In the car, Claire proposed a question I never thought she'd ask. "So," she cleared her throat. "Any advice for handling an antisocial Eros?"
Light filtered softly in the car, slight and pure, much like Claire, her feelings for Eros and how I was so cruelly against it. Guilt bubbled through me, for what seemed like the millionth time that day.
Claire had me and Luna come over before her date with Eros and help her get ready, choose the perfect outfit and do her hair perfectly so he'd like it. It was superficial, and as much as I'd like to refute her actions, I knew if I were in the same position, I'd do the exact same.
So I answered as truthfully as possible.
"Eros just has a hard time letting people in Claire, you must understand. His life hasn't been particularly easy and he just wants to get through high school. The few people he does let in however, are very close to his heart and he treasures them lie no other," I admitted. "So if you ever penetrate his caged heart, know you're lucky and don't fuck it up."
A smirk curved my lips, thinking of the phrase Eros had used so often with me. But, my words make me curious, had he used that phrase because he knew I was going to penetrate his heart? And he wanted to warn me?
It was cute and warmed my heart, so I decided those was his intentions.
"If you don't mind me asking," Luna's voice was quiet from the back, apprehensive. "How'd he end up in Monte Verde?"
"His parents and him lived in Virginia. After they died, his grandmother came to take care of him, but that's when he began to lash outâ"
"Lash out?"
Claire was worried, and I hadn't expected that from her. Ever since I knew she wanted Eros, she had become the antagonist of my story which was entirely unfair because she hadn't done anything wrong, I was just being a bitch.
But I couldn't help it. I wanted Eros and I didn't want to share.
"Yeah, for a while he was involved in cage fights and he fooled around a lot. His therapist suggested they move back to Monte Verde, where Eros' grandmother lived prior so he could have a fresh start, reconnect with the place his parents once met in. So that's what they did. And the rest is history."
The car fell silent for a moment as Luna and Claire processed this new information about their new friend. My hands drummed against the steering wheel absentmindedly as I turned onto Ryder's street. He, Luna and I had plans to go out later tonight while Eros and Claire went to the concert.
I only agreed because I needed to keep myself busy from thinking about what he and Claire would do, if they lips would touch. If they would end up fooling around like how we did.
"God I hope he likes me."
My head turned to Claire in my passenger seat. She seemed, stressed, holding her head in her hands, fingers weaved into her hair.
"He will. He's genuinely a people person once you push pass his angsty exterior," I offered her a small smile, hoping it didn't seem too much like a grimace.
Despite how much I wanted to steer Claire wrong with Eros, I couldn't. I just wasn't that person. Eros and I had decided that yes, what was developing between us was dangerous and yes, we decided that we both needed to move on, get each other out of our systems.
I didn't realize it would be that easy, for either of us.
Arriving at the house, Claire reluctantly followed Luna and I to the door, tugging on her hair. Luna let loose a giggle and pulled her toward her side as I unlocked the door and beckoned them in, thankful for the cool air hitting our skin.
The April air was not being friendly to us.
"Hello?" Luna called in the foyer, eyes wandering the walls, where I noticed a new picture was hung, a photo of Ryder and his parents, taken at the gala.
I wondered if Ryder and his parents discussed his future. I wondered when the last time Ryder saw his parents was.
From this thought, I felt a painful stab in my stomach. I could see my father if I wanted, I was privileged enough that I could say that, unlike Ryder, unlike Eros. I turned away from the picture shamefully. I hadn't gone to my father's house yet, and I wasn't sure when I would. I felt bad for abandoning my sister but I couldn't bear being back in that house.
"In my room!" Ryder's voice drifted toward us, and we all took the stairs two at a time to get to Ryder's room, Claire and Luna giggling about the city of Santa Cruz, the city where unbeknownst to them, Eros let out his frustrations.
In the least hot way possible.
Claire and Luna reached the door first and waltzed into his room, and it was in moments like this I realized it truly wasn't the three of us anymore, it was the five of us.
"I have a surprise," Ryder beamed as I walked into his room, Eros lazily on his bed, a book in his hand. Today, he was reading The Inferno by Dante Alighieri, the first part of Alighieri's epic poem, Divine Comedy. I had recommended it to him a while back.
"What?" Luna asked, much happier to be in Ryder's presence.
They weren't dating, yet.
Still, she was very keen on him and he was very keen on her.
"I may or may not have bought pit tickets for Luna, Alice and I," his hands were tucked behind his back as he bounced on his toes. "So we can all go together. And so Alice," he winked at me. "Can complete #5 on her list!"
My cheeks flushed.
"What list?" Claire asked, brow furrowed as she looked between Ryder and I.
