Chapter 14: Chapter 14

(Chapter song ‘Dissolving Girl' by Massive Attack)

SAMMY After having a tiny - Ok. Not so tiny - mental breakdown, I stand to find my way out of this forest. The problem is I have no idea where here even is. This is me sleepwalking. Some people wander around the house. Some may even go outside. Mine? I end up naked and miles away from home in the middle of nowhere. This is where bad things happen. I need to get out of here before sleep finds me again.

I literally could be anywhere. The good thing is the environment doesn’t feel different, so I don’t think I’ve left the country. I just hope I’m still in the area.

I left the clearing and wandered into the woods. All the trees look the same and I have no way of knowing what direction is where. I’m hopelessly lost. If I had a wolf, she could help me. But no. I’m stuck with this damn thing in my head.

It rained at some point and as I stumble through the woods in bare feet, I hear the familiar sound of tires on wet pavement. A road! Thank God!

I jog to the bottom of a small hill and climb it. My fingers touch gravel and I look out to see a two lane highway. I stumble to the road and see headlights.

I step into it and wave my arms. “Stop! Please!” I step to the side and hold myself as I shake and try not to breakdown.

The car slows and the tires hit the gravel. They practically slam the brakes and the doors are thrown open. Two people get out and their jaws fall.

“Please help me.” I start to cry as I see my salvation from this place.

To say the people were shocked at a naked girl by the road was an understatement for sure.

One ran and got a blanket and the other ran to me. He looked me over, asked me all kinds of questions and the woman wrapped the blanket around my shoulders.

I only had one question. “Can I use your phone?”

I called Dylan and the people told me I was 45 minutes outside Black Rock. They asked if I needed the police or a hospital. I shook my head and told them my brother was on his way. They were so sweet. They gave me some water and food and tried to clean me up as best they could. I didn’t tell them anything except I woke up in there and I didn’t know how or why.

When Dylan pulled the truck up behind the purple minivan, he jumped out. “SAMMY?!!”

“Dylan!!” I cry out and stand.

He slams me in a hug as I cry on his chest.

The people asked if there was anything they could do, but Dylan just thanked them and loaded me up into the truck.

We drove in silence for a while until Dylan hits the steering wheel making me jump. “Damn it, Samantha! I told you?” He points at me. “Did I not tell you?”

“Yes. Dylan. I know.” I lay my head on the widow. I’m lost. I don’t even feel myself anymore. It’s awake now, and I can’t stop it.

“You can’t do that job. What if we didn’t find you this time? You realize that thing could have taken you anywhere, right?! Is that what you want?” He glances at me several times. His anger is clearly felt.

“No.” I whisper as I watch the trees whip by, like I’m running through them fast.

I barely hear what he’s saying. All I can think about is what comes next.

“You need to chain me up, Dylan.” I say quietly as stare at the world that makes no sense to me.

“No. I’m not going through that again. I won’t watch you tear yourself apart. We'll get help. It’s not too late to block it again.”

“If I’m not chained at night, I’ll hurt someone.” My voice is monotone as the trees part and Black Rock comes into view. “I feel it.”

“Sammy, it killed me to see you suffer.” He glances at me and grabs my hand. I turn to it and ply with his fingers. “We'll find another way.”

I nod then look out the window. “I’m afraid, Dylan.”

“Afraid of what?”

I watch the passing town. The town that I could destroy if I lose and it gets out. After today, I can only say one thing.

“It's already too late.”

At this point, I don’t even believe chaining will work.

I was 14 when the beast tried to escape. When it found itself chained, it lashed out its claws all over my body. When it does this, it’s like it can’t take me all over, so it takes control of my arms and hands and tortures me until I give up. My only issue is I don’t know what it is, or how to give it what it wants. It’s torturing me for something I don’t know how to do. This isn’t like Dylan or all my friends wolves. They tried to help me shift, but it wouldn’t work. It doesn’t want that and is apparently willing to kill me to get what it does want. It tears me to shreds. The last time I was chained, I spent a month in the hospital. It dug to the bone. I have the claw mark x-rays to prove it.

