"Mummy! Mummy! I can ride a bike! Freddy at school taught me!" I run indoors with my mum just behind me.
I take off my shoes with big red bows on them and neatly place them together before running up to my mum and giving her another hug, the smile on her face huge.
"Wow! Did you have fun?"
"Yep and I didn't even fall over once! I nearly did when Freddy took the mini wheels off but I didn't! I stayed on!" I giggle, still super excited I can now ride a bike.
"I think you mean stabilisers, honey." She chuckles, "Well it looks like we're going to have to buy you a bike now aren't we, I'm thinking pink and purple?" She smiles and I jump up and down.
"Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I say repeatedly. "I could get a pink one with purple ribbons hanging from the handlebars..."
My hand hovers over the door handle and I exhale, finally opening the door. It creaks and I step inside. Everything is the same as I left it, as we left it, because I didn't touch anything after it happened.
I walk around the house for a while then go to the kitchen and I smell something foul. I scrunch my nose up in disgust, what the hell is that? There are rotten bananas sitting on the kitchen worktop.
Gross, how the hell did I forget to throw them out with the other foods?
I walk back out and stop when I go to pass the set of drawers in the hall to pick up the picture. The wooden frame holds a picture of us when we went Christmas tree hunting. In the photo, I'm laughing and my mum is smiling. I remember her hair got stuck on the tree branch and got all knotted.
The memory makes my eyes turn glossy but at the same time, the edges of my mouth curl upwards into a smile. Setting it back down I start heading upstairs and the stairs creak while I run my hand up the handrail, dust collecting on my fingers.
I walk to my mum's room and a small sob escapes my lips just by the sight of her belongings. I couldn't bring myself to move them before because I'd of had to actually admit that it was all happening. But now... I still can't help but feel slightly guilty packing her things.
I hope she doesn't think that I'm forgetting about her because that would never be a possibility. Remembering I left the cardboard boxes in the car, I jog down the stairs to get them and walk back to her room once I've retrieved them from the trunk.
I unfold the box and open up her wardrobe. All her old clothes are hung on hangers and my shoes just below and I can't seem to figure out whether I should laugh or cry. Deciding I should make piles, I starting splitting which will go to charity stores and what I'll keep.
*****
I've probably been here for a few hours and I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to stay. The weather outside is dark and the electricity would've been cut months ago. From what I remember, there aren't any flashlights in the house either so that isn't an option. I'm nearly finished anyway so I guess it isn't too much of a big deal, I just wish I could've stayed a little longer considering its barely midday.
I double-check the wardrobe and there's a box right at the bottom, not too small and not too little. I've never seen my mum with this so curiosity fills me when I pick it up.
I open the box and a photo album is placed inside with 'Mandy and Me' as the title. I can just about read it because my tears still my vision. Picking it up, I see there's a silver necklace at the bottom as well so I set the album down and pick it up.
'Wherever you go, I go'
Is what's engraved onto it and I gasp. Did she want me to find this? I close my hand over it, forming a fist, flick through the album.
There's a collection of photos ranging from one of the first pictures of us when I was born all the up to the holidays we went on before everything went downhill. I run my hand over each page but when I get to the last page, my lip quivers.
A letter is held in the pocket at the back and my name is written on the envelope. My heart starts to beat fast when I open it, pulling the piece of paper which is folded inside.
Mandy,
If you're reading this then I'm so sorry the treatment didn't work honey, and it looks like I'm no longer here. I'm not sure what circumstances you will be given this box but hopefully, if everything goes the way I want it to, I won't have to give it to you at all. But if I do, then I hope I can give it to you to open if anything happens.
I'm sorry that you had to watch me grow sicker as the days passed and I did hope I'd get better for you but I guess everything in life can't go our way.
But let me say this, Mandy. You made me feel better than any medicine or treatment ever did. I am and will forever be proud of you. I'll be watching over you wherever you go, whatever choices you make I'll support youâjust like I would've if I were still alive.
There should be a necklace in the box. I want, well I hope, you wear it everyday just as a reminder that I'm here with you.
You were the greatest thing to ever happen to me throughout all the years I lived and I hope you live the best life you can, taking everything life throws you. Good or bad. Because no matter what happens, I know you'll get through because you always do. You're the strong young woman I've raised you to be.
If or when you have kids I know that they would have made me just as proud as you did and don't forget to tell them stories about their grandmother!
You are extraordinary Mandy and I love you so much. I missing you and I'm not even gone yet.
âYour mother
I'm sobbing at this point but I'm extra careful not to get my tears on the letter. I can't ruin it. It will be the closest thing I'll ever have of her. It's her handwriting. She would have touched this page, run her finger across the ink just like she always did when she finished writing. I could hear her voice while I was reading it. It was almost as if...
She was the one reading it to me.
A voice startles me even if I can just about hear it. I look up and there in the doorway he stands.
I love him just as much as I did when I last saw him.
