eyes. “I’ll keep them to myself though,” he tells me and then opens the fridge to put the orange juice back.

No doubt so he can leave me. So he doesn’t have to tolerate my self-pity.

“And what about everyone else? Everyone I’ve ever known and loved?” I can barely breathe as I push him for justification.

“If you knew the truth,” he tells me, facing me after shutting the fridge doors, “you wouldn’t blame him.” There’s so much sincerity from him, I almost question my resolve.

“It’s not just my father. So, I can, and I will blame him,” I respond despondently, although I’m undecided on whether or not I believe my own words. When I look up at Daniel, my heart races chaotically and my body freezes.

Addison walks into the kitchen slowly, glancing from Daniel to me before offering me a small smile.

I can’t breathe, and I don’t know what to do. Anxiety pricks at my skin as she takes me in. My hair is still damp from the shower and I’m wearing a sleep shirt. I know my eyes show the lack of sleep and I look like a fucking mess.

More than that, I know Addison doesn’t know who I am. She’s normal. She’s not forced to stay here like I am. Not the same way, at least.

Daniel plays it off far better than I do, wrapping his arm around Addison and giving her a soft kiss that forces her eyes back to him.

Shifting my weight, I glance at the timer and consider just leaving. I don’t know what I’d say to her if I could even look her in the eyes right now.

Hi Addison, I know all about you and I know you don’t know anything about me. I’m Carter’s whore and he’s going to kill my entire family soon, so I’m not allowed to leave. Nice to meet you.

Although that’s not quite true. He admitted I mean more to him. But it’s because he thinks I’m someone else. I’ve never felt more shame than I do right now. Every time I remember his words, I want to cry. Because he never wanted me and the moment he finds out the truth, he’ll throw me away.

“Addison,” Daniel’s voice breaks up my spiteful thoughts as he says, “This is Aria. She’s with Carter.”

She’s with Carter.

His words echo in my head as Addison smiles sweetly, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear and giving me a small, but friendly wave while staying where she is. “It’s nice to meet you,” she says kindly although she glances back at Daniel, no doubt wondering what’s wrong with me.

“Hi,” I offer up a single word and it croaks. I’m not with Carter; I’m against him. Except of course when I’m writhing underneath him.

“She’s having a hard day,” he tells her softly. My heart thumps in the way that hurts. The way that makes it feel like it’s a tight ball that needs air and without it, it only gets tighter.

“Sorry.” I swallow and tell her, “I’m not usually this weird.” I roll my eyes and force a huff of a laugh up to ease the tension.

“You’re not weird,” she says and shakes her head at my words. “Just looks like you’re having a hard day. That’s totally reasonable,” she adds with her hands waving out in front of her. “No judgment here.”

I get the feeling that Addison is lonely from her tone, from her awkwardness. Or maybe I’m just projecting what I feel myself.

“Let’s get back,” Daniel says and the tightness in my throat grows. At least I got to meet her, and he said I’m with Carter. It’s respectable. Well… to some. I’m sure to her it is.

“Sure,” she tells him softly, with an answer spoken so low it’s just for him, but then she raises her voice and speaks to me.

“Do you want to come with me to the gym tomorrow?”

I blink at her question. I’m surprised by it and not sure what to say.

“I just took a shower, so…” she starts to say and then rocks on her heels, wrapping her long hair around her wrist nervously.

I don’t know if I’m even allowed to talk to her alone. Anger rises inside of me. I don’t need permission. And one day, she’ll know what I am and why I’m here. I can’t hide it forever. Then what will she think of me?

“I don’t know,” I offer her. My gaze flickers to Daniel, but he stands easily beside Addison as if nothing’s wrong. Like none of this is abnormal. The way the Cross boys do.

“Come on, we can drink wine while we do the back thing. It feels good,” she says playfully. “I don’t even like working out,” she says and then looks at Daniel as if looking for permission, but not waiting for any. “But being locked up here is killing me and it’s at least something different to do.”

I watch the happiness drain from her and the smile only staying where it is because she’s forcing it. “If you want company, I could really use some girl time,” she says softly and then rolls her eyes as the emotion plays on her face. “Sorry,” she huffs, shaking her head and leaning into Daniel as he holds her close. “I’m having a bad day too.”

“I can work out,” I tell her immediately, saying what she wants to hear just to take away her pain. I bite my lip as my heart sputters, wondering if Carter will stop me from going.

“I’m not a runner though,” I warn her, trying to lighten the mood and force a small smile to my lips.

A genuine happiness lights up her face and she nods enthusiastically. “Oh, yeah, for sure.” She laughs a little and breathes out easily, “If you ever see me running, you should start running too because there’s someone behind me trying to get me,” she jokes and doesn’t see how Daniel responds. How his lips turn down and then press into a thin line. She’s oblivious to it, but when she glances at him, he’s quick to hide it. To offer her a peck of a kiss and then tell me although he’s still looking at her, “I’m surprised she’s using the gym at all.”

She shrugs and points out, “There’s not much else to do.”

“We could just drink in the den?” I offer, grasping at a way to make it more acceptable. Carter knows I go to the den, so if Addison happened to come in there, he couldn’t blame me for that. Well, he could. He’ll probably find some way to stop it from happening as it is.

“That sounds perfect,” she tells me with a broad smile. Daniel drags her away just as the timer goes off on the stove.

With a genuine smile and a short wave, she says sweetly, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It’s kind of her, but I have no idea if I will.

Seeing how blind she is to everything, I’m reminded of how little I knew in my father’s house. Even being oblivious to everything else, she still has a sad smile. I guess there’s not much difference between knowing the truth and being blind to it. The effect is still the same.