The walk home was quiet and cold. Pondering over the things that Heather had said caused me to feel doubtful. Maybe she was right.
Being friends with the guys had truly changed my life. I was always used to being alone and overlooked. However, they allowed me to feel happy for the first time in my life. It didn't matter though. Heather had done well to remind me that none of it was real. They didn't truly know me, and if they found out what had happened, they would hate me.
For the first time in my life, I felt relieved to see the little rundown place I called home. I just wanted to go up to my warm bedroom and sleep.
As I walked into the house, I tiredly kicked off my dirty shoes and slung my backpack onto the ground. Unlike what I'd been expecting, the house did not provide me with any warmth at all.
"Goodness, it's freezing in here," I whispered, practically trembling from how cold it was.
I gently walked deeper into the house and flickered on the light in the kitchen. However, it didn't turn on. Confused, I flickered the switch off and on. And yet, nothing was happening.
"Mom?" I softly called out, only to be met with silence. I wasn't all too surprised, I hadn't seen her in almost two weeks now. Who knows where she'd run off to.
I rubbed my face and walked over to the stovetop, twisting it on. Nothing. Dread pooled in my stomach once I realized that I'd forgotten to pay the electricity bill.
"Just great!" I shouted, kicking the wall. I groaned and fell backwards at the pain that erupted in my foot. Before I knew it, I was curled into a ball on the ground and sadly contemplating my life.
"Daisy?"
I snapped my head up.
"M-Malcolm?" I slowly rubbed my eyes in confusion. "What are you guys doing here?"
By guys, I meant Malcolm, Andre, and Elias. The three of them loomed over my figure, peering at me with varying expressions. I quickly stood up, rather dazed by their appearance in my houseâthe very same house I'd done well to hide from everyone, due to my shame of how small and messy it was. I momentarily thanked God I'd cleaned it up just the day before.
"We decided to take a leaf out of your book," Malcolm shot me a bedazzling smile. I gave him a blank look, to which he quickly divulged. "We followed you home."
At this, I frowned at Andre. "Did you even try to stop them?"
"It was actually his idea!" Malcolm chimed.
"Not helping," Andre glared at him, before slightly whining at me. "Why are you only holding me accountable? We all followed you."
"You're the only one that knows where I live. I showed you my house that day because I thought I could trust you," I said, feeling rather betrayed.
Andre sighed. "Look, I'm sorry I broke your trust, but I don't regret it. You shouldn't be alone at a time like this."
"Yeah, besides, we couldn't give a flying duck about what your house looks like, Daisy," Malcolm said. "We would never judge you for-for-"
"For being poor," I smiled sadly. "Don't you see? You couldn't even finish the sentence. Face it, guysâwe're from different worlds."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Elias gruffly demanded. I'd almost forgotten he was there, with how silent he was being as he observed us.
"You know what it means," I looked away from his analytical stare.
"What, you're saying you can't be friends with us just because we happen to have some money?" he questioned.
"That's exactly what I'm saying," I whispered. "I think we should all just go our separate ways."
Even saying the words caused me to cringe. Of course, this was all merely a guise. The truth was that Heather was blackmailing me into cutting the boys off, and I was letting her winânot because I wanted to, but because I had no choice. I hoped that the boys would make things easier and go without a fight. However, I knew this wasn't possible.
"That's bull!" Malcolm shouted.
"Yeah," Andre was alarmed, "we all saw you crying at school. Clearly something happened to make you feel this way."
"Is-Is it because you think I'm annoying?" Malcolm uncertainly asked. "Because, I can talk less if you want."
I felt a piece of my heart crack. "Of course not, Malcolm! I don't think you're annoying, and I'm really sorry for saying that earlier."
"Well then, where's all this coming from?" Malcolm was baffled. "You can't just randomly decide you don't wanna be friends with us anymore. Sorry, Daisy, but you're in too deep now."
I refrained from smiling at his words and internally scolded myself. No, don't get distracted.
