I wake in the night. Itâs dark. Helos is asleep beside me, and I can hear his slow, quiet, gentle breathing.
Itâs been days since they found me. Days since Helos pulled me from the water.
I can feel my body healing. I can feel my strength starting to come back.
I donât know how long we will be on these ships for. All around us is the smell of sea, the taste of salt. I should be intoxicated by it, drowning in it, but Iâm not, and I wonder for a moment if Iâm broken.
If Issar did more permanent damage than I realized.
I roll over, facing Helos, and watch him sleep. A strand of his hair is lying across his face. His beautiful eyes are shut, and his usual dark stubble looks longer, as if he is almost gaining an actual beard.
Iâve never seen him wear a crown, I realize.
His physical size alone marks him before all other men for what he is, so I guess he has no reason to, but I wonder what he would look like with one perched on his head.
The creature stirs in me. Just for a moment. Just for a fleeting second.
Sheâs been staying away since we left the water.
Sheâs ashamed that she didnât recognize him. That her fear took over. She thinks I am angry with her, though I keep telling her Iâm not.
She was protecting us, helping us, just as I have done for her so many times.
We are a team now. A real team.
And I think we are both starting to realize the enormity of what our future will be. That this man, this king, before us is whom we will stand beside, sit beside, live beside. That he will also keep us safe, protected.
And, if we wanted, if we chose it, he would father our children too.
I let out a low sigh at the thought. Children. Iâve never thought of children. Iâve never dared to.
My family was taken from me so long ago that I never dared to think of building my own. Of making a new one.
Do I want children?
I think I do. But would they be safe? Would they not be hunted, abused, violated the same way I have been?
I look at Helos. He would keep them safe. He would do everything in his power to keep them safe.
But he cannot be around forever. I cannot be around forever. One day, we would die, and our children would have to fend for themselves.
Would they do it? Would they survive?
I shake my head. I donât want to think about it right now.
I slip out of the bed, away from Helosâs enticing arms. I stalk over to the window and open the glass just a little to let the sea breeze in.
The room suddenly feels hot.
I can see the moonlight reflecting off the waves. Around us is a whole fleet of warships. Helosâs warships.
I shudder at the thought of it. Of being surrounded by so many soldiers. So many men.
And then I shudder from something else. My eyes widen and I realize with horror that itâs been so long, too long since I last met my needs.
I know the creature wonât mean to take over. I know she wonât want to, but some things about us cannot be controlled.
We are ruled by instinct. Overpowered by it.
Itâs how the gods made me, made us.
I whimper.
I donât want to do this. I donât want to have this release because even now after being in the sea for days, I still feel dirty, tainted by Issar.
I can still feel his hands on me. His body forcing itself on me. His awful eyes staring at every inch of me.
I want to be sick.
I think I might be.
My body is starting to shake both with fear and with desire.
Iâm hugging myself, my torso, desperately begging for this to just go. For the gods for once to have mercy.
âKera?â Helos murmurs.
Heâs right behind me. I didnât even hear him get out of bed, but I cry as I turn to face him, and he frowns, seeing the mix of fear and desire in my face.
âWhatâs wrong?â he asks.
I shake my head. I canât answer him.
Iâm ashamed.
Ashamed of what I am, ashamed of what my body wants in this moment.
âTalk to me,â he says, putting his hands on my hips, no doubt trying to be reassuring.
Only the feel of his hands on me makes my body react, and my arousal leaks out, making me clench my thighs.
His eyes widen and I see the lust as he smells it so thick in the air around us, and for a second, I panic, thinking he might just turn into the monster I fear.
âDo you need me to leave?â he asks.
I know my cheeks are flushed with shame. I know what I must look like to him, but something about the way he says this makes me feel calmer.
I shake my head. I donât want him to go. I donât want to be alone, but I also donât want whatâs about to happen.
It feels like my legs are about to give way, that my need is taking over even my most basic functions.
Helos catches me and quickly carries me back over to the bed. My heart is racing so fast and I wonder if he can hear it.
âItâs okay,â he murmurs.
Heâs lying down beside me, trying to comfort me.
