*Geek Boy*
I kissed Ellie Kent.
And she kissed me back.
The thought reverberated through my mind, bouncing off my skull as I refused to accept it.
I couldn't believe it had happened.
Catherine and I had been sitting in my car for the last hour. Despite the smothering silence, all I could feel was a happy warmth filling my entire body. My heart still raced and, even now, I could barely breathe.
Ellie Kent had kissed me back.
This was a dream. It had to be. Any moment now, I would wake up, feeling a sense of loss and pain at this not being reality.
And yet I was still here. I could still feel my rapid pulse, stuttering within my chest. I could still hear Ellie's breathy voice asking me to kiss her. I could still feel the burning warmth of her red lips against mine. Her sweet strawberry lip gloss lingered on my lips and I could still taste the flavoured mint on her breath.
It was very much real.
And I still couldn't believe it.
The sound of Catherine's breath shattered the silence, bringing me back to reality.
This was uncommon. Whenever Catherine was upset, she'd usually storm off till she cooled down. She often held grudges but she would never just sit there in silence. She would either be yelling or she would have been gone by now.
And the way she'd reacted when she'd seen Ellie and I together...it wasn't like her.
"Catherine," I began.
"Did you kiss her?" Catherine asked, her voice low and quiet.
I bit my lip, staring out the windshield. "Yes."
"Do you like her?"
I paused.
"Yes."
Catherine laughed, the sound sarcastic and trembling. "Wow, William Johnson, education centred guy who doesn't care about relationships likes Barbie doll queen Ellie Kent. This is right out of a bad movie."
I sighed. "Catherine, please don't call her that."
"Amazing!" she exclaimed, her voice falsely cheery. "And you're still defending her!" Her voice trembled.
I sat still, unsure of what to do, or how to comfort her.
"You're not gonna say anything?" She asked. She turned to me and her gaze met mine.
Her eyes were watering.
"Catherine, please don't cry." I reached out, rubbing away a tear that streaked down her face.
Catherine glanced down at my hand, then back up at me. Her hand reached out, cupping my chin. Then she leaned in closer.
She kissed me.
It felt all wrong. Unlike kissing Ellie, I felt nothing except a vague shock.
I leaned back abruptly.
"Catherine! Why'd you do that?" I rubbed my lips with the back of my palm, staring in shock at her.
Catherine was silent, her gaze focused on the floor, her hand caught in mid-air.
She sucked in her lips. "Funny, you can kiss gorgeous Barbie girl cheerleader but you can't kiss me?"
"Catherine, why did you do that?"
She laughed sarcastically as her gaze met mine. Anger and hurt swirled in her irises.
"You know I've liked you forever, right? Since when we visited each other when we were kids. When you moved here seven years ago, I was so happy. I thought you were so cool with your perfect brain and your perfect grades. And yet, you always treated me like I was your sister. You always treated me like I was just some friend."
She shook her head as if she were shaking off memories.
"But you never really talked to many other girls. You were always so cold to most people, you know that?" she asked. "So I figured eventually...we'd just end up together. I thought one day you'd be interested in me." She forced her lips into a pained smile. "I guess that will never happen, will it?"
She shook her head again and her voice trembled more when she spoke. "You know, no one knew you like I did. No one knew how handsome you were, or how caring you were, or how strong you are despite all the crud you've been through." She gestured to herself, her hands moving rapidly and violently. "No one knew you like me. I saw everything. I saw you dealing with what happened to your family, with how your mom is now. I watched you save and protect strangers who never cared about you. I was the only one who valued you!"
"Look at me!" she gestured to herself. "Really look at me! I've tried so hard for you to notice me." She gestured to her face. "I wear makeup now! Did you notice that? That I'm using something I hate to get your attention?" She tugged at the flowery dress she was wearing. "I'm wearing a flipping dress for goodness sake! Am I that invisible? Am I that ugly that you could never notice me?"
"And then this!" She threw a hand towards the stadium. "One pretty blonde bimbo waltzes in with her perfect hair and her stupid popularity and her slutty cheerleading outfits, and you just forget all about everything. You forget that you're not interested in anyone! You forget that I've been here for you from day one!" She slammed her hand on the dashboard. "Since you moved here sobbing because your perfect life shattered! I have been the only one there for you and you--William Johnson of all people--you picked her!"
