Chapter 53: ❝ i've been fighting a war ❞

(unedited)

All my life,

I've been fighting a war.

I can't talk to you or your friends,

It's not only you,

My heart jumps around when I'm alluded to,

This will not do.

"Bravado" -Lorde

We didn't get very long to rest.

The police didn't start questioning us immediately -they weren't heartless- but they probably would soon. And we had to figure out what, and how much we were all going to say so our stories would match.

Kaden had said that there was a strong possibility that there might be a court case, so we wanted to figure everything out now, instead of later, when some things we had said might make everything worse. Also, since he would probably be playing lawyer, given that it was me who Vanessa had attempted to kill, he needed to know everything so he could figure out a way to present everything.

As usual, Kaden was right.

Two days after everything happened, we found out -well, Shawn found out, then told us- there was going to be a court case. Vanessa had pleaded guilty to assault, but not attempted murder. And Kaden, Devon, Shawn, and basically all the parents agreed that wasn't enough. Assault would be a thousand dollar fine, and about six months in jail, which wasn't enough.

The day after we found out, Kaden managed to gather everyone in our living room. What was left of the Elite- Ashton, Nathan, Keira and Jacen- Devon and Shawn. The last two being there in an attempt to offer any advice.

"I need to know everything," he started once everyone had arrived.

"I think everyone needs to know everything," I muttered. We all had pieces. Jacen and Ashton knew the most, no doubt, but I had a feeling Jacen probably knew some things Ashton didn't, and vice versa.

"Not everyone. Just us, who they decided to leave in the dark," Nathan said, a bitter edge in his tone. Out of all of us, Nathan had to be one of the ones who were taking it the hardest. Ashton had lost his best friend, which had to have been a shock, but he hadn't been completely blindsided. Nathan had also more or less lost his best friend -Vanessa had been locked up and refused any visitors- but he had also lost his trust in his brother and girlfriend.

He hadn't really forgiven Ashton for keeping everything from him- something Ashton had surprisingly revealed to me during one of his visits when I had been in the hospital getting my arm treated. He was working on the secrets and 'keeping everything from everyone despite how much they deserved to know' thing. I think.

Devon, ever the peacemaker, tried to pacify the situation. "Jacen, why don't you start?"

But Nathan wasn't the only one who was bitter. Jacen had been in a pretty foul mood since everything had happened, though I didn't really know why. I wasn't sure if it was because losing Olivia was finally catching up to him, or if it was because of something with Vanessa, or something else entirely.

"Where am I even supposed to start?" he asked.

"The beginning," Devon replied.

"You're going to have to be a little more specific from that," Jacen said. He clutched a water bottle in his hand, with a clear liquid, though I think everyone knew it wasn't really water. He unscrewed the cap and raised the bottle, but before he could take a sip, Keira snatched it from his hand.

"No," was all she said, before standing up, and stalking down the hall. She pushed open the first couple doors, finding the bathroom and walking in. A moment later we heard the sound of a toilet flushing.

Jacen stared down the hall after her, even after she ducked into the bathroom, but didn't make a move to chase after her. He didn't open his mouth and talk, though, either.

Ashton sighed. "Maybe I should start."

Huh, I think he really is trying.

It took a while for everything to get explained. Ashton and Keira shared as much as they could, even Nathan contributed what he knew about Vanessa, but Jacen definitely didn't help with his sullen mood and moderate intoxication. Still, we managed to put the pieces together even with his minimal help.

It all started their freshman year of high school, when Vanessa's mom killed herself and Ashton found out. After finding out that Vanessa's mother had killed her father's mistress and almost her father as well and that she was mentally ill, with a strong chance of it being passed onto Vanessa, he had decided he didn't want Vanessa dating his brother.

Something Nathan had protested was his choice, and that Ashton admitted wasn't right.

