Chapter 47: chapter 47

CHAPTER-19GOWRIDinner was a terrible affair and I am glad that it is over. Being away from my parents made me forget how much I hated this place. I thought they would have changed. They would behave like grown-ups at least before Shiva. But I should have known better. They never change. They are still my same old parents who argue and bicker with each other.I take the glass of milk for Shiva and go to my room. I am so upset that my parents fought during dinner and embarrassed me that an important fact doesn't register in my mind until I enter my room.HOLY HELL! Shiva Is In My Room.We Have To Sleep Together In The Same Room Today. My heart races fast as I step into the room. It is strange to see him in my old room. He is looking at the photo frame near my bedside. It was taken with Sara when we completed school. “Love, are you wearing contacts?” he asks waving at the photo. The photo me is in uniform with two braids and a pair of glasses.“No, I did laser,” I tell handing him over the glass of milk.“You look cute in the uniform,” he tells glancing between me and the photo.“I always thought I looked bad,” I say thinking about my teenage inferiority complex. Shiva shakes his head, “The hairstyle and glasses give you a nerdy vibe.”“Well, I was a nerd,” I tell with a chuckle.He smiles with fondness at the photo. The way his eyes admire my teen photo warms me in places I never thought possible. He slowly places the photo back and turns towards me. Our gaze latch and his eyes are intense. I feel like I am drowning in the blackness of his eyes. Without breaking the eye contact, he finishes the milk. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and that action draws my gaze to his lips. He places the empty glass on the bedside table and sits on my bed.Hell Gowri! Get A Grip On You. He Is Sitting On Your Bed.MY BED. He seems too comfortable sitting there. I stare at him. He looks cosy sitting on my bed and I am not sure how to interpret that fact. But I am acutely aware of his attractiveness. In the whole history of my lifetime, I have never felt attracted to anyone like this. Sure, I have seen men and credited in my mind for their handsomeness but no one has ever impacted me as Shiva does. Or the way my body is responding to him. I find it difficult to peel away my eyes from him. “Is there something on my face?” Shiva asks with a smirk. My cheeks turn red and I quickly look away. Damn it! What is happening to me? Why am I behaving like a teen girl who is in love? Where did my dignity go? Why does my dignity fly out of the window when I am with Shiva?I am not going to sleep with him together today. It is too much to handle. My body can't even handle him if he is two feet away but if he lies with me on the bed, there is no way I can sleep.  And people let me tell you a truth. I am a bad sleeper. A light sleeper who turns and twists around a lot in sleep. A small sound will wake me up. So, I won't sleep a wink if Shiva and I share the bed. Not going to happen.As if reading my thoughts, he says, “You don't have a couch in the room. So, that means we have to share the bed unless you are willing to sleep on the floor.”“Wait, shouldn’t you say that you will sleep on the floor and let sleep me on the bed?” I ask. He gives me a grin and says, “Sorry,  Love. I am not the gentleman who would be willing to sacrifice his sleep. Of the few things in my life that I don’t sacrifice, sleep is the first.”“What are the others?” I ask.“Food. Family. Friends,” he tells in a final tone.Alright! One Day On The Floor Will Not Kill Me! I close the door of the room and my heart picks its rate. My parents have already gone to their room. But, in case they wake up at night and I am sure they will do, they shouldn't see me sleeping on the floor away from Shiva. With a heavy sigh, I turn to face the room. I am going to sleep with a man in my room. That thought should have brought me dread and panic but instead, I feel safe. Maybe it is because the man is Shiva. Yes, I trust Shiva. I place my phone on the bed stand and take a pillow, and bed sheet and put them on the floor. Shiva eyes me with curiosity and amusement.“Seriously, Love,” he tells me when I go to the switchboard to off the lights. “You are going to sleep on the floor?”“Yeah,” I reply. He shakes his head and says, “You don’t trust me? You think I will do something to you if we sleep on the same bed?” Nope. The problem is with me. I have a huge crush on you and I am trying to come out of it. More the distance less the damage to my heart.I give him a wary look. He is eyeing me with a look that tells me he is trying to figure me out. God, he looks attractive and please grant me the power to be immune to his handsomeness.