I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say.
"You never ever noticed me as anything else but as a friend, did you?"
I sat still.
She laughed. "Of course you stay silent. Whenever I need you, you're always silent. No matter how many times I've been there for you, you're silent for me." She laughed again as she abruptly leaned back, her eyes fixing on the ceiling of the car. Her throat shook when she spoke. "I just want to know why. Why her? Out of all people, why did you have to pick her?"
I turned to face the windshield, clenching the steering wheel.
The weight of Catherine's confession asphyxiated me, crushing my throat.
Had she felt like this all this time?
And I hadn't even noticed?
"I..." I dragged in a breath. "I've had a crush on Ellie Kent for seven years."
I heard Catherine's sharp intake of breath.
"Since I was ten and I'd started at elementary school," I exhaled. "I've never said anything because I was scared she'd reject me. Today..." I could barely breathe. "Today I told her I liked her for the first time."
Catherine exhaled, the sound short and sharp. "Huh. All this time I was looking at you and you only had eyes for her."
"Catherine..." What was I supposed to say? How was I supposed to fix this? "I'm sorry."
Catherine laughed. "Of course William Johnson would apologize." She shoved open the door. "I'll find my own way home thank you very much."
I jumped out of the car after her, grasping her arm. "Wait, Catherine! Its late, let me drive you home."
Catherine flinched, escaping my grasp. "Don't touch me!" she snapped. "Leave me alone Will, alright? Just leave me alone!" Then she turned, stalking off into the darkness.
I stood there for several moments, trying to figure out what to do, how to react.
Finally, I clambered back into the car.
I sat still for a few minutes, thinking over what had just happened, what I could have done differently.
How was I supposed to fix this?
For years, Catherine had been struggling, feeling the way she did, and I hadn't even realized.
I was so useless.
What kind of friend was I?
In moments, the thought vanished from my mind: my gaze caught on a golden blonde ponytail.
Gemma Henderson dragged Ellie towards a silver car.
My heart stuttered.
As usual, Ellie was beautiful, her body silhouetted by the streetlights. She still wore her cheerleading uniform, revealing perfect tanned skin. Her lips were moving rapidly as if she was speaking to Gemma, who seemed to be ignorant to whatever she was saying.
My eyebrows furrowed as Gemma left Ellie beside the car, throwing her a kiss as she skipped to the opposite side of the parking lot.
Wasn't Madison supposed to drive her home along with Gemma?
Ellie sighed, gazing down at the ground.
I watched her for a few minutes, and an ache burned in my chest. The sudden impulse to jump out of the car, to grab her and whisk her away to somewhere where we were free of problems, poured over me, making my muscles tense. I reached for the door handle.
It would be easy. I would stride out casually and say hi. I would invite her out for a ride and everything would be perfect.
I was ready. My fingers tugged on the door handle, ready to jump out of the car. Ready to extend the happiness that had poured over me the moment she'd kissed me back.
Then my fantasies shattered.
Justin Markson strode out from the stadium, followed by a group of footballers. They inclined their chin to Ellie, patting his back and most likely exchanging suggestive jokes.
It felt as if someone had crushed my heart.
Justin headed towards Ellie, shooting her the smile that had stolen the hearts of dozens of girls. His gaze was predatory, running over her perfect figure.
I couldn't hear what they said but in moments they were both in the car. The car didn't move for a few minutes and my chest ached.
The Head Cheerleader and the Quarterback. What a perfect pair.
Nothing like Beauty and the Geek Boy.
The car drew out. As it drove away, I watched the pair through the window. Justin was speaking, his face bright as he probably told her stories that would make her laugh.
They looked perfect together.
Once they were gone, I sat there for a few minutes. Then, with a heart sliced by millions of daggered splinters, I drove home.
*
The house was empty when I got there. And, as usual, ice emanated from the marble tiles, reminding me of how vacant it was.
I stalked up to my room, sinking down onto my desk chair. My fingers floated to the bottom drawer of my desk, pulling out two photo frames.
One displayed a fifteen year old Ellie. In the picture, she was in a cheerleading outfit. She was caught in a shaft of light, the sunshine making her golden hair, dishevelled as it had fallen loose from her ponytail, glitter.
