Angelica found me as soon as the bell rang for lunch that following Wednesday, "When are you going to see her?" She asked, walking close to me, her head ducked, as if she could be invisible, which was impossible since five or six balloons were floating behind her.
Her 15th birthday.
"I'm not sure," I replied honestly, "Probably before I go home."
In Hispanic culture, she would be celebrating her Quinceañera, a coming of age tradition that shed light of her first steps into womanhood.
"I went this morning, not sure when Dad will visit though," She said this in a somber voice, almost void of feeling.
We were not Hispanic however, nor did we have a big family to enjoy that huge tradition.
I frowned and wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder, "Hey, how are you doing?"
She shrugged absentmindedly, "Every year's the same Alice. Just have to wait it out." It broke my heart that Angelica didn't get the normal teenaged birthday, a day that was supposed to be her favorite day of the year, but was instead the worst.
Instead, she would get whatever I prepared for her at home. And similar to a Quinceañera, she would be spending it with family, although we were tiny in comparison to Hispanic families.
"I have a surprise for you at home," I squeezed her shoulder, "Grandma sent you a present, and I have a cool present of my own this year," I told her, in hopes of raising her spirits.
She grinned wryly at me, "You always fail at this sort of stuff Alice, just face it, you're not cut out to be like a mom- at least not yet."
My hand dropped from her shoulder and I stopped walking with her. I knew she was acting out of the pain of visiting Mom today, but her words still stung.
"I did this because you're my sister Angelica," I said this lowly, as to prevent others from hearing, though people were starting to stare at the two stilled bodies in the middle of the busiest hallway of school.
Her eyes were like hot flames, the brown in them receding and a bright orangish color flamboyantly sparking. She did look so much like our mom, and in a way, this is how I pictured her, a carbon copy of my sister.
"I need you to be my sister Alice, but sometimes you act as if you're my mom- newsflash Alice! We don't fucking have a mom!"
She was fierce and strong and willing, everything I was not, everything I lacked. I felt myself shrink back farther and farther away from her, a burning in my nose building.
"I'll see you at home," She said sharply, turning on her feet and walked away, pushing against the flow of people, not bothering to apologize.
The first hot tear fell onto my face and I quickly wiped it away; there was a stigma of shame that adhered to crying at school, and I was no opposer to that. Wiping the messy tears off my cheeks, I shuffled away from that hallway, my feet not sure of a destination but hell, I had to get away from there.
My body was caught by another, a pair of strong hands holding my shoulders square, the owner looking down on me concerned, unexpectedly.
"Alice?" Eros' voice was worried and he absently wiped a tear that strayed on my cheek. "What's wrong?" His eyes flickered with a concern that only recently became available for me. It appeared that our bonding over understanding's and tattoos was enough for him to extend to me a kindness he only ever extended to Ryder.
It seemed, all the negative rumors that had reached me about him were all being proved false.
"Nothing," I swiped the wetness from my cheeks roughly, the crack in my voice expressing otherwise.
Why was concealing crying always more difficult when people were watching?
He didn't say anything, his hands just reached up and pulled my own from my flushed cheeks. "It's not shameful to cry in front of me Alice," he whispered, holding one of my hands still, leading me to the oak tree.
He cared.
It was a thought so prevalent in my mind at that moment, he saw my weaknesses and only sought to help me, not use them to my demise.
Under the shade and privacy of the oak tree, he peered at me for a second, his lanky arms holding me at a distance, and then he pulled me in sharply, smashing my face against his bony chest.
It was there.
In that moment, where he held me tightly, my breathing slowed, a slightly familiar scent of burning wood and the beach surrounded me in comfort. The tears dried on my face, my heart returned to a normal rate, and I remained there, holding on just as tightly to Eros as he was to me. I didn't want this moment to end, his head resting lightly on my hair, the sound of his steady heart, the solace within the silence.
The kindness that I never expected from Eros, not for me, not for anyone.
In retrospect, the reasons I was upset for seemed dumb and unimportant in comparison to the safety I felt in Eros' arms.
***
It was true, Ryder never let me be alone ever again. My lunches were now spent with him- him and Eros, and sometimes, Ryder's other friends- many of his friends that I had tutored before, or simply knew because it was, in fact a small town, and everyone knew everyone.
Often times, Eros and I would sit and do school work whilst Ryder socialized and kept a healthy conversation flowing, but today, was not one of those days.
Claire, absent of the company of Luna, approached us this one sunny Wednesday, her long tan legs poking out of denim shorts, holding a thick binder in one arm, a beaded bag slung on the other. "Hi boys," She said cheerily, seating herself next to Eros.
"Hello Claire," Ryder flirted slyly, a lift on his pink lips, moving away from some of his other friends to seat himself next to me, and across from Claire, "what brings you to our neck of the forest?"
I rolled my eyes at his terrible idiom, but she found it hysterical, and burst fits of high-pitched giggles.
Once calmed, she answered, "Oh, I was wondering if you and Eros wanted to hang out today?" She nudged Eros playfully, her hazel eyes flirtatious.
Sighing, Eros snapped his book shut and turned his head to her. At this, her cheeks tinged pink, and began to stutter, "I mean work on the history project, nothing too crazy," she laughed shakily and placed her hands on her yellow binder.
