The question really was: What couldn't go wrong?
We left the Friday before spring break after school immediately and rushed so much that Ryder forgot his glasses at home and Eros had forgotten his camera, while we were mid-through Santa Cruz. And since we couldn't (or rather shouldn't) buy those things in SoCal, we had to come back up and grab them.
Then, because we left much later than anticipated (I'm talking 5 PM, rush hour), we hit traffic, and I probably should've known better, I mean for God's sake, this was the PCH, it was always busy, even busier during rush hour.
I slouched in my seat, sticking my fuzzy-socked feet into the center console, yawning as I contemplated a nice nap.
"Oh no you don't missy!" Ryder growled, mostly out of frustration. "It's your list that got us into this mess and so help me God, you're not falling asleep for one minute of it!"
Eros and I exchanged an incredulous look and burst into laughter.
"It's your and Eros' fault that we're leaving so late," I fairly pointed out, picking up one the books I planned to read during the road trip. It was The Iliad, Eros' favorite book. Before we had messed our entire friendship up, he had told me this once.
I hoped he'd notice I was reading it.
"Hey, I would've been fine without it but Ryder insisted!" Eros grumbled, picking up his own book, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and I think we both knew why he was reading it.
We were both hopelessly trying to get on each other's good sides.
"Hmph," Ryder turned up the radio in hopes of entertaining himself since both his best friends were bookworms.
The song, couldn't have been a worse song. It wasn't that I didn't like this song, it was just that, it was the song played at my birthday, in Eros' room, before we made out. From the backseat, I could see Eros' back stiffen and I knew that he remembered too.
We were so desperately trying to go back to what we were before but the universe decided that wasn't happening.
My phone buzzed, breaking my concentration.
From: Henry Davidson
so la huh? i'll send you a list of good restaurants and sites to seeâmy girl can't be a tourist in a city i know so well. xx
I stared at two words: my girl. I didn't realize we had gotten to this point in our 'relationship', whatever this thing was going on between us. We knew we weren't exclusive but had that shifted from our last date? Could it be that Henry Davidson was growing feelings for me?
To: Henry Davidson
Thanks! I'll pass the list along to Ryder and Eros too.
I chewed my lip, contemplating adding 'babe' or 'baby' or something romantic and pet-name like, to validate the words he had said. Did it even matter?
With my validation of YOLO, I added babe after the thanks and sent it without reading it over, tossing my phone to the side, cracking open my edition of The Iliad.
My phone buzzed again, and I planned on ignoring it but it continued to buzzâ meaning someone was calling me. A frown creasing my face, I picked it up, surprised to see Henry's name flashing back at me, why was he calling me?
"Who's that?" Ryder looked back at me in the rearview mirror.
I gave him a look that conveyed: you know who it is and I need you to shut up.
He returned my look with a purse of his lips which basically meant: We're talking about this later.
"Hello?" My voice was hesitant and quiet and I suddenly wished I wasn't in the car with two of my best friends as they overheard a conversation between a boy that liked me and myself.
"I think it's a good time for us to figure out what's going on between us Alice," Henry's voice was as usual, free of worry, sure, confident and I was jealous of that.
"Right now?" I asked incredulously, avoiding the curious gaze of Eros.
"Wellâ I feel like if we don't do it right now, we are going to find every single excuse later to avoid it," he admitted and I could picture him: upside down on his bed, a stereo blasting some music in his massive room.
"Okay."
"I'll be straight with you Alice. I like you. I like you enough that I don't want you doing things with another boy."
My gaze immediately raised to Eros, to the boy that not days ago I was in bed with, doing things I wouldn't do with Henry.
"That being said, how do you feel about me?"
Eros returned my stare as my cheeks continued to heat up. I didn't want to say these next words in front of Eros and I wasn't sure if it was because I didn't want to upset him, or because I didn't want him to hear.
I said it anyway.
"I do like you."
I've never seen Eros' head whip forward so quickly, cracking open his book and seeming to be mostly preoccupied so he wouldn't have to pay attention to me professing my feelings for another boy, a boy that wasn't him.