So, I can understand why Dylan would refuse, but if I can’t control the beast myself, it really is my only choice and that’s looking real good right now.

The circumstances this time are much different. Something’s changed. As the weeks wear on, I feel more of an energy pushing on me. Like a really bad itch you can’t reach. The only thing I can think of is that it’s taken an interest in Bastian. I don’t know if it means to make him a target, or what. Maybe Dylan’s right. I should reconsider passing this job off to him and stepping away.

The flip side to that is if I do walk away, it wins. It may not take control, but it made me run from my life and hide away. Do I want to be controlled by it? I feel like if I walk away from Bastian, it would try harder to control me because I’ll already be weak.

No. If I stand my ground and show it that this hasn’t stopped me, it won’t get in. At least, without a fight. It'll always try. I think that I’ll meet my doctor before going back.

That way I can mentally be prepared for anything Bastian Cole throws my way.

****

After a few more days of recovery and making sure the sleep walking is not happening again, I made good on my promise and made an appointment with my psychotherapist, Dr. Collins. She’s been helping me since I was 14. She’s very good and I know she can repair the walls that Bastian broke.

I walk into the pleasant waiting room filled with light colored, inviting furniture and vases of flowers on every tables. I walk to the main table with business card and pamphlets on mental health on them.

In the center is a glass vase with white flowers in them. I lean down and take a deep breath of the flowers scent.

“Hi, Sammy. Beautiful aren’t they?”

I raise my head to the receptionist. “Hi. Yes, they are. It’s funny. I just got sent a bouquet of gardenias. They must be in season.” I grin as I walk to her desk.

“The new doctor brought them in.” She informs as she opens her appointment book.

“New doctor? What happened to Dr. Collins?” I fold my arms on the high counter at my chest level and look down at her in her chair.

“Dr. Collins has a lengthy crisis to deal with at a mental health facility in Augusta.” She informs. “She doesn’t know when she’ll be back, so she’s given her practice to a trusted colleague for the time being. Don’t worry. He’s really good and nice. He’s also very attractive.” She giggles.

I giggle, too. “What’s his name?”

“Dr. Chase Rennet. Here’s his card.” She hands me a white card. Above his number are the words. ‘Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist’. I flick the card. “Well, I guess I need someone.”

“I'll tell him you’re here.” She gets up and leaves her desk as I walk back to gardenias. I rub their petals and think of what a strange coincidence this is.

“Samantha?”

I look to the door that leads to the examination rooms and smile. A man just above my height, with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes, smiles at me from the door way.

“Dr. Rennet.” I walk over and extend a hand out. “Nice to meet you.”

He pushes up his glasses as he shakes my hand. “Nice to meet you, too. Now, I know getting to know a new therapist is a little nerve wracking. But, I have all your notes and I promise to fully respect your boundaries until you feel comfortable, ok?”

“Yes, doctor.” I kind of blush because he is cute. He has a face that’s innocent yet alluring. I don’t know what it is.

“Right this way.” He guides me into Dr. Collins’ office and shuts the door. “Sit anywhere you'd like. Coffee?”

“Um… No, thank you.” I reply as I sink into the couch.

“You know, Samantha…” He starts as he pours a coffee “Sammy…please.” I correct.

He turns with a sweet smile. “Sammy. Pardon me.” He grabs a pad and pen and walks over to the couch across from me. He puts his coffee down on the table. “As I was saying. I read your file, and I must say, you have a fascinating story.”

I lean back on the couch. “It doesn’t feel fascinating.”

He nods and his lips fall. “I can see why you feel that way. It’s not a nice issue. Night terrors are certainly nothing to laugh at, but from the position of myself, your story is certainly unique compared to classic text book cases.

“You can help me?” I ask.

“I think I can. I specialize in criminal psychology, but I have a certain passion for dream therapy. Dreams can explain a lot about the state of a person inside. I have an aspiration to…go into people’s minds and tell them what their dreams are trying to tell them. It’s a hobby, really.” He chuckles.

“You think my dreams are trying to tell me something?” I say quietly.