I questioned the truth of the history project, if she truly needed help, she would've came to me, it was evident to see, that Claire just came to flirt.
For a brief moment, I concerned myself with thoughts of her boyfriend- or maybe now, ex-boyfriend.
"Well, I mean, Alice and Eros and really the brainy ones," Ryder looked at me, "are you free today Alice?"
I avoided his eye contact. "Uh- no," I said shortly, closing my planner to sneak a glance up at Ryder. He seemed shocked and frowned at me. They all seemed shocked actually, and I bristled at this, was it so shocking to think I had things to do?
February 9th, my least favorite day.
"It's Angelica's birthday," I supplied, filling the silence that had imposed on us.
Ryder's stature stiffened and he spoke to Claire, "And I am busy as well, maybe Eros can help you with the history project."
On hearing this, Claire's smile broadened and she leaned sideways, laying her head on Eros' arm.
I think my jaw dropped- not too sure, I had never seen someone be so touchy with him- and Eros, he was just letting it happen. I glanced at Ryder and he too was startled, no one ever had the audacity.
"What do you say Eros?" She cooed, curly hair spilling over his shirt.
Eros remained unfazed, and shrugged off Claire casually, opening his water bottle and taking a drink. "I'm going to be with Alice," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
I leaned forward, my eyes trained on him.
What?
Out of all the days Eros decided to be buddy-buddy with me, it had to be today? He looked up to me nonchalantly, leaning his chin on his hand.
"Is that so Alice?" Ryder questioned with a raised eyebrow.
Yes- Eros and I had made progress, in fact, I think he was okay with being in my presence, but I thought, Ryder thought, we all freaking thought, it would be a while before he was okay being alone with me.
I, though am not that dense, I could clearly infer this was just a ruse so he would not have to help Claire, which I sort of minded. Eros was never shy with how he felt about other people, but for some reason, he didn't want Claire to get the same impression most strangers did with him.
I however, am a freaking fantastic friend- even if Eros didn't believe we were friends.
"Yes," I affirmed to Ryder.
All suspicion seemed to melt from his face and he moved his attention to Claire, "Oh well I'm sorry Claire, maybe tomorrow," Ryder apologized, giving a sincere smile.
I took my gaze off of Ryder to her, and found that she too was staring at me, just in a less than nice way that I wasn't expecting from her- much colder than all my interactions with her.
I swallowed nervously and looked away.
The day, passed rather uneventfully. I got paid by one of my kid's who achieved their first A in Algebra 2, Angelica avoided me by all costs, and I barely saw Ryder.
I did, see Claire and Luna after school and they linked arms with me as we made our way to the senior lot (we were juniors but no one really cared but the seniors), and Claire, to my utmost surprise, babbled on, not about Ryder, but about Eros.
"He's like a mystery, you know?" She told Luna and I as we entered the parking lot, pausing by the benches to finish our conversation, a slight warm wind bringing in the salty beach air that I treasured so.
"A mystery?" I replied dryly, amused by the irony of her words, if Eros were to label himself as anything, mystery would be the last one.
She nodded eagerly, brown curls shaking with her. "He's shy and reserved, and he doesn't talk to many people- but did you see the way he looked at me?" She sighed blissfully, head tilted up to the bright sky, eyes half-closed. "Dreamy I tell you."
"I thought you were interested in Ryder?" I asked, pulling my arms as I spotted Eros across the parking lot, leaning up against his old gray car, black sunglasses obscuring his eyes.
"Ryder's hot and everything- but he's no Eros."
I'm not entirely sure why, but I felt defiant at this, and repeated words I had once said to her before. "Ryder's only redeeming quality isn't that he's just hot Claire, he's also incredibly kind."
Her head swiveled to face me completely, pursing her baby pink lips at me. "I know that Alice, I just assumed you two were dating."
I burst out into laughter and then sobered quickly at the pointed gaze she shot me.
She was being completely serious.
"Ryder and I will never date- ever." I clarified, Ryder and I were the best of friends, and dating was the one line we would never cross.
Her stoic expression remained stagnant, blank and demanding, reflective of her personality.
"Alice!" The voice that called me didn't belong to Ryder; it belonged to Eros, the boy that I was meant to spend the day with. I found him by his car again and tilted my head as he spoke again, "let's go."
Without so much as a goodbye to Claire and Luna, I scampered away, shamefully fearful of the wrath I knew Claire had, stopping just in front of Eros.
He pulled off his sunglasses and tucked them away, his torso leaning forward ever so slightly so his tall frame almost swallowed me, "Here's your chance to be my friend Alice- don't fuck it up."
***
THIS WEEK HAS BEEN ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTING IM CRYING! one of my yb kidz has been flirting with me, and idk wat to do! i cant date him bc thats the #1 thing you don't do in yb! MOCK TRIAL WAS YESTERDAY AND WE WENT UP AGAINST A REALLY GOOD TEAM LIKE WOW I WAS SHOOKETH, OUR TEAM WAS shit.
anways, i hope u enjoyed dis chapter <3 if u wanted it to get happier it wont for 2-4 chapters hahahahahaha im sorry :( it will get better thooo i swear <3
pls vote and comment bc they make my day and i luv ittt
have a wonderful day (or night) i hope this chapter brings you chocolate cake and lots of love!
all my love