I looked up at the ceiling above the bed, sighing. It felt weird to look up and not see flaking paint, replaced by a flawlessly plastered roof. Xavier had offered me his bed, like a gentleman, and had gone to sleep in one of the guest rooms. He insisted on me taking his room because 'the bed was comfier' according to him. However, I think he just wanted his bed to smell of me, but that's only a theory.
I kicked the thick duvet off of me, letting the cold air wrap around my bare legs. I had been trying to get to sleep for hours, but sleep was not something that my body wanted right now. If I was at home, I would simply go for a walk, but I wasn't. Instead, I was locked inside the gates of a werewolf pack. Strange.
I buried my face in a pillow, enjoying the way it smelt of Xavier. He was right about his bed, it was insanely comfortable. Plus, it was quite comforting to have his smell wrapped around me, even if I couldn't smell it as strongly as he could. I tried to close my eyes, but all I could hear was the sound of an owl hooting in the distance. I wanted to kill it.
I rolled off of the bed, dragging my feet over to my bag. I had dropped it in the corner, not bothering to unpack anything. I rummaged through, finding the small carton I was looking for. I crept out of my room, trying to make as little as noise as possible- I'd feel bad if I woke up Xavier.
I found the balcony door, opening it just enough to slip outside before I closed it behind me. The cold air was a little too cold for my liking, but it was still refreshing. I definitely should have pulled on some joggers, though.
I leant against the balcony railing, lighting a cigarette between my lips and inhaling deeply.
The warm smoke filling my lungs was comforting, the stress leaving my body as I exhaled. I let my eyes flutter closed, savouring the menthol taste. It helped clear my head, which was much needed considering I was two hoots away from hunting down a damn owl.
It's one thing living on the edge of the woods and a whole other things actually staying in the woods themselves. All of the sounds I usually found relaxing were suddenly loud and overwhelming to me.
I heard the balcony door slide open behind me and I groaned internally. I woke him up.
"Sorry for waking you." I cringed, sensing Xavier behind me without even having to look.
"No, it's fine. I've adjusted to your sleep schedule anyway. Couldn't sleep?" Xavier joined me at the balcony ledge, hugging me from behind.
I simply nodded as his arms wrapped around my waist. I felt my skin light on fire- making me hyper aware of every inch of his skin on mine. I relaxed into his touch, both of us just remaining silent while we looked out across the woods.
It wasn't raining tonight, but I was kind of wishing it was; I loved the sound of the rain in the forest. Plus, it would give us something to fill this slightly uncomfortable silence with. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one finding this slightly awkward- Xavier seems content. I need to learn to relax.
"Can I have one?" His husky voice graced my ears, sending an elongated shiver down my spine.
That surprised me slightly; I hadn't seen him smoke before. Regardless, I slipped a cigarette out of the carton and passed it to him. I preferred to roll them myself, but at the end of the day nicotine is nicotine.
He pulled away from me, cupping his large hands around his mouth while I lit his cigarette for him. He inhaled deeply, letting the smoke flow out of his nose like it was the most natural thing to him; he was showing off, but I was still pretty impressed.
"You clearly smoke more than you're letting on." I lazily rose an eyebrow, my eyes glued to the smoke curling out of his nose.
The way he smoked did something to me. I had seen hundreds of people smoke, but nobody looked quite as good as Xavier did. It seemed to be second nature to him, the cigarette balancing on his lips as he sent me a smirk.
"I went to University, of course I smoke." He chuckled, "I've been trying to quit."
"Oh, shit. Sorry." I bit my lip, feeling bad that I had tempted him back into a habit.
"Don't apologise. I've 'tried to quit' a million times." He mocked himself, "It never lasts more than a month."
"I've never tried it, but I can imagine how hard it would be." I sympathised.
It was a really bad habit, but it was a comfort blanket. Just like the alcohol, I used it to cope with the problems life threw at me. I had taken up smoking around the same time my insomnia started; the twins just happened to have a carton of their dad's cigarettes with them that night.
I guess I should try and quit too, but the thought had never really crossed my mind. I knew the dangers and I had accepted them a long, long time ago. After all, it was only one of many harmful things I was doing to my body.
My mouth went dry watching Xavier's lips wrap around the butt of the cigarette and I had to light another cigarette, using the warm smoke to distract me from the tingles. He was shirtless again, which I had noticed seemed to be the default when he was at home. I, for one, was not complaining.
"If you keep looking at me like that..." Xavier's whisper trailed off, his eyes dark.
He didn't finish the sentence, but he didn't have to. I knew exactly what he meant; I could feel it too, after all. It felt like the pull between us had intensified and I wanted nothing more than to just let him pick me up and take me to bed. It was the same feeling that I had gotten earlier, but it seemed to be getting stronger every time we experienced it.