"That's great Alice. Honestly," I could hear his smile and I couldn't help but feel my own grin grow, like I was a real teenager in love with a simple boy.
"I think all that's left for me to ask then is if you want to be my girlfriend?"
The boys next to me disappeared, and it was just me in the car, talking to Henry, deciding our fate. For a moment, I felt all my blood rushed to my cheeks as they began to pound, "You can't ask that over the phone Henry Davidson," I teased in a breathless voice.
He laughed, and for one of the first times, I found the sound beautiful. I wanted to hear it over and over. "Well I guess we're what are the kids calling itâtalking?"
I was transported, back to a time before Henry and Ryder and Eros, when it was just my sister and me, and she was teasing me about a boy in our class, how I should talk to him, how I haven't talked to anyone before. I couldn't believe this was actually happening to me.
"I hate that term."
He laughed again and if it were possible, I think my grin would've grew. But it couldn't. "I'll call you later Alice Black."
I ended the call.
Ryder cleared his throat and we made eye-contact in the rearview mirror, and I knew what he wanted, he wanted to know what the heck just happened over the phone, but I didn't want to indulge him.
So instead, I rolled down the window and stuck my head out, basking in the setting sun on my skin. A swift sea breeze whisked my hair into a flowing mass about the sky. I giggled in complete delight, "I know another route if we want to get out of traffic," I spoke to the fluffy clouds.
"Yeah?" Ryder answered amused as I felt his soft gaze on my face. "You better get us on it now before I actually go insane."
I laughed, pulling myself back into the car.
"There should be a ramp to the 101 South, that'll take us down the coastline much quicker than this," I flashed Ryder a smile. "But thank you for completing #11 with me!"
Eros frowned. "Who else would you complete it with?"
"Yeah Alice," Ryder joked, "Henry?"
An awkward silence ebbed into the car and I fixed Ryder with a purse of my lips. "You guys are my best friends, and besides," I trailed off, taking in the entire past three months of my life.
Both boys gave me a confused stare and I couldn't help but be quiet, taken about how much my life had changed in such little time, how much I had wanted this to be my life when I wrote the list, and it was finally coming into existence.
"When I wrote the list, I admit I genuinely never thought I'd do anything with it, maybe because I just didn't have the balls to go out and do the things I wanted to," I was looking down, at my phone, at the lock screen of Ryder, Eros and I at my birthday, when we were our happiest.
"But you guys brought me out of that. Every single number I've completed on that freaking piece of paper was instigated by one of you. And now," I looked up, finding that both of their attentions was queued to me, Ryder driving slowly and dare I admit dangerously, gaze firmly locked on me in the rearview mirror. And Eros.
His entire body was shifted toward me, his face torn with emotion.
My smile lifted. "I'm not afraid to do these things. I'm not scared to make friends and maybe that's because I know you guys always have my back, but my life is completely altered. When I wrote the list, I had hoped that when I got to #11, I would have friends like you, that unselfishly wanted the best for me."
"You're not alone in that Alice," Ryder was now paying attention to the road, but the excitement in his voice told me most of his attention was still on me. "My friends mean a lot to me. But my best friends mean the most. And Eros meant the most. And now you do too. Thank you for being my safe place."
I felt like crying. Just because my life was falling in place and I was so thrilled, yeah, so my father was fucked up, Eros and I still didn't know what to do with our feelings and Ryder was suffering with his future.
We were together and that's all that really mattered.
"You guys are so gay," a ghost of a smile seemed permanent on Eros' face as he regarded the two of us.
Ryder and I made eye contact in the mirror and in-sync rolled our eyes.
Dramatic Eros, like always.
"You love us," I teased.
And like Eros Zane always did, he lifted his book to his face, hiding his soft smile.
â¦
"Let's stop off here," with a flourish of my fingers out the window, I pointed at the beach that slowly grew lighter and lighter, the sky dark and still bright.
The time was drawing near dawn, although I could not give an exact time because I had just woken from a very peaceful slumber, snuggled in one of Eros' hoodies, this being as close to his body as I'd allow myself ever again.