Having known Keira at the time, he recruited her into helping him, though without telling her exactly why. Nathan and Keira had contributed here. While Keira had refused, Ashton really was a pretty good matchmaker. He hadn't locked them in a closet or anything like that, but his attempts had come pretty close. But despite all the situations he had put them in; it was the ultanium that he gave Vanessa to make her break up with Nathan that did the trick.

Jacen reluctantly took over here. He had met Vanessa when he had been in eighth grade, just a little after her and Nathan had broken up. She had been nice to him, and he had developed a little crush, believing she returned his feelings too. He found out everything around the end of his first year of high school -sophomore year to the rest of us.

But the revenge she had wanted against Ashton and the fact she had still been in love with Nathan had freaked Jacen out so he started pulling away. That was when he became interested in Olivia and Vanessa started the game for the first time. She wanted to do it with Olivia and Jacen once before trying with Ashton, so the Elite would get used to it, and Ashton wouldn't be suspicious if she did it with him.

Except things didn't really go according to plan.

She had tricked Keira into starting the game, saying it was some cute little way to matchmake people. Except Keira had messed up one critical detail- she had told Olivia that it was Ashton she had to make fall in love with her, not Jacen.

At least, that's what Keira had said, that it had been a mistake, a simple misunderstanding. Something about the way she said it though, made me suspect there was more to it. Except no one else seemed to notice, or say anything about it, which made me wonder if I was being paranoid.

Even with the complication, though, Vanessa had tried to continue. Her original plan had been to make Ashton fall in love with someone, then have Jacen steal her away so that he would be hurt, just like she had.

Jacen said she hadn't made it deadly until this year. He said she hadn't even considered death until Ashton refused to take her seriously and she decided to threaten him with something happening to Olivia if she lost.

That was why he had helped her in the first place.

Because while her revenge plan was cruel, it hadn't been as dangerous as it was now.

This was when things got a little fuzzy.

None of us really knew what had gone through Vanessa's mind, despite her roping Jacen in to help her and Nathan being her best friend for years. Vanessa took Olivia, keeping her in a comatose state in her mother's house while using her to blackmail Jacen into helping her.

But Olivia's disappearance had made Ashton suspicious, causing him to go to Kaden.

They couldn't do much though, with minimum information. Vanessa despite having to fumble around a bit, had covered her tracks pretty well.

After the summer break, she restarted the game.

That was where I came in.

We still had no idea how Vanessa had found out about the fact that Ashton had gone to Kaden for help- she had told Jacen about it when he had asked why he had to pick me, but she hadn't told him how she found out.

Devon guessed that it was her way of 'hitting two birds with one stone' as he put it. If I failed, Ashton would know going to someone for help would only hurt them and Kaden would hopefully back off.

I guess she hadn't really counted on me succeeding.

The flurry of accidents that followed were a little hard to define.

Skylar getting pushed down the stairs was to let Ashton know the consequences were still there.

Me almost drowning at her house was both a warning, and a chance for Jacen to play knight in shining armor so I would trust him.

Vanessa blackmailed Keira into getting Methanonel for her, then gave a high dose to Skylar as a warning to Ashton since he had been prepared to move forward with the evidence he and Kaden had collected. Needless to say, it had worked.

Jacen had been the one to do it, in exchange for Vanessa releasing Olivia, which she did.

We decided that Olivia's death had been an accident, like I had guessed. Jacen admitted that he had considered going to the police since Vanessa had released Olivia so Kaden guessed Vanessa had probably done it as a warning, not intending to actually kill her.

Jacen hadn't known about her putting the razor blade in her locker, but it wasn't hard to guess that it had been to throw suspicion off herself.

It was around this point that Nathan had hired Detective Fallon. He said he had been looking for a trustworthy detective since the accident with Skylar, but held off on it until another of his friends got hurt.

Vanessa, of course, had been the one to suggest Detective Fallon. It must've been pretty convenient for Vanessa. Jacen was slipping from her grasp, so she brought someone else in.

After Olivia's death, Jacen admitted that he was really ready to go to the police and tell all, disregarding the fact that he would probably get charged for what he did to Skylar.