I pursed my lips, being petty. "Yeah Ryder, what list?"
His face froze in realization of what he did.
Yeah dickwad, you just exposed me.
"Alice, she just has this list of things she wants to do before senior year starts. And Eros and I promised her we'd finish it! It'sâuh behind you guys if you want to look at it!" My eyes bulged at him and he shrugged.
I felt Eros' fiery gaze on me and I forced myself not to face him, not to fall into the depth of his sapphire eyes, because I knew, I would ruin things for Claire and him if I did.
The girls turned and faced it, still hanging above Ryder's desk, messy with papers and his laptop hidden underneath it all. A photo frame held a photo of Ryder and I when we were little. We were on the beach, running, chasing the tide and my heart ached.
Life was so much easier then.
"You kissed someone and you didn't tell me!" Claire's voice became shrill as she turned to me with her arms crossed.
I felt as though I could melt in the floor, praying she wouldn't ask me who I kissed, when I kissed him. So I settled for shrugging sheepishly, "I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, most teenagers are losing their virginity and they don't spread that news like wildfire."
She lifted an eyebrow at me and crossed her arms across her chest. Honestly, she looked pretty intimidating. "That doesn't make it any better missy!"
The nickname was childish, and made me feel like a child. From Eros' glare at Claire, it seemed I was not the only one who share the opinion about the nickname, or maybe he was just getting defensive because he took my first kiss.
Pathetic, I know.
Ryder's eyes widened in the awkward silence that ensued. "Well, everyone pack a bag! Because we're going to Santa Cruz!"
â¦
The city was slowly growing on me. I wasn't sure what it was that was growing on me, but stepping into Ryder's parent's beach house, I felt like this was a home away from home. The house was significantly homier than the one in Monte Verde, small and quaint, slightly damp but comfortable all the same.
"There are only two rooms. So Alice and I will take the master and Luna and Claire will take my room. Eros has gladly volunteered himself for the pull out couch!" Ryder winked at Eros, and it was evident that he did not volunteer himself for the pull out couch. His brow was raised in confusion and he made a face at Ryder.
"I just don't see why I can't share the master with you and Alice!" He complained, pointing in the general direction of the room. In his other hand he held a small bag of his clothes.
We were all staying the night in Santa Cruz, so we could all get equally fucked up and not have to worry about a designated driver.
His eyes caught mine and flitted away quickly.
"Because you remember how awful it was last time the three of us shared a bed!" Ryder shot back at Eros, this time returning his point.
Eros found my gaze again, and this time, held it.
"Yeah, that was awful."
Claire and Luna came back from exploring the house, both eager and grinning. "Are we ready to have the time of our lives?" Luna said, her gaze focused on Ryder mostly, grin flirtatious and cunning.
At least someone was enjoying themselves.
Ryder returned her grin, a lovestruck fool honestly. "Yeah, let's dip!"
I dug around in my overnight bag for my sweater, the city was notorious for hot days and colder nights, something I was not really looking forward to. Eros pulled his camera around his neck, eyes watching as everyone slowly trickled out of the house. Soon it was just us, and his eyes acknowledged me for a moment.
I straightened up. "I don't think it's good for us to be alone Eros."
His eyes turned hard, but something struggled to surface, as his expression lulled into a soft smirk and a cock of his head.
"I agree."
He hadn't moved, nor did I, and a silence settled upon us. I shifted uncomfortably and nodded at him, taking the first few steps toward the door.
"But you know what Alice, I have to tell you something first."
The air was filled with a severe sexual tension that always found us whenever we were alone. I wasn't sure if it was because we had already did things together or because we decided not to pursue that tension that always made it grow ten-fold but Eros looked delectable and I was in a constant state of wanting to jump his bones.
"Well say it then," I snapped irritably, twisting the ends of my hair in frustration.
I was going to have to call Henry tomorrow.
"You look fucking sexy and someone needed to tell you," he growled, a threatening finger pointed in my direction.
Well, I guess I was calling Henry tonight.
"Thanks," I muttered, swallowing my saliva hoping my dry throat would ease up a little.
"And you have no idea how much I want to rip that skirt off and have my way with you on the table."
My gaze met Eros', his jaw flexed tightly as he stared at me with the deepest lust. I'm sure my face was returning the same expression, a pulsing in my lower regions letting me know how I felt about his statement.
"Fuck you."
I stormed out of the house, an appearance of grey, cloudy skies taking me by surprise. We were outside fifteen minutes ago, where did this come from?
"Are we ready?" I snapped irritably to the group standing around the lawn, all staring at the clouds that swiftly pulled into the city, the ocean across the street seemingly becoming more and angry. My hand pulled at the passenger door as I slid inâ I was not about to get caught sitting near Eros.
