Chapter 32: Taming Mr. Walker: Chapter 32

Charlie

D-Day.

There’s a dull unease lying permanently in my stomach, waiting to rise. It’s Saturday morning, and I can say I haven’t slept a full hour since Thursday.

There’s been no contact from Danny. Zero. Nada. No matter how many times I checked my phone and my emails just in case he happened to email my work email.

I’ve almost gnawed my fingers off. My nails are bitten down to a stub. I haven’t showered in two days, and I’ve barely slept. I’m a walking zombie.

How do I prepare for the melodrama that is going to unfold? Do I warn my Mum and Callie? Do I deny it? Is it true what they say—-today’s news is tomorrow’s chip paper? That was fine in the world of print; now, our digital footprint stays with us for life. If anyone searches for me, they’ll see it time and time again.

My brain floods with the worst scenarios. Will it get nasty? Is Danny so angry he will sue me for libel?

I need to see his face, for him to hug me and tell me it’s going to be OK, that we are stronger than this.

It’s minutes until Julie’s media department upload their new stories. Cat and Suze are sitting on either side of me on the sofa.

Julie is on her laptop pressing refresh every ten seconds, waiting for the site to release today’s articles. She’s going to screen how bad it is for me as we thought it best that I don’t see the trolling comments immediately once it goes live.

“It’s been released,” she says in a high pitch, and I close my eyes and summon a deep breath.

Cat and Suze grab my hand on either side.

“I don’t understand,” Julie says.

I open my eyes.

“What?” I snap. “What do you not understand?”

Her eyebrows knit together as she studies the laptop screen. “It’s you, but it’s not you.”

“What do you mean?” I lean over and grab the laptop from her.

“Your name, I can’t see it.”

I speed-read the article, which I know by heart. It’s the same article I’ve read a hundred times in two days. Trying to find a positive spin.

But something’s wrong.

I read it again. And again.

“Read this,” I say to Cat and Suze. “What the hell is going on?”

His name is everywhere on it. But me? I’ve become this nameless, faceless employee.

“Oh my God.” Julie slaps a hand over her mouth. “He’s found a way to keep you out of it.”

“No-one knows it’s me?” I blink. “How? How did he do it?” Relief floods through me like someone turned on a tap.

She pauses. “It makes no sense. It’s a more lucrative story with you named.”

Her eyes widen. “He must have paid them a lot of money to keep your name out of it.”

“He protected me?” I ask in a small voice. “But why didn’t he stop the story completely?”

“I dunno.” She shrugs. “He obviously used himself as a bargaining tool. Run the story but without you in it. It’s near impossible to stop a story in its tracks unless there is a threat to life. All you can do is deal with it afterwards.”

I collapse back onto the couch as two days of heart-wrenching emotions and tiredness floods me.

The ugly, scandalous story is still out there for all to see with his name in it. He’ll never forgive me for this. I’m never going to be held or kissed by him again.

Danny, I know what you did for me. Please talk to me.

The read message appears, and I wait.

No response.

***

I know the code to the gate, so I enter it rather than buzz him to let me in. Since we started dating, he gave me the code, and I would just let myself in whenever I visited.

Now, I’m not so sure it’s the right thing to do. It’s Sunday afternoon, a whole twenty-four hours since the article has come out, and he hasn’t responded to any of my messages.

But I don’t want to have the conversation through the intercom. What if he doesn’t let me in? No, I need him to see my face, to see how sorry and upset I am. To see how broken I am.

So here I am, outside his door, sick with fear and nerves.

I inhale deeply and rap on the large knocker.

I’m expecting a dry husky Scottish voice, but the familiar female voice I hear from the hallway is ten times more terrifying.

“Is that the takeaway, babe?”

My blood runs cold as I realise whose voice I’m hearing.

Footsteps come closer to the door.

Panic rises in me, and I sprint down the steps, across the driveway, and out of the gate, the stones flying over my feet. Breathing hard, I lean back out of sight, hiding behind one of the large pillars.

