"AAARGH!!!!! AAARGH!" Walking in the middle of the museum underground hallway, the Queen bend screaming her dispair to the top of her lungs.
While gripping her chest with her left hand while the right one was in her hairs she stopped falling on her knees recoiled on herself.
Too tired she let her emotions come free, she started crying allowing tears of anger and frustration to come out of her rolling on her face, while she was almost hyperventilating.
"I cannot do this anymore. Oh my God... I just can't. It is too much..."
Looking down at herself she quickly removed the blood stain shirt she had put before the doctor arrived. It felt like her respiration was restricted by it. Only in her bra she fall back in a sitting position her mind far away from the fact that the area was not clean like she was used to.
The images of the doctor cleaning Glenn earlier would not leave her. All her body was so bruised. She was really raped, that part had her heart all over the place. It felt so heavy inside of her chest, so much she felt it like a burning weight. All of it causing another round of tears. Making her face what was that young woman thoughts. How curse she could have think everyday.
She could not stop herself from wandering what if it was never mutual? What if each time she had gave her cold treatment she was being raped? She knew how it felt to force sexually. How one could feel dirty. Powerless, and unworthy of living.
She had seen the consequences on her own daughter. Kayley life was almost destroyed by Arthur attempt to rape her. Her own father, that was the only factor that had made it difficult to understand her behavior.
Glenn, she was faced with that all her adult life untill near death! She was also someone daughter! That thought had the Queen still for a moment lost in the horror of that thought.
Her children away, all she could pray with all her breath was for them to always have a helping hand each time there were adversity in their life. All her children were fragile whatever the toughness they showed the world. She taught them that but also gave them a lot of love. You remove that and the dysfunction in their behavior would start showing.
She knew what it means for her daughters and for herself to have Lorelei near them. It gave her peace of mind. Her, she could keep her boys safe.
That is why she was at the palace, she had seen the fear of hearing her said "No" To him in Lincoln eyes when he came to invite her for his anniversary. So strong but afraid she would not want to be there for him. She had always being able to read them so well.
Breathing out she shook her head to clear it from the young woman body laying up lifeless.
"I did nothing to help her early." Hiccuping she hide her face in her palms ashamed to face that true.
The things he did to her. Her body will need a long time to rest and heal. He almost killed her. Even the doctor was flabbergasted she was still alive, she kept vomiting blood when they arrived at the museum.
The doctor after doing his checking said since she was still breathing they could take the chance and monitor her to the point they could and they will have to, as he put it,
" See if luck or God will lead her back to us. I never said this before my Queen. Never. May God help her."
She was on watch now, hook to many machines and cords the medical van the doctor came with carried. He was parked inside of the museum since it was not the season for tourists to come.
That reality almost hit her, wondering if so many families use those services. The van was bigger enough to contain all he could need to operate and all. Raphaelli confirmed her that rich family prefer it to the hospital because it gave them discretion with efficiency.
The man came with a nurse to help him around just in case he needed to perform heavy surgery on her. By some sort of miracles none of it was necessary, her brain was not injured, thanks to her hands she had used to protect it. The said hands she would not be able to use for a while, one was broken, the other Inna really bad shape.
The doctor had used weird instruments to remove the blood accumulated in places it should not be. The rest was all the things he connected her with.
All the night was what will determined if she will stay alive.
Resting her head on her arms crossed on her knees, she kept crying, silently wondering what she would do if it was one of her daughter or Lorelei?
What she was able to do for hers? Everything.
Then she reflected on what she has done to Glenn. How many times she had closed her eyes defeated by Arthur attitude. Reasoning that if it was not Glenn it would have been another woman.
"You could have made it different for her. For every woman around you. Yet you let it be. You did nothing to prevent it." A voice she knew too well spoke in her head.
Shutting her eyes she breathed slowly her body shaking with silent tears.
"You could have save her yes. Not all of them. But you are the difference for those around you. Your presence is their shield against the harshness of the world. You can still do it. Make it right "
Her inner voice she had learned was never one to tell her what she wanted to hear but what she needed to hear. The true, as bad as it was. That is why she straightened her spine, crisscrossing her legs, palms on her thighs regaining some strength.
