Chapter 11: CH 11

Two days have passed since Yuki-kun’s confession.

The relationship between me and Yuki-kun may be the worst ever for me.

This is all my fault because I was insensitive to my own feelings…

I had a lot of trouble with it last night, regretted it, and was depressed… Thanks to this, I’m not sleeping well today, and I’m confident that I’ll fall asleep somewhere in the class after this.

But after a night of thinking, I was able to know my honest feelings. This time, it wasn’t a feeling that I had been influenced by my friends or the atmosphere, it wasn’t a misunderstanding that mistook longing and love, it wasn’t the purpose of falling in love itself, it was my genuine feeling.

I love you, Yuki-kun.

After rejecting Yuki’s confession, I think it’s an amazing turn of events even for me.

In addition, if I hadn’t rejected Yuki’s confession, I would have at least put it on hold, which would have brought up some nasty regrets, and I would have felt terrible about myself…

I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I don’t know if I will like myself like this…

But I want to at least tell him how much I like him. Yuki-kun also tried so hard to tell me.

That’s why today, just like yesterday, I pushed my sleepless body to come to school at a time when it could still be called early morning.

It’s all for the sake of watching Yuki-kun’s morning practice!

“So, where is Yuki-kun?”

Today, I’m not looking for Yuki-kun from the classroom, but from the shadows of the school building.

I’ll find him, I’ll watch him, I’ll watch him!

If I look at the schoolyard, squinting my eyes as I stare, I’ll see people from the soccer team running around, kicking a ball. I wonder if they’re practicing dribbling?

With that in mind, I moved my eyes around and spotted Yuki-kun rather quickly.

Yuki-kun, the manager, I guess? – seemed to be calling out to him.

I know it’s probably some kind of club activity, but the sight of it makes me feel really bad.

I didn’t care at all before, but now that I am aware of my feelings, I get jealous, which I think is amazing even for me.

I clenched my teeth and stared at Yuki-kun as he talked with the manager, growling softly.

Then, the manager suddenly raised her voice.

“…! It’s… responsibility to.. You!”

The moment it reached my ears, I felt a creeping sensation in my back and the back of my head, and my heart went cold as if it had been frozen. But at the same time, my eyes were blazing hot and I couldn’t stop the heavy sludge from overflowing in my chest.

I had never felt this way before when it came to Souta-kun. This is the first time I’ve felt real jealousy, something I’ve never felt before.

I felt like I was angry and sad, a mess, and I didn’t know what to do.

I don’t know what Yuki-kun and that girl are talking about, and I’m sure it has to do with club activities. But I can’t control my irritation. I’ve been with him for a long time, and I’ve never used the word “responsibility” to describe Yuki-kun.

“Ugh, what’s with that girl…”

I can’t stop my voice from sounding bitter, but I can’t stop it. My gaze is fixed on the manager who was talking to Yuki-kun, and I notice that my brow wrinkles up.

I had no idea that I had such a personality. As soon as I became aware of my feelings for Yuki-kun, this happened. I was so jealous that even I was taken aback by it, and I couldn’t show it to Yuki-kun.

While I was agonizing over this, the morning practice was over and Yuki-kun was moving to his classroom.

“What should I do…”

I can’t stop imagining that Yuki-kun might be taken by that manager’s girl.

As if driven by impatience, I decided to go ahead of Yuki-kun.

I entered the entrance, ran up the stairs to the floor where my classroom was located, hurried into my classroom, grabbed a towel from the bag I had left there, and went back to the front of the stairs to wait for Yuki-kun to come up.

While I was waiting, I wiped my own sweat off with the towel I was going to lend Yuki-kun… It’s only a little bit, Yuki-kun won’t notice, right?

I think I’m a bit of a pervert, after all… I’m also thinking about yesterday’s “Yuki-kun used towel on my face” incident.

But right now, I’m more concerned about Yuki-kun!

I grabbed a towel and stood by. Having gotten a taste of how Yuki-kun used my towel yesterday, I decided to use the same method to get involved with him today.

Besides, handing out towels is kind of manager-like, and it overwrites the girl from earlier.

“Oh, Yuki-kun…”

When I called out to Yuki-kun as he came up the stairs, he turned to me with a surprised look on his face.

Uh… what should I do, I’m getting really nervous…

“Oh, good morning, hello…!

I’m so tense!

Yuki-kun returned my greeting awkwardly, and then quickly walked into the classroom.

I smelled Yuki-kun’s scent as we passed each other, and I couldn’t help but let out a weird “Ah…” sound, but I’m sure he didn’t hear me.

“I have to go after Yuki-kun…!”

There was no time to think. I quickly followed Yuki to the classroom. I have to get him to use the towel!

After that, I managed to get Yuki to wash his face with my clever guidance, but he still seemed to be avoiding me… It’s very sad, even though it’s my own fault.

No, I can’t be weak, can I? I turned him down, but he confessed his feelings to me, so now I have to appeal to him!

I put my energy into it, and when Yuki-kun finished washing his face, I saw the timing and offered him a towel. I want him to use it like he did yesterday. I was hoping that we could chat from there…

“It’s not good if Souta misunderstands you or something.”

Ugh!

“Kanae, you said that Souta was… If you’re too nice to me just because I’m your childhood friend, Souta might have a weird misunderstanding.”

Fugu…

“I’m rooting for you, Kanae…”

Uh, It’s a terrible disaster because I said I liked Souta-kun!

What should I do…

I look down and think. My body trembles.

I think I’ll just say that I like Yuki-kun…? But if I suddenly say I like Yuki-kun when I said I liked Souta-kun two days ago, won’t people think I’m weird…?

No, it’s definitely weird. I’m sure he’ll think I’m a light woman. I don’t want Yuki-kun to think of me that way.

And then, as if to add insult to injury, the image of Yuki cuddling with the manager came to my mind.

“Then. I’ll wipe it off for you…!”

I jumped up and forcibly scrubbed Yuki’s wet face with a towel.

After a while, I looked at Yuki’s cheeks and saw that they were red from the scrubbing – I’m sorry, I’m sorry!

But in the confusion of the moment, I touched Yuki’s cheek.

“I’m going to take responsibility…!”

Before Yuki-kun could say anything, I turned on my heel and left for the classroom before I could see his face.

My heart was racing. I was very forceful, but I declared to Yuki-kun that I would take responsibility for him. I wonder if he thinks I’m weird… I’m sure he thinks I’m weird. No, on the contrary, he might think I’m dangerous…

“Ugggghhh…”

When I returned to my seat, I couldn’t help but hold my head in my hands.

If I don’t do something like that, Yuki will try to avoid me. It’s all my own fault for rejecting Yuki’s confession, but I can’t help but think about how convenient it would be for him to understand how I’m feeling right now.

“But when I say… responsibility, it’s still “that kind of thing”, isn’t it…?”

I’m still a student, and more importantly, I think it’s selfish of me to do this without Yuki-kun’s permission…

Oh, but you see – I can’t stop my dizzying imagination anymore.