Chapter 108: Chapter 107: Fury. Memoirs Of An Adulterous Child

Tashian Pheloi.

The time she spent with her was ironically becoming the reason she hated her.

The happier the dream once was, the more painful the despair of reality became.

‘Answer me, Mom. Why did you leave me behind?’

The more she waded through the river of blood, the more she felt her love for her turning into resentment.

Despite getting used to the repeated killings over the years, the warmth she felt in her embrace…

The things she bestowed upon her as ‘love’ were seen as hope that even someone like her could be saved.

‘Did I do something wrong? Or did you just purely want to see me suffer?’

It was when she became an adult that she grew tired of such torment of hope and killed even her heart.

Only after reaching a position no one else could handle did she finally shed her tender feelings and accept the nature of the world as it was.

In an era where people die like garbage wherever you go, she realized that an orphan who lost their parents was as common as a roadside pebble.

‘…Yeah, Mom is no longer here.’

And her mother, once she considered everything in the world, was just a being that adults must become independent from.

Realizing that the time for childish behavior had passed, she repeatedly vowed to escape from her shadow.

‘Forget about Mom. From now on, live for myself…’

It was for that reason that she embarked on the path of a hero.

If she led her onto the path of a killer, then to forget her, she thought she needed to accomplish something great enough to even forget that she was a killer.

For her, who reigned as an object of fear to all, to live proudly, she felt the need to deal with an even greater calamity with her own hands.

‘Tashian… Do you remember me?’

But what was the reality?

Why, at the end of a journey supported by many, has the one who started this story appeared now?

‘If you don’t remember, it’s fine. I didn’t come here to have a leisurely chat with you either.’

When the power she implanted in her resonated.

At that moment, she couldn’t maintain her composure and filled the sword aimed at her with hatred.

‘I’ll make you regret abandoning me. You damn mother.’

Even such lingering feelings from love, she pressed them down with the noble duty of a hero, and swung her sword at her without hesitation.

Prepared to lay her bones here.

Forgetting her duty as a hero, aiming only to kill her.

‘With this much power, you could have just fled.’

But why was it?

Why did she, who was satisfied with mindlessly swinging her sword, feel sorrow from her roar?

‘The race you are trying to protect is one that doesn’t even need protection. Fools, tired of living and having vanished from this world, yet they believe themselves to be the rulers of it—that is the race you are trying to protect!’

Yes, it was tragic…

That day, she felt sorrow from her outcry.

Others might just see it as a scream, but she still remembered the days she spent with her.

‘Do you think they would feel grateful to you? Those who have loaded all their burdens on you and pushed you into a corner, do you truly believe they are worth protecting to this extent?’

Such images from the past blended with the present, giving meaning to the current roar.

She pondered whether her words were a sermon to the inferior beings or merely hatred and anger targeted at those who annoyed her…

‘…I believe it exists.’

Realizing it was ultimately a cry of despair, she felt her murderous intent towards her fade away.

She, too, had cried out like that countless times since being abandoned by her.

Even if the reason for such outbursts was standing before her, if what she felt at this moment was a scream, she couldn’t help but empathize.

‘I’ve come to realize that, being raised by someone like you, I am the same as them.’

But even in such a hopeless world, hadn’t she met people who supported her?

Because of their support, she had the chance to break free from her past.

‘I’ve come to know that they, too, have personalities, beliefs, and lives.’

Having grasped the chance to die as a human, she couldn’t back down from this place.

If her feelings remained the same, this fight should prioritize a cause over revenge, a heart for others over herself.

‘Even though we fight due to our different thoughts, I’ve come to realize that humans are a race that can understand such differences.’

Even if such compulsion didn’t erase all the hatred, it made her feel a sense of camaraderie with the one before her.

That sense of camaraderie contrasted her memories with her present self, leading her to relate to human affairs.

‘I felt love from you. Just like the people who took me in afterward…’

If an ordinary person were to crumble in front of the one they gave their heart to, what reaction would they show?

