Chapter 33: Thirty-one

He had been fine. The entire time, Liam had been fine. They acted as though nothing happened, and he was okay.

He couldn't stop grinning the entire time. Ian had a big grin too. They had to take separate cars on the way back home though. Ian and Ember had to ride with Javi and Lucas while Liam, Paige, and Izzy had to go with Chris.

Liam hadn't had any major issues with this. They dropped Izzy off first and then took him home. He said goodbye to them and then ran inside, sneaking back up to his bedroom. It was nearly two in the morning by the time he got done with his shower and changing out of wet clothes.

It wasn't until he sat on his bed that the gravity of the situation hit him.

Ian had kissed him. Ian had kissed him in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain, while they were standing in a random parking lot.

Part of him wishes that was all a part of his overactive imagination. Perhaps he had just been watching too many shows lately. However, that didn't really make sense because he didn't even like Ian like that.

Well, he must've if he kissed him. He did realize that he kind of favors Ian over the rest of the group and he really likes being around him. Is that from liking him?

Liam's never had a crush before. He doesn't know how these things work. What does it mean to have a crush? What does someone do with their crush?

Well, he could guess that they might kiss them in the rain.

So, maybe he has a crush on Ian. That's good to know. That's not even what worries him the most about this situation. Ian kissed him.

He doesn't think that was a dream. Hell, part of him hopes it wasn't. If he's hoping it wasn't a dream then he must actually have a crush on him, he guesses. He assumes so anyway, he's never hoped anyone had kissed him before.

Wait, fuck, no this can't be happening. He likes Ian, and not just in a romantic way. He likes having him around. What's gonna happen now?

He can't get too hysterical. Ian could still come over when he can't sleep and they can still have movie marathons while he introduces Liam to shows and movies he's never heard of before. They could still be normal, maybe. Hopefully.

But what if they weren't? What if Ian never speaks to him again? What is he gonna do? He needs Ian. Ian helps him feel normal. Ian makes him feel like his whole life isn't going to go to shit after be turns 18 and gets disowned by his parents, or whatever is going to happen.

Liam sits on his bed and rests his elbows on his knees so he could use his hands to cover his face. This is bad, isn't it? He shouldn't have kissed Ian. As he's wallowing in his own frustration, a realization hits him.

Ian kissed him.

Holy shit, why'd Ian kiss him? If he ignitiated it does that mean that it doesn't all stop and they'll still be friends? He doesn't even wanna think about the possibility of anything other than friends at the moment. He just doesn't want him to leave.

What if Ian hates him?

Wait, why would he hate Liam? People don't normally kiss people they hate. Unless he only kissed Liam in the heat of the moment and his brain was all foggy so he wasn't thinking. That makes Liam a weirdo for kissing back doesn't it?

At least, he thinks he kissed back. It's a flash but also moving in slow motion at the same time.

Yeah, he definitely kissed back. He hopes he didn't suck, he's never kissed someone before. He doesn't even know how he did that.

What if he never sees Ian again? It wouldn't surprise him if the boy avoids him after this. This is a pretty awkward situation to be in.

Suddenly there's two, small taps at the window. Liam springs up from his bed immediately. The rain has stopped now, it was stopping when they left the parking lot so it's long gone now.

His eyes are glued to his window but from his bed, in the dark with nothing but the shine off his little lamp on the bedside table, he can't tell if someone is sitting on the windowsill. He walks over at the possibility of it being Ian and yanks the curtains back.

He can't help the shock that overtakes when he sees it actually is Ian. Of course, Ian's the only person that would he tapping on his window in the middle of the night but it seemed too good to be true. Liam had thought his mind was playing tricks on him, but apparently not as the boy is standing right there.

Liam opens his window and immediately Ian jumps in with practiced ease. He leans back up against the window, his aura completely different than usual. He's stiff and uncomfortable.

Fuck. Liam looks down at his feet. It's clear as day to him how Ian feels. He doesn't want to be here. He's uncomfortable now. Liam went and messed everything up and now his life is going to have to go back to how it was before.

"Hey, sorry I swear I called. A bunch actually. You didn't pick up." Ian starts, clearing his throat. "I guess I should've taken the hint but I had to make sure you were okay."

"Oh." Liam looks down at his feet. He hasn't noticed anyone trying to call. "I never heard my phone ring, it must've been on mute."