Ryder let out an audible yawn and took the next exit wordlessly, following the beaten road to a small parking lot where he messily pulled into two, justifying it by saying 'It's before dawnâwho else is going to be on the beach beside us?'.
He was right.
The small beach was abandoned, but still retained a liveliness to it. A soft push and pull of the ocean felt so terribly alike to home that I felt a pang of homesickness even though we were there six hours ago.
"We're such beach trash," Ryder threw an arm around my shoulder, leading us toward the sand, never mind the fact that we were both wearing sneakers.
I laughed and leaned into him, eyes lifting to a smiling Eros and everything felt perfectly complete.
By all means, we were still in the middle of nowhere, I had no idea how many hours it was going to take to get to LA, but we didn't really care at that moment. We got out of that stuffy car and were breathing the same salty fresh air we breathed every day back home.
"If we didn't live by the ocean, do you think we would still have as strong a connection to it?" Ryder mused, stopped to pull off his shoes and socks, cuffing his jeans so he could pad into the water. I followed suit.
Eros voiced his thoughts first. "I think so." He sat down next to our shoes, watching as Ryder and I chased into the water, the coldness erupting up our bodies causing me to squeal in shock and jump up.
"I meanâ I grew up in the middle of Virginia and there wasn't really a close beach to me, but when I moved here, everything changed, Suddenly the beach and the ocean became a solace for me when things got especially rough."
I looked back at him, my damaged best friend, and smiled.
For seventeen-year-olds, we endured a shit-ton of trauma that even some adults hadn't gone through yet and I thought we were managing it pretty well if I do say so myself. Maybe that's why we were such good friends, because we were so heavily damaged.
"I think it's sick that we all go to the beach when we need to calm down," I dug my toes into the sand and watched as the tide pushed and pulled the water around my ankles, lulling me into a tranquil daze.
Ryder's hand intertwined with mine and he held me tightly. "Eros get your ass over here and feel the ocean with us!"
From the grumbling behind us, I assumed Eros was following his instructions.
"We're all going to get sick!" He pointed out as we heard the connection of water to his feet, felt his presence rise up behind me as if he was going to swallow me whole, and then he grabbed my hand. And he was just my best friend.
"We're on spring break; we can afford to be sick for a week!"
At this, Ryder thwacked the side of my head with his free hand. "No we can't dummy, we have a whole vacation in front of us and I won't let it be ruined because your stupid ass got a cold!"
I rolled my eyes and pulled his arm down so his figure was hunched toward me, and kissed him gently on his cheek. "Thanks for taking us on this trip Ryder. And tell your parent's thanks for funding it."
I felt him bursting with pleasure next to me. "And here you were when I found your list telling me it was for your eyes only," he scoffed. "My fucking ass!"
Eros laughed next to me. "Don't be mean Ryder!"
We fell silent for a while, just breathing and focusing on the hands that held us together and the water rushing underneath us.
I was transfixed on the waves forthcoming, the white of the curve and the darkness of the water, reflecting the color of the sky, dark and endless and deeper than anything I could perceive.
Though it was near dawn, the water was still active and rough, hitting us mid-calf, soaking the bottom of my jeans. We didn't mind though, standing strong against it.
"Should we get back to the car?" Ryder turned to Eros and me, blocking the horizon from our view, the wind messing with his locks further, mixing the scent of all our perfumes and colognes.
We let go of each other's hands.
Eros yawned and nodded starting to speak, "What timeâ"
We all screamed as a massive wave hit us mid-thigh spraying our torsos and faces with salty mist that surely woke all three of us up from the stupor we were under. I stumbled backward in the sloshing water, looking down at my wet jeans and then upwards at a squealing Ryder.
He was holding his torso in a child-like manner, obviously he had gotten the worst of the wave, his entire body, soaked, hair dripping in soft curls, the beads of the water shining against his tanned, toned skin.
"Now I'm freezing," he chattered, holding his limbs close to his body and lifting his eyes to us, "And you guys will be too!"
