****Ria's Point of View****
The past few months have been so long and crappy.
We didn't get to go to Chicago. Daddy has been super...careful with me. He has been in extra daddy mode trying to get me to fall into little space but I haven't been able to.
He's also been having me go to therapy as to try and figure out why I had the panic attack.
Thing is I just don't want to feel anything.
"Good morning love," daddy said half asleep pulling me closer to him.
I snuggled in closer and relaxed into daddy.
"Why are you awake so early?" He asked me.
"I was just thinking. I also have to pee but am too lazy to get up," I said point blank.
"Go little girl. Then we can snuggle and go back to bed. It's Saturday."
I got up and went pee. When I came back Alex was fast asleep. He snores softly. Like a little kitten.
I decided to get up and go watch netflix. It was 8a. Yes early but could be worse.
I turned on the tv and disney channel came on. Ravens house was on and that was my jam.
I grabbed my bowl of cereal. Oreo cereal that daddy actually bought for me. As I went to sit down and eat an animal rescue commerical came on the tv.
"Give me that damn dog!" My father yelled as he yanked the leash out of my hands.
Tears welled up in my eyes. My mother just looked at me then followed him into the warehouse. I stood outside as the wind chilled my body and hid in the cardboard box by the dumpster.
I prayed my dog would be okay in the fight. I found the dog as a puppy and raised him for over the last 6 months. My dad said he had to help earn money for our family. But dogs don't always make it in there. I begged him not to take my dog but the cruel man did it anyway.
I snapped back from the memory that suddenly came back to me from all those years ago when I was only 6. I pushed it back not wanting to feel that pain anymore.
Like I said, I don't want to feel anything.
I finished my cereal and took my bowl to the sink.
I curled back up into a ball on the couch and tried to only think about the show I was watching.
I guess I fell asleep because Alex gently woke me up with a kiss on the cheek.
"Baby girl whats wrong?" He asked me.
Tears started streaming down my face.
"I remember daddy. My parents...my real parents...they let me raise this little doggy from a puppy but then when it was about 6months or so...they took him. They made him fight and, " I had to take a deep breath to make my voice work again.
"They lost on the dog. He didn't make it. They took my puppy from me," I said crying again.
"Oh baby girl. That's horrible. I'm so sorry," he said quietly pulling me into his lap.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through with that. I'm sorry you relived it those couple weeks ago and right now too," he said rubbing my back.
"They were awful to me growing up," I stated as if I were telling him I needed air to live.
So many terrible memories live in me.
"I'm here for you Ria. You can tell me everything. I'll always be here," he said making me look at him.
I nodded my head. Unable to say so but appreciating this man more than he would ever know.
Daddy let me ramble and cry for what felt like an eternity.
Eventually I passed out on his chest finally feeling a bit better, or relieved or something.
"We can't fix the past but we can make the future ours baby girl," I remember daddy saying before I fell asleep.
I like that I thought slowly drifting off.