Chapter 71: chapter 71

CHAPTER-28GOWRIWe reach our hometown by four in the evening. I have assumed that Shiva was a sluggish driver because he always drove slow but today he proved my assumption wrong. Because he drove at the maximum speed limit that the laws allow. We never stopped anywhere and hardly had any conversation after my statement about unrequited love. Shiva stops at the hospital and says, “You go ahead. I will join you after parking the car.”I nod but hesitate to get down because FREAK! I am going to walk into the hospital where my father is on the brink of death. I am still not sure about his condition but from what my mother sobbed on the phone, I know he is quite serious and I feel lost. Though our relationship was not great, he is my father. He is the first hero in my life. I felt safe with him until I discovered that my parents decided to get a divorce. He is a man of few words and I wish we could have had more conversations. But, now, he is in the h-I gasp as the door suddenly opens from outside and Shiva stands before me. When did he leave the car? Was I that freaked out that I didn't even hear him opening and closing the door?Shiva's expression is soft and gentle as he stretches out his hand. Without a second thought, I take it and he laces our fingers together. He starts walking in the direction of the hospital and I follow suit.“But the car?” I ask. I honestly don't care about the car but I don't want Shiva to be nice. It still hurts me how he can read me yet he wasn't able to figure out my feelings for him. Either he didn't notice or he deliberately ignores it. I believe it is the latter.“Not as important as you,” he says. If I wasn't nervous about what I am about to hear or see that sentence would have made my heart flutter.We turn the corner and take the steps to the ICU unit. We walk a few steps and stop before a room. The waiting room where my mother is in. I take a deep breath as Shiva lets go of my hand. With a determined breath, I open the door telling myself that I am strong enough to face the situation.The door opens and I expected my mother to be alone. But no. She has a company. Savitri aunty is there with my mother in the room. A nurse comes out from the door on the other side of the room and Savitri aunty heads to her and she rattles off something as I take in my mother. My mother looks haunted and has a faraway look on her face. I have never seen her this down and low. My heart clenches to see my loud mother all quiet. She is not crying but her face is grim and she looks like she is in another world. Thank God! Savitri aunty is here. Because in no way, my mother could deal with this all alone. Savitri aunty has taken the situation under full control by asking the nurse questions.I look at Shiva and then at Savitri aunty.“Sorry, I forgot to inform you that I asked my mother to be here with your mother. I have been in this situation and I know exactly your mind would not be stable enough to act calm in the situation. I figured there has to be someone stable and calm with your mother to take care of all those formalities,” he murmurs as we go inside the room. Savitri aunty dismisses the nurse as we enter the room. “Thank you,” I mutter to him meaning it. It was thoughtful of him to ask my MIL to come here.“How is my father?” I ask my MIL. My mother is having that haunted look and she doesn't even glance at us. “Gowri, your father has heart failure,” Savitri aunty informs in a grim tone.I draw in a sharp breath, “But my mother told me he collapsed because of high blood pressure.”Savitri aunty shakes her head, “Yes, his high BP is the reason for his heart failure.”HEART FAILURE?OH MY GOD!The world is spinning. My father has heart failure. His heart failed. All memories of him flit through my mind. How did it happen? Does the heart suddenly fails or gradually? If it was gradual, then why didn't I notice something wrong with him? Why didn't I take him up on a check-up early? Does this mean that his heart will stop functioning and he will...NO. NO. NO. NO. THAT CAN NOT BE TRUE.“Calm down,” a voice whispers in my ears and I realize tears streaming down my face. I wipe it away hurriedly. “We can save him right?” Shiva asks his mother.Savitri aunty nods. Hope blooms in my heart. She continues in a smooth and gentle tone, “I spoke with the doctors now. Bypass surgery can save your father. The survival rate for your father is 99% and this operation is safe. Discuss with your mother and take the decision. I will wait outside with Shiva.”She leans in closer and reduces her voice as she says, “Take care of your mother. She has not yet accepted what happened.”I nod. Savitri aunty moves out but Shiva squeezes my hand and says, “Call me if you need anything. I will be waiting out.”When I nod, he exits the room leaving me alone with my mother. My mother is still mentally somewhere. I don't what to do. Should I ask her how she is doing? Should I shake her up so that she comes to the present? Shaking my head, I go and sit next to my mother. My mother doesn't speak anything but she leans on me and puts her head on my shoulder. I soothingly rub her arms. We both stay silent but the silence is so louder than any noise.“He promised me that he will stay with me till my last breath,” she says in a low voice filled with emotions. “But now, he...,” her voice breaks and she starts wailing heavily. I pull her closer and tell her everything will be fine but she shakes her head and cries.“I could have been kind to him. I could have spent a lot of time with him but instead, I always fought with him,” her sobs get heavy, “I always scolded him for little things. I hurt him yet he never left me,” she draws in a sharp breath and her whole body shakes with her sobs, “He was so patient with me. He never once argued back or raised his voice to me. He put with my tantrums. But, I never appreciated him for what a good husband he is. I kept complaining and starting arguments with him. How I wish I could go back in time and change those?” “Ma, he will be alright,” I say but my words are droned in her heavy cries. I rub her back and try saying something but I don't know what to say. I never expected my mother to have this reaction. I thought my parents hated each other and are only together because of Aishu and me. “I am a selfish person,” she continues through her bursts, “I don't deserve to live. Why can't God take me instead of him?  It is all because of me. He got high BP because I always complained.”Her sobbings get heavy and I am totally at loss as to what to do. I am not sure if I can calm her. My mother is at the peak of her emotions and I am freaking out not to lose my calm. Her words remind me of my father's plight and tears spring to my eyes. I try saying something but she keeps on blaming herself. The door suddenly opens and Aishu enters the room. She takes one glance at us and rushes to my mother. She throws her hand around us and my mother leans on her. She gives me a look that says, ‘Don't worry. I know how to handle her.’Sure enough, within a few seconds, she gets my mother under calm. I am surprised by the way she handles my sobbing mother. She doesn't tell her that everything will be okay. She lets my mother vent out all her feelings while she holds her. It is like watching a mother comfort her little child. The only difference here the roles are reversed.Apparently, I inherited my father's gene because he sure would have no idea how to calm my mother after any of her emotional outbursts. The best thing he would do is leave the house or tune my mother out. I would always go with him because I was scared of my mother's emotional outbursts.Aishu makes my mother lie on the bed and soon my mother exhausted from all the sobbing and crying, falls asleep.I am still gaping at my sister in awe, “How did you do that?”She gives a sad smile, “ I have prior experience in calming her down. Remember, you would leave the house with our father when they have those high world wars and I would be the one with her. So, I learned the best way to calm her down.”🍀🍀🍀🍀