Chapter 26: chapter 26

GOWRIDamn! You made a mistake. He is going to be raged with you. No, I did not. He deserves it for making my life a mess. This will teach him not to mess with me.“How dare yo-” he starts. I should apologise but I couldn't. I try to slip the lid on my anger and suppress it like usual but today the lid is missing and white-hot anger is spilling out of my body. Some sense has to be put in his dumb head.“Stop it, Mr. Shiva Subramaniam,” I yell at him. “I had already enough with you. What are you thinking you are? A great lover for still thinking about Riya.”At the mention of Riya's name, surprise spreads through his face.“Stop being clingy. She left you and would never return. Face your goddamn reality. She will not come back no matter how much you imagine and wish her to. This is real life.”He is looking at me with unbelief but I am not yet done.“Sometimes letting go is the best thing. Your ego couldn’t accept the fact that she left you for her dreams. Your ego doesn’t want to get hurt. So you still believe that she will come back. But let me be brutally honest with you.  She left for good. Yes, for her, her dreams are more important than you. I am sure she  would have married and had a couple of kids now but look at you still stuck in the past and letting someone who is not worth the time or thought to hurt you.”He flinches at my words.“Move on from your past. You are not only ruining your life but also people close to you. This will be the last time you order me around. I am not your slave. I agreed to all your conditions despite knowing the consequences of it and all I ask in return is respect. The next time you come ordering me around then I am sure we must deal it in the police station.”I am breathing hard. I am done.  His face doesn't give away his reaction. He is staring at me. I walk to my room without another word.🍀🍀🍀🍀SHIVAWHAT JUST HAPPENED NOW?Have you ever felt like being in a daze and suddenly something hits you and you are super aware and conscious.Yes, that is how I feel now. The fogginess of my love failure in my head is suddenly gone and I feel my head clear for the first time in years.Gowri's words seem like a slap to my face. A slap that makes me see how much of a screwed-up man I have become and how I had let someone not worth it hurt me.I stare at the retreating figure of Gowri. I am shell-shocked and strangely impressed. Not even my best friend knows the reason for my break up with Riya but this woman who has come into my life only a couple of months ago knows the exact reason I broke up with my ex. I look down at the shattered pieces of the fishbowl that resembles my heart from a few years ago. I expect my heart to be sad at the sight of the fishbowl but surprisingly I don't like that. No regrets whatsoever. I think about Riya and strangely I feel the same towards her after hearing Gowri's words.No lingering feelings. Nothing. Empty.I have a lot to process now. I slowly walk to my room. Gowri's words are still bitter in my ears but the truth is always bitter. Damn it!I hate to admit the fact that Riya left me for a stupid abroad job. Yes, as Gowri put it my ego couldn’t accept it. I wanted to be the best boyfriend to her and give her all the love. When she told me about the job and spoke ill about my family I should have realized Riya was no longer the girl I loved and must have moved on but I didn’t because I very stupidly believed I was still in love with her and my ego was sure that one day she will come back to me.I sit down on my bed as tears roll down my face and for once I don't stop it. I feel bad not because Riya left me but because I had let it affect me all these years. For being clingy. For hurting myself after a woman who isn't worth it. For being a coward who was afraid to face the reality.I  changed a lot after the breakup. I shut myself out from my family because a small part of me believed Riya's words and was afraid that my sisters are with me only for my money. But now I know the answer. Riya was wrong. My sisters love me and I have seen their disappointed faces when I shut them out. They are not in the least like my father's relatives. 🍀🍀🍀🍀I don’t know for how many hours I sat on the bed going over again and again what Gowri said.One of the biggest revelations I had, when I sat there, was that I am done with Riya. I knew deep down that I didn’t love Riya like I used to do but my big ego couldn’t accept it. I have messed things up.  ‘I agreed to all your conditions despite knowing the consequences of it ’Yes, I have ruined Gowri's life. I am going to fix my life. Fix all the mess I have created. This whiny and  I-am-sad-and-have-no-motivation-to-live-this-life-because-I-am-suffering-from-a-heart-break-Shiva is going to die now. I am going to be a new man from today. The man who cares about his family. The man who is totally done over his ex. The man who is courageous enough to own up to his stupid mistakes and fix them.I look out the window to see the streaks of the first rays of the sun for the day touch the ground.A new beginning. Both for the world and me.🍀🍀🍀🍀I walk around my room taking all the things that are related to my ex or our days together. Yes, I am going to throw away these things along with the shattered pieces of the fishbowl. I am not going to waste my life after someone who doesn't care about me. I should have done this a long time ago but I was delusional. Better late than never! Shoving all the things in a bag, I scan my room for anything I have missed. My eyes land on the big shopper my mother had sent me.HOLY HEAVENS! Is That How She Knew About My Past?I take the big shopper bag and empty the contents. Sure enough, a few of my diaries are missing. Diaries in which I had written about my ex and our breakup.I want to be angry with Gowri for stealing my diaries. But I simply can't. I shake my head smiling. Gowri is nosy and doesn’t have any regard for my privacy. But I don’t blame her. If someone has been acting all weird and gloomy about their past relationship then I would have done the same.🍀🍀🍀🍀