“What have you dreamed?” He crosses his leg and readies his pen. “Describe them to me.”

I place my hands in my lap. “They’re all the same as when I was young. I’m somewhere near trees, a black wolf comes out and tells me I’m some sort of Empress to a King. I’m starting to think I have delusions of grandeur.”

He laughs and stops writing. “No. You can’t take dreams literally. Often what’s said in dreams can be interrupted to a more rational explanation. Sometimes, the opposite of what you think.”

“What do you mean?” I raise a brow.

“Well, off the top of my head, it could be you’re suffering from feeling inadequate. Less than. A mere peasant. You’re mind is trying to tell you you’re greater than you think.” He says as he reached for his coffee, sips it and puts it back down. “Tell me about the wolf. What did he look like?”

“Um… Like a normal wolf, I guess. Large. Black. He’s always nice at first, but then tries to bite me when I tell him to go away. That’s when I wake up. He also has a strange white cross marking on his forehead and glowing red eyes.” I supply.

“Have you seen him before?”

I shake my head. “Only in my dreams.”

If what Dr. Rennet says is true, then it’s possible the white wolf, with the black cross marking is just being projected as an opposite in my head, but he feels different for some reason.

“And you said he gets violent after try to control the dream.” He writes something and looks up at me.

“I can’t control it, Doctor. If I could, I wouldn’t be here.” I huff a chuckle.

“But you do.” He sets his pad aside and sits forward. “Think of a dream as a whole other world. You can travel…wherever you want… Speak to the Pope…to Elvis!” He laughs and I do, too. “When the brain has a strong message, it will change that dream. It will mold that world inside your subconscious to tell you, but you…” He points to me. “You have full control on how that message is delivered to you. That’s why you wake up. You cut the wolf off from his attack. Now, inside the dream state, controlling things are a little more difficult. Your subconscious mind is stronger than your conscious one during full REM sleep. You’re vulnerable to the environments you exposed yourself to that day. And your mind leaves so many doors open, it’s hard to close them all before the dream changes, but I can help by informing you about what your dream means and when you consciously try to make changes, your dreams will change with you.”

“Really?” I say with curiosity.

“In theory, yes. It’s not a perfect practice, but it helps.” He sits back. “Honestly, the mind only needs a nudge in the right direction to change course.”

“And that’s what you do.” I say.

“And much more.” He smirks.

“Ok. Show me.” I rub my sweaty hands on my lap and he motions me to lay down.

He sits on a chair at my head and slides his coffee mug across the table to where my eyes are. “Ok. So, I’m going to be shutting doors and leaving enough open that you can control. We can’t cut you off from dreaming at all. That is a whole other mental illness. No. I will give you the tools to control what happens inside and outside your head. Is that alright with you?”

“Yes.” I whisper as I lay on back across the sears of the couch.

He adjusts the cup. “See the steam rising from my coffee?”

“Yes.”

“Focus on that. Listen to my voice and relax. Just focus on the white streams of gas rising into the air and disappearing. Watch them closely as I count, 3… see the twirls… 2, watch the steam curl into the air….”

1…

****

I turn my head straight and I’m in a clearing at night. The sky is filled with stars. I slowly rise up and look around. There's black trees all around and what looks like a cliff edge. There’s a cold breeze as I stand. My hair is blowing around my head and I’m wearing a long silk nightgown. It ripples around my legs as my bare feet step one after another to the cliff edge. Beyond the cliff, the bright white full moon is rising unnaturally fast. As it does, it turns deep blue and stops high in the sky.

The clearing turns a deep blue and there seems to be gold sparkles dancing around the grass. I look around the clearing until I hear a rock fall from the cliff edge.

I spin with a yelp and watch the edge. I jump when a large hand slams on top of it. I step back. Another slams up farther and I yelp again.

I study the figure closely. “Hello?”

The hands and muscle filled arms pull a muscular back up from below. Long blonde hair hangs like a curtain around his head. A thick, cut leg slides onto the top and the other plants a foot on the rocky edge.