I was the ocean and Eros was the sky, as we both had anger brewing within us that was bound to surface at some point, unpredictable and crazy but connected as though one triggered the other and vice versa.
The car filled quickly and silently, and soon we were on our way to the concert, Ryder filling the silence with meaningless chatter about the artist and how exciting it was going to be in the pit, and how we hoped we wouldn't get shit-faced.
I had pure intentions to get modestly shit-faced tonight.
Throughout the drive, I felt Ryder's worried glances shot my way, but I couldn't be bothered to give him a reassuring smile when I knew Eros was moving on.
And it was so horribly pathetic. We hadn't even been dating. I didn't have the authority to feel so mopey that Eros was getting starry eyed over a girl that wasn't me. I just couldn't shove aside my feelings.
Besides, I was the one to move on first.
I didn't get to feel this way.
So, when we got to the concert and found ourselves surrounded by strangers and Ryder came back from the bar with drinks for all of us, I happily chugged the too sweet slushy that I'm sure I didn't want to know how much alcohol was in it.
My body became a vessel that danced through the night, smiling and grinning and hopelessly drunk, avoiding the conversations I saw shared between Eros and Claire, mindlessly third-wheeling with Luna and Ryder and until Claire's hands pulled me toward her and she smiled at me.
"You're drunk," her arms pulled at mine so we were dancing and laughing, being the friends I knew we could be.
"And youâ" I hiccuped, "are certainly not drunk enough!"
She shook her head and spun herself in my arms. "I want to remember this night, the night I found a place in Eros' caged heart."
I felt my smile fall before I could recover. She hadn't noticed though.
"This is fun," she panted. "How is your first concert Alice?"
I let go of her hands and my body moved without command, hips moving to the beat, feeling it move my body in it's trap. "Honestly, it's hot as heck and I'm sweating but I'm drunk so that makes things much, much, better."
She giggled, eyes going dull as she looked past me. Claire gave me a gentle smile before pushing past me, and as I turned, I understood why, sobering up despite my need to be drunk.
She grabbed his hands, moving him to the beat of the music, forcing Eros to dance with her. He didn't seem to excited to be dancing with her, mostly content with his stupid swaying and nodding his head to the beat of the music.
He raised an eyebrow at her, "What are you doing?"
She spun herself in his arm, giggling, "Dancing Eros! It's fun you should try it sometime!" She grabbed his ringless fingers and secured them around her back, reaching up to clasp his neck in her own hands, the couple losing themselves in the music quickly.
My heart dropped and I felt sick to my stomach, unable to stop myself from watching them.
She was lost in the music, and within a few beats, so was he, and I continued in a spiral of insanity, lost in my own little world of heartbreak. But I couldn't blame her. And I couldn't blame him.
I could only blame me.
The song slowed, not slow enough to be a slow song, but slow enough that their movements had become much more intensified and, I was mortified to admit, lustful.
But I couldn't take my eyes off of them.
The people in front of me were beautiful, a swaying masterpiece. They were the couple that was supposed to happen. Every story always depicted the friendly popular girl branching out and falling in love with the bad boy of the school, and she changed him as he changed her.
This wasn't a book though. And Eros wasn't a bad boy.
We were real people with real lives stuck in an endless loop of moderate happiness and moderate pain, constantly going in and out of the two, our friendship being tried and tested as we avoided the one thing that I think was hurting us more than helping us: each other.
The sound of the artist's voice faded, the guitar edging off and suddenly all I could feel was the constant thump of the rhythm of the drums as I watched my best friend and my new girl friend become more than friends.
Their dance halted, and they stood panting before one another, Claire's hands resting on Eros' chest, his own hands tightly gripping her hips. A lazy smile brightened his features and one hand reached up and stroked her cheek.
His head tilted down slightly, and in the crowd of hundreds of people, Eros mother-fucking Zane kissed Claire mother-fucking Gomez.
I spun on my heel facing the hundreds of strangers that witnessed my best friend kiss a girl that wasn't me, my eyes searching for the bar. I couldn't and wouldn't let this bother me, so I settled for the one thing that might make me feel at least 20% better.
Getting fucked up.
Preferably, with liquor that had 20% alcohol content.
â¦
what time is it?
SPOOKY SZN!!!!
it's only sepetember-- i know but i'm that bitch that plays christmas music even b4 thanksgiving... i hate me too. hope u bitches watch halloweentown and hocus pocus every day until halloween and then immediately dive into the santa clause. god i love the end of the year.
hope school's going well, the hoes r well, hope ur well.
<3 ALL MY LOVE U BUTTHEADS <3