Self recriminations was not the solution but to bring positives change from it was what she needed to do. That is what she knew Lorelei would be telling her if she was here with her, just like she did when she had cried for her daughter.
Removing all traces of tears from her face with the side of her clothes that was still clean she leaned back on the wall behind her looking straight in front of her but lost in her brain searching what to do.
"How do I do THAT?" The only answer that came straight to her mind was "You know what to do. That is why I love you so much." It made her almost smile tiredly.
That was Lorelei voice she was sure, shaking her head to clear it again, she cleared her throat then leaned back feeling lighter. That was how she functioned. Most of the times she would hear Lorelei distinctly like she was there telling her stuff, like her mind knew how to play her to not fall in the depression that was lurking around her searching how to eat her alive.
Pondering what was her options against Arthur she puffed some air out of her mouth focused on finding what she already knew.
It was a sure thing the man was powerful, but she too. The video she filmed was not going to be missing, she trusted those who hide it. Which mean if she handled it well which she did, he will stay in his good behavior for a long time giving her time to rebuild.
Then what? Rolling her tongue in her mouth she ran her fingers with exasperation on the completely dusted ground thinking about her soulmate.
How her beautiful face could be goofy sometimes, how she would look at her quizzically all the times she had ever told her she felt stuck. A chuckle escaped her lips remembering she had told her once she was "pretending" to be stuck.
The amount of faith in her was , unbelievable. Even now she still believe in her. Standing up in a rush after remembering she could call her, the Queen all venered completely ran to the elevator, impatiently waiting for it to open. What happened in-between was completely blurred.
It was the moment she entered her office, she took awareness of her disheveled state when commander Raphaelli as soon as he laid eyes on her semi clothes body cursed himself loudly showing her his back in a heartbeat. A bit taken aback by it she looked down at herself, almost rolling her eyes.
Not stopping to acknowledging it she picked the handbag he had arranged on her office table almost spreading all its contain on the table to search for her personal tablet computer, the one she used to call her children with not give a care anymore.
What harm could it bring if he had already figured it out?
With trembling fingers she entered Lorelei digits standing there her left hip supporting her weight as she was leaning on the desk.
Not knowing what to do in this kind of situation, run or stay? The commander whose eyes were closed to try to unsee what he already did, breathed out knowing in no manners could he help her in the state she was in. Physically and emotionally.
Knowing who she was calling he searched in his head what to do with himself. With the four hours of difference between them he knew professor Kamali was still awake by the schedule Sloan had sent for the Queen to be able to reach her when she wanted. The young woman rarely sleep which was if you asked him unhealthy.
Picking his choice, he opened the elevator pressing the underground button knowing she had certainly left her clothe down there. She had left all clothed which made him just remembered she was barred hands when she came back. The moment the doors were closing behind him he had the time to unvolontarily listened to something that had him rethinking everything at once.
"My Queen? Kate? Why are you topless? Why..." That sentence did not even finish that he heard the strongest person he knew completely shatter, in a raw way that made him wanted to punch that man, that was a complete excuse of a person.
Giving up the strong woman slipped all the way to the ground crying her eyes out. No filters, no hiding. She was a complete mess that only had Lorelei leave all she was doing, even her comfortable chair and office to go in her bedroom which was linked to it by an inner door.
"Please stop crying. Kate! Stop okayyy. Please my love for me? Mmm."
Looking up at her with her puffy eyes the Queen sniffing tried her best to stop the tears to fall with no success. Lorelei sighed knowing she could allow her to be weak for once but not when she was not near her. It could weaken her even more.
"Queen Katiandra stop! Do not forget who you are! Katiandra Fendrik do not weep!! Whatever happens You just don't! Stop that non sense now!"
Locking eyes with her, the Queen finally blowed some air out regaining control of herself. For a long time they looked in each other's eyes then seeking some contact she placed her palm on the screen which Lorelei did too. The gadgets the used were big enough to allow it while they never broke eyes contact.
"I love you. Whatever happens it should never put you in this kind of state. You been this weak solve nothing. You are weakening you energy, what do you think will happen then? This is not a joke. Remember what I always tell you. Life is first spiritual. The physical realm come after that on. You just cannot lost control like this my love. Remember who you fight with. He's fighting with tools that can only be defeated by you keeping yourself guarded against all form of negative aura."
