I get down from the bike then hand Hernandez's helmet to him.
"Everything's gonna be alright", he says reassuringly with his usual boyish grin.
"Yeah", I softly say with a strained smile. "Thanks".
I walk up my porch holding Hernandez's jacket tighter around me. Saturday morning was windy even if the sun was fully out.
I get into the house and I hear his bike zoom away. Sleeping out wasn't an often habit of mine and now that I was having an argument with my mum the house seems totally different.
The atmosphere feels stuffed to the extent I don't smell the pork whiffing through the living room from the kitchen.
My mum walks out, "Abby you're back", she says walking up to me.
"I made breakfast-",
I cut her off, "I already ate".
"Oh, well that's okay", she sheepishly says.
"And why would you do that?", I harshly ask and she's shocked by my sudden outburst.
"What do you mean?", she asks confusedly.
"Cook something as weight threatening as that!",
"Honey I just thought I'd cook your favorite to cheer you up", she softly says but I wasn't having any of it.
"Why.. why do you think only food can cheer me up? Can't I be something else.. other than fat?",
She's speechless as she looks at me and I just realize something.. she's the owner and I'm the cat. I'm being overfed and I've been okay with it because she's been okay with it too.
"I'm not okay being this way", my voice breaks as I speak. At once, in that instant, all the emotions flood in back and I'm torn off just as yesterday.
"I hate being this way and it hurts because this is who I am now. This is what people see me as.. I'm nothing but fat!", I yell as the hurt I've been keeping away locates my heart and tears brim at the edge of my eyes.
"Abby I'm sorry.. I know I haven't been the best mum but I.. I just don't want to see you unhappy because I know being happy is all you've ever wanted", she says with a shaky voice and glossy eyes.
I hate seeing mum cry. The last time was when my dad left, it hurt her so much but I don't think she saw how bad it hurt me.
"I'm sorry", she cries trying to reach for my hand but I pull away.
"I.. I want to be alone", I tell her then head upstairs to my room. I lock the door behind me, take off shoes and then get into my bed.
I pull the sheets over me and cry. The sun light seeps through the window and gets into my eyes so I turn around. My eye catches something, popping out of my drawer.
I move closer then reach for it, succeeding in pulling it out. My sketch book comes into view and it's almost like I haven't seen it for ages now.
I slowly open it, the first pages were just random unfinished drawings but what came next was what I loved most.. the drawings of Noah and I.
I use a finger to outline the pencil lines constructing Noah's face. I've never had such strong feelings for anyone like the way I did for Noah. He was like an idol to me. I've always had a huge soft spot for him that never weakened.
Even now, it was still there.. waiting for him to poke at it again. Waiting to see if this time he would caress and not jab.
He might caress, but it only takes a little while until he jabs it.
I flip open a fresh page and grab a pencil from the drawer. I always keep a spare one there, just In case.
I sit up picking my ear pods from the bedside table. I put them on, connecting it with my phone then letting the music flood my eyes.
I don't mind my tear stained cheeks as I start to draw, letting a side of me that doesn't relate to being overweight come out.
**
Monday came rolling without a heads up just like the exam timetable. This week's gonna be one hell of a week. My mum and I were still social distancing, including Noah. Haven't seen him since the party and as much as I hate that, I want it to stay that way. I'm not ready to face him either.
Callie looked miserable when I saw her and when I said it's gonna be one hell of a week I realized it wasn't for me alone.
Everyone seemed like a mess, rushing to cram for finals and probably dealing with one problem or the other.
The only person that looked perfectly fine was Loren. She still boldly walked, no scratch that, sashayed through the hallways with her spray tanned entourage.
I try as much as possible to stay invisible as she passes my locker but guess who can't ignore the fat girl.
Loren stops by my locker putting her little march to a stop. Oh brother.
"Hi fart, oh sorry that's meant to be fatty or do you also go by the former?", she asks and her crew chuckle at her little joke.
"That wasn't even funny", I blurt out looking at her entourage and Amber who stood right beside her seemed like she concurred. At least one of them know it's true.
"And who asked for your opinion?", she asks and I sigh. I can't deal with this right now. I shut my locker close and try to move pass her but she shoves me back.
"Don't think you're bigger, oh wait, you are but in size", she says and I ball my fists. She notices and she scoffs, "What?, are you going to hit me?", she questions and I grit my teeth.