This was what caused Keira to turn herself in, not wanting Jacen to end up spending a year in jail for assault. Her goal had been to make sure the police wouldn't believe anything he said if he confessed after her false one. Her plan hadn't worked too well, though, since Vanessa was then able to use her to blackmail Jacen.

The Jet-Ski accident had been a warning to me about what would happen if I got too close to Ashton, because strangely enough, as Vanessa had said, she had started liking me and tried giving me a second chance.

The final thing Jacen had done for Vanessa was plant the syringe in Ashton's car. Keira had been arrested soon after that, which was the last straw for Jacen. He stopped doing things for her, but since he didn't want his sister to receive further repercussions, he didn't approach the police.

That is, not until he went through some of Vanessa's stuff and found out Keira had been the one to get her the Methanonel. Knowing his sister had a hand in Olivia's death made him say 'fuck it' and go to the police.

So his while Jacen's confession was beautifully timed, it actually didn't have much to do with the fact that Ashton has been arrested.

Shawn let out a low whistle once we finished. "That has got to be the most successful fumbled through plan I've ever seen."

Ashton glanced at Kaden. "Any idea how to present it?" he asked.

"It depends on you guys," he replied. "We're going for attempted murder, and since she had a firearm, it will be a minimum of fifteen years. But it could be much, much longer."

"Like how much longer?" Jacen asked, looking genuinely interested for the first time.

Kaden hesitated. "Eighty years."

"That's basically her entire life!" Nathan exclaimed.

"Attempted murder is a serious conviction," Kaden replied.

Nathan shook his head. "We can't do that."

"Why not? I say we go for it," Jacen said. I think the venom in his voice surprised everyone. I mean, Vanessa hadn't been kind to him- she had used his feelings against him and blackmailed him into helping her using Olivia and Keira- but eighty years was a long time.

"Ness probably wouldn't be able to survive a day in jail, much less eighty years," Nathan argued.

"That's another thing," Devon cut in before Jacen could respond. "She might not go to jail."

Jacen turned to look at him. "What?"

"I think it depends on how we present everything," Devon paused and glanced at Kaden. When Kaden nodded, he continued. "Given the likability of her having a mental illness, she might go to a psychiatric ward."

"What does she have?" I asked slowly.

He was silent for a moment, seeming to think everything though in his head. "From what you've all told me, Paranoid Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder would be my two strongest guesses. But there are a lot of options; she'd need to be evaluated to know for certain."

"What about Multiple Personality Disorder?" Nathan offered, sounding hopeful.

Devon shook his head. "Highly unlikely. Patients with Dissociative Personality Disorder often don't remember what they do their different alters, and she's been Vanessa that whole time."

I glanced at Ashton. "You said the same thing."

"I researched it, hoping that was what Vanessa might have," he admitted, dragging a hand through his hair. "It would've been a lot easier to accept if it wasn't really her doing it."

"How she's sentenced... Would it depend on her disorder?" Keira asked, speaking for the first time since we had finished recounting everything that had happened.

Devon nodded. "That and how much emphasis we put on it."

"What do you mean?" Nathan asked.

"It's how we present the case. If we do it in a way where we put emphasis on her mental instability, that we believe it caused all of this, she'll probably go to a mental ward and her release would depend on their evaluation. Or we could do the opposite, focusing on her as a person, which would probably be jail time," Kaden explained.

The rest of us glanced at each other.

"It's up to you all to decide," he added. "But I'm not letting her get away with assault, which is only six to twelve months of jail time."

Still, no one spoke.

"Let's make it a vote," Shawn suggested, finally breaking the silence after a couple moments ticked by. "There are five of you so there's no way it could end up being a tie."

"Fifteen." Nathan was the first to speak. "We can't sentence her for life."

The stretch of silence that followed almost made me believe everyone agreed with him. "Life," Jacen declared, his voice flat. "Olivia's dead."