My body shudders again; only this time, I let out a moan. An illicit, salacious moan that I couldnât hold back if I tried.
His eyes glow so deeply for a second, and he lets out a long, low breath.
âMy bodyâ¦,â I whisper so shamefully.
He shakes his head and I fall silent, not speaking the words I donât want to say anyway.
âDo you want me to help?â he asks.
I gulp. Do I want him to? I donât know.
âYou have nothing to be ashamed of,â he states.
âYes, I do,â I reply.
I canât even look at him now. Iâm mortified by the situation Iâm in. By the fact my body is betraying me like this.
He strokes my face gently, lovingly, and I moan so loudly at the touch. I hear his breathing hitch as if he is struggling to control himself too now.
âLet me take care of you,â he murmurs.
I nod against his hand. I donât even realize Iâm doing it, but I am.
He leans gently over me, brushing his lips against mine, and I gasp at the feel of it. I can feel his hand sliding down my body, over the shirt he covered me in days ago.
His shirt.
I ditched the jeans not long after the doctor left. The shirt was long enough to cover me like a dress, and besides, it wasnât like I was going anywhere for a while.
He pulls the bottom of the fabric up, and I shudder again, this time partly in fear and partly in anticipation.
Heâs watching my face the whole time, and I stare back at him, my eyes wide and blinking.
Iâve lost my voice. Iâve lost my reason.
âIâll stop whenever you tell me to,â he states as his fingers slide between my thighs, and I groan so loudly.
âGods,â he growls and his amber eyes glow as he touches me and feels how wet I am.
Iâm literally soaked, covered in my arousal, and his growl just now only makes me leak out more.
He smells it instantly and tries and fails to hold back a low groan.
He begins sliding his fingers up and down me. We can both hear the slick sound of it against my juices. The minute his fingers begin to move, I spread my legs further.
Itâs instinctual.
Itâs primitive.
Itâs not even me.
Itâs my genes right now. Itâs who I am.
My species.
I have to have this release. I have to have this moment.
He buries my face in his shoulder, wrapping one strong arm around my body as if to protect it, while the other works away between my thighs.
My entire body from the waist down is rocking against him, writhing, gyrating.
And my moans are getting louder and louder.
With every sound I make, he growls in response. Deep guttural, sensual growls that push me further and further to the edge.
His thumb is pressed so deliciously hard against my clit. My body is heating up, getting hotter and hotter with every slide of his fingers.
He plunges them inside me and Iâm suddenly on fire. I burst into flames, my body writhing more violently than ever.
The creature screams out in ecstasy. Sheâs been tortured so long, tormented so much that she needs this pleasure even more than I do.
She takes over, pushing Helos back, with my body now on top of his.
His fingers are still working away, still sending shockwaves of pleasure through my aching body, but the creature wants more.
She needs more.
She needs her release.
A real release.
She grabs his face, pulling his lips to ours, and they crash together so hard I know my lips will swell with the bruising.
He lets me kiss him, but he doesnât kiss back with the same force, as if heâs holding back. As if heâs controlling himself from falling into whatever pit of desire Iâm trying to drag him down into.
My hands are ripping at his shirt. Ripping at his skin.
Sheâs desperate for him, we both are, as our release builds and builds like a bomb thatâs preparing to explode.
âHelos,â I cry.
We both cry.
The creature and I cry his name together.
My insides tighten around his fingers, and I kick out, screaming, as I finally cum so hard before collapsing on top of him.
My breath is coming so fast. My heart is racing. I can feel the heat of his chest through the shirt Iâm wearing.
I donât want to move right now. I donât want to get off him.
He strokes my hair, brushing it from my face.
âBetter?â he murmurs and I canât help but laugh.
I look up at him. At this marvel of a man. I donât know how he did what he just did, how he could hold back. How he did not let the desire take over and seek out his own pleasure through me instead of focusing on mine alone.
âI love you,â I whisper against his chest.
âKera,â he says, putting his hand under my chin to make me look him in the eyes. âI love you too.â
âHow do you do it?â I ask before I can stop myself.
âDo what?â
âHold back. Keep your desire from taking over,â I state.
His lip curls slightly. âWith great difficulty,â he replies.