Imagining what emotion a being who had lived for over ten thousand years would feel showing a fleeting moment to their daughter…

‘…When you ran away, it was probably just because you were clumsy and inexperienced. After all, even having lived for ten thousand years, it would have been your first time raising a child.’

It must have been scary.

Especially because she had lived for so long, the new experience must have been confusing.

So, she needed time to calm her mind.

Because even that much leeway wasn’t permitted by foolish warmongers, she went on a rampage.

‘Being human, I believe I understand you.’

After reading such immaturity, she could no longer consider the person before her a calamity.

What is a calamity, anyway?

If she truly acted out of such immaturity, then the emotions she harbored for her could indeed be defined as ‘love.’

‘Please, give me a chance.’

Despite her resentment towards such a mother, in the end, she chose to appeal to her heart rather than swing her sword at her.

Though she remained a monster that set the world ablaze, if she had a heart that humans could understand, she wouldn’t simply dismiss her words now.

If such a heart existed, she, who came here to die as a human, should not dismiss it.

‘Give me a chance to prove that those you have always deemed worthless do indeed have a place in this world.’

These were the words she chose as a hero rather than a revenger.

At that, having reached her limit, she finally laid her weary body down and quietly closed her eyes.

-Thud.

Hoping that her immature mother’s confusion would be severed with this final testament.

Wishing that her pathetic life as a mere killer would leave some meaning through this last act of philanthropy.

-Clang, clang.

She realized that her life, which should have ended, continued with the sound of hammering.

She fully realized this when her consciousness was swiftly awakened, but the memories formed by her still existed before that.

The memories of Tashain Pheloi, who became her original, and the heart of the mother who forged a soul like hers into a weapon.

‘Once you are complete.’

Tashian Pheloi.

Why did she forge the soul of her deceased daughter in her hands to create an existence like her?

‘If the day comes when you stand before me again like that time… then, will I come to know what this feeling I have is?’

She never clearly explained the reason for it, not even once.

She just continued to strike the anvil with magic in her hands.

Just silently focusing on creating her body.

-Clang!

However, the emotions behind that hammering were being conveyed to her.

The memories she’s held since she was born taught her what feelings the mother, who killed her own daughter, had while forging her.

‘Kill me.’

A time close to a lifetime for humans, but merely a moment for beings who live eternally.

And for the dead, who could no longer die, it felt like enduring an eternity of pain.

She, who was born of her, knew too well that she was waiting to pay for her sins.

‘Do not forgive me for abandoning you.’

‘Do not forgive me for not acknowledging my sin even after killing you.’

Each time those feelings were conveyed, she felt the emotions she had for her converging into a single path.

The wish to sublimate love, resentment, and the misery of life into the conclusion of becoming a hero…

The reason for creating an existence that inherited all of it was merely for atonement, acknowledging the sins she committed.

-Clang, clang.

Yes, that was the reason she was born, and the wish of the mother who let her inherit her memories.

If she truly loved the mother who gave her life, she had a duty to adhere to those memories.

-…Clang.

After going through all those memories and not losing myself, I was finally able to step in front of Pheloi, whom I visited that day.

“…Pheloi.”

A newly born, immature child, who inherited only the memories of a woman who wanted to die as a hero.

“Can I talk with you, Dad?”

And thus, someone who had nothing to do with such a fate considered him her father.

A being who could call her his daughter.

-Whoosh.

At the lake she visited to wash away the blood.

She felt the rain, pouring in the space created from projecting that memory, washing the blood off her skin.

The emotions she felt towards the person who came to her at this moment seemed to bring change to this space.

“The person who passed on their memories to me… wanted to die not as a revenger but as a hero in the end.”

As she felt the blood on her body gradually being washed away, she wanted to share with him the memories that formed her foundation.

The story of the rebellion caused by the woman who cherished her life in the end.

“Because fighting for revenge won’t save one’s life. I realized that even the mother I thought was trash had maternal instincts.”n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

The love and hatred for the mother, the wish to escape from the past, the duty awakened as a hero from that… and the expectations the mother had for herself, who inherited such memories.