"I'm with Nate," Keira said quietly after a moment. "She needs help not a jail cell."

I felt Ashton stiffen beside me, and that was the only clue he gave before he casted his vote. "Life."

Nathan turned to stare at his brother. "Ash!"

"For Skylar." His voice cracked slightly as he said her name. "I'm sorry, Nate."

Nathan glanced at me, his expression hopeful.

It all came down to me.

I guess that's what you get when you wait to answer.

I closed my eyes, the scene instantly replaying in my head. The way it felt looking into the gun and knowing that she could kill me with just a twitch of her finger. The way the room spun from the blood I was losing because of Detective Fallon's shot. The way her voice cracked and rose as she tried to convince herself it wasn't her fault... The way her blood splattered against the ground after Nathan pulled the trigger.

I opened my eyes and glanced at Nathan, but he wasn't looking at me anymore. He was staring at the ground, his fists clenched. He had listened to her threaten to kill someone, and he had shot her, twice, yet he was still fighting for her.

My vote slipped out almost before I had fully decided.

"Fifteen."

His head snapped up. He didn't say thank you, but he didn't have to.

It confused me a little why exactly Nathan was fighting so hard, but I tried to look at it from his perspective. Vanessa had been his best friend, and probably his first love too, given that they had dated before he met Keira.

I tried imagining Kaden having to put Raine in jail, or vice versa.

Wow.

I wasn't sure how strong their friendship or relationship had been, but if it was anything like Raine and Kaden's... It was amazing that he could sit around and listen to a recount of what she had done, much less discuss how long she should be thrown in jail for.

"Three to two," Kaden muttered. "Now that's settled, you're all free to go."

"Start thinking about your statements to the police," Shawn advised. "You'll be repeating them in court."

"Be careful what you say," Devon added. "We have no idea what state of mind Vanessa might be in and we don't want to set her off."

Jacen, Nathan and Keira left not long after that, along with Devon and Shawn. Ashton stayed, but Kaden said he had to get a start on working this out in his office, even though he seemed reluctant to leave us alone.

As if we would go at it like rabbits in the living room while my arm was in a cast.

Even so, for the first time in history, Kaden left his office door open.

"What's up with Jacen?" I asked Ashton once we were alone. "He seemed..." Angry? Sullen? Sad? I wasn't sure what to call it. "...Out of it."

He shook his head, shrugging slightly. "I think he still cares about Vanessa."

I blinked. "I thought he loved Olivia."

"Before that he had a crush on Vanessa, remember?" He glanced at me. "None of us really know how serious their relationship was."

"So you think he still loves her?" I asked. "Like Nathan?" The comparison slipped out before I realized that his brother might have become a touchy subject for Ashton.

Ashton stiffened, but he didn't close himself off completely. "I think Nate blames himself for what happened. Believes he could've stopped it somehow."

"That's why he doesn't Vanessa to be sentenced for too long?"

Ashton nodded. "The longer she's sentenced for, the more guilt he'll probably pile on himself." He sighed. "I should probably go," he said, standing up. "Skylar's mom said she wanted to see me about writing a eulogy."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, pulling him into a hug, best as I could with my left arm bandaged. I was tempted to whisper the words 'you'll be okay' because he would be, I knew that, but I didn't, because I also knew that those three little words weren't always as reassuring as we wanted them to be.

I kept silent, because there wasn't much to say.

It wasn't the time for reassurances, and saying something like 'I understand how you feel' didn't really help either. The only thing I could really provide was strong, steady support, best as I could.

After Ashton left, I went to see Kaden. He had reminded me about something I had yet to ask.

"Hey Kaden?" I asked, knocking on his open door.

He glanced up from the papers on his desk. "Yeah?"

"Were the Merrick's the ones you and Blake were investigating before...?" I trailed off. Before they were killed.

He sighed and set down the red pen he had been using to make notes. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it without saying a word, letting out another sigh. "Amelia Merrick severely injured one of her nurses. The nurse's sister asked Blake to investigate. When Blake found out the possibility that the supposedly dead Mrs. Merrick was alive, he asked me for help."

