Chapter 18: chapter 18

GOWRIOkay, first things first. My marriage life is not terrible as I imagined it to be. To be honest, I don't even remember I am a married woman most of the time because I have a room of my own and a bed for myself. I don't have to cook for anyone or take care of anyone. I feel like a bachelor. With no care in the world. I have figured out a way to live in this city. Not that I have been exploring it. But still, for someone who was overprotected by her parents, it is a huge step to survive in a city without being dependent on anyone.Second things second. Shiva is not a psychopath as I imagined. But he is a gentleman and keeps his words. During the first few days, I expected him to touch me or demand to have a physical relationship with me but no not even once did he cross my way. The only time I saw him was to give him the house rent. Even then he didn't reply he just took the money and walked to his room.Third things third. For the first time in many years, I feel peaceful and this place feels home to me. I am starting to get comfortable with my room and this house.  So I guess this marriage is not as terrible as I expected it to be.🍀🍀🍀🍀As each day passes my curiosity perks up about him. Yes, I hate him but I am interested to know if I had judged him wrongly. What was his love story? Why did they have a breakup? How could a girl love him in the first place? What is so special about that girl that he is still in love with her? Have they ever ki-I jump at the sudden sound of the doorbell. It is only six-thirty and it can’t be Shiva since he has a key and will let himself inside besides I didn’t hear the sound of his car. With no idea who the visitor is I open the door to find Swetha standing with a big shopper bag. I look at the street to see a blue car with her husband Bharat inside. Arun is nowhere to be seen.“Hey,” I greet her. My mind goes into panic mode when I realize the door to my room is still wide open and if Swetha comes inside she will see the room and there is a slim chance that she may come to know our truth.She puts the big shopper bag down and tells in a tired voice, “I am returning from a weekend in our hometown. I will call you later. Just give these to Shiva,” she motions to the bag and continues, “Tell him that Ma told that she couldn’t keep these anymore as they are taking up more space and one day or other she might wrongly sell them to the old newspaper buyer.”“But, come in at least for a minute,” I say more for courtesy and hoping she would decline.She shakes her head, “No, I have to go now. I will come some other day. Arun is asleep and we have to get him home before he wakes up or else he would throw a tantrum for leaving his grandma,” she gives me a quick hug and walks to the car.I wait for the car to pull away and then take the bag inside. It is heavy and through the opening, I see it has diaries, photos and a few other things dumped inside in a hurried fashion.Out of curiosity, I take the diary at the top and open it. A glance wouldn’t mean any harm. It is a diary that is a decade old. I open it and on the first page in neat handwriting, it is written “Shiva Subramaniam”.HOLY HEAVENS!Shiva has a habit of writing journals and all of these diaries contain his past life.Jackpot. Finally, I can know about him.Okay, maybe I can read it. No, wait, reading others' personal is indecent and I am from a very decent family. I don't pry into other's life. I put the diary inside. But this is my chance to know about him. I can finally get answers to all the burning questions I have about him. If not now, then I will never know about his past and I would regret it for the rest of my life. Reading a few diaries wouldn't mean any harm. I am from a decent family but I never told I am decent. I empty the contents onto the coffee table. I steal a few diaries that would answer some of the questions I have and hide them in my room.Don’t judge me for reading others’ personal. When you are in my situation, you will understand how much desperate you are to learn about the stranger you hate but under unforeseen circumstances have to live with.The other things the bag contains other than the nine diaries are a photo frame of a ten or nine-year-old Shiva with his mother, father and an elder girl who is Swetha and a little newborn that is Nithya. Shiva is nothing like what he looks like now. Ten-year-old Shiva is fat and chubby smiling happily at the photo. The one I know is fit and muscular and smiles rarely but when he does he looks good.Heck, Gowri, get a grip on you! Shiva never looks good. There is a hanging fishbowl in the shape of a heart. The glass is not clear and it has some cracks on it. If I had been in Shiva's place I would have thrown away the bowl and I wonder why he bothers to keep it. A coffee mug with a silver S on it and a few newspaper cuttings are the other things on the table. I carefully place all the things back and take a sticky note.  Swetha came today. She asked me to give you this bag.After signing the note as ‘Stranger under your roof’, I go to my room and lock it as excitement courses through me.I have made a brave and maybe stupid assumption that Shiva wouldn’t look into the bag to check if all his diaries are present.I am not sure what would happen if he finds out that I have stolen his diaries but let us leave that to the future. I have a lot of reading to do now. 🍀🍀🍀🍀