Peeking out, I watch my worst nightmare as she stands in the doorway wearing Danny’s T-shirt and a pair of shorts. A T-shirt he’s given me to wear.

She looks around, confused.

“Who is it?” says the familiar Scottish voice approaching the door.

I slap a hand over my mouth to stifle my cries.

“No-one.” She shrugs, turning to smile.

The door closes, and for a moment, I’m frozen, unable to process the memory of what’s just happened. Then something snaps inside me, and I collapse to the ground.

The air I’d been holding escapes my lungs in a gargle. It’s over. We can never recover from this, never go back. It all meant nothing. He has moved on.

I start to sob uncontrollably, sitting on the street.

Danny Walker has opened me up and sliced my heart down the middle.

***

I sit on the sofa with Cat, Suze, and Julie watching me. Because I was in such a state, Cat collected me from Richmond and escorted me back to the flat.

“Jackie.” Cat’s shocked eyes find mine.

“Yes.”

“Seriously, Jackie?” she repeats an octave higher. “I know she’s beautiful, but she’s just so annoying. I can’t believe he went there.”

I shrug, wiping my tear-stained face. My cheeks are red and sore from crying so much. Suze stares at me from her position on the floor.

“He was so into you. He had such an issue with dating people that work for him so he does it again? It doesn’t make sense.”

I let out a joyless chuckle. “He’s the CEO. He can do what he likes. He sees something he likes, he takes it. I knew. I saw the signs. I’m so stupid.”

I let out a sob, and Cat puts her arm around me. “He had a new girlfriend every two months. What was I expecting? That he would sit around and pine after me?”

“This is all my fault,” Julie whispers from the corner, her eyes to the floor. “The story, your break-up. I’ve fucked up everything.”

I lean over and take her hand. “No, Julie, it’s not. You didn’t make him move on with Jackie. If he can move on so quickly then it wasn’t what I thought it was. You need to get back to normal.” I laugh at her through tears. “This being nice to me is freaking me out. You’re supposed to be telling me to put my big girl pants on and deal with it.”

She flashes me a small, relieved smile.

“What will you do?” Cat probes gently. “Are you going to turn down the job in New York?”

I pause. “I think I’m going to take it. The time away will be good.”

“By yourself?” Her eyes widen. “Is now the best time?”

I look between them. A part of me wants to leave Nexus so I’ll never have to see Danny Walker again. But a part of me wants this job; I worked for it. It’s mine. Just because he has cast me aside doesn’t mean I should give up on everything else.

“I’m saying yes.” I nod firmly. “My name didn’t come out in the article. In fact, it could easily be Jackie. People would believe that. This feels right …a new start. Three months away to clear my head.”

“I just don’t like the idea of you being by yourself right now. I’m worried about you. You’re so … distraught.” Cat stares at me. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

“I’ll be OK.” I smile sadly. “This will be good for me.”

She nods, unconvinced. “When do you leave?”

“I need to work through the details with them, but they say I can come over in the next week. I’ll work from the New York office and start part-time in the design role while I do a transition plan for my current tasks. They are going to merge my role into the Nexus team, so this suits them perfectly.”

I give a joyless laugh. “Turns out Danny was right. They would have chopped my role and made me redundant. Maybe he was trying to do me a favour.”

Later that night, I decide there’s something pressing I need to do if I have any hope of recovery.

Danny, I want to apologise for the embarrassment I’ve caused you through this article. None of this was my intention. I sincerely hope you and my brother rebuild your friendship. The last thing I wanted was to come in between that. We made a mistake, but I’m sure you will agree that for the sake of Tristan, we must be civil and learn to be OK with each other … perhaps even someday we can be friends. I’m taking the job in New York, so you won’t have to see me.

We are both moving on, and that’s for the best. I hope you will still let me take the position regardless of all the drama I’ve caused. I won’t be the brat I used to be. When we meet again, it will be as if things never happened.

I send it to his personal email address rather than his phone. That way, I won’t know when he’s read it.

It’s done.

Then I lie back in the bed and stare lifelessly at the ceiling.

I was lying in my email. I’ll never be able to move on from him. From us.