Chapter 53: chapter 53

GOWRI“Are you serious?” I ask my mother.She nods her head. We are at my MIL's house. It is nearing midnight. After wrapping up the reception, all I want to do is curl on my bed and sleep.  But, my family has made other plans for me. Guess what? My Wedding Night. “But, ma, already Shiva and I are sleeping in the same room,” I lie, “so why should you do this now. For God's sake, we have been living alone for more than two months. So what is the need for this wedding night?”“Gowri, this is a ritual.  Also, the astrologer told me today is a good today. He told me if something happens between you today, then you would bear healthy children.”Astrologer! My insides are burning like a volcano but my face has a cool expression. If only I can get hold of this astrologer who seems to dictate what I should do in my life and when.‘He told me if something happens between you today, then you would bear healthy children.’This phrase, I have heard my mother say the same to Aishu before her wedding night which lucky for her was held on the same day as her wedding day.I can see how many healthy children Aishu have, I wanted to snap but I am supposed to be happy about the wedding night and not disappointed.  So, I plaster a fake smile and pretend to be cheerful. “Okay, fine. I will go to the room,” I say. “You know what you are supposed to do right?” she asks giving me a glass of milk. “Or do you want me to tell you?”My eyes widen in terror and I furiously shake my head. The last thing I want now is advice from my mother about lovemaking.“NO,” I tell. “I know.”“Also, we have the big feast in our house only in the afternoon. So, you have all the morning to sleep even if you stay up late,” my mother tells giving me a wink.Giving her a big phoney grin I run out of the room to Shiva's room.🍀🍀🍀🍀I take a deep breath and calm my thoughts standing before the door to Shiva's room. But I am a bundle of nerves. Yeah, I know we both are faking the husband and wife relationship but still, I am apprehensive about entering the room.You don’t have to feel nervous. Nothing will happen between you and him. Shiva doesn’t like you that way. He even hesitated to kiss you on the stage.But the problem is not with Shiva. It is with me. My huge crush on him is making it difficult to be normal around him. And people this is probably the first time I am crushing on someone so I have no idea how to behave around him. Yesterday night, I stayed up late playing with Arun and Nithya and fell asleep in her room. So, I didn't get a chance to enter Shiva's room. But today seems to be my unlucky day or is it a lucky day? I shake my head and muster the courage to open the room door. I put my hand on the doorknob. I turn it slightly and the door slowly opens. My heart pace increases gradually as the door swings open. My imagination goes wild and I expect Shiva to be lying on the bed with Jasmine flowers tied around his hand waiting for me.The door fully opens And THANK HOLY HEAVENS!The Room Is Empty! I sigh in relief. I am not sure why I am suddenly this afraid of Shiva. I am hundred per cent sure Shiva will not cross his limits with me. Yet, I have a small fear. Maybe, I am being paranoid.I place the glass of milk on the bed stand and look around the room. His room is clean and there are only a few things. A queen-size bed, a bedside table with a night lamp and a cupboard. The bed is decorated with rose petals for the wedding night. When the hell did they have time to decorate this? The room has no photos. I wonder what his room would be like in the Chennai house. Are his room walls also pink? Is Shiva a messy person or an organized one? Does he also have a queen-sized bed?  No, Gowri. Don't think about his bed. BUT DAMN. My mind is the most useless thing in the world. It never listens to me. If I say don't think. Then it gives me more visuals of it. Come on, sto-I freeze as the door shuts suddenly and I know without turning it is Shiva. I hear the click of the latch. Why is he locking the door? Oh yes. This is our wedding night. We are supposed to lock the room. Calm down. It is nothing. This is just like how you both slept in the same room at your mother's home. But I have a feeling that things will be different today.Taking a deep calming breath, I turn around to meet him but OH MY GOD! Why can't I lift my head and look at him? Why do I feel shy all of a sudden? I try lifting my head but Damn my toes seem interesting today. The toe rings look good on my toes. Red nail polish does suit m-“Love,” Shiva calls gently and why does he call me with that nickname? There is no one here to witness this. Most of all, why do I like it when he calls me like that. Yes, I was annoyed at the beginning but the name kind of grew on me and this all feels so intimate. He addressing me like that when we are alone.AND GOD! We Are Alone! As In Alone Inside Four Walls.Why am I still looking at my toes? Seriously, why isn't my body listening to my brain