"Princess?" He kneels right next to me and I think he was about to put his arms around me but decides against it. Probably not sure how I'd react but I need him right now. I don't want to but I'm so glad he's here.
I hug him and cry into his chest. "Hey... It's okay..." He soothes and I quickly pull away.
Stupid Andie.
"What are you doing here?" I ask quietly.
"Josh told me where you were and I thought you would want someone here with you." I looking at the floor, making sure to put the letter back in its places so it doesn't get creased. "I needed to make sure you're okay. Even if you do hate me..."
That's when I finally look up and my pain reflects in his eyes. "You think I hate you?" I whisper. "I don't hate you."
"I wouldn't blame you." He mumbles and I put the necklace over my neck.
"Even after everything, I don't think I could ever hate you." I smile sadly.
"You could've fooled me. We haven't spoken in what feels like years. The guilt... Not speaking to you... It's killing me." God, I've missed the sound of his voice.
I bring my knees up to my chest and look up at him. "You can't be shocked that I haven't spoken to you, you lied to me and used me." My voice breaks, truly portraying how heartbroken I still am.
"I didn't use you, I swear. Almost straight after I said to the guys about it, I knew that wasn't why I was making an effort with you. I knew it was because I knew you'd grow to be one of the most important people in my life and I wasn't ready to admit that to myself. It scared the shit out of me.
"Just like you said in the letter... I've never felt anything like this before. It still scares me, now more than ever, because now I have to deal with losing you as well." He searches my face and I stand. He does the same and we're now facing each other better than before.
So he did read the letter...
"You hurt me," A tear rolls down my cheek. "You hurt me a lot." My voice breaks once again and the pain, the aching pain in my chest, returns stronger than ever.
He reaches forward and cups my cheek. I do what I know I shouldn't, I lean into his touch. But it's what I crave. Him. His hand against my skin.
"I know baby, I know. And I'm so sorry about that." He wipes the tears off my face and I look at him once again. Fuck... His eyes are beautiful.
"I hurt you and I know that. I hate myself every second of the day because of it. Maybe if I just came clean sooner you would know my feelings towards you are all truth and only the truth." His words are just what I want to hear but what he says next almost makes me stumble.
"I love you, Princess. I couldn't see myself loving anyone else but you. It's you. You, always." My eyes go wide and I almost ask him to repeat it.
He loves me?
"I knew I was in love with you ages ago I just didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want you to think we were moving to fast and I lose you. But it happened anyway."
You could never lose me, Cole Jones.
I want him to kiss me so badly right now.
"I loved you weeks ago but I didn't know how to tell you either," I admit.
He looks shattered. "Loved... As in past tense?" He moves his hand away and runs both of them down his face. "Fuck I really did mess it up between us didn't I?" I know the question is rhetorical but it doesn't stop me from grabbing his hands and pulling them away from his face.
"Let me rephrase that: I knew I was in love with you months ago. I still love you now. Believe me, I've tried not to but I can't shake you no matter how hard I try." I look down and he tilts my face up to look at him and I wait for him to speak but he doesn't.
In fact, he does the opposite.
He crashes his lips onto mine and it doesn't take long for me to move closer to him. I pull away shortly after and the kiss was short but sweet. I rest my forehead on his to mumble three words against his lips.
"I love you." He grins and lifts me off the ground slightly.
"I really like the sound of that," He jokes. "Say it again." I peck his lips and I do.
"I love you." His wide smile is the glue that puts my heart back together again. Not cracks, no wonky pieces, just good as new.
"I love you too." He kisses my temple. "I read your letter. So many times that I've lost count." He admits shyly and I smile before lifting his arms slightly to look at the watch. I've never seen Cole look so timid, he's usually full of confidence.
It's only then that I notice that the clouds outside have gotten darker and as much as I'm loving this moment, it's time to leave. "There's no electric so I think we should leave soon. It's going to get dark." He nods.
"Okay, are you finished here or are you coming back tomorrow?" I shake my head.
"No, I don't think I'm going to come back for a while. I've got everything I want to keep and the things I'm going to give away." He grabs two boxes, putting one on top of the other, and I grab one myself and we walk to our cars.
We head back in and Cole picks up the last box while I pick up the box that holds the photo album and letter. I make sure to put her perfume in the box as well and with every step, I take down the stairs, I feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders.
"You ready to go?" He turns back to me and I nod but I remember something.
"Wait!" I turn back and jog down the hall to pick up the framed picture of the drawers. I smile and look back up at him, nodding. "I'm ready now."
Cole walks out and I lock up behind us. I follow him as he pulls onto the road and as we turn off the street I know I'm right.
I am ready now.
I can do this. Even though I can't see her, I can do it with my mum still here and the letter clarified that for me. But I finally feel happier.
Content and finally...
Most importantly...
I no longer feel lost.
>>>>>>
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I'm literally falling asleep omg but I had to finish the chapterð´ But Cole and Andie are finally back togetherð¥º
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