"If you keep smoking like that..." I whispered back, my eyes finally meeting his.
I could tell he was fighting himself (or Kodiak) to not cross this balcony and swoop me up, but I was doing the same. I had never used this much self control before- it's scary how hard it was to keep myself to myself.
Xavier buried his head in his hands, flicking his cigarette bud into an empty plant pot. I did the same, watching him curiously. It seemed a lot harder for him to control himself than it is for me and I appreciated his efforts; he hadn't made a single advance or even tried to kiss me. If he had, it wouldn't be unwelcome, but it was sweet that he was holding out until our date.
"What time do you have to be in tomorrow?" He asked, his head still buried.
He was clearly trying to distract himself and lead the conversation somewhere that wasn't focused on our mutual sexual attraction. It was slightly comical how hard it was for him and I found myself feeling quite flattered that I had such a strong effect on him.
"I've got a free first thing. I presumed you'd know that, since you tracked my every move for so long." I teased.
"You won't ever let me live that down, huh?" He smiled slightly, seeming normal now.
"Will they still have to follow me around?" I bit my lip, "What does Greg do when he's not in my garden?"
"Greg? His name's not Greg." Xavier barked a laugh, "I'm afraid they will if I'm not there. I can't risk it, Cameron. If you were hurt by some rogue, I wouldn't forgive myself."
"Is the threat level that high at the moment?" I asked, dreading the answer.
"Unfortunately, yes. Since the last attack, I'm taking no chances. I've got a meeting tomorrow about minimising unprotected members leaving pack grounds." Xavier sighed, "All of the school students are going to have to drive themselves or meet on pack land and be driven by bus."
"That seems stressful; are you okay? It's a lot to handle."
"It's certainly a lot to deal with when you're fresh out of Uni." Xavier's laugh was bitter, "A few months ago, my only worry was whether I would go clubbing or to a flat party after my exams were finished."
"What did you study? Was Uni fun?"
"It was strange to be away from my pack for so long. You don't realise how big that aspect of your life is until you leave- it felt like a part of me was missing. At first I got very homesick, but I got used to it. I did a business degree."
"I can't imagine growing up in such a strong community."
"It has its upsides and downsides." Xavier shrugged, "There's a hundred people looking out for you, but I was the Alpha's kid, so people were sort of intimidated by me. Only a select few really treated me normally."
"Is your dad intimidating?" I asked curiously, slightly nervous to meet his parents.
"Nowhere near as intimidating as your mother is." He joked, "He's intense about the pack, but he's a big softie at heart. He'll like you- don't worry- my mum will adore you, too."
"I'm sorry about her; she's convinced you're a drug dealer and that I'm a crack addict, or something."
I took a seat on the balcony chair, Xavier slipping into the one across from me. I was pretty cold, but I was enjoying this conversation. Plus, it was refreshing. Getting to know Xavier was calming my nerves about this whole situation, so I could do this all night.
"Has she texted you at all?" He seemed hesitant to ask, but I didn't mind talking about it that much.
"Nope. It'll take her a little longer than a few hours for her to get over this one- she was really worried. I shouldn't have pushed it really, but I'm glad I did. It would have only caused me more pain if I put it off."
"Yeah, try not to be so hard on yourself. It's my fault, really."
"It's nobody's fault. Just a difficult situation."
We settled into silence at that. I don't blame him for what happened- he had only been trying to protect me. I had pushed him away and jumped to conclusions; I don't blame myself for overreacting, but I couldn't put the blame on him for not knowing what the hell to do. I'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes.
"What do I tell my friends?" I finally dropped the question that had been playing on my mind since I had found out.
I had roped them all into the investigation and they knew everything up until now. I couldn't exactly tell them the truth- I knew that, but knowing them, they won't drop it if I don't tell them something. I needed a believable lie to explain everything going on.
"I've been thinking about that, too. Maybe you could tell them that I knew Dug's friends were planning something, so I was trying to keep you safe?" Xavier mused.
"That doesn't explain the whole 'Cameron can sense Xavier' thing." I frowned, looking out across the dark forest.
"You told them about that?" He chuckled, "I wasn't sure whether you would even feel it, to be honest. I only realised that you could when you started to freak out- you were walking around with your hood up and flinched at every noise. I felt so bad for spooking you."
"I wasn't sure whether it was paranoia or not." I shook my head, remembering how cautious I was.
"Sorry again." Xavier murmured, "I should get some sleep. Long meeting tomorrow."
"Night, Xavier." I whispered, my eyes eating him up as he left the balcony.
He glanced over his shoulder just before he left properly, letting his eyes drag over me. I thought for a second that he was going to kiss me, but then he turned and continued to walk away. I felt an itch of disappointment, but I ignored it.