"Oh..." Ian trails off and sticks his hands in his pockets. They both just stand there feeling like idiots.

"Um, did you uh need a place to crash tonight?" Liam couldn't think of anything else to ask. He just wants this tension settling around them and making them so awkward with each other to disappear.

"Not really." Liam thinks for a moment that Ian will stay quiet after that but instead he looks up. "I thought you might be freaking out."

"Oh." Liam contemplates telling him for a minute. "I kinda am."

"Okay." He nods. "Me too, a little bit."

They stay quiet for a little bit and Liam stares at the floor. He doesn't know what to do or say. Ian clears his throat and starts talking again first.

"Listen if you uh wanna pretend none of this ever happened, I'll understand. We can go back to normal and I'll act the same as I used to." There was something different in his voice, it was a little scratchy now. "We can pretend nothing happened and I swear I won't make it werid. Just- please don't start avoiding me. Please." His eyes are pleading while he looks back into Liam's blue ones.

"I um, I don't know if I like you, Ian." Liam wrings his hands together a few times. He feels awkward and all the words coming out of his mouth taste weird. He's not sure how that makes any sense but it does. "I like being around you and I like it when you come over because you can't sleep at your mom's and I like it when you force me to sneak out and do something because I never have before. But I've never had a crush before so I don't- I can't tell if I like you like that or not. And I don't want to tell you I do just to find out I don't and then you'll be hurt and we'll avoid each other and it'll get all awkward."

He nods. "Okay, so what do you want to do?"

"I don't want to hurt you." Liam voice drops as he mumbles the only words he's sure of. It's the honest truth. Hurting Ian would be the worst possible outcome of anything they decide to do. No matter what they settle on, he just wants Ian to be okay.

Ian seems to freeze after Liam spoke. His eyes glaze over and he just stands there looking at Liam. It's almost like that one sentence affected him more than anything else said tonight.

"Can I hug you, Liam?"

Liam's heart jumps up into his throat. The words aren't at all what he was expecting. He nods and with two steps, Ian has crossed the distance between them and wrapped Liam up in his arms.

Liam melts into the embrace. His arms slip under Ian's and wrap tightly around his torso. His hands grab fistfuls of his T-shirt, scared that when they pull away this might be the end of it all.

"Fuck." Ian whispers, voice super quiet as though Liam wasn't supposed to hear.

His arms tighten around Liam, he tries to pull him closer. Though that felt impossible apparently it wasn't as Liam slides forwards a little. He buries his head in the crook of Ian's neck, taking in every moment he can.

"Hey, Li?"

Liam doesn't want to let go yet. He doesn't want Ian to leave. He needs him. He can't go, not yet.

"I'm not going anywhere." Ian says and Liam realizes he must've tightened his hold on him subconsciously. "Okay? I'm not leaving yet, I just need to ask you something."

"Oh." Liam's grip loosens but he doesn't let go. He can't brings himself to let go yet.

"What if we... shit I don't know how to word this. Um- we can go back to normal, yeah? Just like we were before. Only, this time we can do other stuff too. Like, I don't know about you but I really liked that kiss and wouldn't mind doing it again. And we can do other stuff too. We don't have to be dating or anything, not until you're sure if you like me or not. Once you make up your mind we can talk about labels."

Liam processes everything. Ian liked the kiss. He wants to do that kind of thing with Liam? Why?

Ultimately, he decides not to overthink it. He liked the kiss too. He thinks he likes Ian. This sounds like a good enough plan. Slowly, he nods. "Okay."

"Okay?" The hope in Ian's voice makes Liam smile. He nods again. "Okay. Cool."

The smile makes itself present in the words. Liam smiles at the fact that Ian is smiling. At the fact that Ian's smile can be heard in his sentences.

Slowly they untangle from each other's arms. Ian's hands go up to rest on Liam's shoulders. They travel up to cup his face next, examining it.

"It's probably time we head to bed. Is it okay if I stay?"

Liam doesn't even have to think about it, he nods. Ian breaks out into a smile. His hand goes down to hook with Liam's and they walk over to the bed.

Ian crawls on his side first, sliding off his shoes before getting up. He stays a respectful distance away and Liam does too. Although, as they cover up Liam finds himself missing the warmth of Ian.

He just misses Ian in general. He gave himself quite a scare when he had himself convinced he'd never see Ian again. He missed him enough in those few minutes to make up for a month, at least.