"And then he and Avril were killed?" I asked, forcing the question out of my mouth.

"Henry Merrick didn't like the idea of someone poking around the accident that had caused his late wife's death."

I guess it made sense, why Mr. Merrick had looked interested during the diner I had with the Elite's parents at the beach house. He hadn't spoken or anything, but he had looked up from his phone which his eyes has been glued to until I mentioned that Kaden and Raine had adopted me.

"Why don't you do something now?" I asked. "I mean with what Vanessa did, it wouldn't be as hard, right?"

"One step at a time, Lena," he replied sleuth a slight grimace. "Let's get through this first."

♡ the trouble with love ♡

"The court calls witness, Jacen Winston to the stand."

Ashton sucked in a deep breath as Jacen stand up. "Please don't look incoherent," he muttered. I glanced side to side, down our row to see Nathan, Keira, Kaden and Devon all wearing similar nervous expressions.

We had all freaked out when Jacen had showed up to the court hall, slightly unsteady on his feet. I guess I couldn't blame him completely, given that it was all so soon. The media had blown up at everything, and since everyone just wanted to get it all over with, we -well, more like the combined powers of the Elite's parents and Kaden- had managed to rush the court so the trial was two weeks later instead of two months. None of us was really ready though, least of all Jacen.

Still, he was our most important witness, and despite all of being uneasy about his slight intoxication, we had let him convince us that he would be fine.

'I'm not drunk,' he had said. 'That would take a lot more than a bottle of beer.'

I think the miserable look in his red eyes had been the only thing stopping Ashton from punching him in the face.

When Jacen managed to utter the vow of truth without slurring his words or stuttering, and no breathalyser was brought out, Ashton, and probably everyone beside him, let out a quiet sigh of relief, and relaxed a little.

Well, everyone except Kaden.

Instead, he stiffened slightly, but to everyone who hadn't spent a fair amount of time around him, he probably looked unaffected.

'I've done this a thousand times before,' he had told me when I found him still bent over his desk, late at night a couple nights before. 'But never to try and put someone who attempted to kill my daughter in jail for life.'

This was the hardest part for him. Asking the right questions to make sure the jury would have to doubt that Vanessa was crazy enough to have attempted murdering me.

It started off easy. "When did you first meet Vanessa Merrick?" he asked.

To which, Jacen replied, "Three and a half years ago."

"What was your relationship with her?"

"We were friends."

"Close?"

After a slight moment, Jacen nodded.

It was all rehearsed, so that nothing Jacen said would surprise Kaden and make everything go wrong, but with the state he was in, I wouldn't be really surprised if something did end up going wrong.

Even though I desperately hoped it wouldn't.

"Anything more than friendship?" Kaden asked.

"A little." Jacen's lips quirked into a slight smile. "Nothing official, though."

"Do you still feel the same way?"

The fifth question.

He only made it to the fifth question before things went wrong.

His answer should've been a simple, uncomplicated 'no'.

It wasn't.

He didn't even utter the easy two letter word.

Jacen shook his head. "Don't know why I did in the first place, she's a crazy bitch."

Devon swore under his breath- quiet enough in the silent court room that I only heard it because I was sitting next to him.

Kaden froze.

There was an audible, sharp intake of breath.

Then all hell broke loose.

There was a reason Kaden had suggested to keeping the answers short and impersonal. It was because we didn't want to start anything in the court room and weren't sure how Vanessa would react to cruel words.

She didn't take them well.

She was only seated across the aisle from us- a bargain that came with loads of security. Every single police officer in the room drew their gun when she jumped to her feet.

The crowd stilled with fear, then erupted in chaos as people dropped to the ground.

The police officers stiffened, focused on the spectators and ready to take action.

No one noticed one of them pull the trigger until it was too late.

-- ♡ --

QotC: Who got shot?

PS. 3 chapters left...

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