January
23 Weeks
"Have you seen this?" Allison's voice pulled me from my peaceful doze. Next thing I knew a phone was being shoved in front of my bleary eyes.
"Did you know about her?" Allison's face came into focus as I blinked away the bleariness in my eyes. Pulling my feet from her lap I looked up to see the movie we had begun watching was still playing away. The volume a lot quieter than when she had first put it on.
"Jesus All' I was enjoying that nap" I mumbled trying my best to stretch my back as I straightened up on the couch, pushing off the cosy blanket I'd been sleeping under for the last... 40 minutes, I realised looking at the time on Allison's phone. That's when my eyes began to focus on the dark image she was showing me.
"What's this?" I asked as the familiar chestnut headed man came in to focus and a not so familiar blonde.
"I was hoping you'd be able to tell me. The headline reads 'Camilla Lowe: Harry's Latest Secret"
I shrugged absentmindedly as I stared at the dark image of a dodgy looking paparazzi picture. Harry was unmistakably scowling at the camera as his beautiful companion strolled tightly beside him. It didn't surprise me that I didn't recognise their surroundings. The image was dark and had definitely been taken at night, the balcony they were walking along gave away no clues as to where they were.
My throat felt tight as my gaze flicked to the blonde snuggled in to his side. I didn't recognise her but then why would i? I didn't know any of Harry's friends. Proving once again how little I really knew about Harry and his life.
"I have no idea" I sighed, allowing my body to fall back into the sofa cushions surrounding me.
"Does he have a girlfriend?" Allison asked bringing her phone back to read the accompanying article.
"I have no idea" I snorted again as my mind wandered back to the kiss we'd shared before he'd disappeared to L.A. I doubt a girlfriend would be happy knowing her boyfriend was kissing the mother of his unborn child. Did she even know I existed. How many people knew he was expecting a child. he'd told his mum, that much I knew but I suddenly felt embarrassed that maybe she was the only one who knew. It looked like he was carrying on his life as normal, with not concern for the hormonal, pregnant woman he'd left back in London.
"Supposedly she's a Victoria Secrets model and it would seem he has a penchant for them, if this is to be believed she's not the first one he's been dating... are you ok?" Allison's voice trailed off as she watched me wipe stray tears from my cheek.
"Fine" I shook my head in derision. "I'm just being a bit hormonal" I dismissed the tears.
"You're allowed to be upset, you know" Allison turned on the sofa so she was facing me. Stray blonde hairs escaping from her messy ponytail were framing her face. A face that, like my mothers, had an easy ability to calm me when I began to stress.
"Am I though?" I asked doubtfully. "I don't even know what I'm upset about" I sighed shrugging my shoulders.
"You're pregnant. He's the father of your child. He's swanning about L.A while you're stuck in dreary London doing all this by yourself. I'd say that's reason to be upset" Allison offered.
"I'm not really by myself though, my mum and dad have only just left and now you're home. I've not been on my own for weeks. And he's not anything to me. Other than being the babies father I have no claim to him. He's free to swan about L.A with whatever model he wishes." I huffed, rubbing my hand gently over my petite bump.
Allison eye'd me, not convinced by my words. "He's not nothing to you Nor'"
*
Christmas had passed by in a flurry and New Year had been quiet. What I originally feared would be a lonely affair turned into a peaceful, relaxing break. Mum had turned into my rock. She'd spent many late nights, curled in front of the fire answering my endless onslaught of questions. My questions ranged from the obvious to the down right weird but my mum dutifully answered as much as she could.
By the time it came for them to leave, part of me was contemplating how much easier my life could be if I did move back to Scotland. I could move back in with my parents who would be there to support me and help once the baby was here. Because god knows I had no cue how to raise a baby, alone.
To keep myself from missing my parents too much, and overthinking every aspect if my life, I was almost counting down the hours till Harry was due home. 72 hours and counting.
*
I woke up early on the Tuesday Harry was due home. I knew he wouldn't be home till late afternoon and I wasn't even sure I'd see him today. I had booked another scan at the hospital for the following day for no other reason than I thought Harry would want to see the baby as he'd missed the 20 week scan.