Taking a pause to let her considered it all. She could see she wanted to let it all out but it was not for today. Time will come to heal themselves, Lorelei knew even the strongest warriors have weakness, and her soulmate was never afraid to show them to her. That was built by the trust they had for each others.
Closing her eyes a moment, she reopened them to consider her partner. She knew what had happened, she was there when it happened but could not see it untill the end for Norman completely carried her against her will to her study telling her he could not let her see whatever they was going to happen.
She was just trying to know where Kayley was, because she had not seen her for almost two days.The young woman had made her presence rare around Lorelei. She was about to tell them to show her the footage of they had when she stumbled on Katiandra holding a bloody Glenn in her arms.
"I have seen what he had done to Glenn too Love. It is... Insensitive. Cruel. He'd done it proudly. It is clearly inhuman. The darkness in him totally erased all kind of humanity. But remember it's a clever entity. That energy knows exactly how to kick where it will hurt the most, even when you believe you handle it good."
"When you chose to answer as it wants you to do. By manipulating you to do. With anger, frustration, pain. It feeds on you, weaknessing you defenses mechanisms. Reducing you at what he wants. Compassion and understanding of what you do not even understand. Arthur is cruel? What made him be like that? Is he even responsible of what he is doing anymore? What if that energy IS the one responsible? Then you are fighting with something that is not playing by human rules."
"What to do then? I am just so tired of all this..."
"This is no the time to be Love. Just focus on the task at hand. You focus on who you are, that they are not. You have a human heart, your distress shows it, you can still change many things. That is your forte, you are a builder. Do a different thing to start working to make things better."
"But how?? Mmmm? What he did to her is... What if it w..."
Her right hand up, Lorelei made soothing movements with it to calm her, which seemed to work because she closed her eyes breathing in and out for a moment them opened them again.
"As insensitive as it is. It was not me, Alicia or Kayley. Yes. It was her Glenn. You could not have save her. Even those you love have their fare share of pain you can and will never stop from happening. But with her you tried. Because you did. Remember that she ran to you! She knew you would do something to protect her."
"But .."
"Kate, there is no analyzing anything here. You can not make someone avoid their destiny. This was and is hers. What she has lived, will shape her life for the best or the worse depending of the state of her heart. What could you do more than what you already did? You were never responsible of the king actions. There are many others out there he could do worse to. That is it not your responsibility."
Lorelei words were reasoning in the Queen mind in a way that had her looking at her younger face in a way she never did. It was like facing someone without emotions. There, in those grey orbs she loved, were visible only general emphaty. In a way now she could understand why she was most of the time called cold. She really looked like it in the moment.
"Hey. I Know, I am too harsh but so are you. You did not pity me when I needed you the most. You did and said what I needed to hear, the truth. That is what I am doing with you. Katiandra Fendrik do not do self pity or pity at all. She does what needs to be done, because she knows the results will be what the future is waiting to make this world better. From the beginning you warned me our relationship will not be easy. Which proved to be right. That does not makes me love you less. Will I want you to be different? Sometimes I wished for it, then I stopped for it would not be you then. My book was a sort of therapy to stop it in my head. At the end of the day, it is you I love, no others versions of you."
Looking straight in her eyes as she spoke those words they always did their best to avoid Lorelei was so calm, it started to reflect on Katiandra who had nothing to said for once. She had been there too. So many what if had clouded her mind. To redo their destiny, changing it to the best, but that best would have not include Porys, or her children. The world they lived in was what was shaping their relationship, their reality.
The heart was really the principal tool that maintained their love. They never wavered. They knew the reason of one's life is to bring something positive to the society you live in, to the Universe. They had been moulted to do it, meeting each other's was a good reward from the Universe fuelling them for the events to come. It would be stupid for anyone to think marriage, love, is the end of someone life.
Companionship in the journey of all souls is valuable. To find true love is a blessing. Because two will always be better than one. It is essential to know you found them, not knowing only allows the loss of valuable time looking around aimlessly for that person.
