Chapter 23: chapter 23

CHAPTER-9GOWRII stare at the couple before me. The man is in his late twenties and the woman is about my age. They both had an arranged marriage.Their story is very similar to mine and for the first time in my career, I am dumbfounded. I don't know what to say.The woman had loved someone but her lover died in an accident and she married her husband only because of her parents. Her husband who wasn't aware of his wife's past happily married her. But after marriage, no matter how hard he tried, his wife was always aloof and indifferent.It is already fifteen minutes into the session but I still don't know how to give them counselling. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop identifying my marriage life with theirs.Because there is not a cat's hell chance Shiva will fall in love with me. So, how do I expect this woman to fall for her husband?“Mr. Ravi, if you don't mind, can I have a private word with your wife,” I ask looking at the man.The man nods and gives a glance at his wife before leaving us alone. The woman doesn't acknowledge him. She has these sad vibes from her. HOLY HEAVENS! WHY DIDN'T THAT THOUGHT CROSS MY MIND EARLIER?I gasp aloud as the realisation suddenly hits me hard. The woman gives me a curious glance. I excuse myself and pick up my Thermos flask to drink water. As the water goes down my food pipe, the thought keeps recurring in my mind.My divorce from Shiva will jeopardize my job as a marriage counsellor. Because no one would want a divorcee to give marriage counselling. That would be a great irony.Suddenly I feel hard to breathe. My job. A job I love and my whole future are at stake just because of the divorce. After the divorce, I will be homeless and jobless. My parents wouldn't take me back. I have nowhere to go. My thoughts should be apparent on my face because, the woman asks in a flat tone, “Are you okay?”No, I can't lose my control now. Come on, Gowri, don't let your emotions overwhelm you. Just focus on this case. I take a couple of deep breaths and put strong walls around the thoughts that are making me difficult to breathe. It takes a few more seconds for my face to break into a fake smile that reassures the woman in front of me.“I am good,” I reply. “Let us speak about you. Tell me why can't you live with him?”“I am still in love Prabhu.”“But he is-” I start but stop short as she glares at me. If looks could kill then I would be dead by now.“He is not dead,” she tells in a harsh tone. “He still lives in my heart.”Damn! This woman reminds me of someone whom I want don't want to remember now. Stubborn like him.“Yeah, I understand. But you can give your husband a chance.”“No one can replace my Prabhu,” she tells in the same hard tone.“I didn't mean it that way-”“You mean it that way. You don't know how difficult it is for me. No one knows and can understand. Prabhu only understood but he is no more. I already cheated him by marrying another man.”“But he is dead.”“DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT,” yells the woman. “He is not dead. He is alive in my memories.”Oh My God! This woman is being in denial about her lover's death. She is not only hurting herself by being in denial but everyone else who tries to point out the truth.She stands up abruptly and points a finger in my direction, “You know what? I am done with you and this stupid session. You are a cold-hearted monster with no emotions.”WHAT THE HELL?HOW DARE SHE CALL ME THAT?I stare at the woman as she picks her purse up and walks away. My inside burns with white-hot anger. I want to throw something at the wall or snap at someone. Make that woman pay for her harsh comment on me. I wa-Gowri, calm down. You are having a mood swing.I sigh. My period is near and the hormones are causing a wreck in my emotions. I put my head on the table and think about what she told me.Cold-hearted monster? Maybe I am that. I don't understand people who are in love or to be more precise who were in love. I don't get how they can hurt themselves after someone who is not worth it. Or why they value the dead person more than the living one. I understand it is difficult for them to forget their past but life has to move on. Why can't they forget and forgive the past and start living the present instead of whining about how wonderful it would be if their love hadn't left them.Whatever happens in your life is destined. Then if your lover leaves aren't that destined? Why can't they simply accept fate instead of fighting and living in an illusion very different from the reality that makes them depressed?Someone knocks and I straighten up. Mr. Ravi is standing at the door with a puzzled expression. “What happened now?” he snaps and I flinch at his tone. “Why is my wife crying?”Why Is She Crying When I Am The One On The Receiving End Of Her Harsh Words?“I am sorry sir,” I apologise though I am not sure for what.He lets out a tired sigh and asks in a defeated tone, “You don't think there is hope for us, right?” I am not sure what fate plans for them. But here is what I believe. They don't have hope for it. Not when the woman is refusing to acknowledge the fact. The fact: No one matter how hard she imagines and wishes, her lover will not come back. I shake my head not wanting to give false hope to his man.“God! I love her and it hurts me to see her like that,” he tells sitting on the chair in front of me.WAIT! “So, you don't want the divorce?”  I ask.He nods his head, “She doesn't even spare me a glance. I thought coming here might create some miracle but it is not working.”“Well, I think the problem is with me. I have some personal issues and I am unable to give sufficient counselling. Why don't you ask for a change in counsellor?”“Will that work?” he asks.I shrug. Maybe, a person who doesn't see this problem as personal maybe able to steer them in the right direction.🍀🍀🍀🍀