I was absentmindedly reading a blog on childbirth, research ye know? When I heard a quiet thud at the front door. I threw back the grey chunky knit throw that I had wrapped around my legging clad thighs and padded out to the front door to see a scatter of envelopes and leaflets that had fallen from the letter box. As usual it was a lot of junk but a particularly thick, white manilla envelope caught my attention. Chucking the rest of the crap on the table I lent back on the couch, propping my feet up on the coffee table, to tear it open.
Our mutual objective under this Agreement is to provide protection for confidential information (information) while maintains the ability to conduct our respective personal activities.
This Nondisclosure Agreement (the "Agreement") is entered into by and between Nora Henley with its principal offices at 73a Stewarton Street, London and Harry Styles with its principal offices at 1100 Glendon Avenue, Los Angeles, CA for the purpose of preventing the unauthorized disclosure of Confidential Information as defined below. The parties agree to enter into a confidential relationship with respect to the disclosure of certain proprietary and confidential information ("Confidential Information").
1. Definition of Confidential Information. For purposes of this Agreement, "Confidential Information" shall include all information or material that has or could have commercial value or other utility in the business in which Disclosing Party is engaged. If Confidential Information is in written form, the Disclosing Party shall label or stamp the materials with the word "Confidential" or some similar warning. If Confidential Information is transmitted orally, the Disclosing Party shall promptly provide a writing indicating that such oral communication constituted Confidential Information.
The bile rose in my throat as I read through the lengthy document filled with complicated phrases and ridiculous use of long words to deliberately confuse the reader, which it was successfully doing but I got what this was. An NDA to keep me quiet.
My stomach dropped as I got to the last page.
Legal Agreement to unborn child, hereby known as Subject A, being subject to Genetic Testing to confirm true parentage before date of birth.
A DNA test will be carried out between Subject A and the alleged father, Harry Styles at the earliest possible date to be agreed by Harry Styles and Nora Henley.
*
I could still hear the sound of my own blood whooshing in my ears as I got to Harry's gate. My heart was still racing, a mix of marching all the way from the Tube station, being 5 months pregnant and the unbridled rage that was still coursing threw my body.
I'd stewed silently at home for 4 hours, waiting for Harry to get home. I'd poured over the document with a fine tooth comb. At first trying to find a way to justify the ridiculous document that contradicted everything we'd already discussed. I couldn't understand why he'd suddenly done a total 180 flip on what we'd discussed and suddenly wanted a DNA test done now. A test that could potentially harm our unborn child. Or why I suddenly needed to sign an NDA prohibiting me from telling anyone anything about us. I had been carrying his child for 5 months and I hadn't told anyone but my immediate family and my boss. Something I would have done wether I had signed an NDA or not. But the bit that stung the most, was why he couldn't just speak to me about this. Why did this have to come as a surprise dropping in through my letter box. What stopped him picking up the phone and talking to me about this or waiting till he was home to discuss his concerns about my ability to keep my legs and mouth closed.
In my 4 hours of stewing I had come to rationalise the need for an NDA. It was evident that I was not familiar with this world. His world. Maybe that's just how things were done around here. I could understand that to protect his brand and his image, an unplanned pregnancy with a one-night stand would be something that he'd want kept under-wraps until he could release the information in a way that benefited him. I could understand that. What I couldn't understand was why he had to go about it in such a cold-hearted manner.
Here was me thinking we were beginning to get along. That raising a child together, co-parenting might actually work between us. Then he's got to go and land this piece of shit on my doorstep. I held the envelope tight in my fist as I approached Harry's gate. In my haste to leave the house and confront him I hadn't bothered to check if he was home yet. He'd text me late last night telling me he should be home around 3PM but I hadn't replied because of the late hour and I hadn't heard from him since. I was praying this wouldn't be a wasted journey.
I rang the buzzer praying he'd be home as my bladder reminded me I had a tiny human that was squished up against it causing me to need to pee every 5 minutes and it had been at least 40 minutes since i'd last relieved myself.
