Chapter 8: chapter 8

CHAPTER -4GOWRI“Ma, should I marry?” I ask my mother.“Of course,” she tells in a tired tone. For the past week, I have been pestering my mother with this question. “Marriage will make you happy and change you into a new person.”“But you are not happy. You always regretted marrying pa. What if I also regret marrying him?”“Gowri I am happy with your father,” she tells. In her world, happy means constantly arguing with my father and complaining about what a lame husband he is.“Yeah, I can see how happy you are,” I retort. She gives me a defeated sigh and continues washing the vessels as I stir the sambar that is being reheated for the dinner.“You will not miss me?” I ask pulling out the I-am-getting-married-and-you-are-going-to-miss-me-so-why-not-lets-call-off-the-wedding card.“Of course, I will. Which parent wouldn’t miss her daughter after marriage? I always wished you and your sister remained as little children and did not reach the marriage age but time waits for none. You must separate from us to start a new life. It will be both exciting and scary.”I shake my head at her. Time to get serious.“Ma, I am serious. I don’t want to get married,” I tell deadpanning. She stops her actions and shoots me a look. “Gowri, stop fooling around. You are getting married to this boy. That is final. No more backing away.”If I had been all excited and happy about this wedding like a normal girl, my mother would have taken me seriously and realized there was more to what I am telling but since I am that insane and abnormal girl like my cousins call me, I was trying to stop the marriage right from the beginning but now I really want to call it off and I can't.I feel like the shepherd boy who cried tiger for fun but when the tiger came really, no one came to help.“But ma-” I start but she cuts me off.“No buts, you are going to be a married woman soon. As your mother, I know which is best for you. Shiva is the best suitor for you. Your horoscopes match perfectly and the astrologer tells he is the man for you. Just give up the thoughts of being single and get ready for your marriage. If you want to stop this marriage then you can do that only after I die.”Shiva is the best suitor.  I want to laugh at those words. If anything, he is the worst suitor for me. I never expected Shiva to show up like that at my office. I was stunned at him and maybe a little impressed. I was nervous in the cafe and wasn't sure what to speak when he dropped his love failure bomb and just like that I was pissed off because that man told me outright that he will not love me. Seriously? Which man in his right mind would tell a girl he is supposed to marry that he is still in love with his ex and seek her help to call off the wedding?I am sure if some other girl had been in my place, she would have right away called her parents and informed them what a lousy boy they had found for her. But I was thinking about it. Especially, giving the idea of calling off the wedding a consideration. At first, I was reluctant to agree but then it hit me ‘Why not?’. It is not like I am in love with him. Strike that. I don't even like that guy. Yeah, he is all good looking with six feet and black eyes but I am not immature enough to fall for his looks. So there is nothing much to lose but I gain more of my single time if I call off this wedding. Because my parents have to again find me a proper suitor and I am sure it will take some time. So I agreed to call off the wedding.But spoiler alert: It is way harder than I imagined. My parents wouldn't hear of it. The more I tell them that I don't want the marriage, the more they are firm on getting me married.🍀🍀🍀🍀“Pa, are you sure you will be able to water the plants and take your tablets properly if I get married?” I ask pulling the you-will- have-to-do-a-lot-of-chores-if-I-get-married-so-why-not-call-off-the-wedding card.He gives me a wistful smile, “Don’t worry about me. I will take care of it.”“But pa, will you not miss me?” “I will miss you but sooner or later I will get used to it.”“Why can’t I stay here? I will be honest with you, I don’t want this marriage. I am sure I can’t be happy with that man.”“How can you say that even without trying it?” my father asks raising his eyebrow. Because the man himself told me that he couldn’t keep me happy.I think but don’t say it out aloud. I feel like a little kid who argues with her father for something she knew she will never get.“My gut tells me,” I reply. What kind of reply is that? I never listen to my gut and the answer seems so unlike me. My father knows that and he gives me an assessing look.“But aren’t you the one who told me that we are responsible for our happiness and it can only be found within us?”I groan inwardly for saying those now. Ok, being a counsellor, I have read a lot of philosophy books and would have told or rather advised people randomly. Karma is a boomerang and the advice I told him comes back to me. Why does it taste bitter?Maybe I should try some other way like arrange someone to kidnap me at the last moment or bring a boy and tell them that I am in love with him but where will I go for a boy who will be willing to act as my boyfriend for a week. Damn, even if I bring someone home and tell my parents that he is my boyfriend I doubt that they would believe me. My father’s voice pulls me out of my crazy ideas.“Gowri, I know you are hesitant to get married but life doesn’t go the way we want it to. Reality is thousand times more brutal and beautiful than our imagination. Sometimes the best thing to do is to stand back and wait patiently for life to unfold. In the end, everything will be good. If your destiny is to get married then you will get married no matter how hard you try to stop it.”🍀🍀🍀🍀