Chapter 56: chapter 56

GOWRIFINALLY!THE DRAMA IS COMING TO AN END!The three days stay in my hometown with Shiva is coming to an end. I should be excited and happy about it because I don't have to act before anyone. I don't have to act intimately with Shiva. I can sleep alone in my bed. I don't have to plaster a fake smile and finally, my heart rate and breathing rate would return to normal with Shiva a good distance away.BUT.BUT.BUT. Why don't I feel like the sun is shining in my garden or the flowers blooming? Why don't I feel like the world is a perfect place to live in? Why do I feel like everything is ending? Why do I feel like the sun has set and darkness is arriving?Because I FREAKING Don't Want This Drama To End. My tiny crush on Shiva before this trip has multiplied tenfold during this trip and these three days are the most memorable days of my life.I know what will happen when we go back to Chennai. We both will start ignoring the other and carry on with our lives till our first anniversary. Then, we will go our own ways forever. But there is no way in hell, I will forget Shiva. Well, people say that the first kiss is special. Since I don't plan on getting into another relationship after our divorce, probably the kiss I had with Shiva would be the last one. So, yeah, it will be really hard for me to forget Shiva since he was both my first and last kiss. Besides he is the first man on whom I have a crush. The man who can make me blush like the colour of a tomato with one compliment. The man whose one look is enough to leave me breathless. The man who can read me easily and the list goes on. HOLY GOD!Why is my mind thinking only about him?For God's sake, GOWRI, relationships are too much of a burden and responsibility. It is better to be free and single. No commitments. No expectations. No disappointments. No fights. No arguments. No dramas. A happy and peaceful life. I sigh. My mind voice is right. I have witnessed many relationships start with a burst of sunshine and happiness only to end in sadness and darkness.But some people have overcome the obstacles and are leading great lives with their life partners.It doesn't matter.Because we will get a divorce. No matter how I feel towards him. It is better for me to stop entertaining the idea of extending this drama. I must stop being in a La La land. It is time to face the reality. We will get a divorce. I only have a crush on Shiva. There is no way I will fall in love. Time will show me that I am right. All I have to do is wait.🍀🍀🍀🍀SHIVAMy heart feels heavy as we drive back to Chennai. Usually, I enjoy this ride but today, I feel some kind of sadness I don’t understand. I mentally go through all the past conversations and incidents to pin down exactly why I feel like this. The road is deserted and dark. Only my car's headlight paves a way for us. This is the favourite part of my journey always but why can't I enjoy it today?I glance to my side. Gowri is asleep in the passenger seat. The moonlight kisses her face making it glow. She looks beautiful.  The past three days memories come to my mind and I smile.The Drama Is Over.As soon as that thought pops into my head, I realize the reason for my sadness. After we reach  Chennai, we both would again become strangers.We don’t have to pretend before anyone. That should have made me happy but I feel unhappy instead. The last three days, I enjoyed Gowri’s company and when I think back, most of the time I didn’t act. I really liked making her blush. I liked being by her side. My feelings for Gowri are a jumbled mess. I am attracted to her. But I want to know if it is only attraction or something more I have towards her. I don’t want to take seriously an infatuation and create high hopes as I did in college.Even if is something more than a crush, I am not sure if Gowri would feel the same. She is dead set on not getting committed to a relationship. I understand her decision. It would be difficult for me to believe in romance if my parents kept fighting and arguing. I just hope what I have towards Gowri is attraction and not something serious. Because I can't risk another heartbreak.I sigh as we enter the city. Why is my love life this complicated? 🍀🍀🍀🍀I park the car in the car shed and kill the engine. I turn towards Gowri. She has not yet woken up. I stare at her face and my eyes go to her lips. I shake my head not wanting to dwell on that specific memory. Distance is what we both need and I think we would get it here. With no snooping and intrusive relatives, we both will do our own work without minding the other.Gowri is still asleep. I don't have the heart to wake her up. Maybe I will silently carry her to her room.DAMN IT SHIVA! Don't even think about touching her. Maintain your dignity and distance. I sigh and lean closer. Her smell intoxicates me and I try not to avert my eyes to her lips. I gently shake her shoulders and whisper softly in her ears, “Lov-Gowri, wake up. We are home.”It takes another gentle shaking for her eyes to open slowly. I quickly pull away putting a good distance between us. “We are home,” I say when she looks at me with sleepy eyes.She smiles at me but doesn’t get out of the car. Nor do I. We stare at each other for a few seconds.“Gowri,” I tell but I feel that name foreign on my tongue. I guess I got used to calling her ‘Love’. “Our drama ends here.”“So, we are back to the ‘two strangers living under the same roof’?” she asks with a smile.“Yeah, but given the amount of information I gathered about you on this trip, I would hardly call you a stranger. A friend would be apt.”“That is it then. We are friends living under the same roof,” she tells and exits the car.I watch as she walks to the house. That is it. We are friends. Good friends who will get a divorce soon with zero dramas.Gowri is my friend.If I keep repeating that in my mind soon I would stop crushing on her. This crush definitely won't last long.🍀🍀🍀🍀