"Nora? I wasn't expecting you" Harry's deep tone came over the inter-com as I was reminded their was a camera on the keypad.
"Can I come in?" I asked abruptly
"Sure" He hesitated then buzzed me through. By the time I made it across his driveway Harry was standing at the door in anticipation. My heart squeezed at the sight of him. He looked familiar and cosy in a black tshirt and black track pants. His beaming smile distracting me from my intentions.
He noticed the scowl that was etched on my face as I passed him to get in to the hall.
"Nor' is everything ok?" Concern laced his voice but I had very little care for it.
"Great. Fine. Just super" I answered sarcastically. "You can start by telling me what the fuck this is" I smacked the envelope into his chest as his hands came up to catch it. "After I pee because you're child is ruining my internal organs" I left him standing gobsmacked, hoping he'd caught the emphasis on who's child it was as I marched into the downstairs bathroom.
I stood for a moment trying to compose myself. My leather jacket had done little to stave off the cold so the tip of my nose and the apples of my cheeks had turned pink. My charcoal t-shirt and black leggings also did little to keep out the cold, so I stood for a moment enjoying the heat of Harry's home before I took a deep breath and went out to find him. He was no longer standing by the front door so I kept walking to the kitchen where I found him leaning against the kitchen counter, the document lying on the worktop in front of him. His back was towards me, the tension in his body clearly visible by his tight shoulders.
"Jesus Jeff" I heard him mumble as he tossed the last piece of paper on to the pile of upturned pages he'd already read. Running his fists through his hair in frustration only succeeded to give it that 'just-fucked' looked that I had grown to love. He startled as he turned around to see me watching him.
"Look Nor'" He began but I cut him off immediately knowing I needed to say my piece before he tried to defend himself.
"No, you look here, Harry. I thought we had agreed no DNA test till after the baby was born. I told you, I understood your desire for one, but doing one now, before the baby is born is risky and I will NOT put the baby at undue risk just to put your mind at ease. If you want nothing to do with the baby until you have proof it's yours then... fine. It's not what I expected from you, but fine. I can do this alone till baby's here" I swiped my hand dismissing him before he interrupted me.
"If you wanted me to sign a fucking NDA all you had to do was ask, instead of delivering this shit on to my doorstep. I can tell you right now this..." I gestured between him and my bump "...Will not work if you're going to treat me like some peasant who needs to bend to your every whim by signing my life away to keep you happy. I wont be signing your NDA. If you don't trust me to keep my mouth closed about your private life then that's your own fucking problem."
My chest was heaving with long, laboured breaths as I finished my arguement. Harry's stony face gave away very little. He took a deep breath before speaking.
"Nora, I need you to believe me when I tell you: I didn't send you this" He shook his head as his intense gaze never left me.
"Believe you?" I asked in disbelief. "Why should I believe you Harry. You disappear over the other side of the world for 3 weeks, I barely get to speak to you, the only time I get to see you is in pictures of you out on dates with your new girlfriend and the day your due home the postman delivers me this. Sorry if I don't believe you, but something doesn't add up"
"It doesnt add up because I knew nothing about any of this" He picks the papers up in his fist before throwing them, back down on the counter.
"You mean someone sent me an NDA on your behalf and you knew absolutely nothing about it?" I ask sceptically "Why would someone do that?"
"There's one way to find out" Harry's stony expression returned.
"Jeffrey" He startled me by shouting. I furrowed my brow at Harry as his gaze never left mine. Suddenly I could hear footsteps approaching the kitchen.
"You rang?" I heard a cheerful American accent and I turned just in time to see his eyes fall to me and his chipper expression quickly fell away.
"Jeff, What the fuck is this?" My head whipped back to Harry who was once again holding the contents of the envelope in his fist, his stony expression mirroring the quiet rage I could hear in his voice.
Jeff blinked before finding his voice. "It's an NDA Harold, no big deal. You know we deal with them all the time" Jeff voice was light and airy but even I could tell he was shitting himself over Harry's reaction and suddenly my rage transferred from Harry to someone else.