today? What happened to my neural coordination? Shiva's chuckle pulls me out of my mental chatter and he says, “Seriously Love? You are bold enough to kiss me before everyone but not bold enough when we are alone?”And That Statement People Finally Wipes Away My Shyness.I lift my head and meet his eyes for the first time since the kiss at the photoshoot. The kiss which I initiated and to which he didn't respond and stood like a statue.I am not going to lie. I did have some expectations of my first kiss and I always thought it would be a memorable moment. Yes, the kiss was a memorable one but in a bad way. Because except for a light tingle of my lips, I felt nothing like the books or movies say and the worst thing is he didn't kiss me back. It felt more or less like kissing my pillow except for the tingling sensation.“What do you think I was supposed to do? You were looking like a deer caught in the headlight and if I hadn’t kissed you then our façade would be out,” I ask trying not to snap at him. “I am sorry about that,” he says in an apologetic tone. “I freaked out at the last moment because it was going to be my first kiss.”“So, did my lipstick stick on your lips when I kissed you?” “Love, for starters, that was not a kiss. It was a peck on my lips and you barely pressed your lips to mine. So, no to your question,” he says closing the distance between us. His eyes hold mine for a few seconds before it drifts down to my lips. I watch his eyes turn darker and when he meets my eyes again there is a mischievous glint in them.“I want to kiss you now but only if you are okay with it,” he whispers. I try to keep my breathing normal as I ask him the question, “Why do you want to kiss me?”He tucks a stray hair of mine behind my ear. The gesture feels so intimate. But lately, everything with Shiva seems intimate. A small smile plays on his lips as he leans in closer.My heart races and I remind myself to breathe as he whispers, “Do you want to know the truth or lie?”“Truth.”He pulls back and our gaze locks. He has a serious expression as he says in a soft deep tone, “Truthfully, I have no idea why I want to kiss you. Maybe because I want to have my first kiss to be real. Not for a photoshoot. Maybe because I want it to be private and personal. Not a big fan of PDA.”It is going to be one kiss. Not a big deal. After all, kissing him didn't have a vast effect on me. Kissing him would not be as wonderful as the movies and books describe. Maybe the kiss would be bad that I would stop crushing on him altogether. Yes, that is it. The kiss is going to be bad and after that my body will not react like this towards him. This kiss will be the end of all my stupid feelings for him“Okay, you can kiss me,” I say.“Are sure?” he asks. “Yes,” I reply closing my eyes. “But we will stop with one kiss.”Even with my closed eyes, I know he has leaned even closer as his breath is warm on my skin, “Don't worry Love. I am a man of my word. We will stop with one kiss.”Have you ever waited for something so badly for a long time and when you know it is finally going to happen, you feel a kind of excitement mixed with tension and impatience. Yes, that is how I feel now. Each passing second is torture as my mind is suddenly present fully at the moment. It catalogues every touch, breath and sound. Shiva's lips don't make contact with mine in a rush as I expected. His movements are slow but steady. He wraps a hand around my waist. His grip is firm but gentle. I am learning everything about Shiva is firm and gentle. The thumb of his other hand traces a line on my jaw and he slowly tilts my face, “If you feel uncomfortable push me away. I totally understand,” he says pulling me even closer to him. His body warmth engulfs me and his scent, something I am becoming familiar with tells me that I am going to feel the opposite of uncomfortable.He tips my face up and I hold my breath in anticipation. Very slowly he presses his lips to mine. His lips are soft and warm. The kiss is a gentle one. All the rational thoughts leave my mind as I wrap my hands around his neck pulling him even closer. I kiss him back without a second thought. His grip on my waist tightens and his other hand sinks into my hair. Suddenly the kiss changes from something gentle into one with urgency. I feel my whole body coming alive in awareness. I am not sure who deepened the kiss. Maybe it is me or him or both but the kiss deepens and I am kissing him hard as my life depends on it. And this time he kisses me back with an intensity that makes my toe curl. I am sure if I had lipstick on my lips now then Shiva's lips would have it now.We both abruptly pull back at the same time to catch our breath. I am breathing hard. HOLY GODS LIVING IN THE HEAVEN! I take back everything I said earlier. My first kiss was terrific and heated. This time my whole body reacted to him. I totally miscalculated. Because after this there is no way, my crush on him is going to vanish.What am I going to do?🍀🍀🍀🍀