That was what they both had concluded focusing on their task will make it easier to find their way back to each other. What if? Only played with minds. What is, was what should be handled properly.
Breathing out letting go, Queen Katiandra, finally abled to do it without feeling the heavy weight that blocked her chest minutes ago, leaned her head on her office desk her eyes never leaving her lover's face.
Lorelei could said she was at peace with her mind in that moment. Her eyes shone with so much love, she had to smile to her tenderly. The moment reminded her of those peaceful mornings she would wake up to find her trying to save in her memory all she could of her face.
As surprising as it was the woman knew how to draw and was good at it. The grey orbs was sure if she was not a Queen with all the responsibilities that came with it she would have been a renown painter.
"You are doing it again." Almost shyly Lorelei murmured as if she feared to be heard.
"You know I love looking at your face my love. Hey, do not worry someone may hear. Arthur knows. Umm, he just figured it out. But it does not matter. What does is that I love you. In every situations you always have an answer ready for me. Even when you say nothing. You saved me from myself, you are -- everything for me."
Keeping eyes contact for what seemed to be the longest time since they knew each others, falling into silence, they felt no need to speak when what they felt was beyond words.
Lorelei's throat was completely off use by the Queen confession she pushed the air by her mouth doing her best to not let tears fall, but one she quickly wiped always did making Katiandra caressed her face on the screen.
"I made you a promise my love, I will find a way. Whatever it will take from me, I promise I will find that way."
With trembling lips at the prospect of the reverse, she had to squeeze them together to stop them, she leaned her head on the right never leaving Lorelei shining eyes. Knowing what that move meant Lorelei furrowed her brows challenging her silently to dare to speak what was crossing her mind.
"If,if I was to n--" Stumbling on her words Katiandra had to stop with the way Lorelei eyes became hard. There were a cold furry in them she had never seen before , it looked like a silent storm.
"Stop it! Stop it! You will find a way! Or I will come back to you. That is what will happen."
Straightening in all her glory from where she was still sitting Katiandra face first was panicked but hardened quickly a warning stare meeting Lorelei determined one.
"You will not dare to do such thing. Do you hear yourself?! You know what will happen if you come back here? There is what they said to look good but there are facts I know too well about what they will donto you. Don't you understand? Arthur he will... I forb-"
"No Kate. No you have no right to forbid me anything! None. If the only way to be together is to come back then I will do it. I have stopped myself from doing it so many times... Nothing will stop me on my way. That I can tell you... My Love. I, I've always have faith in you. Okay? But if I see tou wavering then you leave me no choice. Please, Do not work alone if you want to succeed in this. Find allies that will certainly give you more results than fighting alone."
Like always Lorelei calm voice made the miracle to bring the Queen temper down, she was almost hyperventilating at the thought of having Lorelei with her. It was the best way for her to be too distracted by the by fear of
Something happening to her. She could not allow it in no way.
While brainstorming on the options she had, anything that would allow this to be clean for everyone good, a frown pulled her brows together remembering what Lorelei just said
about allies and more results found an echo in her brain that had her looking her coffer way.
Her brows still knitted, she stayed still for a moment and idea taking form in her brain, she was almost surprised she did not thought of it earlier.
Looking back at Lorelei she tenderly smiled her way caressing what she could of her face on the screen her eyes searching her with a serious expression in her.
"My love, I already told you that and I will repeat myself again. You are my Life. Literally. I need you safe. I need you to promise me you will never, ever do that. I made you a promise. I will come back HOME. Because you are My home love. Can you?"
Weakened with those words uttered with utmost love, Lorelei could only nodded making Katiandra shake her index and head negatively to her.
"Umm um. I need you to voice it for me."
"I, I... Promise to not come... Back" Biting her lower lip knowing her promise tied her actions, Lorelei could only pray for Katiandra idea to work. She really was not good at breaking a word given. Turning her face away in despair, she closed her eyes to regroup for a moment.