"And the DNA test?" Harry's eyebrows raised in question.
"It's just business" Jeff's tone was aiming for light and jovial but was coming across as condescending. Something that was irritating Harry as much me.
"It's not business when its the mother of my child" Harry took a step forward, closer to me, closer to Jeff but stopped before he got any closer. His proximity became intimidating.
"I told you I didn't want this. I told you Nora and I had an agreement on a DNA test. But you thought you'd go behind my back and organise one anyway?" Harry's voice was seething and I was only glad his anger wasn't directed towards me because I wasn't sure I liked this version of Harry.
"I know you did. But I had to do what is necessary to protect you. It's just good business" Jeff stood in the doorway. Nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He was probably about the same height as Harry but he wasn't as broad so didn't come off as quite as intimidating. He looked only a little older than us.
"This isn't business Jeff, this is my life. My child! I told you how I wanted to handle this. I don't need you going behind my back putting that in jeopardy" My head bobbed between Harry and Jeff like a Labrador watching a tennis match.
"Ok, I get it. I'm sorry" Jeff held his hands up in surrender. He shot me a guilty look.
"And another thing..." Harry added "If you place another photographer when I go out to dinner with a friend, to orchestrate a story about my private life, I'll have you fired. Got it?"
Jeff's eyebrows shot up into his hairline in surprise. "You didn't mind before she came along" He held Harry's gaze.
"I did" Harry answered "I just had no reason to stop you. Don't do it again" He turned from Jeff, dismissing him. He looked at me with a blank expression before retreating. I heard the front door open then close as he left Harry's house. I turned back to Harry who was ripping the NDA into tiny little pieces before he let them fall like snow drops into the bin.
"I asked you once before to not believe everything you read about me" Harry's head was bent low but his eyes drew up to meet mine.
"Oh don't start Harry. What was I supposed to think? You kiss me, I barely speak to you for weeks then you're pictured going to dinner with some beautiful model.
I rip at my leather jacket trying to take it off as my body temperature starts to rise to match my temper. I chuck it on the kitchen table once I get it off and turn to face Harry. Goosebumps erupt over my bare arms as I catch his expression. His eyes fixed solely on my bump.
He lets out a choked sigh.
"Babies gotten bigger" He crosses the room till he's standing right in front of me. I can smell his cologne and it suddenly hits me just how much I've missed this man. I lift my hand to rub it across the bump.
"That's what happens when Daddies gone for so long" I look up at him from under my lashes and I'm shocked to see a film of tears in his eyes.
"I've missed you two" Harry whispers as he takes a step towards me,. Wrapping an arm around my shoulders he pulls me into his body. His soft cotton tshirt feels comforting despite the hard muscles that lie underneath. I angle my body so I can get closer without the bump getting in the way. Harry lets out a soft giggle as his free hand wraps around the nape of my neck, essentially holding me in place but I don't mind it. It makes me feel protected.
"I'm sorry for my lack of communication over the past few weeks. I know I've been shitty at getting back to you. I was just so busy trying to fit so much in" I could feel his voice vibrating through his chest and it was unbelievably comforting. I let out a snort at his words.
"Ok, apart from that one time I went out for dinner with an old friend" He pulled away slightly so his eyes could meet mine. "That's all she is Nora, and old friend. I promise"
"Ok, I believe you. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions" I mumble my apology as I lean back into his chest.
"Please don't leave again for a while..." I abruptly stop and my hand goes to my stomach.
"What is it? Is everything ok?" Harry asks panicked. "Is the baby moving?" His hopeful eyes expand wide like saucers.
"No, not yet" I answer truthfully. "That was just weird... it was a weird feeling I've never felt before. Like a funny bubble popping or something. Probably just wind" I dismiss, trying not to get Harry's hopes up.
"Maybe" He agrees pulling me back against his chest but his spare hand going to rest against my bump this time. "Or maybe they can hear their Daddy" I can hear the smile in his voice.
"Maybe..."