I suck in a breath as he rises to a stand. With moon as a backdrop, his rippling chest heaves. His raises his eyes to me. His hair is wet and stringy. It covers half his face as his eyes glow gold. And he’s completely naked.

I hold a hand to my chest and swallow as I keep my eyes with his. Heat flows through me seeing him without clothing.

“Bastian?” I step closer.

“What are you doing?” He growls.

“I…what?” My brows crinkle “What…are you…doing?!” He barks out.

“I don’t understand…” He steps off the rock “LIES!” He yells as he puffs his chest out.

“Bastian, you’re not making sense…” I stare at him as he seems really angry that I’m not getting him.

“MORE LIES!! You know. You know what you’re doing. You know exactly what you’re doing…TO ME!!” He thumps his chest as he bellows.

“I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING TO YOU!!” I yell back.

He lifts his chin. “You really fucking believe that I want you. I get what I want…”

“Bastian…I. You don’t?” I’m so confused.

His face twists into rage. “NOOO!!!”

My eyes widen and I turn to run as he runs at me and the wind blows everything up into the air. I have to cover my face to protect my eyes from the debris. Bastian runs, jumps, and shifts in the air. The wolf from my worst night terrors lands in front of me. He shakes out his shiny black fur and stares at me with red glowing eyes. I step backwards, shaking my head no as he stalks closer.

“No. He’s not you.” I grit.

The white cross glows in the indigo light.

“No, Empress. I’m not. I’m much more, but I’m nothing if you don’t take your rightful place.” His voice is all around me but the wolfs mouth remains shut.

“I’m not what you think I am.” My voice echoes all around the trees as my bare feet step backwards. He lowers his head and continues to walk toward me.

“I’m not talking to you.”

I turn my head slightly. “Who…”

“Open the prison inside you. Let her out. Free her. Allow her to take her throne. You’re not worthy to contain her.”

I look behind me then side eyes the wolf as he licks his lips. “That’s so not happening.”

He stops and fur begins to rise. “Fine. If you won’t do it on your own, then I have NO OTHER CHOICE!!”

He jumps at me baring his teeth. His open jaws engulf my head and I let out a blood curdling scream.

****

I jolt up and scream my fool head off as I white knuckle the back of the couch and the seat cushion I’m sitting on.

“SAMMY! SAMANTHA!”

“Wha?...What?” I look around the room and the doctor sits on the coffee table.

When I see him and realize I was sleeping, I blow out breathes. “Oh God…oh…holy cow…” I cover my eyes and try to slow my heart rate.

“Sammy. I didn’t pull you out. Are you ok?” He asks as he leans to me.

“Um…Yes…I’m…” My brows come together as I tried to remember why I’m so panicked. “I’m…Did I fall asleep?” I drop my hand and look at him.

He smiles. “Yes. I put you under. You shouldn’t have been able to come out. What happened?”

“I…” I look around at nothing, searching my mind. “I don’t remember. I mean, I feel scared, so something happened. I just…” I meet his eyes for answers.

“I made the repairs to your psyche. There’s one door that only you control. If you wish to dream, think about opening that door. If you want to dream. Close it.” He instructs. “You can’t remember a thing?”

“No. I can’t. So, it worked…Just like that.” I raise a brow.

“Just like that.” He confirms.

He stands and I swing my legs off the couch. “It’s funny you talk about dreams like they’re real places.”

“Just because you can’t touch it and only you can see it, doesn’t mean it’s not a real place. Technically speaking, we could be a persons dream right now.” He says as he grabs his notes.

“Ok. My head hurts too much for that.” I chuckle.

“Two pain tablets will do the trick for that. Go home. Get some sleep.” He advises.

“Thank you, Dr. Rennet.” I shake his hand.

“If you need anything, my 24 hour line is on the card.” He smiles as he escorts me to the door.

“Thank you.” He opens the door “Book your next appointment in two weeks.” He shuts the door and look to the card as I walk to the waiting room.

I book my appointment and stop at the flowers. A smile tugs at my lips. “Dr. Rennet…” I feel the petals again.

“Nice guy.” I smirk and leave the office.