I heard the door open early that next morning, and my body tumbled to find that man I called my father.
He placed his keys on the table on the door and looked up at me with surprised eyes, eyes that quickly melted into brokenness, "I'm so sorry baby," he cried, tears welling in his bloodshot eyes. "Every year I fuck it up," he whimpered, and I stood back, shocked by this appearance. "Baby girl I'm so sorry," his arms extended out to me, and I remained still, frozen to my spot on the stairs, riddled with shock.
His arms wrapped around me tightly, his body convulsing with heavy cries. I remained still, I couldn't recall the last time I was in my father's embrace, the last time I saw him cry, the last time I saw him break down like this.
"She would be so ashamed of me Alice," he said in soft tones, soft enough that I barely caught it, spoken whispers recalling the image of my mother. "So fucking ashamed."
"Dad," I managed, pushing him off. He looked up at me from the bottom of the stairs, confused and hurt.
"What is it baby girl?"
I swallowed. "Your apology shouldn't go to me Dad, it goes to Angelica, it goes to my friends, you ruined this day for all of us."
He stared back at me, hurt, but not arguing, to which I was grateful. I knew my words were less than what I usually would've told him, so much more harsher and less than what he would want from me- but I didn't care anymore.
I had a sister that fell asleep from sobbing last night, and two people got to witness my father on his worst night, I didn't care what I said to him.
"I know," he agreed, rubbing a hand against his growing stubble.
I was grateful that he wasn't drunk enough to fight me, he was giving an effort to us, something that rarely happened, and I was going to make sure he didn't forget this.
"Alice?" I swiveled around to face my small, innocent, little sister, rubbing her eyes tiredly as her gaze fell on our father, and her doe eyes hardened. "What are you doing awake?" She asked scathingly.
My father moved up the stairs, pushing past me to stand before my sister. "I'm so sorry that I ruined your birthday baby," he apologized as I turned to face the pair of them.
She shrunk away from his touch. "It's not like you haven't ruined any of my other birthdays, or any other day for that matter," she countered, crossing her frail arms across her chest.
"I know," he said sadly, "I'm really trying girls," he turned to me with hopeful eyes. "It's just so fucking hard."
I bristled. "It's hard to not tell your daughter she killed her mother? To not come home drunk every day? Honestly Dad, you're making it out to seem like we ask so much of you, when really all we want, all we've ever wanted was to have a father that loved and cherished us," I was hugging myself, completely vulnerable in front of the man that made my nightmares come true.
The man that I would love always.
He looked at me with guilty eyes, "I do love you guys Alice, Angelica," his head turned to her, her figure that leaned against the wall, my strong little sister that grew up way too fast.
"If you loved us, you wouldn't do all this," Angelica snapped, pivoting on her foot and slamming the door to her room, as if she were a normal teenager.
Only, we were so fucking far from normal teenagers.
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i hate sad chapters
ALL MY LOVE U HOES