"Hey hey hey... Look at me, look at me! I will come back to you. Like you just say. Having Allies is important to win right? Do no forget we actually do. Babe, whenever it felt hard to believe I always remember I was there with you. In our bedroom. I do not know how it happened, but we were together. I am sure that if it requires THAT solution, it will be allow to us. We should keep that in mind. I, I really do not know how it works but what I do know is that the universe has our back. "
Nodding Lorelei massaged her face in her palms, all the concept of the Spirituality of life she knew real, sometimes was blurring the lines. However she knows it all desperation sometimes found its way in her thoughts. The now and immediately that shape human being, desires, want temperate by the line of life. Past present future happening at once. Knowing that she should be patient. But she was for a good part human.
"Yeah, you are right. I pray every single day you know. For everything, I know all of this but still I missed you. Sorry it was just a... "
Understanding what she was feeling, Katiandra nodded knowing it was more difficult for her lover than her to know a reality everyone did not do. While living in a world where everything go slowly.
"It is okay love. Everything will be alright. You will not know it that one day I will be there in our bedroom with you. I always dream of all the things we will be doing together. I will spoil you too the roots. We will do all the things you want. "
"Everything?" With a mischievous smile Lorelei asked
"I Know what you are thinking about, and as I live, that day will come we will do that jumping thing you want so much to try. " A squealing sound made the Queen have a good laugh that was really good to feel.
She knew Lorelei was fascinated by parachutes, she had confided she would like to do that with her but Katiandra was really opposed to the idea. But now she would give her everything if it means that would earned her the happiness she was seeing before her eyes.
"No backing out."
"You have my word love."
"Yeah! I love you sooo much. Come on I will start looking for the best place, thanks you."
"Everything for you my love. I love you in a way you cannot understand. I know you love me but, God do I love you more. I have to go now my Love, thanks you for being there for me. I need you for once go to sleep you look tired and love, Sweet dreams."
Shaking her hand at her in a goodbye movement a tender smile still on, the Queen finger stopped on the screen about to cut the connection. She could just contemplated Lorelei smiling features while she nodded at her knowing it was of no use to wish it back to her. She was seeing the determination in her eyes which means she was in her Queen, and was not about to sleep anytime soon.
Giving her the okay sign, the screen went black closing with it the only door they were granted.
Sitting there for a moment to collect herself, the Queen finally stood only to see that her shirt was now folded on her desk, which means Raphaelli was certainly down. But a noise inside of her condo made her turned her head towards the door, taking the pullover that was now laid on the leather seat in front of the desk she wore it, walked to her coffer, there she retrieved all the documents inside, taking them with her in the condo where she founded Raphaelli sleeping on the big carpet that covered her living room.
Frowning she wondered what made that noise but was quickly answered by the bottle rolling near one of his long foot. He was really huge, his foot moved the table ejecting the item away with a metal trays. She remembered using it, in the kitchen, when she came back from the palace feeling thirsty then. Since the bottle was empty it may be the commander that had drank from it.
Picking it up for him, she took it with her in the kitchen knowing he was awake, the man was so alert that he certainly woke up but was afraid to inconvenience her after seeing her almost topless.A rare kind of gentleman, that was sure.
He had seen her in worse state than Norman ever did in all the years he had worked alongside her but still respect her for being his superior, when she came back or brought her clothes she could not recall.
He would do small things like that giving her her privacy. Allowing her to be weak too. Not like others who thought she was a kind of deity with not feelings.
That is why she was not angry he had invade her privacy. He knew she needed someone near her even if no words were involved. Sleeping in he carpet was not a part og his job but there he was doing with what little comforthe had on the ground.
After a really quick shower, she came back in the main room, the steady breathing told her he was sleeping already, iput the light off she headed in the kitchen to finally find something to eat. Starving was counterproductive, in almost 24 hours she haven't eaten. Picking the sandwich he had made for her she ate appreciative of how it tasted like good meal, and drank the tea that was still warm.
When she finished the clock that was hanging in her living room made it's habitual sound to mark that it was Three in the morning. Washing her hands she took a sit on a chair placing her workload on the kitchen table, she knew time was ticking for her with Lorelei thread.
More than ever she had to clear up their way, before starting she closed her eyes and wished strongly to be able to do it with God and whatever army He has out there to help her. Opening her eyes she clicked her tongue in her mouth nodding.
"Okay. Now let's play."