"I'm sorry, guys," I quietly spoke, refusing to make eye contact with them. "This is just how I feel. Now, I think you should leave."
"Not a chance."
"We're not leaving until you tell us whâ"
"Daisy's right."
We all snapped our heads towards Elias, surprised by his agreement.
"You guys should head back to school," Elias continued.
"No fair!" Malcolm immaturely stomped. "We have just as much of a right to be here as you do."
Andre cleared his throat. "Technically, since this isn't our propertyâ"
"Shut up!" Malcolm huffed, before directing his attention back to Elias. "As I was saying, we have just as much of a right to be here as you do. We're all Daisy's friend. What, you think just because you lâ"
A sharp look from Elias caused Malcolm to quickly stop talking. They seemed to be silently arguing with their eyes, before at last, Malcolm emitted a strangled noise in frustration and stormed out of the house.
Andre went with a more calm approach. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he cast Elias and me a bit of a sad look before leaving in defeat, slowly dragging his feet.
Once I heard the front door open and close, I knew that Elias and I had been left to our lonesome. I wondered why he'd kicked the other two out, although I wasn't exactly objecting. Don't get me wrong, I loved Andre and Malcolmâthey were truly my best friends. However, something about Elias was different... comfortable, almost.
Now that he was up close and nothing was distracting me, I was able to see the injuries on his face, which were most definitely a result of his most recent boxing match.
Before I could stop myself, I lightly reached up a hand to trace the thin cut on his cheek. His jaw clenched at my touch.
"Does it hurt?" I quietly asked.
"No," he answered truthfully, eyes deeply boring into mine. "After a certain number of times, you get used to it."
"True," I nodded.
"How would you know?"
I froze and dropped my hand.
"W-What?" I gulped.
"How would you know that's true?" he repeated.
"I don't. It just seems like it would make sense," I looked away from his probing stare. "I hate it when you look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"When you stare at me with your stupid eyes, as if you know everything there is to know about me."
"Oh, so now my eyes are stupid?" he grinned.
"Yes, and creepy."
He rolled his eyes at me. "Usually, I'm very good at reading people. But you, Daisy Johnson, are a complete mystery."
"How so?"
"I don't know," he frustratedly admitted, running a hand through his disheveled hair. "Earlier today, when Mr. Martins told you to change into shorts, you refused. Why's that?"
"Maybe because I don't like taking orders from balding white men?" I quirked a brow.
Elias' pink lips twitched into a smile, which he poorly suppressed. "We both know that's not why."
I scowled, mainly because I knew he was right. So infuriating.
"I'd like to take that as a compliment," he coolly murmured, causing me to realize I'd accidentally voiced my thoughts. "Anyways, would you like to know what I think?"
"Not really, no," I shrugged, to which he completely disregarded.
"I think you're hiding something, D," he took a step towards me. Our close proximity allowed me to catch a whiff of his musky, enthralling scent, and I had to crane my neck up to meet his eyes.
"And what's that, Ellie?" I whispered, my heart hammering.
With a confident smirk dancing across his lips, he placed a finger underneath my chin. "I don't know just yet. But don't you worry, I'll find out. That's a promise."
A strange flutter occurred in my stomach. Butterflies. Elias dropped his hand from my face, and I found myself releasing a breath I didn't even know I was holding.
Just as he began to retreat, I softly hummed, "don't make promises you can't keep."
Elias froze. Not at what I said, though. Rather, his eyes remained trained on the stack of unpaid bills on top of the kitchen counter. His eyebrows thoughtfully pressed together, and he momentarily glanced back at me. He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it, and instead silently resumed his departure from my house, without so much as a goodbye.
Slowly looking around me, I realized that I was alone once again. This time, by choice.
*****
I spent the first half of the Christmas break wallowing in a bed of sickness, isolation, and misery.
The amount of missed calls I'd accumulated over the course of the last few days had fallen into the triple digits. Majority were from Malcolm. A good amount from Andre. Chelsea too. Even Elias had called me once, although it went away after the first ring, leaving me to believe that he'd only called me by accident.