She wished he would understand that all of this leads to the outcome that the mother, who intended to destroy humanity, must be stopped.

“So, I must kill Mother. Because I love her, I must meet her expectations.”

But that, too, was just a result that had been pushed upon her in the end.

She endured and moved forward because she must, not because she thought it was okay, even for a moment.

She doubted every moment if this was really okay.

Whether it was right to kill the mother who created her, relying on the memories she was born with.

“But why…”

Even so, if it must be done, she hoped someone would eliminate her hesitation by firmly making a decision.

If a third party, neither her mother nor her past self, involved in this fate were to make a firm decision, then she, too, thought she could carry out the mission to kill her without hesitation.

“Why didn’t Dad come to the same conclusion as Mom? If he had just comfortably agreed, there would be no pain.”

She hoped that person would be her father.

If he, whom she chose and who awakened her, were with her, then she too could make a decision comfortably.

“Just… If you had forever left me, then you wouldn’t have to suffer like this…”

But at this moment, just facing him, who came to her with a tattered spirit, made her heart swell.

It couldn’t be helped.

She was an entity that established her ego through meeting him.

Given the memories of longing for love mixed into such an established ego, it was natural to have special feelings for a father with no reason to hate.

“But why… why did you appear before me in such a state? Why?!”

Rejecting the one who longed for familial love, she ended up committing the same sin, turning him into a mirror image of her former self.

Yes, distorting someone who gave her their heart without realizing it was indeed an excruciatingly painful act.

These were the feelings her mother must have experienced, prompting her to forge her being from her daughter’s soul.

“…Because I haven’t heard it yet.”

Even as she felt this sense of kinship, he continued to walk toward her.

As her emotions intensified, he pushed through the pouring rain, which washed away the blood staining his body as he closed the distance between them.

“What…?”

“I’ve seen your memories… but I haven’t heard your wish yet.”

Her father, who came before her, knelt down to meet her eye level at the end of it all.

Maintaining silence in such a state, surely, he was waiting for an answer from her.

“My wish…?”

“Yes, your wish…”

He did not scold her for closing her heart.

Despite being broken in body and spirit by the time he arrived here…

“Pheloi. I…”

On the contrary, he wanted to show understanding towards the mother he faced, based on such memories.

“I don’t think the things Tashian told me were… lies.”

He felt his desire to find someone who would embrace him in this harsh world grow stronger by finding someone who loves him.

“If you truly felt love from Tashian, I believe what she had for me was no different.”

Yes, if she claimed to love him, it was something that must be upheld.

She knew all too well that such sincerity was expressed in the act of stroking her head.

“…Really.”

Because they had been together until now.

Because she felt how he, who awakened her ego, lived in this world while being with him.

“You’re not going to kill Mom? Even after seeing all my memories…?”

“That’s why I’ve come here.”

Maintaining such determination all the way here, he still wanted to express his will, unbroken.

“So, tell me, Pheloi, what do you wish for?”

With love, hatred, and even the mission embraced upon rebirth.

Even after fully embracing her fate that all of it leads to the path of killing her, he hoped to intervene.

“…A family.”

Even though she doubted whether she could answer that.

Before she knew it, her lips were moving as if drawn to him.

“I want a family.”

She couldn’t bear it any longer.

In her past life, she might have reluctantly accepted such reality, but now, she was merely a child who had just been born.

Her former self knew best how painful it was to be forced into such responsibilities.

Her immature mind, not yet fully grown, crumbled under the weight of the question of love, making her confess her true feelings.

“I want to know what it’s like to become an adult under the care of a mother and a father…”

She didn’t want to kill her.

The mother who loved her sincerely, even if foolishly.

She didn’t want her to commit any more sins because of her.

“…If that’s your wish, I’ll be with you.”

As if already prepared to accept even such a forced request, soon his hands began to cradle her head.

Beyond experiencing memories, he fully embraced her existence into his inner self.

“Let’s go and tell her together, Pheloi.”

While conveying to her a promise that he would never lose himself.