It was a picture I'd taken two years ago, for the school paper. Besides the photos in yearbooks, clips from newspapers and annual class photos, it was the only one I had of her. I placed the picture face down on my desk and picked up the second one. This image was taken eight years ago. It was from before The Incident.
A chubby nine-year-old version of me beamed at the camera. I held a baseball bat in one hand and a textbook in another. Resting his hand on my shoulder, my dad grinned at the camera. His other hand was wrapped around my mother's shoulders. I sighed as my eyes ran over her flushed skin. Her hair, multiple shades of brown, poured over her shoulders, tangled and free. She wore casual jeans and a button-up sweater over a black vest. In her hands, she held my younger brother, then three, towards the camera. His gap-toothed smile was huge, glowing in his chubby face.
My older brother stood beside my dad. His face was smeared with mud and a smug, confident smile stretched the stubble on his chin. His arm lay nonchalantly over my dad's shoulder as he smirked at the camera. He was still clad in his football uniform, one hand holding his helmet.
The picture had been taken after a high school football game. His team had won, thanks to a last minute goal he'd scored. The whole family had been there, cheering for him.
In the picture we looked so perfect, a flawless family.
How did everything go so wrong?
I returned the photo, shutting the drawer behind it. I couldn't risk my mother seeing it. I'd rather she didn't throw away one of the last pieces of proof I had that my previous life existed.
Sighing, I stood up and flopped down onto my bed. I stared at the ceiling as I turned over a myriad of events from the last few years.
And yet, despite my melancholy emotions, Ellie's face lingered in my mind.
Despite everything, happiness sent warmth over my skin.
I'd kissed Ellie Kent.
No one, not Justin Markson, not my family, could take that away from me.
*
I woke up at 5:45 am on a Saturday morning to an empty house.
I sat up quickly, reaching for my phone. A blinking white light alerted me that I had a message.
Scrubbing a hand through my hair and sighing, I unlocked my phone.
My heart stuttered when a familiar name flashed on the screen.
Ellie Kent had sent me a message on Facebook.
My fingers trembled as they scrolled over the page.
Hi, it's Ellie again :) How was your night? I was wondering whether we could meet up for studying in the morning?
The message indicated it had been sent at 1:00 am.
Ellie Kent had been thinking about me at 1:00 am.
The sound of my heartbeat filled the room. I couldn't decipher the myriad of emotions swirling within my body.
Before I could really think about it, I was replying:
Hey, it was fine. You? Sure, can you come over to my house at some point past twelve? The address is below.
My fingers tapped impatiently on the bed as I waited for a reply. She was probably still sleeping. My heart soared when, fifteen minutes later, my phone beeped.
That's great. Mine was pretty good :) Is 1:00 ok? Because I've got cheerleading practice in the morning.
I bit my lip as I replied:
1:00 is fine. See you then.
My heart thrummed. She replied:
See you later alligator ;)
I slumped on the bed in response, feeling mentally exhausted. In a few hours, I would see Ellie.
In my house.
I took a deep breath as yesterday's memories surged back into my thoughts. The memory of kissing Ellie was darkened by the thought of her in Justin Markson's car.
Yes, Ellie kissed me. But she never said she liked me. I'd confessed and she hadn't responded.
Why was I surprised? Ellie was out of my league. Kiss or not, she didn't feel the same way.
The memory of her driving home with Justin Markson hammered in that thought. Why would Ellie like someone like me when she could have someone like him?
Catherine drifted into my mind. How could I be with Ellie when I knew it would hurt Catherine? Catherine was my friend. She had been for years. She didn't deserve that kind of hurt.
How was I supposed to behave today?
Hurriedly I stood up, pushing my nerves to the back of my mind. Changing into shorts and a t-shirt, I got ready for my jog. And tried to forget that soon I would see Ellie Kent, my seven-year crush, who I'd confessed to last night.
And who I couldn't be with.
But I wanted more than anything.
*
Thank you for reading :) I hope you liked it :) Anywayz, have a fantabulous week :)
Btwz, this chappie is dedicated to this amazing person whose comments make me laugh and who is super nice and keeps voting, thank you SO MUCH :)
God bless
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Yemi Everest