Why can't she just back off? Why does she find joy in making me feel less of myself? Why the hell can't she leave me alone?.
"Yeah, I thought so fatso", she says and their about to leave but I scream catching everyone off guard including bystanders in the hallway and without even thinking I throw a punch at Loren.
I'm not fast enough so she moves out of the way and I end up punching Amber in the face.
I gasp just like everyone else, "Oh my God, are you-", I stop from going any further when she lets go off her nose and there's blood trickling out of it.
"You animal", Loren says with pure disgust and I turn to see everyone look at me weirdly. Like I was some ballistic gorilla.
Loren and her entourage take Amber away, probably to the nurse's office.
Ugh, and she wasn't that bad!. Loren is such a bitch.
"She seriously needs help", one of the on lookers say.
"Yeah, what a psycho",
"For real, anger management classes is clearly needed",
I run away from the hallway with blurry eyes. Tears clouded them, I couldn't see properly. I tried to wipe them but they only came out more.
I get into the bathroom, quickly entering a stall. I put the lid down and take a seat on it, letting an ugly cry out.
A loud bang comes from the side of my stall, "Shut up!".
I sniff, swallowing my cry.
There's a flush sound soon and the bathroom door opens and closes. I sigh, coming out of the stall and I'm shocked to see Asher and a cheerleader walking into the bathroom.
His eyes slightly widens at the sight of me.
Okay.. this is awkward.
I hold on to my bag straps and quickly walk out. I use the ends of my sleeves to wipe my eyes as I head to my next class.
I get in a little late and Miss Janet stops me. "And why are you coming just now?, didn't you hear the bell ring for third?", she asks with a stern look on her face.
"I'm sorry", I apologize, looking down at my feet as I hold on to my elbow. I try as much as possible to avoid the stares.. to avoid a specific glance I've been avoiding. I could sense him, I could feel his presence in this class.
"Why don't you help the class answer the question?", she asks but it's more like a statement rather than a question.
I look at the board. I haven't been reading a lot these days, the only way I grabbed knowledge was from tutoring and that's not enough to say the least.
I stare at the unsolved statistics question in confusion. I didn't have an idea of what the answer could be.
"We're waiting", Miss Janet urges handing me a marker. I take it and she gestures for me to go on. I gulp as I walk to the board.
I can't, I don't know it..
"I'll help her out", someone says from the crowd and I turn to see Hernandez raising his hand. He's here too.
My eyes spot Noah at the end looking at Hernandez now.
"Fine", Miss Janet says, looking like she'd rather go home than be here.
Hernandez gets out of his seat and walks to the front of the class where we stood. He takes the marker from me and hesitates before he puts something on the board.
He wipes a few times before he closes the marker and returns it to Miss Janet.
She takes it and sighs when she sees what's on the board. "The blind leading the blind", she says and the whole class starts to laugh.
Hernandez scratches his buzz cut with a nervous look.
"Get to your seats and pay attention", she says so we walk to our seats.
"Thanks", I whisper to Hernandez and he sends me a smile. My eye glances at Noah, our eyes meet and he looks away.
I take a seat and pray for the class to end quickly.
**
The bell rings and everyone starts to rush out of the class. I watch Noah leave without glancing my way.
Hernandez walks up to me, "I'm sorry I didn't get the question right".
I shake my head, "There's no need to apologize. You made an effort either way".
"I should apologize for not knowing it at all, cause I'm your tutor", I say and he smiles.
"Lunch?", he asks as we walk out of the class. What's the point of eating if I look like who's overfed?.
"Um I'll skip", I say and he narrows his eyes at me.
"You okay?", he asks stopping right in front of me.
"Yeah", I breath out not meeting his eyes.
He tilts my face up with a finger under my chin. "What's wrong?",
"I just..", I trail tiredly with a shrug as I let my arms fall by my sides.
He sighs then pulls me into a hug. "It's okay mama".
"Jessie was always the cheerful one.. can't forfeit your role", he says pulling me away a bit so he could see my face.
I smile a bit, "Okay".
"Didn't hear you", he says and I sigh.
"Yeehaa!", I yell and he chuckles.
"That's the spirit".
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hi guys, next update comes on Monday. Please leave a comment, your thoughts are very important, and a vote as well. Graciasâ¤ï¸.
Oh and before I forget, I'm posting a cover decision chapter so please help out.