Chapter 27: Chapter 27: Condemend to Live

He lays me down on the marble floor, and a doctor is there, examining me like he knows how to even treat me. He shakes his head and mutters something, and the king waves his hand to dismiss him.

Helos can see from the shallow breaths that I take that I am no longer drowning. That I am no longer dying.

He dries my skin, brushing the towel in downward strokes, careful not to catch all the patches of scales that cover me. He is staring at me with concern, confusion, despair even.

I shut my eyes and fight back the tears because I wanted to die.

I was ready for it.

I was at peace with it, and he wouldn’t even give me this.

His cruelty is astounding.

He carries me through to my bed and he lays me down under the covers before getting in on top of them, holding me.

I don’t have the energy to fight. I don’t have the energy to speak, but in my head, the feelings are coming back.

My hate, my anger, everything I had let go of. It’s all here, festering away again.

I fall asleep as his arms wrapped around me, and he holds me to his chest. I don’t want to wake. I never want to wake again, but I know I will, and even as I sleep, my tears are falling.

I wake slowly. Blinking. Helos is still there. I am still encased in his muscular strength, and I ignore the feeling of safety it gives me.

Because he is not safe. This man, this king. He does not give me that, and he will not give me that.

His arm is under my neck. He’s lying on his side while I am on my back. He is watching me. He knows I’m awake, and I glare up at him.

“I hate you,” I gasp before I can stop myself, and he frowns, confused, as if he has done nothing wrong.

“Why?” he asks.

“You have hurt me and tricked me, and even now when I might have found some peace, you have stolen that from me too.”

“What peace is there in death?” he says, and his voice is harsh now.

“It would be for me. I would be free. Free of this world. Of all the monsters in it. I would finally be safe,” I say, choking on the last of it as my eyes well.

“You are safe. I will keep you safe,” he says.

I shake my head. “You lie. You have not kept me safe, and you will not. You will hand me to Issar as soon as he retur—”

“No,” he growls, pulling me into his chest.

“You will. I heard you say it,” I reply, trying not to breathe in his scent, but I do anyway, and the creature within me stirs for the briefest of moments.

“I said what I needed to at the time. But I won’t hand you over. I can’t,” he says.

“You lie,” I cry louder. “And you are worse than he is. At least he doesn’t pretend to be something else. Something good. But you….” I choke again but force the words out anyway. “I ~trusted~ you. I trusted you.”

“Kera.” He sighs, pulling me into him tighter, and I sob into his chest despite myself.

I fall asleep. Too exhausted to speak, to say anything more. Though I have a whole library’s worth of words I want to say.

He holds me all the while, stroking my hair, soothing me, comforting me, but it gives me no relief.

When I wake, he is still there, his arm around my waist, his hand holding the back of my head. I don’t speak. I don’t say a word. I am too angry and too drained to do anything.

For two days, I don’t say a word. He lies beside me when I sleep, and when I wake, he tries to make me eat, but I refuse to open my mouth. To let him feed me. To do anything that might extend my life.

I wanted to die, and even now, I still do. It doesn’t matter how. What only matters is that I succeed.

In pulling me from the water, Helos has guaranteed only one thing.

That I will die in pain now instead of in peace.

***

When I wake next, Helos is gone. The room is empty. The suite is empty. I get out of the bed and my legs are so shaky that it feels like I don’t know how to walk.

I’m still naked. I walk into the dressing room to put a dress on, but my arms hurt too much to manage it, and in the end, I settle for just wrapping the bathrobe around me.

My scales are still there. A patch sits below my right breast, another is on the side of my thigh, and I have smaller, more delicate ones across my arms and lower legs.

Despite my depression, I can’t help but stare at them, touch them, admire them. They’re more beautiful than I imagined, more beautiful than I realized.

If I were born thousands of years ago, then this would be my skin. This would be what everyone saw alongside my blue hair.

I can feel the creature inside me observing, reading my emotions. We’ve never truly bonded. Never truly accepted each other, though there have been moments in my life where we have agreed.

Mostly we are at loggerheads. Either she hates me or I hate her.

But right now, I feel like something might have changed. Like suddenly we both feel the same.

Like perhaps we are even ~one~.

I run my hand along the back of my hand. The scales there are small, delicate, fragile almost. In the candlelight, they shimmer, and I shift my hand, watching as the flames catch their iridescent beauty.

I don’t notice when Helos comes in. He sits quietly across from me, watching me as I stare at myself.

When I do realize he is there, I cry out in shock and clutch my chest.

“It’s okay,” he says softly.

I scowl back at him.

“You cannot be angry with me forever,” he murmurs.

“Yes, I can,” I snap back.

“Kera, let me explain,” he says.

I screw my face up at him. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear your lies and your manipulation.”

He blinks at me. “I have not manipulated you. I have ~never~ lied to you either.”

“Really? Then how do you explain what you have done? How do you justify tricking me into your bed one day then handing me over to him the next?” I shout.

“I got lost in the moment. We both did, but that doesn’t mean I tricked you. And I won’t hand you over to him. I’m doing everything I can to ensure that won’t happen.”

“You lie!” I scream, throwing the pillow beside me at him, and he catches it before putting it on the couch.