Thankfully, there were no more unexpected visits to my house. The boys seemed to be respecting my wishes and giving me the space that I asked for, regardless of whether they liked it or not.
"Daisy?"
I opened my eyes in shock.
"Chels? What are you doing here?" I croaked, and then added as an afterthought, "I should really start locking my door."
Everything about me screamed sickâmy dark brown hair that hadn't been combed in days, the humongous bags underneath my eyes, the several blankets that I was wrapped up in, the many tissues that were on my nightstandânone of this deterred Chelsea, though. Despite the fact that she was dressed up in a cute outfit and looked ready to walk a runway, she sat down on my bed and pressed the back of her palm against my hot forehead.
"Oh, dear," Chelsea gazed at me in sympathy, pursing her glossed lips. "What on earth has happened to you?"
"I'm sick," I sneezed into my sleeve before sniffling.
"No wonder. It's as cold as the freaking Arctic in here," she rubbed her hands together for some friction.
She wasn't wrong. Due to the fact that I hadn't paid off my electricity bills, my landlord had cut off my heatâwhich was just perfect, considering we were in the middle of winter. The cold had caused me to fall sick, meaning I wasn't able to go to work, meaning I wasn't able to pay off my bills. It was an endless loop.
"What are you doing here?" I asked Chelsea once more, confused by her appearance.
"You haven't answered a single one of my calls! I had to track you down, missy."
"How'd you do that?"
"I have my ways," she mysteriously said.
I gave her a blank stare.
"Fine. I hunted Malcolm down, held a razor to his head, and threatened to shave off his hair if he didn't give me your address."
I wasn't sure whether to feel disturbed or touched. "Wow, you did all that for me?"
"It was easy," she waved off. "Enough about me. Are you alright? I was so worried about you. The last time I saw you, you were a crying wreck, and then you completely fell off the grid."
"I'm fine, Chels," I gave her a fake smile.
She gave me a look. "Be honest."
I reluctantly sighed. Maybe it was the fact that I was tired of keeping everything in. Or maybe there was something about have a girl friend to talk to that made things easier. Regardless of what the reason was, I told Chelsea everything. I told her how I'd attempted to call a truce with Heather. I told her how Heather had then blackmailed me to stay away from the guys, otherwise she would tell them what had happened to my father. I told her how I'd been distancing myself from the guys, as I was afraid for them to find out the truth.
"So, instead of simply communicating with the boys, you've just been hiding away and letting Heather win?" Chelsea questioned.
"Well, when you put it like that..."
"Come on, Daisy. This isn't you," Chelsea shook her head. "Listen. As a woman of color, there are so many people in life that will try to bring you down for no good reasonâpeople like Heather. You just have to know your worth and rise above that bitch."
"You're right," I slowly sat up in my bed. "I guess I've just been worried that the guys would hate me after finding out what happened."
"That's preposterous. Those guys have got so much love for you, you could blow up a house and they wouldn't bat an eye. Besides, I know what happened, and I'm still friends with you, aren't I?" Chelsea grinned.
She was right. I was being ridiculous.
"Thank you, Chels," I launched forward and hugged her, relief overtaking me.
Chelsea giggled and returned the hug, although worry was evident on her face as she pulled away from me and slowly spoke. "Daisy, do you know what day it is today?"
I shook my head in confusion.
"It's Christmas Eve."
A loud gasp escaped my lips. One would have likely been overjoyed by the news. However, a single tear dripped down my cheek.
"It's been three years," I whispered in realization. "Three years since I killed him."
*****
QOTD: would you rather win the lottery or find your soulmate?
AOTD: find my soulmate
Thank you guys so much for 100k reads!! I'm so grateful omg I love y'all so much. And a big thank you to the people that vote and comment! Even if I don't always reply to the comments just know that I read each and every one of them, and seeing all the support truly warms my heart!!!
Today marks three months since I began this book, I can't believe how fast it's growing! Anyways, hope you guys have a day as awesome as you are!
Love, Emmanuela
03/12/2023