Ian's eyes blink over to meet Liam's. They both stare at each other blankly. Ian moves over a little closer and then opens his arms in invitation. "Wanna sleep over here?"

Liam doesn't feel the need to answer verbally. He rolls over until Ian is wrapping his arms around him again. His head falls onto Ian's chest and he can hear the fast beating heart inside. Everything suddenly feels okay again.

Ian rubs his hand down Liam's back while his other is tightly holding around his waist. Hearing his heart beat and feeling his stomach rise up and down with the intake of air is soothing. He falls asleep in less than a minute.

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Liam wakes up to a loud ringing noise. He looks over to see Ian reaching over and picking up his phone. Ian sits up and answers the call.

"Hello?" His voice makes him sound just as groggy as Liam is. "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I'm okay, I'm at Liam's."

Liam rolls over to rest his eyes against Ian's hip, he feels abnormally sleepy this morning. Ian reaches down and lightly scratches the back of his neck. That does not help him feel more awake at all.

"I know, I'm sorry. Something urgent came up. I needed to talk to him." Ian continues speaking into the phone. "I understand. Okay. I love you."

He hangs up and puts the phone back on the side table, sighing. Liam peeks out from the darkness to look up at him. Ian meets his gaze and a soft smile takes over his face, his hand going up to smooth over Liam's hair.

"That was just my mom." Ian says simply. He then pauses and says for clarification, "The one married to my dad."

Liam smiles at the fact that Ian didn't call her his step mom. He must really view her as his mother. That would make sense, she's been married to his father since he was a baby.

"She went to see if I was awake and freaked out because I wasn't in my room." Ian explains. "I'm okay to stay here though, I just have to be home tonight."

"Okay." Liam mumbles, still sleepy but happy that Ian doesn't have to rush out. "Can we try to go back to sleep? I'm tired."

Ian chuckles. "Yeah."

They both lay back down. Ian grabs Liam's hand and pulls it over his torso. He mumbles something about it being his turn that Liam doesn't fully hear.

Liam keeps his arm around Ian, liking the way it feels to have his fingers intertwined with him. He cuddles up against Ian's back, resting his head between the boy's shoulder blades. It's comfortable, he likes it.

Ian falls asleep first. Liam can tell by the way he slowly stops messing with their interlinked fingers and the way his breathing evens out. Liam smiles, nuzzling more into his back and soaking in the warmth. He's soon to fall asleep too.

They don't get to stay asleep for long though. Liam wakes up soon. He slowly pulls himself away so he can grab his phone. He had no intention of waking Ian up but the movement did it and Ian rolls over to look at him.

Ian smiles softly. "Good morning Sunshine."

Liam feels himself smile too. He looks over to check the time. He sees it's ten thirty and looks back to Ian.

"How long are you gonna stay?" Liam asks as Ian sits up.

"However long you'll put up with me." Ian answers with a little smile. "I do have to be home for dinner at six though."

Liam nods. "Okay. You wanna watch something?"

"Sure." Ian smiles. Liam reaches over to grab his laptop off the bedside table. He folds it open and Ian comes up to wrap his arms around Liam's waist, resting his head on his shoulder.

They cuddle and watch TV for the majority of the day. Liam goes down at lunch to eat and since his mother is gone he successfully sneaks some food back for Ian.

At five Ian stands up and stretches. "I better be going."

"Okay." Liam slings his legs over the side of the bed, ready to stand up too. Ian puts his hands down on either side of Liam's thighs and ruins his plans, caging him in. Liam looks up surprised, only to see Ian smiling down at him.

"I'll talk to you later." Ian leans forward and connects their lips. Just like that, Liam's mind is wiped clean. All thoughts seem to just evaporate as he slides his hands up to hold Ian's face as they kiss.

Ian's tongues swipes across Liam's bottom lip and waits there. Liam opens his mouth and Ian doesn't hesitate. The second their tongues touch Ian groans softly.

Hands slide up and into Liam's hair. When Ian pulls away smirking Liam has to resist the urge to pull him back in.

"Bye." Ian leans forward once more to peck the corner of Liam's lips and then he's going across the room, scampering down the tree and presumably running across the yard.

Liam falls back onto his bed, processing everything that just happened. He slowly smiles.

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Yeah, not quite together yet. Lol.

Love you ♡

- Z