“I have a plan on how to beat him,” he states.

I narrow my eyes and then look away. He’ll say anything now. Anything to try to persuade me that he is not the man we both know he is.

“I didn’t want to tell you, to get your hopes up.”

“Get my hopes up?” I snarl back.

“I didn’t want you to know in case it didn’t work out, and in truth, I feared if you knew, you might give the game away,” he says.

“So, you did lie then,” I snap.

“No. I concealed a small piece of information from you, but I did not lie,” he states.

“And yet you let him near me. You let him touch me again.” I sob before I can stop myself.

My arms are hugging me tightly as I remember it. The fear, panic, but most of all, the look in Issar’s eyes when he saw me.

He sighs. “I didn’t have a choice. If I’d refused, it would have shown my hand. And besides, the rest of the Council demanded it. I have to at least pretend to be impartial.”

“Sure, because fucking me makes you impartial,” I retort.

He shakes his head. “I didn’t mean for us to become this.”

“Become what?” I seethe.

“I care about you, Kera. I know what you’ve been through, or at least part of it. I don’t want you enduring anymore, and if I can make it possible, I want you to stay here with me.”

I screw my face up at him. “I am not yours,” I snap.

“I won’t force you to be. But until you are at least recovered, I’m not leaving you,” he says.

“I don’t want you here. I don’t even want to look at you,” I state.

“And I can’t trust that you won’t try to drown yourself again,” he says.

“It’s my body. I can do what I want with it. And I will, as soon as your back is turned. I will drive a dagger through my heart, throw myself from the tallest tower, whatever it takes.”

He growls angrily, “Kera.”

“No,” I shout, standing up.

My legs are shaking still and my heart is thumping loudly.

“I can’t do it. I can’t live in this world of men. Where I am nothing but a thing for you to fight over. Where I have nothing but pain and torment.”

I walk away toward the bedroom, but Helos catches me before I can get far, and he buries me in the embrace of his body.

“Let me go,” I wail.

“I won’t, Kera. I don’t care what you say. I won’t let you go,” he growls and we both feel my tears dampening his shirt on his chest.

***

He sits beside me, coaxing me to open my mouth. I haven’t eaten in so long that it feels like I am actually wasting away.

I can smell the food, the spices, the meat; it’s mouth-watering, and before I realize I’m doing it, my lips part and he slides the fork into my mouth.

It tastes heavenly. I shut my eyes, just keeping it on my tongue, not even chewing it.

My stomach growls loudly in expectation and I swallow, feeling the delicious bite slide down, filling a tiny morsel of my hunger.

Helos has the fork ready, laden with a second mouthful, and I shake my head, glaring at him.

“Open,” he orders, knowing I will obey, and again my lips part for him.

Slowly, he starts to feed me, and as my stomach starts to fill, even I can’t ignore the warmth and comfort it brings me.

When I have eaten as much as my shrunken stomach can take, Helos puts the plate aside and carries me back to the bed, despite the fact that I am more than capable of walking.

He lays me down, facing him, and I glare at him before staring at the sheets between us.

“I will take care of you, Kera. You just have to trust me.”

“I did that once before, remember? Look where that got me,” I mutter.

He takes my hand, stroking the same scales I studied hours ago.

“Will these fade?” he asks.

I look up at him, meeting his eyes. “Perhaps.”

“Why did they come up like this?” he asks.

I shrug. “The creature knew what I was doing. She fought with me. This is the evidence of it.”

“The creature?” he asks, frowning.

“The other part, the older part. That’s what I call her.”

“So, it really is like there are two of you then?” he states.

I nod. “Yes. She is in my mind, in my body, but I am the dominant one.”

“Do you talk to one another?” he asks, his thumb almost hypnotically stroking across the tiny scales.

“No. She can only communicate through emotions, through feelings. I know what she wants at any given time, but she cannot speak with actual words.”

He watches me as if he is trying to understand it. As if he is trying to make sense of it.

“They’re beautiful,” he murmurs.

“What are?” I ask.

“Your scales,” he says.

I blush at his words, and I can’t help the rush of heat I feel. The creature inside me soars. She knows the compliment is for her, not me, and her elation brings tears to my eyes.

“Why are you crying?” he asks gently.

“She heard you,” I say.

His eyes widen. “She is as beautiful as you are,” he says, and the creature soars even more.

“Stop it,” I mutter.

“Stop complimenting you?” he asks, his face a mixture of confusion and amusement.

“Stop playing with her emotions,” I state.

“I’m not. I won’t,” he says seriously.

I narrow my eyes. “She needs my protection. She doesn’t understand this world. She is from a safer time, a time when she was revered, when she held power.

“She doesn’t know that the men now just want to use her. To hurt her.”

“I will protect her. I will protect you both.”

“No, you won’t,” I snap.

His arms are around me again, and I hate how comforting it feels. “Kera, let me protect you. Let me keep you safe,” he says.

I shake my head. My tears are falling now. The creature wants this. She believes him; she’s calling to him. She wants everything he is offering and she’s begging me to give in.

And if anything that breaks me more. Because he’s fooled her so successfully. He’s made her believe him in a way that I can’t break.

“I can’t trust you,” I gasp, sobbing.