Before we could react, Ryder launched his body toward Eros and I and the full force of his weight sent us crippling down into the sandy water, our heads falling backward until we couldn't breathe the fresh air but cough into salty ocean, eyes glazed up as we saw a blurry image of the lightening sky.
Eros broke the surface of the water first and tugged me up immediately and we both found our lungs burning with the intrusion of salty water, coughing and spitting out the water, eyes narrowed in daggers at Ryder.
"What the fuck Ryder!" I wiped my nose on my now soaked sweater its scent awash into the ocean, adding onto the endless amount of heartbreaks this sea has seen.
His eyes were alight with mischief and he squatted before us, white t-shirt clinging to his body like a second skin. "I was afraid we were becoming boring teenagers!"
Eros' arm shot out and he shoved Ryder backward, wiping his face with the other hand. "You're entirely bonkers Ryder."
Ryder laughed. "I might be so, but at least we have a funny story to tell all of our kids about one day. I suppose we'll all get together on Thanksgiving or Christmas and tell them all the tales of the infamous Golden Trio and how I almost drowned us on our first day of spring break," his eyes were twinkling. "Don't you guys get it already? I'm making memories for us!"
With my cheek resting on the flesh of my palm, I leaned on one of my knees. "Why couldn't you be a normal best friend and like making memories that didn't cause us to get bronchitis, or worse pneumonia?"
"Now, now," Ryder's eyes were glittering, his voice barely containing his emotions. "You sound more and more like Hermione Granger every day!"
"At least I have my priorities straight," I countered, "you know, opting for no pneumonia over pneumonia," I joked, although most of my anger toward Ryder was already dissipating.
"But Hermione Granger never had her priorities straight now did she?" Ryder pointed out as another wave consumed our bodies still sitting in the ocean. But we didn't mind much this time, what was more water on an already soaked body?
"Mhm," I nodded, an Eros-like smirk finding my face. "But you're the one who told us we couldn't get sick, and then you go ahead and shove us into the sea. Seems like you," I poked his chest for emphasis, "are the real Hermione Granger here."
Ryder pursed his lips at me in defeat and looked toward Eros for solace. "Am I really the Hermione Granger of this group?"
Eros cracked a grin and laughed. "Definitely not," the lightness of his voice reminded me that we were just kids, teenagers that had the world at our feet, with an endless amount of opportunities coming our way.
"You're really much more of a Ron Weasley. Comic relief, questioning every action, and madly protective of all his friends."
"That's lame. Personally I think I'm Harry Potter."
I rolled my eyes. "I gotta agree with Ryder on this Eros. He really is much more of a Harry Potterâ dense, stubborn, struts like his father," I teased only to get pushed by a laughing Ryder.
"Who am I then?" Eros demanded with two firm fists on his hips.
It only took one exchanged look to know that Ryder and I were in complete sync.
"Hermione."
We shared a fit of well-earned giggles for our mischief, imagining Eros with untamable hair and a quirk for always being right which, Eros did in fact have.
"Stop your laughing Alice," Eros taunted. "Because you know who you are? Dolores Umbridge!"
I gasped, maybe Eros' Harry Potter knowledge was getting too great for him to handle. "You haven't even reached that book yet! You can't call me thatâ that witch without knowing the extent of her awfulness!"
"Ah, Eros, Alice is right, anyways I think she's a Ginny Weasley honestly."
"Movie or book Ginny?"
Ryder rolled his eyes. "You would never be as awful as movie Ginny Alice. You're the chaser in the novels," he winked.
Ginny Weasley, now that, I could get behind.
"You know what that means," Eros wagged his eyebrows suggestively. "You two get married."
The smile on Ryder and I's face fell.
"I'd rather let Voldemort kill me than marry," Ryder pointed at me with a shudder, "her."
â¦
am i due to give an apology? college, although i do enjoy it, is significantly rougher than high school. and because of that i havent had the chance to write, but i'm glad for the times i can.
for whoever stuck around to this part, i love you dearly, we are nearing the end (10ish more parts?)
<3 all my love. <3