“This has nothing to do with you,” I tell coming out of my mental dilemma. We both hold each other's gaze. His eyes search mine and after a few seconds, his shoulders relax in defeat.He sighs and the bed creaks as he lies down on it. “If sleeping on the floor makes you comfortable then good night,” he says.I  flick the lights off and lie down on the floor. Sleep doesn't engulf me rapidly. As I said, I am a bad sleeper. When my mind is in chaos then I will barely get to sleep. And the bad news is my mind is a FREAKING chaos now. Thinking thoughts about a man I shouldn't think about. Come on, Gowri. Stop. You can do this. Focus on your surroundings. I inhale and exhale deeply. I focus on my breathing. In the stillness of the night, I could hear my heart thumping loudly in my heart.  “Love,” Shiva tells in a soft tone.“Hmm.”“Are you asleep yet?” he whispers in a smooth voice. His tone. Something about his tone brings goosebumps to my whole body. Ugh. There is no way I am going to come out of this full-blown crush on him. “No,” I whisper back. “About what happened at dinner, does that happen usually?”“Yeah, it is usual,” I say trying to keep my voice calm and casual but it comes out shaky.My parents' relationship was something I always joked about that most people don't take it seriously until they witness my parents bicker. I never made it a big deal but it always hurt me to have parents who fought a lot and forget about their daughters. Most of the times I am embrassed to admit that my parents fight. Only to my clients I tell the relationship about my parents. Sara knows it as she herself had witnessed it at times. But other than her, no one knows why I hate roamance or relationship. Or why it is difficult for me to let my heart open for love to pour inside. What is the use when one day or other the love turns into hate? “They never saw a counsellor?”The room is dark. The only light I could see is the yellow point of the mosquito mat. Perhaps it is the darkness or his smooth soft voice, I confess something that I have never told anyone.“My parents filed a divorce when I was eight years old. I was devasted when I learned about it. They were fighting and arguing with each other a lot at that time. I thought it will be fine but then when they told me that they both are getting divorced, I don't know what to do. My world came crashing down. I didn't want them to go their separate ways. I wanted to have both my parents and sister with me. I cried and begged a lot but they were firm on their decision.“When I was giving up hope, my mother's parents stepped in. They forced my parents to see a counsellor. That counsellor did magic.  My parents suddenly withdrew from the divorce and told me that they are going to live together. I thought that was the end of their fights and arguments. I believed that my family would become like my friends’ family where my parents would be loving to each other and would care for me and my sister. But the magic of counsellor was temporary. Three months. Only three months the house was peaceful. Then, they started it again. But this time I realised that there was no love between my parents. It was all ego. Their relationship was broken and no matter how hard I and my sister tried we could never fix it. Only my parents can and they weren't willing to do it.“Soon, I wished they had got that divorce. To society, we were a family but inside these four walls, it was always warfare between my mother and father. It was difficult to believe in romance and relationships when my parents were fighting like that.“Shiva, were your parents like this when your father was alive?” I ask.“No, they were the most loving couple I ever met in my life. My father was so in love with my mother. My mother was an orphan.  My father was the first relation she had in this world. They met on a train and it was love at first sight for both. Their love story was my favourite bedtime tale. Their love was unconditional. Before my break up I thought I found unconditional love,” his voice falters. “It must have been very hard for your mother when your father died,” I say thinking how much Savitri aunty had gone through.“Yeah, but she had a strong mind and never showed her fears to us. She was our rock when we were all drowning in sadness and fear. Swetha is very much like her. Nithya was so little and always clung to me and I always wanted to protect my little sister,” I could hear the smile in his voice. “It is fascinating to see her all grown up now.”“You miss them?” I ask thinking about what Nithya told me on the wedding day.“Yes, very much…… I wish I….had never met Riya……. If I…..hadn’t met her, ….. I wouldn’t have s…sh…shut my fa…famly..,” his voice is soft and I realize he is falling asleep. I sit up and peek at him in the darkness as his eyes slowly flutter close and his breath evens out.🍀🍀🍀🍀